Twisted Logic

Goals

2012-02-09T13:22:00.000-05:00

Goals to reach by my 44TH birthday....

Bench Press: 315 pounds

Squat: 405 pounds

Run: 5K in 27 minutes

Very doable if this old body will hold together.

Ego

2011-12-12T14:33:00.000-05:00

Isn't the Ego a strange partner? So fragile, so forgetful, so needy, so selfish. It motivates us to accomplish many things we wouldn't attempt with out him by our sides, yet he's also the one the holds us back from accomplishing more.

Over the last couple of years I've become a lot more aware of my ego. Oh, I always knew it was there. When you're constantly feeding something that has an inccaiable appetite, you can't deny it exist. An appetite so huge it requires others to help us feed it too. Yes, we all have to go few rounds with it to keep it under control but I don't think we ever snuggle up to and get to know it until someone kicks the living shit out of it.

The funny thing is, most egos won't respond fully to just anyone stomping on it. No, it has to be someone for whom we've turned the security system off. Someone we've left the door open for, expecting them to fatten it up.

Three years ago The Wife went into, what can only be described as a mid-life crisis. Ten years home with the kids had taken it's toll. It wasn't hard to recognize she was drowning in her own life. A life she asked for, a life I worked hard to provide for her. We both saw and reaped the benefits of her choice. Still, too much of a good thing isn't always good. So when she informed me about an interest in a band from her youth, I was only to willing to support her. She was reluctant. She claimed going to see them was silly, selfish even. I didn't see it that way, she deserved it, earned it and really need something that was a bit silly in her life, that was hers alone.

My ego was benefiting from it too. I got to be the hero husband that watched the kids while she went to the concerts. When she discovered other fans online I dove in and bought her a laptop. My ego got a thrill out of watching her face light up, knowing I was responsible for helping her find some happiness.

Then one day my ego noticed it wasn't the center of The Wife's attention anymore. I noticed my kid's weren't either. Something was wrong. The wife was spending all of her time with her new groupy online friends. She was shedding our life like a snake sheds its skin. Still, my ego was to big to feel threatened. Seriously, how could anything be more important to my wife than the man who works 60 hours a week to provide the life she wanted? The father of her children. The man that supporter her through the toughest times in her life.

Even when my, close to forty year old, wife went out of town with a bunch of twenty something year old females I didn't see the harm. Only when I noticed an open facebook page and the lack of contact did I realize what my partner, ego, had been pointing out for some time. The wife was in her own world. A new world that didn't include me.

Looking back I'm sure I could have handled it better. I'm still not sure how, but turning the situation over to my ego probably wasn't the best decision. Of course my ego demanded The Wife stop all her childishness and refocus on our family, with me perticulalry in mind. This only made her more determined to do the opposite.

Before it was over she had met the band in person. Been groped by one member and shared her desire to do more with all her groupy friends. She had created multiple fake accounts to hide her activities. She hid in our closet texting the other groupies about every movement the band made every time she could sneak away.

Telling her I was not happy didn't affect her. She had clearly chosen her love of this band, and her new online groupy friends over me and my ego. Never had my ego been told by someone it counted on that it didn't matter. It took a long time for me to accept that was in fact reality and not just my ego throwing a fit for being pushed to the back of the line. Many ultimatums were given, all agreed to, only to discover more secrets and deceit later.

Finally, when I could take no more, which was months longer than my ego could take, I called it quits. I called a lawyer, started making other living arrangements and tried to come to terms with not being an everyday fixture in my children's lives. Despite my ego demanding I stay and fight for it's importance my will was gone. But, then it happened. The same week I was going to tell her I couldn't take being second fiddle to a band and a bunch of groupies that had never lifted a finger to do anything for her in her life The Wife changed her tune.

Suddenly, the Old Wife was back. She gave up following the band. She stopped texting the groupies. She started feeding my ego like she never had before. It was as if over night she had woken up from a trance. Mr. Ego was overjoyed. Me on the other hand couldn't follow the logic. What had changed? Why now? She didn't know I was anymore serious about leaving this time than the last. I couldn't get it out of my head, or let it go.

After months of her treating me like the "king" my ego knew I was, I couldn't take it anymore. I should have been happy but I wasn't. Finally, I threatened to contact her groupy friends to find out the truth. Before I did she spilled the beans. Seems her groupy friends dropped her. They all turned on each other. One was actually crazy. She had pretended to date one of the band members. She even went so far as sending emails to The Wife pretending to be members of the band. For over a year The Wife thought she had the private email addresses and the attention of the band members. What finally ended it was when one of the groupies discovered The Wife had been sexting her boyfriend, behind her back of course. Complete with inappropriate pictures. All I can say is I'm glad these people live 3000 miles away or I would have a lot of other questions.

So months later The Wife has gone back to work and loves her new job. She continues to feed my ego everyday, not just hamburger either but prime rib. She claims she, "lost her mind" and can't believe she almost lost the most important person to ever enter her life, me. But the ego is still hurt, knowing I was chosen only when no other choice was left available to her. Knowing that these, lying, fake, crazy people, who had never done a thing for The Wife, had so easily became more important to my wife than I was. Knowing nothing I did put a stop to it.

So me and my bruised ego are limping along. Me, happy to still have my family and my wife's attention back and my ego now knowing what it feels like to have the shit stomped out of it.

emotionless

2011-11-14T14:26:00.001-05:00

The other night as I walked in the door from work I couldn't help but noticing my six year old little girl had a band-aid on her chin. The band-aid was even more prevalent than her two missing front teeth that make me laugh every time I see her.

When I asked her what happened, she shrugged. Not unusual for a girl that sticks on band-aids, daily, for no reason. Then my eight year old son volunteered that they had bumped chins. When I asked how, they both couldn't seem to tell me. Furthermore his lip was scraped, not his chin. Upon further investigation we learned that Abby had talked Ethan into trying out Mommy's razor. Then she tried it herself even after she seeing Ethan cut himself. They then agreed to lie about their injuries.

Upon realizing they had been caught, and punishment would be severe, my son went to pieces. He's very sensitive, so this wasn't a surprise. As I was trying to calm him down without letting off the hook, I looked at my daughter to see her reaction. To be honest what I saw bothered me.

She didn't seem upset at all. Instead she seemed to be studying my son's reaction and how we were dealing with it. Not because she was worried about her brother either. It was almost like she was trying to figure out where she went wrong and got caught. She didn't care that she cut her chin, she didn't care we were upset and mad, she didn't care that we were punishing her. She showed no emotions at all.

After I calmed her brother down, I asked her why she wasn't upset. She just shrugged her shoulders. I then tried to explain the seriousness of what she had done. No response. Finally, with nothing left in my parenting arsenal to use, I dismissed her to her room. Only then did I see a little emotion. A very slight, almost undetectable grin crept across her lips. Frankly, it freaked me out a little bit.

My oldest has always been head strong like Abby but, like his little brother, wears his emotions on his sleeves. Push him enough and you'll soon find out where his head is. Abby seems to have too much control over her emotions. That's a new one for me and I'm not sure where it's going to take us but I have a feeling it's not going to be a fun place.

Real Life or Reality?

2011-11-02T10:06:00.004-04:00

Over the years I have been worried that my sister isn't sharing a close relationship with reality. She divorced her husband, which wasn't a problem for me, because she loved her job and didn't want the responsibilities that a husband brings. I didn't buy it but it's her life.

Three years later, I just found out she has given notice at her job. A job that pays a 6 figure salary plus many perks. Seems she is bored with the work, so she is going to take 6 months off to see what she wants to do. She's talking about becoming a teacher, something she's never done or has a clue what the job is really like. She's convinced she can live on $40,000.00 a year. Maybe she can but her children, who always have the latest ipod, iphone and designer clothes are in for a few adjustments. As is her maid, interior designer and high end clothing shops.

The reason we, our family, thinks she is taking the 6 months off working is to get married. It will take some time to help her suspected, soon to be husband moved from another state. Of course I'm questioning the wisdom of marrying a guy you've only spent every other weekend with for the past year. Then have him quit a successful job, in this economy no less.

As if living with someone for the first time isn't enough stress, they will have to deal with both of them being with out jobs, him moving way away from his family, her trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life, the family adjusting to a new financial reality as he tries to establish a permanent day to day relationship with her two girls. Tough for anyone.

I keep telling myself it's her life, it is. She has every right to pursue happiness, she does. There is nothing wrong with getting married, a career change or deciding money isn't the key to happiness. I get it... but, I can't shake the reasons she gave for ending her last marriage. The ten years she wasted of a good guys life to live a life that is the exact opposite of what she is claiming will make her happy today. I worry for her her new husband that will give up almost everything for her while the things she is giving up are for her own pursuits. I don't understand why she can't take these changes in steps instead of all at once.

Of course I will support her in her pursuit of happiness. That's what family does. There is even a big part of me that thinks it's courageous, noble, and exciting, but then the other part of me keeps reminding me about reality. You know, reality, that son of bitch that refuses to play by our rules.

Happy Birthday Jen :)

2011-10-25T14:06:00.006-04:00

Happy,

Happy Birthday, Jen!!!!

Happy Birthday form the heart

Cause that's where all great wishes start :)

2011-07-18T08:58:00.002-04:00

sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living”

yep...

2011-07-06T15:12:00.000-04:00

:)

2011-06-27T12:20:00.003-04:00

Nothing more than feelings...

2011-06-25T10:27:00.001-04:00

Oh yeah, coffee

2011-06-23T09:17:00.001-04:00

That's about right...

2011-06-15T16:03:00.001-04:00

2011-06-14T10:18:00.000-04:00

When you stretch the truth, watch out for the snap back.

- Bill Copeland

2011-06-08T09:01:00.000-04:00

“If every man would sweep his own doorstep, the city would soon be clean.”

2011-06-07T17:31:00.000-04:00

2011-06-06T08:18:00.000-04:00

Don't argue with idiots. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

2011-06-05T07:43:00.001-04:00

2011-06-04T10:14:00.000-04:00

If you can not be a poet, be the poem

2011-06-01T10:07:00.001-04:00

He who angers you conquers you.

2011-05-12T00:01:00.003-04:00

There’s a darkness upon me that’s flooded in light
In the fine print they tell me what’s wrong and what’s right
And it comes in black and it comes in white
And I’m frightened by those that don’t see it

When nothing is owed or deserved or expected
And your life doesn’t change by the man that’s elected
If you’re loved by someone, you’re never rejected
Decide what to be and go be it

There was a dream and one day I could see it
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I’ll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

There’s a darkness upon you that’s flooded in light
And in the fine print they tell you what’s wrong and what’s right
And it flies by day and it flies by night
And I’m frightened by those that don’t see it

There was a dream and one day I could see it
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I’ll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

There was a dream and one day I could see it
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I’ll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

There’s a darkness upon me that’s flooded in light
In the fine print they tell me what’s wrong and what’s right
There’s a darkness upon me that’s flooded in light
And I’m frightened by those that don’t see it

Watching from the sidelines...

2011-03-21T08:19:00.002-04:00

Just as memories start to lose some color, just as the bad dreams become the exception instead of the norm, just when a few days pass without thinking about the past, life sends me another reminder to bring the past screaming back to the present.

Last Thursday, just like before, I headed out of town early in the morning on the way to an auction. My dad was tagging along because he always enjoyed the auctions. After a hour on the road he closed his eyes as I settled into another three hours of driving, and thinking. I hate these drives but there is no avoiding them. With a cup of coffee in my hand, resting on my leg, I'm cruising at 75 mph. I pass a Cadillac that looks like the one I'm driving and just like the one I drove a few years ago. A few miles later the night goes from clear to puffs of fog. Thick then clear, then thick. Half a mile in I'm slowing down because visibility is getting worse. But, this isn't fog, it's smoke. I see the tail lights of a truck about a mile ahead. As long as I can see that far I'm good. Then another puff of thick smoke. It takes less than a second to pass through it but when I do the truck is right in font of me, stopped in the middle of the highway. "Oh my God!" I can hear myself yelling and I slam on the brakes. I swerve and slide sideways into the emergency lane. We just miss the back of the tanker trailer the truck is pulling. Looking in my mirror I see the other Cadillac coming. I pull into the grass to give him room to squeeze between us. But it doesn't... it never turns or brakes. I have a front row seat as it runs into the back of the trailer, 10 feet from me, at about 60 to 70 mph. It hits it so straight that the car recoils backwards and up 6 to 10 feet in the air and lands on the highway. All is quiet.

I wait a second to make sure the traffic coming up behind us knows we are stopped. Then I run to what is left of the car. Two people inside. Both dead. No noise, no movement. I look around for the truck driver but he is still in his truck. His truck is unharmed. I call 911. I check the car again. No movement, no sound... still no driver of the truck. FUCK! Why isn't he back here yet? I run past the trailer up to the truck. It's been 5 to 10 minutes and he's just getting out of the truck. He stumbles. He mumbles something. He looks like he just woke up or something. He does not go to check on the car that hit him. Instead he gets on his cell phone. "I'm okay, someone ran into the back of me", he casually says. Does he not get it? Your truck is parked in the middle of a major highway. They are dead. Dead.

I walk back to the side of the road and watch as the state patrol casually walk around. The paramedics make a few attempts to check the driver. Then they hang the white sheets over the car. The smoke gets thicker. My 72 year old father walks up to me, as I look at the crushed car, that use to be identical to ours. "That could have been us" he says. I start shaking because I don't know why it isn't us. Later I learn the fire department had to use thermal imaging to find us in the smoke.

As the hours passed everything felt horribly familiar, except this time I was watching from the sidelines. I tried to muster-up some sympathy for the driver of the truck, as I know what lays ahead of him, but I couldn't. I tried not to judge him but I did. From my view point, the second the car hit his trailer he started the process of protecting himself and his company. I know that's part of it but could he not check on the people in the car? How could he not?

Before we were allowed to go I already noticed inconstancies in his story. I had already talked to his company's lawyer on his cell phone. People were covering their asses and the bodies were still warm, still wedged in the car. I gave the police my statement. Keeping only to the facts and leaving my opinions out of it. That's fair, right? Right? But what about the dead people? I know things. I saw things that don't add up. The law suits will start to fly soon. I'm all to familiar with that part of it too.

So the story will go. A man, and his father, got up early March 17, 2011 to travel out of town. At 5:30 am they ran into smoke covering the road. Because of this smoke, a truck had stopped in the middle of the road. They never saw the truck and slammed their Cadillac into the back of the trailer. They were killed on impact.

What won't be told is the phone call to their loved ones that will forever change their lives. What won't be mentioned is the what the driver of the truck will go through to come to terms with his role in what happened. What may never come to light is what really happened that morning. What will never be known is why it wasn't me.

The local news report

Yep

2011-02-24T10:00:00.001-05:00

All human beings have three lives: public, private and secret

~ Gabriel Garcia Marquez ~

Letting go...

2011-02-16T08:23:00.007-05:00

I've come to the conclusion that it is time for me to let go of my romantic notions regarding relationships. It's time to admit that placing others' happiness ahead of your own, hoping that they are doing the same, is more of a one way street than a the path to Utopia. Time to realize that terms like "nice guys finish last" and "a sucker is born every minute" are created from a sad but very real truth.

From this conclusion comes the logical solution that I need to put myself at the top of my own list. Yes folks, it's time to be a selfish S.O.B. While I have been selfish many times in my life, I have always treated it like a sin. There have been times when I was willing to commit this sin but guilt and restitution almost always followed the deed. Now I must learn how to separate guilty emotions for the simple act of looking after my own wellbeing.

Now this doesn't mean that I won't be there to support the people in my life. It just means my support will be limited to the effort I feel I can give without putting myself out. "No" must become a bigger part of my vocabulary. Taking others' feelings into account will only happen after I have considered my own. I will be more forthcoming with how I feel. Not with the expectation that my feelings will change a situation but to assure myself that others know exactly where I stand and where I'm going.

I will continue to do nice things for those in my life but only for the sole, selfish reason that it makes me feel good. I will expect nothing in return other than the joy of giving. In turn I will not owe those who choose to do for me unless I deem their efforts worthy of repayment.

From now on my problems will belong to me. Others' problems will be accepted only if I have the time, energy and the will to get involved. If your problem conflicts with my plans, well, I wish you the best. I will consider others' feelings when making decisions but will give them no more weight, maybe even less, than my own. I will make room for others in my life but I won't do it at the expense of my own space. If I fail, it will be my own fault. If I succeed I will claim the victory. Others may celebrate it with me but not claim part of my accomplishment. I am going to do all I can to be the man I want to be, not the person others expect me to be.

Of course, I exclude my children from the above mentioned solution, but not really. Placing them at the top of my list has always been one of the few selfish acts I never felt guilty about. As for everybody else? Well that's not really my problem anymore is it?

Rolling in the dough

2011-02-12T19:29:00.003-05:00

After seeing Jen's post about baking Challah bread I was so inspired I decided to give it a try. Even though I got flour everywhere, I have to say, I was proud of my first attempt at baking. I'll pause until the cheering subsides.... Thanks to Jen's excellent direction and informative videos I knew exactly what to do, even if I didn't always manage to do it.

Thanks Jen for all the help and for the delicious bread.

Hello?

2011-02-04T09:00:00.004-05:00

I recently switched from my old trusted Black Berry to a Droid Global 2 cell phone. The phone is slick but a bit intimidating so I decided to start with something simple. Entering an email address is about as easy as it gets so I entered my Yahoo email account that happens to also be my Facebook email account. To my surprise the phone imported ALL of my Facebook contacts into my phone. WTF??? Most didn't have phone numbers but some did, like Daughter. Now understand, I play a few of the games on Facebook and I don't know all the people on my Facebook account.

Try as I might I could not remove the list from my contacts. They had become fused to my phone. I didn't realize how big a problem it would be until I tried to call The Wife on the way home from work. At a red light I pulled up the contact list and scrolled through it for her name. When the light turned green I looked up and started to go. When I felt safe, I looked back down at the phone. To my shock it had already called someone. I yelled, "FUCK!" Then I noticed the phone was still connected. I quickly hit the "End Call" button and a picture of a woman, a childhood friend, displayed on my screen. It said the call had lasted 30 seconds. Long enough for me to have reached a girl I haven't seen or talked to in 30 years and shout, "FUCK" into her voice mail, if it was on.

So if any of you get a strange call from me in the future you now know why. Fuck!

Tools to Happiness

2011-01-24T09:53:00.004-05:00

It has been said on this blog many times that you are responsible for your own happiness. An idea I have tried to embrace but have always felt wasn't practical in real life. Yes, we get to pick our paths. Yes, we have free will to change that path when it ceases to bear fruit on our happiness tree. The problem I'm having with taking charge of my own happiness are silly words that get in the way, like commitment, responsibility and reality.

If I lived in a perpetual state of selfishness I could easily move from moment to moment depending on what fancy hit me to make me smile. Even then, the deep happiness that comes from accomplishment, which is often achieved from sacrifice and determination, may become more elusive.

So I've come to the conclusion that to have a relationship, with anyone at almost any level, is to place your happiness in differing degrees in the hands of others. This of course brings me to another word that has given me such a fit when it comes to happiness, expectations. While I agree counting on others to live up to our expectations is a foolish plan for happiness, I also want to point out it is human nature to do so. Like someone once sang, "everyone plays the fool, sometimes." I mean laying our happiness on how our kids turn out is something that can't be avoided unless your heart is made of stone or you just never have them. And for them, and others in our life, we may do a life time of work and make sacrifices that not only make us unhappy but crush a little part of who we are. Not because we want to be rich but because we think providing the right path for the people in our lives, as well as ourself, will lead to heaping bowl of happiness with mash mellow surprises and rainbow slides. We really do believe this. We must, right?

Of course when Reality bumps up to the poker table of life we quickly realize we are not holding all the cards. We make a deal with the people in our life. They agree to this deal in one way or another. Then we all set out to, in the words of Captain Jean-Luc Picard, "make it so." Then when they fail to "make it so" or they decide "making it so" isn't as important to them as they first let on, or worse, they change to a plan that wasn't the plan at all, how can we help but be unhappy? True, it was our expectation that they would work just as hard at the plan as we did but that's hardly avoidable seeing how an agreement was struck, verbal or not.

How do we own our own happiness in a world where the rules change daily and one person's commitment is another's thought of the day, or hour? How do we plow a good row for our future seeds when others so carelessly shove dirt into the path we just gave blood, sweat and tears to dig? How can we still be in charge of our happiness when we feel obligated to the commitments, made in part by others, who now feel no obligation at all? Sure, I can carry the load, most of the time, but I won't be happy about it and I am damn sure going to resent those who packed on the extra weight and are waiting at the finish line for me to deliver it.

Our choices seem to be to never count on anybody, never expect people to do what they agree to and never do anything for anybody and expect anything in return. How sad. Obviously not realistic either.

So what's the answer, please? Is it learning when to play the fool and when to stand up for yourself? That line is so fine I haven't found a pair of glasses that allows me to see it. Can I really find happiness knowing I'm playing the fool? Well, maybe when I let my child beat me at a game to see the excitement on his face but not on the the big things like commitment, responsibility and trust. How do I learn to let those go when the ramifications of doing so slap me in the face at every turn. If ignorance is bliss then foolishness, knowing what's right and picking something else, has to be destruction. Can we really be happy watching parts of our world be destroyed by the very people we live for? Hardly.

The answer must lay in developing a tool to be able to let things go, even if these things go against what you believe are right, fair or just. This tool must be forged from other tools like, forgiveness, compassion, understanding and priorities. This is a tool I have yet to acquire or construct in my life but desperately need to obtain, apparently, to be happy.

Worst good morning comment.. ever

2010-10-28T21:59:00.005-04:00

First thing the wife said to me when she saw me this morning.

The Wife: What's wrong with your face?

Me: Nothing, why?

It doesn't look right?

Huh?

I mean it looks bad.

Um, I feel fine. Thanks.

Oh no, I, uh, didn't you get any sleep last night or...

Lets just stop there before you say something hurtful. (holy shit!)

That kinda set the tone for the whole damn day.

Looking Through the Mirror

2010-10-26T09:52:00.002-04:00

We enrolled my ten year old in soccer this year. It had been three years since he last played so I wasn't sure how he would do. At the u12 level things are a lot different than u8. It became obvious that Jacob had a lot to learn. It also became obvious, painfully at times, that he is nothing like me when it comes to sports.

Sure we share a lot of the same traits. He not fast, but quick. He has good foot skills combined with the ability to teach his body new techniques pretty fast. He isn't the biggest kid but doesn't seem to notice. Still, we are worlds apart when it comes to playing sports. The boy doesn't seem to have a competitive bone in his body.

His team, and especially his coach suck. Jacob, not the worst kid by far, sat the bench the most. He didn't seem to mind so I kept quiet as his team kept losing game after game. After getting beat 16 to nothing in their fist game I asked him if he was ok? He said he was and he was. And so it went with the rest of the season, they got beat, he had fun and he didn't seem to mind. IT DROVE ME NUTS!

So the last game of the year as I watched him play I was mentally making a list of things I saw him doing wrong. I was contemplating how to tell him without sounding like one of "those" parents. As his team was walking back to the bench, just before I opened my mouth, I saw the coach pull his son to the side and very aggressively tell him how bad he was playing. The kid assured his dad, his coach, that he was doing his best, to no avail. The kid finally just looked at the ground and quietly headed to the bench.

By this time I looked up and Jacob looked at me through the chain link fence, smiling.

"It's tied zero to zero," he said. "How am I doing?"

I paused and looked over at the coaches son sitting as far away from his dad as he could get.

"Your doing great," I said. "I'm very proud of you."

I was too because he had managed to teach me something about sports I always had a hard time remembering. It's suppose to be fun. He had a coach to point out his mistakes he just wanted his dad to enjoy watching him. A harder role to play than I ever imagined.

They ended up winning the game. Walking to the car with my arm around my son's shoulder I asked if he was happy to finally win a game? He said he was but, "I was wondering," he said "can I sit in the front seat of your car on the way home?" and just like that soccer season was behind us, just like it should be.

2010-10-25T00:30:00.002-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN!!!

WAHOO, ANOTHER TRIP AROUND THE SUN COMPLETE!

COUNT IT!

I hope your birthday is as special as you are.

Change

2010-10-22T13:50:00.006-04:00

I sit watching events unfold,

events that appear to go unnoticed by most,

yet they have a deep meaningful affect in

my head,

my heart,

my soul.

Words,

action

silence,

movements,

inaction,

gestures,

expressions

energy

enthusiasm

emotions

are all candy for my mind to devour

and calculate the meaning of

even if none was intended

I can no more stop analyzing these events than I can stop breathing air to live.

And just like air,

I have very little evidence that these things are real,

or that I am even aware that I am taking them in.

These seemingly unimportant events,

that strung together,

make up the vast majority of our life

affect me for reasons I can not explain

and to depths I might not admit,

or even know.

I just sit here, noticing, evaluating, comprehending and... changing.

I'm sure,

just sitting here,

to everyone else,

it seems that I am noticing very little

or changing

not much at all.

So I sit here,

looking like the person I was a moment ago

and yet so much has changed,

that went unnoticed

just a moment ago...

No Patrick Allowed!

2010-06-30T10:21:00.005-04:00

Abby, my five year old, has been getting in a lot of trouble recently for messing up her bedroom beyond belief.

The other day we found this picture she drew taped to her bedroom door. When we asked her why, she told us that it was because Patrick, of Sponge Bob fame, had been sneaking into her room and messing it up. Now he isn't allowed in her room anymore. She seemed pretty serious about it too.

So for the next few weeks we gave her a break about cleaning her room because of her awesome picture of Patrick, her creativeness and on the slight chance Patrick really was the guilty party. Turns out he wasn't.

Oops

2010-06-28T09:14:00.009-04:00

Last week on my monthly business trip I stopped at a place for breakfast just outside of Atlanta. Since I had already been on the road for 3 hours I thought the bathroom would be a good idea. I followed a rather large man that was heading to the bathroom too, which is a bit of a put-off as I've never been a big fan of a crowded, small, public bathroom. To make matters worse, I noticed the driver I brought with me on the trip following close behind with the same goal in mind. When we entered the restroom the man in front of me took the first stall and the far stall was already occupied. I know this because I pulled on the door. So I took the middle stall leaving the driver waiting. When I came out the driver was gone. I washed my hands, checked my hair and proceeded to my table. That's where the driver informed me that one of my worst fears had just come true.

"You do know we were in the women's bathroom don't you?"

Apparently the guy we followed in wasn't a guy at all but rather a large Pat type woman. I guess that's why I didn't check, then double check the sign on the door... as I always always do. Going in the wrong door has been a long time fear of mine. It isn't always a clear choice either, I'm an Hombre, Right? Of course, and the little picture of the man next to hombre always confirms this. I've also been a Dude, Cowboy, Guy, Gent, Boy, Romeo, and Micky... in 42 years I've never gotten this wrong. Until now. So there I sat at my table, flush with heat, waiting for a woman to point me, the bathroom pervert, out to the manager or her husband. I thought about how casually I had wondered around in the bathroom, the conversation I had with the driver after we entered and the sound urine makes as it drops three feet into water. Surely a foreign sound in a Women's restroom. But no pointing, staring or looking ever occurred. One of my biggest fears realized and the whole thing was very uneventful.

Now I'm wondering if I shouldn't try to tackle some of my other "biggest" fears? Though, somehow I don't think waking up in the middle of the night with a stranger standing next to my bed holding a knife would ever be uneventful. Of course I could be wrong, I have been before.

All for one, One for goodbye

2010-06-12T10:23:00.005-04:00

Some friends of The wife, who have become friends of mine, are in the beginning stages of a divorce. Not an uncommon tale, high school sweethearts, married for 14 years with three kids. He is a bit immature but always provided for his family, and by his soon to be ex-wife's admission, a great dad. They had an all to common set-up I'm seeing more and more these days. He was willing to let her run the house, and their lives, as long as he was allowed to have his toys and his boy time. Not a setup I'd be comfortable with but they seemed happy with it. Though I wonder if a wife doesn't start to see a husband like this as another one of the children and lose respect for him.

For the last 5 years they have worked together to put her through school. During this time it became obvious that the main purpose for the family was to help her get her degree. His friends joked that when she did get it she would leave him. The closer she got to her degree the more empowered she felt and the more distant he became. The day after her graduation she approached him about repairing their marriage, on her terms. Much to her surprise, he told her he wasn't interested, he didn't love her anymore and he already had other plans. He would be leaving as soon as she got a job. She never saw it coming.

For the past few weeks she has tried to talk him into marriage counseling but he "checked out" months ago. Looking back she can see now that she put him behind her goals and ambition, even though he was helping make them possible. All the signs were there, like him going to the gym most nights, after the kids went to bed, for 5 hours at a time. She never bothered to question this or check to see if he was actually going.

I have to wonder how many times he tried to get her attention by acting out by doing something obviously wrong only to be ignored, enforcing the notion that she didn't care. So months ago he realized he wasn't important in her life, started making other plans and checked out.

Now it's time for the divorce. He can't wait to move out and start the life he's been planning for months. She is just starting to come to terms with the thought of a new life, a very different life. He is happy, she is mad. He is relieved, she is angry. Of course he was where she is now but that was months ago, and she didn't notice or care. The divorce will get ugly. She is talking about restricting his parental rights through the courts. I guess the fact he is a "great dad" doesn't matter now. The children will suffer. In the end he will probably realize that he should have stayed and tried to work it out. He will realize all the things she was doing for him that he never thought about. No one will win and everyone will lose.

It seems to me a little bit of appreciation and attention could have prevented the whole situation. It's a lesson I won't forget anytime soon... I hope.

I have questions...

2010-05-21T10:19:00.004-04:00

Is it wrong for a man to consider a woman's breast size as a qualifier for dating? If so, why is tall, dark and handsome not seen as a sexist qualifier when women use it?

If I am not anti-Hispanic but I'm against illegal immigration am I a racist?

Do I need to carry papers to prove my citizenship if I travel to Arizona? I'm worried because I look just like a lot of our Canadian neighbors to the north, talk like them too. I don't want to be profiled and possibly deported.

If it's wrong to profile, why does the government employ law enforcement officers called "profilers"? Some even work for the Secret Service to protect the president.

Shouldn't the people we elect, who are now trying to pass laws to save us from ourselves, pass a law telling us who to elect? That way we'll get it right for sure.

May 12th

2010-05-12T00:01:00.004-04:00

Simon Amp Garfunkel - The Sound Of Silence

The Answers Are All Around Us

2010-03-31T11:45:00.002-04:00

Every morning I give my six year old son his medicine. This morning, as I looked at his face, an incredible sadness came over me. It's not unusual reaction, as I often feel sad when I think about his future. He's such a sweet kid but I know his Aspergers will prevent him from experiencing a normal life.

But what is a normal life really? And are those who pursue this normal life any happier than those who can't? I take comfort in the fact that maybe he will find more joy in the path that lays ahead of him than that which lays ahead of most. I mean most normal people don't seem all that happy in their normal life to me. Still, it breaks my heart that he doesn't even have the choice of which path to travel down. And it breaks my heart further to know I am powerless to help make his path as clear as the well worn "normal" path that this world calls Main Street, which happens to be my street.

So this morning, as these thoughts were running through my head again, I waited for my son to get his drink ready that helps his medician go down easier. I was brought back to to the present by his little voice.

"Aw man, I got the ugly red cup!" he said

A little aggravated and with little thought I replied, "it doesn't matter what the cup looks like, it's what we put in the cup that matters." And just like that it hit me. It's not going to matter what his life looks like to me or anyone else. In the end his life will be the collection of experiences he is able to put together. It will seem as normal to him as anyones life seems to them. His life will not and can not be defined by the boundaries, accomplishments and goals I have set for mine or even those of his siblings. His life will be... his.

I watched as he grimaced at the taste of the medicine followed by a few sips from the ugly red cup. He sat the cup down and ran off to find his brother. I peek into the ugly red cup, sure enough the stuff he hadn't drank looked a lot like the stuff I drink, bet it taste the same too. God I love that little boy.

What can we give up next?

2010-03-23T09:00:00.007-04:00

They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.

~ Benjamin Franklin

For the first time in American history we are being mandated by the government to purchase something just because we are alive. Of course, this thing we must purchase is for our own good according to the government. I guess as long as the government deems it in our best interest we should comply. One must wonder though, how many personal responsibilities we will turn over to Uncle Sam before we have no rights left to exercise at all? And yes, we did willingly turn this liberty over to the government to manage when the majority of Americans voted for a leader and party that promised to do just that. Sort of democracy to end democracy I suppose.

Over the next fews years, I predict, that our bias press will promote the favorable parts of this health care legislation, as the best parts are set to be implemented first by design. Once hooked, like a kid on crack, all the bad parts that follow will be willingly swallowed to keep our fix. No crystal ball is needed to predict this either. All one has to do is look at the pyramid scheme that is Social Security to realize once we start down a government paved road there is little going back.

So now that my right to manage my health has been taken I would like to ask my keepers a few questions. Things like, how do you start up a trillion dollar program when other social programs are in the process of going broke? How do you add 32 million people to the health care system without adding more, doctors, facilities and other key personnel? Can I drop the coverage our company provides for our employees because I know they will be required to cover themselves now?

At least the government did do something to show the evil insurance agencies who's boss. I mean how can the insurance industry stand the thought of 32 million more people being forced to buy their product? That's got to hurt, huh? But I have to wonder, which group I'd rather deal with concerning my life. The evil insurance companies or the people who set up and run the IRS? Oh well, that's one choice I ~~don't have to~~ can't make anymore. Now, if we could get them to create an agency that would come pick out the color of my shirt in the morning life would be so much easier.

Trust should be a four letter word

2010-03-01T08:30:00.002-05:00

Seems like trust is going to be the topic of the day for me this year. Odd that a word that had hardly touched my life in the past has become such an issue for me lately.

Once a week I pick up my eldest son from gymnastics. Since we don't have a lot of one on one time I use our drive home to try to get a feel for what's going on in his life. A couple of weeks ago we talked about some struggles he was having with school. I reminded him that his mother and me were available anytime he didn't understand something, to which he responded by telling me his mother wouldn't help him because she was always on her computer. I wasn't shocked because I knew that situation had changed but I realized a nine year old wouldn't quickly pick up on recently changed behavior. To test his perception I asked if he thought I was always on the computer? He replied, yes. When I asked him how that could be seeing how I work 50 plus hours a week, spent many hours outside every weekend with him and I didn't get on the computer until after he went to bed during the week? He just shrugged his shoulders. Clearly his definition of "always on the computer" means anytime he wants our attention immediately.

Still, I thought I should tell The Wife how her son was thinking of her so she could be sensitive to it. The next week, after I picked him up he was telling me a story. In the middle of a sentence about something his mother had said he stopped talking. I asked what was wrong? He said he better not tell me anything his momma said or did because he might get in trouble again. Again? After some prodding he explained that his mother had gotten quite upset about what he had told me about her on the computer. I did my best to reassure him that he didn't need to keep anything from me and that he had done nothing wrong... but it was obvious that the trust we once had was now broken. He clearly was not interested in telling something I might repeat back to his mother. I let it go with him but I was very upset.

When I confronted his mother, not only did she act justified in what she had done, I sensed a bit of smugness on her face. Almost like she was proud that she was able to thwart my efforts to "keep an eye on her". She apparently told him what she did was her business and he had no right to repeat it to me or anyone else. It was obvious she had missed the point of why I had relayed what he had originally said. Even though I had made a point to tell her I didn't believe his perception of her computer time was correct. Worse, she didn't seem to get the damage she had created by letting our son know, not only could I not be trusted, but there would be hell to pay if he voiced his opinion about anything mom related. In other words, not only was it ok to keep secrets from his dad but he had better.

It took a lot of talking... and yelling, but I finally convinced The Wife that no part of me telling her what our son had said had anything to do with her at home activities. I just thought that she would want to know that her son was thinking about her in this way. I know I would want her to tell me, ESPECIALLY IF IT WASN'T TRUE.

So what to do now? I don't know, again. I turned down The Wife's offer for her to talk to him about it because he would realize, once again, something he had said to me made it back to his mom and he was getting a lecture about it. Seriously, do we need to confuse the kid any further? I guess in the end I'll have to earn his trust back over time, which sucks because I don't feel like I did anything to lose it... but I have.

I'm sorry I might lose millions of dollars

2010-02-19T11:24:00.006-05:00

WTF?

Why in the hell is Tiger Woods apologizing to us? Why would we even care?

I wonder how many people watching Tiger Woods today have ever watched him play golf or ever would? You know, golf, the game he is famous for. I doubt many. As far as I'm concerned if he can make his transgressions square with his wife and children then what I think shouldn't matter.

Oh wait... what about his public image, right? Yeah, about that, if you bought a car, shirt or anything other than a golf product because Tiger Woods endorsed it you're an idiot. Seriously, why would Tiger know anymore about a car, razor or credit card than you do?

For me, I would have had more respect for him (that would be starting from zero) had he held a press conference, not said a word, teed up a golf ball and knock the shit out of it. Then he could have turn to the cameras and said, "That's what I do. What now bitches?"

... but that's just me apparently.

Funny pics taken at home

2010-02-05T11:21:00.000-05:00

After his buddy disappeared, the remaining rooster made friends with our dog. Here they are napping together.

Apparently some horses don't like having their pictures taken. Much to Jacobs surprise and disgust the horse "let one fly" as this picture was being taken.

If it were me....

2010-02-03T14:27:00.005-05:00

If I were president of Toyota....

I would hold a press conference about the recent recalls Toyota is experiencing. I would remind the public that recalls are a reality that every car manufacturer faces. That anyone who has owned a new car has more than likely received a notice in the mail to return the car to the dealer to have recall services performed. I would mention that the amount of attention that Toyota's recent recalls have received seems to be a bit excessive. Then, I would wonder out loud if all this attention from the government had anything to do with the government OWNING a large part of General Motors, one of Toyota's largest competitors. And yes, I would scream, "FOUL!" to anyone willing to listen.

Now, there may be no connection between the two, at all, but I would certainly plant the seed that there might be. This is why government should stay out of private business. There is a HUGE conflict of interest, that at the very least muddies the water, when government owns something it is suppose to be regulating, especially when the regulation centers on our safety. Duh! and double "Duh!!" to Toyota for not bringing this up.

Definitely a top 10

2010-02-02T17:00:00.005-05:00

One of the top ten best feelings in the world:

Waking up in the middle of the night to realize one of your children has crawled into bed with you, snuggled up next to you and is sound asleep. It lets you know that they feel the safest place in the world, from whatever scares them, is right beside you.

Reality, a nice place to visit

2010-01-14T10:43:00.003-05:00

As I was sitting in my chair,

I knew the bottom wasn't there,

Nor legs nor back, but I just sat,

Ignoring little things like that.

~Hughes Mearns

She told me she is the happiest she has ever been, that letting God guide her life allowed her to be the person she always wanted to be. "I no longer acted with my ego but now with my heart," she confessed. She had proof too, in the form of a letter announcing her appointment to the board of directors of a children's shelter she has been working with through her company. The letter was now framed and proudly displayed on her office wall for all to see. Furthermore, the pride and gleam in her eye was unmistakable as she told me her company's CEO emailed all 400 hundred employees to let them know she was the very model of philanthropy her company promoted. I was happy for her.

She told me that she had never felt closer to her children as I sat in her beautiful home that showed no evidence that children lived there at all. Not an easy feat with a 7 and 9 year old.

She told me that her new path allowed her to let go of judgments of others. Then she proceeded to tell me if I would just open my mind and heart to God I could get to the place where she was at. I wondered where she thought I was.

My sister recently asked me to come to her town, alone, so that we could talk. She wanted to discuss her religious and spiritual awakening. She wanted me to buy into what she said she wasn't selling very badly. But I couldn't, I can't. See, I'm more into reality and perception these days. I told her that too, not in a condescending way but to let her know I wasn't ready to travel her path. I explained my reality has been too real for me these past years to be able to look beyond it.

She said she had forgiven us all. For what I wasn't sure, so I asked. The list was long and eye opening. Mom, for her negative attitude towards her. Our brother's lack of interest in the birth of her children. The men of the house for not clearing our plates when she had to clean the kitchen. Dad for the few times he spanked her and us for laughing when he did. My parents for letting her friends pick on her. Dad for all the nightmares she had remembering the spankings my brother and me often received. Her ex husband for not being man enough to be her husband. The list went on and on...

Of course I realize that no matter how trivial these events seem to me they were traumatic and real to my sister. I didn't want to disregard her feelings but at the same time I was having a hard time relating to her pain knowing she was raised as close to a princess as I had ever known anyone to be. I was having an even harder time understanding why these events that happened, mostly, over 25 years ago were still issues to her today. So much of an issue that she said she almost cut us all out of her life a few years ago.

During the long drive home and since, I've been bothered by our conversations. My brain has been struggling with her version of reality versus mine. She says she's happy. She says she has only positive thoughts. She says she doesn't judge people anymore. I can clearly see she believes all of this, and therefore if she thinks she's happy then she IS happy, right? So does it matter that the things she professes to feel are the opposite of what she's projecting? Her happiness appears as loneliness, her positive thinking comes off as controlling, her none judgement seems condescending... But that's my reality, in her's she's perfectly happy. I guess that's where I need to let her be... and to be honest, it is a nicer place to visit than it use to be.

Call me petty

2010-01-06T09:50:00.006-05:00

I can be petty. There I said it. It's true. I guess I'm a person that believes the devil is in the details and the details can be... well, pretty petty sometimes.

Recently the wife and I have been having issues over some online friends she maintains and the things they are into. Mostly the problem has been about typical stuff, spending too much time online with them, too much time on the phone with them, too much twittering with them, too much... really just too much with them. This excess has led to other problems which led us to have a big heart to heart about all of it.

After our talk she agreed she was rather obsessed with it all and that she knew it was hurting our marriage and in some areas the children too. I never asked her to give up any of it as I thought the time she spent participating in that stuff should be her idea. Forcing someone to to make a choice is not really making a choice at all is it?

So, over the last few months she has cut way back on her computer time. For the most part things have been better because we've both been trying to put our family and each other first. BUT, there has been the occasional moments when I have walked in a room to see her huddled in a corner with her phone, only to put it away when she realizes I'm in the room. Or, turning her computer off when I come in from outside unexpectedly. I haven't said anything other than telling her it wasn't necessary to do that because acting suspicious only tends to make others be suspicious. If she wants to do it, she needs to just do it.

Then over Christmas holidays she announced she was going to the phone store to buy a Blackberry. A phone she has wanted for a long time because it will allow her to be in non-stop communication with her online friends. A phone she knows I would have an issue with. This was confirmed when she asked me to set it up for her, "even though I know you may have a problem with the reason I got this phone can you help me set it up?" I did, without saying a negative word.

The days that followed I noticed her spending more time shut-up in our bedroom away from the family. Upon my entry I noticed she very slyly slipped the phone into a drawer. Why.? I have no idea because I have said nothing about the phone. Of course my lack of interest in it probably says it all.

So here's the petty part, I'm not going to take calls from her new cell phone, for now anyway. Childish? Perhaps... ok sure it is, but clearly the phone was not purchased to communicate with me, in fact, it was purchased knowing on some level it would hurt me.

I know writing this makes me sound like some kind of control freak but that clearly isn't the case. I've demanded she give up nothing. As I've said, I know it has to be her decision. I have not tried to guilt her or manipulate her into doing things my way. I've simply stated how I feel and let her decide how she wants to react, no retaliation, until now I suppose. She had a great phone before, she has her own laptop that I have told her I won't use or even touch. The phone she had did almost everything the Blackberry will do but the Blackberry is what all her internet friends use.

So call me petty if you want to, but don't call me at all if you are using her Blackberry, because for now, I'm not going to answer. thhhhpppppp!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TT!!!

2009-12-30T22:26:00.003-05:00

I may be a bit late but I mean it just as much. I hope you had a wonderful birthday and a terrific year to come.

Happy Birthday TT!

If you get half of what you deserve you'll have way more than most ;)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY

2009-12-24T22:41:00.003-05:00

Make sure to take time to count your blessings

... and may they be to numerous to count.

Thanks Jen!

2009-12-21T21:19:00.003-05:00

The Wife made some delicious banana nut bread this past weekend. Recipe a la Jen, aka "The Baker". Thanks Jen! Don't be surprised if we ask for a few more recipes in the future. Yum!

Romance 101... Who knew?

2009-11-30T12:17:00.004-05:00

I copied these from a website peddling romance ideas. Who knew I was so damn romantic?? Somehow I doubt many women would see most of these as a romantic gesture. Maybe the key is to not do anything most of the time so when you do ANYTHING it is seen as some type of gesture?

These romantic gestures are quick and easy ways to show your love. Often times the most romantic gestures are the small acts we choose to do every day. This extensive list of 101 romantic gestures will help you be more creative in how you show your love.

1. Massage her feet

2. Clean her car

3. Stick a post-it love note in the kitchen

4. Snuggle

5. Make a romantic mix CD

6. Dance under the stars (with your mix CD playing from the car)

7. Hide love notes in her house and car (make sure she'll find them fairly soon)

8. Have an undisturbed conversation (turn off phones, tv, computer etc.)

9. Light every candle you have to set a seductive, intimate mood

10. Pick up a pie or cake for dessert

11. Do the laundry

12. Write a message on the mirror with a bar of soap

13. Make a calender with photos of both of you together

14. Unwind with a glass of wine

15. Pick her up and carry her to the bed or couch

16. Complete her Honey-Do list

17. Download a new ring to her cell phone for your calls

18. Share things about your day (work, family, clients, events)

19. Restock the cabinets with her favorite food or drink (don't forget to leave a note with it)

20. Hold hands

21. Change her oil

22. Give a sincere compliment

23. Go on a walk together

24. Run your fingers through her hair and give her a head rub

25. Go for a joy ride on a scenic road

26. Fold cloths during a game or on your tv show commercials

27. Change her computer screen saver to a love message

28. Cook a meal together

29. Do a slow dance after dinner

30. Kiss when you leave

31. Help her with a project

32. Thank her for a meal she cooked

33. Go grocery shopping together

34. Have a sunrise coffee date (even if it's just from your deck or window)

35. Hold each other during a big storm

36. Put the toilet seat down (let her know you did it for her)

37. Slip a love note in her purse or work tote

38. Spend 30 mins power cleaning together and 30 mins passionately lovin

39. Waltz around the room during a commercial break

40. Kiss when you arrive

41. Make dinner for her

42. Say "I love you because ______"

43. Find out one of her fantasies and make it happen

44. Pay her a compliment in front of people you know

45. Make a "10 favorite memories together" list

46. Do yard work (shovel snow, rake leaves, mow, prune, plant)

47. Send a love ransom note with cut out letters

48. Spend time learning/doing her hobby with her

49. Stop at a scenic outlook enjoy the view and each other

50. Get a sensual game to play together

51. Take the garbage out

52. Put a love note with her lunch

53. Go on a bike ride or roller blade together

54. Bring her breakfast or coffee in bed

55. Open doors for her

56. Fix something

57. Leave some Hershey kisses on the pillow

58. Play if/then. If you ______, then I'll ______

59. Tell her you are proud of her

60. Dance to a classic 80's song

61. Carry her bags/boxes/books

62. Send a thinking of you email

63. Bake a cake and decorate it with a creative message

64. Act out her favorite love scene from a movie

65. Make a "10 things I love about you" list

66. Help with or do the dishes

67. Write a love note on her calender or in her planner

68. Collect a wild flower bouquet for her

69. Tell her you like her style

70. Kiss each of her finger tips

71. Send a romantic greeting

72. Give a midday call

73. Serenade her with a cheesy love song (in the privacy of your home)

74. Have a quickie somewhere new

75. Whisper sweet nothings in her ear

76. Take some scandalous photos together or of each other

77. Write a love message on the beach or in fresh snow

78. Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier and snuggle in the morning

79. Take a minute to enjoy the sunset together

80. Take a romantic bath

81. Pull out her chair before sitting

82. Give her a big, long hug

83. Make a favorite things about you list

84. Plant a tree or flowers together

85. Let her know that she is the perfect match for you

86. Vacuum, dust or clean the toilet

87. Leave a goofy love message on her phone

88. Experiment with chocolate body paints

89. Make an "I love the ways you love me" list

90. Rub each other down in the shower

91. Be her slave for a day

92. Make a cheesy love poem

93. Make a meal together

94. Pack something special with her lunch (kisses, a note, her favorite snack)

95. Have a breakfast date discuss your plans for the day

96. Take care of car maintenance (oil, tire rotation, check fluids)

97. Express appreciation for specific things she does for you

98. Massage her neck and shoulders

99. Make her a gift

100. Play footsie

101. Offer to help with anything

You may be really good at doing some of these romantic gestures. Use this list to pick up a few more romantic gestures and apply them to your relationship. Put your own twist on some of the ideas for a personal and unique romantic gesture!

Romancing Alone

2009-11-25T09:13:00.018-05:00

"The engines roared. The boat broke the grip the tide and the dock had conspired to keep them bound to land, to their mundane life. They headed across the river that danced with the last glimmering rays of light the sun could manage to shoot over the horizon. They could see the silhouette of the bridge and the old city coming into view. Sitting at the back of the boat, he placed his arm around her shoulder and gently stroked the curls in her long brown hair. It had been awhile since he had felt this close and this at peace with her. Slowly she turned to him. He turned his head slightly to meet the gaze of her big blue eyes. He noticed that they hadn't changed in over twenty years of loving her. She carefully moved her lips near his ears and yelled, "DAMN! THE ENGINES SURE ARE LOUD RIGHT HERE! WE SHOULD HAVE SAT SOMEWHERE ELSE!"

Had my wife read this paragraph in one her romance novels I'm quite sure she would have found it somewhat romantic, save the last line of course. Living it however, she failed to appreciate any romantic qualities the situation seem to present at all.

This past weekend I took The Wife downtown for some much needed "us" time. I booked us a room at a nice hotel overlooking the river. I tried to be as romantic as I know how but seemed to miss the mark more times than not. We had a great time, a fabulous time to tell the truth. God knows we needed it. Still, the weekend left me wondering if the romance so many women seem to be seeking isn't right under their noses more times than they recognize? Or is it some unobtainable action that can only reach it's true potential in the bleached white pages of a romance novel? And if that is the case, do we men really stand a chance of turning fiction into reality? I wonder...

Halloween 2009

2009-11-19T11:47:00.006-05:00

I've been posting pictures of the kids on Halloween since I started this blog. So...

This was sort of funny. Not something you see everyday.

Looking Through a Fool's Eyes

2009-11-16T14:30:00.000-05:00

Jen's comment on my last post, made me realize I haven't posted in awhile. The truth is I'm painfully aware that I haven't posted anything in some time. In fact, I've been thinking about this blog a lot recently. A few things have happened in my life that I would love to blog about but I'm not sure how to do that and be fair to the people involved.

Over the past few months I have had to deal with situations and emotions that until this point in my life have been rather foreign to me. Maybe that's why they had such an effect on me. I assumed I was immune to certain aspects of life... unfortunately, I now realize I am not.

After all is said and done the main question I'm left with is this - why do we let things go on when we know they aren't right? And if we simply played them out to their logical conclusion we would know that acting like we don't know, even when we do, won't save us from the inevitable outcome. Is it laziness? Is it denial? Is it hoping something will come along and magically change the situation? Or is it, as I fear it is, simple desperation.

Being made to feel like a fool is a horrible feeling. But realizing you played the fool is worse. I knew... I'm the king of knowing. I always, always, always try to see situations from the other's point of view. Yet, I could not force myself to conclude what was so damn obvious. We ALL have a part of us we don't show to everyone. Sometimes that part of us never sees the light of day but on occasion, we find a place, a person or situation where we feel this part fits. We let it out... and it can feel sooo good.

So look around and think about the people you know. What is their secret part? Are they letting it out? If so, what ramifications will this part, the part you don't know but you do know exist, have on your life? The evidence is all around us, an odd behavior, a distant feeling or slight grin where none should be. We know it's something, then tell ourselves it is nothing because if we do that, it is nothing... until one day that nothing has grown so big and so obvious ignoring it becomes more painful than living with it. What then? Or I should say, what now?

2009-10-25T03:30:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN!!!!

I hope you have a wonderful day that's the beginning of a FANTASTIC year!

(btw, I didn't carve the pumpkin pictured above but I did have to click a few times to get it so it's kind of like I did.)

Lowering The Bar... Again

2009-10-09T08:23:00.007-04:00

When I heard that President Oboma had won the Nobel Peace Prize I literally laughed out loud. The wife, watching in the other room, asked if he had won because he was black. I assured her it had nothing to do with his color. She then asked, "why then?"

Good question, I thought. He has only been in office for ten months. His popularity in the US has dropped significantly since he took office. He has yet to accomplish anything of importance, at all. Most of his campaign promises are now being watered down because they are either not realistic or would be a disaster if he were allowed to carry them out.

Unlike President Carter, the worse American president to date, who received the Nobel Peace Prize for brokering peace between Israel and Egypt, Obama's biggest claim to fame is the beer summit he had at the white house to broker peace between a professor and a police officer.

So why did Obama get the award? Mostly because he's not President Bush. Also because he's a liberal. Now the Nobel Peace Prize falls into the same category as the Oscar, and the Emmy and a lot of other once honorable acknowledgments. Not given on merit but instead to those with the most liberal agenda. The award committee has done nothing but cheapen the prize for all those who have won it before and will receive it after. Worse they did it for political reasons. They used the award to send a message to former President Bush that they didn't like him and they wanted to embarrass him. Petty, as well as sad.

The first reactions I'm seeing from most Americans, Obama supporters and opponents, is disbelief. It left me wondering if the people of Pakistan feel they are getting peace as Obama authorizes bombs to be dropped on them? Or, if the people Afghanistan feel peace is on its way as Obama will neither commit to securing their country or pulling out of it? Does Israel seem to be embracing Obama's push for peace? Do the Palestinians? The North Koreans are rebuilding their nuclear facility as Iran admits it has more nuclear capacity than we thought. Where is this peace the The Nobel Peace committee speaks of?

Like our news media, the Nobel committee has taken something precious and made it into a joke, which is exactly why I was laughing when I heard about it.

Caught, NOT looking

2009-10-03T09:15:00.001-04:00

The other night at the gym, my partner mentioned a bodybuilder he saw on TV. I thought one of the signed photos, hanging on the wall in the gym, was of the guy he mentioned. So I walked to the front of the gym to look. The problem was I couldn't make out the name on the photo. Looking up, I squinted, turned my head, tried looking at it from every angle to get a good look. I spent a few minutes trying but I never could make it out.

When I finally gave up and turned around I noticed a guy across the gym staring at me. I mean really staring at me. I knew the guy but not that well. I took a few more steps and checked, yep, still staring. By the time I made it back to my partner I realized why he was staring. See, he had just competed in a local bodybuilding contest last month. He did well for his first contest so the gym honored him by putting his picture on the wall last week, with all the famous bodybuilders. The picture of him, posing in only a banana hammock, (this kind, not this) was hanging right next to the picture I was ogling, for so long.

I can only imagine what he was thinking as I appeared to be looking at his photo from every possible angle. Now every time I see him in the gym he gives me this awkward look. I want to approach him and say something like, "hey, um... do you know who's picture that is hanging on the wall right NEXT to yours? Because I was looking at that one, not yours, the other day." But I know I would just be digging a deeper hole.

Of course my partners thinks the situation is hilarious. It's not. Well, if it happened to them it would be, but it didn't. What kind of luck does it take to be not looking at a guy's photo at the exact moment he is in the gym paying attention to who's looking at his photo??? Which again, for the record, I wasn't. grrrr!

Cockadoodle doo

2009-09-24T16:46:00.006-04:00

The other day, while in the shower, I heard a rooster crowing and crowing and crowing.... It was very loud considering I was on the second floor with the water running. It was very odd considering I don't own a rooster. When I headed out to go to work two roosters were coming down my neighbors drive. He doesn't own roosters either. We have no idea who's they are or why they have picked our house to settle in at.

For the last two days these guys have been literately circling our house. I now know how Custard must have felt. The Wife is terrified of them for some reason. Something about their beady eyes and tag teaming her on a flanking, all out pecking attack.

Now, we have another decision to make. Keep the roosters, get some chickens and have fresh eggs. hope they find their way to the pond so the gator can have a special feast or try to shoo them home. Wherever that is. Funny thing about roosters, ha ha grrr, they don't just crow in the morning. No, they crow all.day.long. Did I mention how loud they are?

This is a picture of my pond looking back at my house. It's here because I loaded the wrong picture but I like it, so I left it.

Our new friend

2009-09-23T12:13:00.003-04:00

This little guy showed up in our pond the other day. Sure he's cute. And where are the kids going to get a chance to watch an alligator grow this close? He's about 3' long and isn't afraid to get within a few feet of us.

Still, he will get bigger and you can not tame an alligator. We're having a tough time deciding if we should remove him now, wait until he's big enough to be dangerous then have a trapper remove him... or we could just eat him. They taste like chicken you know. (just kidding, but we have had people offer to catch him for the meat)

I don't know, I guess for now he kids can brag about their pet gator.

ASIMO. The future is now?

2009-08-13T21:11:00.006-04:00

I've been following Honda's robot ASIMO since it was first introduced. Although it is an amazing feat of engineering, I can't help but wonder if I'm missing something. Didn't these people see Terminator, The Matrix, iRobot? The list of movies made to warn us that one day computers, and by extension robots, will one day rule our world is extensive.

When ASIMO first came out I thought it was cute. Now it's starting to creep me out... really creep me out.

What's a second worth?

2009-08-04T10:06:00.006-04:00

I watched the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" last night. Not a great movie but good. It made me think a bit. There was one scene though that made me shed a few tears. Odd how or experiences make us see things that might go unnoticed to others.

I've played a similar scene out a million times in my head before I ever saw this film. Strangely, I took comfort in knowing that the writer had thought about it too. How different our lives might be if just two or three seconds where added or subtracted at any given time? How an insignificant incident can set us on a path of destruction, enjoyment or enlightenment.

After the movie I went up stairs where the wife had gone to bed hours before. I gave her a little kiss as she slept. Then I fell into a deep, peaceful sleep. A sleep I haven't known in years. And I dreamed, I dreamed a gloriously happy dream. The first good dream I've had in a very long time.

Cheers

2009-07-30T08:57:00.001-04:00

Recently a story lit up the news wires that not only caught my attention but the attention of President Obama as well. About a weeks ago the the Cambridge police received a call from a concerned neighbor that she might have witnessed a burglary in progress by two men. With this information officers were dispatched.

Upon entering the house the police discovered the man, who had been seen forcing the door open by the neighbor, was the resident of the house. The man, who was black, was asked to step outside. He was very irritated that the police had entered his house without authorization and refused to step outside claiming the officer, a white man, was a racist. After finally following the officer out of the house, the officer warned him twice to calm down. When Mr. Gates refused, he was handcuffed, arrested and taken to jail. The charges later dropped.

After hearing about the arrest President Obama, a friend of Mr. Gates, said in an interview that the police had acted "stupidly". He went on further to suggest that Mr. Gates was profiled because of his race. This was only hours after the arrest and before many facts were known about the case.

After the president realized he had said too much with too little information he called the officer involved in the arrest. The officer suggested the three of them have a beer and smooth things out. All accepted.

Now this beer event is being touted as a "Teaching Moment" to highlight the racial profiling of the professor, Mr Gates. WTF??!!!! SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME ON WHAT PLANET THIS MAN WAS ARRESTED BECAUSE OF HIS RACE??PLEASE... SOMEONE... ANYONE?

The definition of racial profiling according to the ACLU is as follows:

Racial Profiling:"Racial Profiling" refers to the discriminatory practice by law enforcement officials of targeting individuals for suspicion of crime based on the individual's race, ethnicity, religion or national origin.

The officer was dispatched to the scene, so no individual was targeted. The neighbor who made the call never mentioned the color of the people she saw. The officer had no idea what type of person he would find in the house, so no perceived notions. After arriving at the house the officer followed standard protocol. Other than Mr. Gates calling the officer a racist where was race a factor in the arrest?

So my only assumption here is that the lesson of this "Teaching Moment" is that EVERYONE can be guilty of racial profiling because that is exactly what Mr. Gates and the President did. THEY saw a white police officer, attached all the history and stereo types they've been taught and experiences and played the race card before they knew the facts. The very definition of "racial profiling" if you ask me. If that's the message that's going to be delivered after a few rounds of beer then I say, "cheers!"

But for some reason, I just don't see that in the cards.

My two trillion cents worth

2009-07-25T16:25:00.004-04:00

Since the election I've been keeping my mouth shut about our new president. Believe me it hasn't been easy either. I like to think I'm a "give em a chance" type guy. His newest proposal, one he ran strong on, is health care reform. Something I agree desperately needs changing.

Of course I wouldn't go about it the way he's proposing... big surprise huh? There are so many options open to try before we hand over health care to the government. You know "the government" who can't run the schools, the post office or public transportation. Even for twice the money and half the quality of similar private institutions.

Here are a few things I would try before nationalizing health care.

Step One: I would implement something called True Cost Billing (I just made that up *pat on the back*) With True Cost Billing a patient could only be charged the actual coast of a procedure or medicine plus a set cap on profit. Say 30% max? So a 10 cent Tylenol would cost a patient no more 13 cent instead of the 6 dollars they maybe charged now.

Instead of the cost of those who can't pay being added to the cost of those who do, a person is only paying for the services THEY RECEIVED. Doing this will DRASTICALLY lower insurance rates. Under this system more people may actually feel than can afford to pay their bill. A lot more people can pay a 600.00 hospital bill rather than an over blown 4,000.00 bill they may just walk away from. That's less collections and less people having their credit destroyed.

"BUT WAIT" I think I heard someone scream. "Who is going to pay for all the people who can't afford care but still need it?" Ok, I didn't hear that but I'm sure someone thought it, very loud. Well, with True Cost Billing insurance rates should fall to a level where more employers can afford health insurance for their employees and families thus eliminating many of the non-payers. "What about the rest?" you may ask. That's where step two kicks in. Follow me...

Step Two: Tort Reform. Place a cap on how much one person can sue a doctor or hospital. "OMG! That's not fair!" that same mysterious voice just yelled. It is fair. If the doctor makes a honest mistake then there should be a limit to damages BUT if the doctor does something criminal then the caps come off and the damages are wide open. Besides, if the government takes over health care do you really think you can sue them for mistakes? Ask someone who uses a VA hospital how that turns out. So with tort reform, medical malpractice insurance goes way down and with it the cost of providing health care.

Step Three: Stop giving away health care to those in this country illegally. Harsh? Yes, I hated to even type it. I'm not advocating turning anyone in need away. There are ways to do this in a humane way. I would suggest a pay or go away plan. That means if you come to the hospital for care and you can pay no questions will be asked about your legal status. But, if you can't pay and you are in the country illegally you will be deported, after treatment of course. Cruel? Not when you consider that Mexicans alone send an estimated 17 billion dollars back to Mexico each year. Some of these people have the money to pay for their health care. If you use the system you should help pay for it.

Step Four: Cut the fraud. With all the computer technology I find it hard to believe someone can't right a program that will identify fraud in Medicaid and Medicare. It should be as easy as finding the average billing of services for a doctor or institution. If a doctor or institution submits payment for more than 10% of average then it would trigger an audit. Seems simple to me.

Step Five: Let companies shop for insurance across state lines. This will increase competition and cut premiums. Another no-brainer from where I sit.

I'm sure there are a few flaws in my steps but smarter people than me could work them out. I just can't see building a new system with all the same problems still there, except this time they're built into the system. Especially if the government is going to be in charge. I mean do we really want the same people who have our financial files to have our medical records too? Come on hippies of the sixties, where is all that paranoia of the government when we need it? Don't give into "the man".

To me it's like a boat that won't go because the anchor is out. So you build a bigger boat and tie the anchor to it. Hell, why not try just pulling the anchor up first?

Pick, Plow, Growl

2009-07-20T09:30:00.002-04:00

After my May 12Th post I planned to take a little time away from blogging. I wanted to get back to the life that I had exiled myself from for the last five years. So it's wasn't much of a surprise that I haven't been here. What has surprised me is the STUPID reason I was away for so long.

In a word Facebook (or is that two words? Idk) Actually, it wasn't even Facebook but rather a stupid little game in Facebook that someone asked me to play, Farm Town. Before you laugh (to late I'm sure) remember one thing, I grew up when video games were just coming out. I stayed up all night when my best friend got pong. I played Pac Man before there was a miss Pac Man. From the time I was ten I taught myself to study video games for their weaknesses, then exploit and destroy.

Farm Town, it sounds so innocent doesn't it? All you do is plow, harvest and plant. With the money you make you can build your farm bigger. I laughed it how stupid it was when I first saw it. It is suppose to be a slow relaxing game. Crops can take up to four days to ripen. It's designed to be slow. Then I realized you could also score points. That means you can win. Game on, and on, and on.... After scoring triple the points of all the people playing with me, I have reached the last level. It's over, I'm done. I'm putting that stupid, time, wasting, addictive game behind me. I leave my fellow farmers to toil in the soil, to beg at the market and baby sit their crops. bah!

Of course it wasn't all Farm Town. Work has been keeping me busy, as well doing more with the family. Summer brings in hours of yard work too. Hopefully I'll be around a little more often now. Writing down my thoughts is a hell of a lot more productive than Farm Town. And I don't even have to worry about how many points I score. Bonus!

The 200 Million Dollar Question

2009-06-11T17:12:00.006-04:00

I was talking to The Wife the other day about the young man in Texas who had won 200 million dollars in the lottery. I made the comment, as I usually do, that it will probably ruin his life. The Wife was quick to shoot back, "I wouldn't mind the chance to see if I could handle it."

Then without much thought I asked, "If you knew it would mean certain divorce, would you still want to win 200 million dollars?"

There was a longer pause than there should have been. Then she asked if it would have to mean a divorce. To which I replied, "that's the question I'm asking." Then there was an even longer, awkward pause, while she twisted her mouth as she thought. "No, I suppose not." Then she exited the room.

Even though the conversation was all in jest, it got me thinking. How many people would take the 200 million knowing it would end their marriage? If they are willing to do that, what does that say about their marriage? Do we believe money can solve more of our problems than the ones who love us?

How much is a marriage worth?

Happy Birthday Daughter!!!!

2009-06-06T03:00:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Darren

2009-06-03T12:35:00.002-04:00

Wherever you are, I hope you're having a good one.

Gassed, Passed and Last

2009-06-02T16:19:00.003-04:00

About a month ago one of my gym partners asked my other partner and me to run in a 5k charity event. An odd thing to do because none of us run... at all.

Still, it was local, for a good cause and he sounded like he wanted to do it. What the hell, we both said yes. I mean it was only a little over three miles and we we're three fit guys. I think you can all see where this is going.

The event was being hosted by JCB, a heavy equipment manufacturer, based in the UK. The event was being held on their grounds, a 1000 acre plot. They have a big pond in front of their place that someone had the bright idea to have us run around to start the race. I was excited about this until I realized there was no path to run on. By the time we made it around the pond my back was already feeling it from all the uneven ground and jarring.

The funny thing was that I thought I was doing well. That all changed when I came across a sign that read "one mile". That sign broke my spirit. I honestly thought I had ran more than half of the race already. My partners were still chugging along. The heat was absurd. It felt like we were running in the desert. Luckily one of my partners brought his step daughter and she had to start walking right after the sign. Whew! If I had known her I would had volunteered to stay with her. I ran with my other partner for another mile. Then my pride would carry me no more. When I suggested we take a break "and let our other partner catch up" the one still with me was way to fast to agree.

I still wasn't feeling to bad about it all until at two and a half miles a little old lady, that very much resembled Dr. Ruth, passed us and left us eating her dust. I had a chance to catch her at the finish line but I didn't think elbowing a little old lady out of the way to beat her was going to go over to well, especially with everyone watching. Besides, she had earned the right to finish in front of me. She had earned my respect. The whole thing was very embarrassing. Next time - if there is a next time - I will do a little training first. Then Dr. Ruth will go down, oh yes she will.

We're the boss

2009-06-01T20:48:00.006-04:00

As an American ~~tax payer~~ I am now part owner of one of the worlds largest auto makers, General Motors. I wonder if I'm entitled to an owners discount?

I'm just sayin'

Hatebook

2009-05-19T10:09:00.008-04:00

Facebook has not been an easy medium for me to navigate. When my wife jumped on facebook, just like everybody else, she was friended by many people from her past. Being reunited with one particular girl, her best friend in high school, seem to excite her the most. The girl had gotten married and moved away almost twenty years ago, no contact since then.

Now I was around them in high school. While I always found this girl to be a fun person to party with I never thought she was much as far as friend material goes. She married a jerk and dropped The Wife, and me too I guess, as friends because we didn't party hard enough.

When they reconnected on facebook The Wife learned her friend was living 4 hours away from us and was recently divorced. It wasn't long before her friend announced she was coming to town to visit family and would like to see The Wife and family. The Wife was ecstatic. The weekend came and went with no word from the friend. The Wife was upset but admitted they had no concrete plans. A few months later her friend again announced a visit and again ask to meet up with The Wife. This time they made definite plans. Again, the weekend came and went with no word from her friend. Then the following Monday this girl plasters her facebook about all the fun she had with her friends while she was in town. The Wife was very upset.

The Wife asked my opinion on how to handle the situation with her friend on facebook. I suggested, strongly, that she de-friend this girl. I reminded her that she has been getting along fine for the last twenty years without her so why put up with this shit now? (yes, I did cuss a bit) So the with a heavy heart The Wife de-friended her. Now I feel like I pressured her into doing it. She clearly wanted to reconnect with this girl.

So now I'm wondering, should we let the ones we love suffer if we can clearly see their desires are not obtainable, or worse, causing them pain? Should I have let them work it out no matter how rude this girl was being to my wife? Did I have the right to almost insist that dropping this girl was the only real option? Had she continued taking her crap, I'll admit, I would have lost some respect for The Wife but I never said that, not out loud. Although I'm sure it came through loud and clear with my attitude.

Did I stick my face where it it didn't belong?

Falling Back Up

2009-05-12T07:14:00.001-04:00

When you fall you instinctively reach for something to hold on to. If you fall hard enough and long enough you'll grasp anything you can get your hands on. If you're lucky, even if you grab something not strong enough to support you for long, it will give you time to get your footing.

When I started blogging I posed the question "Why do we blog? Why do I blog?"

Jen, the first person to comment on my blog, astutely answered, "For me, sometimes making the blog just gives the world a chance to reach out and touch me, and some times I need that to keep going... "

At the time I thought I understood what she meant but I didn't really understand. Now I do. I started blogging because I felt cut off from my family, friends and the world. I was confused, angry, bitter and upset with everyone and everything but mostly with myself.

Five years ago today, I was in an car accident, or rather five years ago today I caused a car accident. As I watched a man, who was in the car I struck, take his last breath on the side of a busy highway I knew my life would never be the same. Being responsible for taking a life, even if by accident, is something I will live with everyday of my life. I have come to terms with it as much as a person can, or at least as much as I can. While it will forever be part of me, it no longer defines me as I once let it. It has found it's place in my life but that is not what this post is about.

To my surprise, guilt and remorse weren't the only words I realized I never knew the meaning of until that day. I waited for help. I didn't ask for it because I didn't feel I had the right. But I knew, like I knew the sun would rise, that my family and friends would rush to help me get through it. They didn't. Worse, they went about their lives like nothing had happened, like I was some sort of monster that could be unaffected by such an event.

The longer I waited for help that never came the angrier and more bitter I became. Couldn't they see I was struggling? Couldn't they see I was sinking? Didn't they care? I realized then that the foundation I had built my life on was crumbling under my feet. When you start believing your life is nothing but smoke and mirrors you start to question everything. What's real? What's not? Reality becomes blurred. When you mix guilt and regret with sorrow, anger and bitterness the result is toxic and even if you sip it slowly... especially if you sip it slowly, it can kill you.

If I would have tried to write this post when I first started blogging I would have listed all the ways my family and friends had wronged me and let me down. I would have inserted all the facts that supported my argument. I would have pointed out that my eyes have been open to the truth about people and then felt guilty and angry because I brought that truth upon myself. I don't need to do that anymore. I never should have wanted to.

When you feel betrayed and stop trusting everyone you find yourself in a deep dark hole that doesn't seem worth the effort to climb out of at times. Over the last five years, in that hole, I have seen a thousand faces and all of them are mine. As I searched for the reason why the people I loved didn't respond the way I expected, for why they didn't love me, I realized a truth about them and all people. They were as scared, unsure, sad and lost as I was. They had never dealt that type of situation. They were scared they would handle it wrong so they pretended it didn't happen. Nothing as sinister as I had imagined in my head.

I realize now the people in my life have dreams I don't know about and fears they dare not tell. They have expectations and let downs. I have failed them many times and never known it. I understand a little better that every single person I encounter has as much going on inside their head as I do.

The most important thing I've realized is that people are flawed. My family is flawed, my friends are flawed, strangers are flawed but most of all I am flawed. What has became obvious is that I'm the most flawed person I know. Not because of the accident but because I know all my own thoughts, feelings and actions. I know most of my thousand faces and I don't like them all. As Daughter once so wisely pointed out, 'every problem I've ever had in my whole life has one thing in common... me'.

I've learned if we want to blame, hate, or be angry at people then the closest ones to us become the easiest targets. BUT, these are the same people who know all of our faults and love us despite them, in some cases because of them. These are the people who are willing to love us for who we are not what we want to project to the world. These people, with all their flaws, are the ones who have earned our love, respect and trust. I'm making the effort to keep that in mind these days.

With my new found knowledge, though I know there is much more to learn, I have forgiven the people in my life (not that they did anything wrong) for not living up to my unrealistic expectations to be perfect. Mostly I've forgiven myself for not being perfect. I have found a true foundation to place my trust, instead of leaving it anywhere it happens to fall. It's been a long journey for me and I'm tired, very tired but hopeful and thankful for the blessings I have been given and the gift of life that lays in front of me. As Time Traveller once told me, "if you believe in God then you must believe he let you live for a reason." I do.

So five years later the world looks a lot different than it did before. And even though a day won't go by that I won't wish I didn't know what I know now, at least this new knowledge will help me move forward, which is more than I thought was ever possible not to long ago.

My Songs #1

2009-05-10T08:21:00.004-04:00

Continuing from my previous post, 10 Songs that have helped me define how I feel, how I see myself or how I see the my world over the past few years.

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me...

Melted Hearts follow up

2009-05-08T12:07:00.010-04:00

The night after my little girl melted my heart by asking me to be her prince, she once again found me in the kitchen. (Why am I spending so much time in the kitchen?) I had my back turned to her as I heard her start to talk.

Daddy? Can we play kill?

I turned around to see her standing with a play sniper rifle around her neck and a gun in hand for me to use. What a contrast to the princess outfit. I had to laugh.

Sure, I'll play with you but let's not call it "kill".

There was a silence as I thought of what to call it but all I could think about was her standing there with the guns. I took one and she ran off yelling bang, bang, bang.

Yep, that's Daddy's little girl too.

My Songs #2

2009-05-02T10:59:00.004-04:00

Continuing from my previous post, 10 Songs that have helped me define how I feel, how I see myself or how I see the my world over the past few years.

Here Comes The Sun

The Beatles

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right
Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right
It's all right

Melted Hearts

2009-05-01T12:31:00.000-04:00

I came home from work the other night to find my daughter dressed up in a princess costume. She twirled around the kitchen showing it to me.

"Abby, you sure make a pretty princess."

"I not a princess daddy. I Snow White." *grin*

"Oh... you're a pretty Snow White."

"Daddy? Will you be my prince?"

"Of course I will."

And we can live in a castle?

Where else would Snow White live?

"I love you daddy."

She ran over and gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek as my heart was melting all over the floor.

Why even think?

2009-05-01T12:30:00.000-04:00

Things in the news making me laugh these days.

The government shamed the auto industry executives into not using corporate jets. Then the president's plane is flown low over New York for a freaking photo opportunity. They wanted a picture of it over the Statue of Liberty. They could have accomplished the same objective with a home computer and photoshop and saved about half a million dollars. But then they wouldn't have been able to scare the crap out of the citizens of New York.

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/04/29/real-cost-flyover-just-air-force/

Once again the press is leading us by the nose and directing us how to think. The news media has gone wild about the outbreak of swine flu. Maybe it's going to live up to the hype, but right now it isn't at the level worth the attention being given to it. The regular old common flu kills about 35,000 people a year in the US alone. There have been about 400 cases of swine flu with less than two hundred deaths reported world wide. Why all the attention? Is the media creating the news instead of just reporting it?

And why hasn't the media mentioned the illegal immigrants? Certainly thousands of unchecked people coming across our boarders everyday from the very country the swine flu originated has to pose some sort of threat. They usually travel in groups, smuggled in small confined spaces. Yet the press has been very careful not to mention them and to point out that all the known cases have been transmitted by people traveling to Mexico and back. It honestly defies logic. It's almost like the press has a pro-illegal immigration agenda. But I know Even if they did they wouldn't let their bias compromise their reporting of the facts. I'm sure their standards are too high for that. Please.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IRENE!!!!!!!

2009-04-30T00:01:00.006-04:00

So I went with the cow card instead.

2009-04-26T00:01:00.002-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACOB!!!!!

We love ya big guy!!!

Enjoy the last time in your life that you'll have a single digit for an age.

A rose by any other name?

2009-04-24T09:26:00.005-04:00

I'm not big follower of "Miss Anything" pageants, but I did take notice last week when Miss California was asked a question about gay marriage at the Miss USA pageant. When she indicated that she defined marriage between a man and a woman all hell broke loose.

Apparently, no one told her there was only ONE right answer to the question. Which makes me wonder, if there was only one right answer, why ask the question in the first place?

The question was asked by Perez Hilton, a vile, pitiful excuse for a human, who's claim to fame is a popular celebrity gossip blog. I don't even understand why he was there. I assume he only asked the question to have his agenda broadcast on national TV. When Miss California failed to give the response he was looking for to promote his agenda he condemned her. He went as far as calling her a bitch and more on his blog. I guess tolerance and acceptance is only reserved for those who agree with him.

The thing I found funny, in an odd way, is that Miss California never said she was against gays having the same rights as married people at the pageant. She even stated that America was a country where people had the right to choose.

Miss California, Carrie Prejean, said "We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite. And you know what, I think in my country,
in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised."

So why all the fuss? Maybe in the future the contestants should be given a list of acceptable answers to the judges questions. The only problem with that is they might become stereo typed as just pretty faces in high heels with no ability to think for themselves. Now how unattractive would that be?

My Songs #3

2009-04-23T17:30:00.002-04:00

Continuing from my previous post, 10 Songs that have helped me define how I feel, how I see myself or how I see the my world over the past few years.

Sympathy - The Goo Goo Dolls

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

And I've wished for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees

Oh yeah, everything's all wrong, yeah
Everything's all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

Stranger than your symapthy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt
It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true

Oh yeah, it's easy to forget, yeah
You choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?

Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong

And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah, stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy

What am I missing here?

2009-04-20T21:37:00.007-04:00

Last week president Obama released the details of the CIA's terrorist interrogation methods. He condemned the use of "waterboarding" in particular. I have to wonder what limits on interigation the President would agree to if his daughters were kidnapped and a captured terrorist was suspected of knowing where they were being kept.

Since I can only guess at his mind-set in that situation lets look at some facts I don't have to guess at. The same waterboarding interrogation method that the president deems to harsh for terrorist is used on many American pilots as part of their training. Worse, the same president that deems waterboarding torture seems to have no problem ordering airstrikes to kill SUSPECTED terrorist living in Pakistan. Even though these strikes might kill innocent people, including women and children. But hey, at least we didn't have them waterboarded. W... T... F?!

Did Something Change?

2009-04-16T12:28:00.001-04:00

After watching the last president being called everything from a liar to Hitler, I'm a little confused at this reporters reaction to these protest.

She points out how OFFENSIVE it is to call the president a fascist. Not only that but she seems to be arguing her OPINION as she is suppose to be reporting on the situation. When did that become part of journalism?

No, no, something is different now... hmmmmm

I love at the end how she tries to paint Fox News as a conservative organization and the cause of the protest. Her OPINION creeping in once again. I guess it's inconceivable for her to think that people would actually be upset at the amount of taxes the government demands from us and then waste. Naaah, that would be ridiculous.

My Songs #4

2009-04-15T21:29:00.005-04:00

Continuing from my previous post, 10 Songs that have helped me define how I feel, how I see myself or how I see the my world over the past few years.

More Than Words - Extreme

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things newJust by saying I love you

More than words

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

More than words

Some people are so funny.

2009-04-15T14:00:00.000-04:00

What's my line?

2009-04-13T09:45:00.001-04:00

Two of the reasons for why I came up with my line concept.

Recently The Wife has taken up an interest outside of the family. Since I like her to be happy, and I think everyone needs to have their own thing, I encouraged her pursue this interest. When she needed my help I was glad to do it. As with most new things she went a little overboard. Well, maybe more than a little. I also didn't get this new interest of hers, which isn't a problem because I don't have to, it's her thing. I've also been careful to not be negative about it because it's making her happy.

The time and effort The Wife was putting into this new interest started to become a sore subject with me. Not only did she not have any time for me, the kids were starting to complain too. I think when a five year old notices mom is doing something too much it's a problem. Still, I thought I would give the newness time to wear off. It didn't.

When I decided it was time to address the situation with her, everything I thought to say sounded selfish, except for the part about the kids. "You're not paying me enough attention" is what everything I thought to say ended up sounding like. It also would sound like I was jealous of her new interest, which I wasn't. Worse, I realized that while I was trying to do what I could to make her happy she seemed to care little or nothing about my happiness. I was not a happy camper. I needed to express this in a way she wouldn't get defensive and take it as an attack on her new interest.

That's what the line post was about. That and my best friend. When I explained to her that I felt our relationship had lost it's balance and that she was doing no more in our relationship than a friend would do she seemed to understand. Instead of addressing her new interest I was able demonstrate the problem in away she could see it.

Also, my relationship with my best friend has been on the rocks. It's been bothering me for some time. Now I can see that other areas of his life are more important to him than our friendship. I know that sounds selfish but it's not. I just had to realize no amount of effort on my part will make things the way they once were. I realized it's time to let go and apply my efforts in other directions. My line concept made that obvious.

2009-04-11T21:25:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETHAN!!!

We love you little fella!

I hope you had a ball today.

Crossing The Line

2009-04-08T08:37:00.000-04:00

Over the last few weeks I've been struggling to concentrate on anything other than one subject. Recently I become aware that I'm not totally happy with some of the relationships in my life. More specifically I was feeling that some of them were out of balance. I wanted to address the problem with these people but when I said the problem out loud, to myself, it just sounded petty, and selfish. So I sat there knowing there was a problem, yet I couldn't define it in a way that would help me explain it to them without being dismissed as being selfish. Worse, what if I was just being selfish and petty. I needed to define the problem in terms that would help me understand as well as be able to articulate it to others.

How do we know our relationships are in balance? What separates a relationship with an acquittance from that of a friend? A parent from a wife? A brother from a best friend? What should we expect and what do we owe them. After much contemplation the easiest way for me to understand this was with lines. Each of us draws lines that we are willing, or not willing to cross, for each category. Where those lines are drawn depends a lot on what type person we are, how far we are willing to take things and how strong we feel about someone.

Obviously we are constantly adjusting our lines and moving them. Like wise, we continually shift the people in our lives to one side of these lines or the other. With this concept of lines I really have been able to put the relationships in my life in perspective. Furthermore, these same lines can identify where I need to do some work and where others are not putting forth the same effort as me. They can certainly give me a clear picture of how far I want to go with people or need to go.

With my children the line is clear. There is almost no line I wouldn't cross for them. Their dependence on me makes my responsibility to them very clear. Their lines are short because love is all they can offer at the beginning of their lives. Their lines will grow as they do. But identifying the rest of the lines isn't so easy. Every time we move a line further down we let that person deeper into our lives. The real problem comes when we cross a line another person is not willing to cross for us or doesn't realize they have stopped short of the line. Worse, they may have backed across a line they were once willing to cross.

So now I have a good tool to measure to see where I'm at with the relationships in my life. It might not tell me what the problems are but at least I know there is one. That it's not just me imagining something that's not there. That's a good starting point or at least a good starting line.

Confession #14

2009-03-26T17:39:00.000-04:00

Two of the buttons on my shirt fell off at work the other day. As I entered the bathroom I noticed my shirt was opened wide to the middle of my chest.

I must say I looked pretty fly... even without a medallion and gold chain.

Oh brother, Big Brother

2009-03-20T08:50:00.001-04:00

What is our government thinking?

They don't like the bonuses that the executives at AIG received after the bailout money was given to the company so they are going to tax it back from them. Well guess what? I didn't like them getting it either but you can't just tax people out of money they earned in a legally binding contract. Well I guess you've proven you can but WOW! What a precedent you have set.

Talk about your Big Brother scenarios. I guess our government can TARGET law abiding individuals if they, the government, doesn't FEEL what they are doing is right. Isn't that what laws are for? This action being taken might make people feel better about socking it to the greedy rich but lets just hope our own actions don't attract the attention of our government and land us in their crosshairs.

My Song #5

2009-03-06T15:00:00.005-05:00

Continuing from my previous post, 10 Songs that have helped me define how I feel, how I see myself or how I see the my world over the past few years.

Israel Kamakawiwoole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwoole

Confession #13

2009-03-06T14:59:00.003-05:00

If I think about glass for too long I get freaked out. Seriously, how can we see through something solid? It's there and yet it isn't.

And don't even get me started about clear liquids. You can see through them, separate them and put them back together, without creating a seam?

Glass - an invisible force field. Kinda cool, very freaky.

Free Tip #2

2009-03-06T14:58:00.002-05:00

When I leave the fan on in the bathroom it's not a statement to the world that I don't believe in global warming - think of it more as a warning signal. Consider yourself warned.

And please, give me the same consideration.

Our First Birth

2009-03-06T14:57:00.006-05:00

I've been wanting to blog about my experience about when my first child was born for awhile now. Though I know I'll never forget it, I still want to get it down in writing.

I should have known when the doctor told the wife to fake contractions to get admitted to the hospital, that was only taking women in actual labor, it wasn't going to be a normal delivery. She was a crazy hormonal pregnant lady by this point. She had push mowed our lawn the day before trying to bring about labor. She walked up to the hospital counter, started moaning and faking labor pains, just as our doctor had told her she would have to do. She was admitted and the doctor started the procedures to induce labor. Only problem was that after nine hours of labor the baby wouldn't move. And, despite two epidurals The Wife was asking me to cut off her right leg because of the pain. Oddly enough she would wait until the doctor had left the room to make this request. As a matter of fact, she almost always waited until we were alone to complain about everything. As soon as the doctor would enter the room the cussing and complaining would stop. She would also deny she said anything when I repeated these complaints to the doctor and nurses.

Also, if your wife is in labor it's a good idea NOT to eat a McFish sandwich from McDonald's then stand beside her breathing, in any direction. Just trust me on this one.

So after nine hours the doctor comes to me and ask if it would be alright with me if The Wife had a c-section. WTF? He then explained that some men frown upon their wife not giving birth naturally. Again, WTF? After the shock of this conversation wore off I said, "well, you're the doctor, I just want what's best for my wife and baby soooooo... we'll just go with what you think." See I don't like seeing my wife in pain and I'M NOT QUALIFIED TO MAKE THAT CALL!

Problem was, the operating room was taken. This turned out to be a blessing, for me, not so much for The Wife, because it pushed us past 12 midnight which meant my son and I now share a birthday. Not much to tell about the c-section. The wife was given some heavy duty drugs at some point and I had to wear a bunch of paper and stuff. I will warn, if a funny doctor ask you to peek over the curtain during a c-section, decline. Seeing your newborn's head hanging out your wife's belly may be hilarious to the doctor but not so much for a soon to be dad who recently had a McFish sandwich.

After the birth they pushed my wife into recovery. Then as I sat down for the first time in hours an older lady, not much bigger than a hobbit, limped in with my newborn son and handed him to me. Her only comment, "you need to feed your baby." Then she limped away. Scared to death I tried to wake my morphine drugged wife so we, she, could breast feed the baby. No luck. I then tried to accomplish this feat by holding my son up to my comatose wife's breast but again, no luck. I was scared to death.

The rest of the stay was a blur. We never slept. The nurses came in the room every three hours to have us feed our son. Our son screamed all night. For some reason, despite being in a maternity ward we felt obligated not to disturb others who's kids were screaming as well. When The Wife was finally cleared for release we were a mess and couldn't wait to be let out of hell.

One of the things that added to our frustrations I still find a bit interesting if not odd. We had always been told the second we saw our baby there would be a special bond. That when a women holds her child for the first time there is a connection like no other. I watched The Wife cry for hours in the hospital because our son wouldn't breast feed and she didn't feel that instant connection. At one point, through tear filled eyes, she said, "I'm not feeling what I'm suppose to, I can't do this." Maybe it was us or maybe it's just a myth but the pressure to feel that feeling instantly was tremendous. Not feeling it right away made us question our abilities to be good parents. It did happen before we left the hospital, just not like we had been led to believe it would. Some insignificant need that The Wife provided for our son triggered it for her. And , as they say, the rest is history.

The Seed from the Sower

2009-02-23T09:38:00.015-05:00

RIP

On February 21, 2009

"The Sower," Dr. Michael Guido, passed away.

When I was growing up we only had cartoons on Sunday mornings. Michael Guido always had a 60 second commercial called "The Seed from the Sower" on during my once a week cartoon fest. A little religious but the little stories he told caught my attention, even at a young age. They made me think about right and wrong as well as others.

So even though I referred to your segments as the "The Seed from the Sewer" when you interrupted my Sunday morning cartoons, I'll always remember you and your message fondly as a positive part of my Sunday morning childhood experience.

Trust, The Truth

2009-02-19T21:42:00.000-05:00

One of the most eye opening realizations I have discovered while blogging came from fellow blogger Daughter. She made the simple but powerful assertion that there is never a reason to lie. Further, she contends that all lies only go to serve the purpose of the person telling them. Powerful stuff that had my mind churning. Still does.

Being a person that has always prided myself as being very honest, even though I did tell a few white lies now and then, I disagreed with her. I just couldn't accept that there was no room in life to spare people's feelings if the brutal truth was not required or needed. Daughter pointed out that not believing someone can handle the truth was a sign of disrespect. Again, at the time, I disagreed with her.

What made it worse was that I got the feeling, because I admitted I lied and saw nothing wrong with it under "the right circumstances", she would no longer be able to believe anything I said. If I remember correctly she even made a comment stating that fact. I've been called a lot of things in my life but never dishonest, not really. It stung, more than a little.

After much thought, I had to admit Daughter was and is right. Despite my effort to find a lie that could be justified, I couldn't. Looking back now I find it funny, and odd, that I tried and wanted to defend the practice of lying. Still, in all my contemplation about the truth she offered me about... well, The Truth, I have come to some conclusions.

There are times in my life when I am going to lie. Yes, lying is selfish and self serving but there are times in my life when I am selfish and I am self serving. Try as I might I'm not perfect. I can honestly say I'd be lying if I said I will never tell another lie. What I can say is that I'll do my best not to lie, especially when it counts the most.

So does this lack of will power or flaw in my character mean that I'm not a honest person? I don't think so. How could that be when I've already admitted I do in fact tell lies and will continue to do so at times? I believe that's where trust comes in. If people were honest 100% of the time then the word trust would lose it's status as a very important part of our lives. It doesn't take much trust if you know everything I'm going to tell you is the whole truth, even though it should be. Where trust really gets challenged is when you trust enough in me to know, despite my occasional tendency to be selfish or give into discomfort, when the truth is required or desired I will give it. Further, you will have to trust, that despite the fact I might tell a lie because the truth would make me uncomfortable, I am in no way disrespecting you by giving into my human emotions.

Over time don't we prove that we are trustworthy even though we are not perfect? Don't the people who trust us trust that we will know when to be brutally honest and when to read between the lines? Over time I have learned, "does this outfit make me look fat?" is not an invitation for me to express my exact thoughts of how my wife looks in her clothes or her level of fitness but that she is really asking, "do I look alright in this outfit?", or "Will I make a fool of myself if I wear this out in public?", or "I'm in need of a compliment." I'm not defending a lie in this situation, I'm simply stating that the trust she has in me can overcome my discomfort of being totally honest and still accomplish what she needs.

As an adult... as a human, I have the ability to evaluate when I need to ignore my emotions and discomfort and when giving into them will not cause serious harm. I believe that earned trust can help balance the flaw that it is to tell a lie, to a degree. The question for me isn't always "Do you believe me?" but more to the point, "Do you trust me?" Because every word that comes out of my mouth could be the truth but without trust would it matter?

Please don't see this post as an attack on Daughter or her position. As I said, I think she is right. I am very grateful to her for opening my eyes to a new and proper way of looking at my interaction with others, even if I'm not always strong enough in character to take it. I like to think I'm a better person for it. Had she not shared her position with me I doubt I would have given it much thought at all. I will always be grateful for those who push me to think, especially when it's in the right direction for the right reasons. And, don't think for a minute that I miss the irony here. Had Daughter not been so honest with me, had she decided it would be uncomfortable for her to be so honest about honesty I would have missed out on this important revelation. I get that loud and clear. It just strengthens her case that honesty all the time is the best policy. This isn't lip service either, it's just the truth.

A little shout out to Jen

2009-02-18T08:38:00.001-05:00

I hope you are getting the rest you need and deserve.

I miss you.

I'll be praying for you.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-14T10:18:00.000-05:00

My Song #6

2009-02-12T02:00:00.009-05:00

Continuing from my previous post, 10 Songs that have helped me define how I feel, how I see myself or how I see the my world over the past few years.

One for my children.

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me

Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Free Tip #1

2009-02-11T12:28:00.001-05:00

Tinted windows are cool. I like them too but don't give me a bunch of crap for not waving back at you, as I sat next to you at the red light, this morning. See, I CAN'T SEE YOU through your cool dark tinted windows.

If you think I'm ignoring you, just roll down your window. Then you'll know for sure.

Let them eat cake... but not so much

2009-02-07T20:13:00.001-05:00

As the economy continues to limp along I've have had enough conversations with people to formulate my perfect analogy. If you haven't noticed, me likes analogies.

The cake analogy

Our economy, not to long ago, was very good. All the economic factors worked together to serve us up a big beautiful multi-layered cake of prosperity. But, instead of just enjoying a slice or two a lot of people stuck their whole face in the cake and ate too much. Now the economy has a belly ache and is bloated. As with any belly ache you can try to treat it with medicine but the real cure is waiting for the stomach to digest the food until it becomes hungry again. It will take time and the cake makers and cake supplies will not be in much demand. When we are ready to eat again we will be less likely to eat as much, as long as we remember the belly ache. Thus placing the economy on a stricter, leaner diet. Not as fun as gorging on cake but we can live a lot longer that way.

If you don't like cake pie works just as well.

Clown Tax?

2009-02-04T21:02:00.001-05:00

He makes a lot of McSense.

The Day The Music Died

2009-02-03T08:29:00.006-05:00

50 Years ago today....

On a cold winter's night a small private plane took off from Clear Lake, Iowa bound for Fargo, N.D. It never made its destination. When that plane crashed, it claimed the lives of Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, J.P. "Big Bopper" Richardson and the pilot, Roger Peterson. Three of Rock and Roll's most promising performers were gone.

The Day The Music Died

Rest In Peace

Confession # 12

2009-01-30T09:16:00.003-05:00

More evidence that I'm getting old.

The Wife bought me some new.hip.button fly.jeans. I can't stand them. They feel like they are always sliding off my rear, which is damn near impossible. On top of spending all day pulling them up, the other day I fastened the buttons, on the retro button fly crotch, in a way that made it seem like I was happy to see everyone I met, if you know what I mean. Grrrr!

Now I find myself praying that spandex doesn't make a come back.

Rats!

2009-01-29T08:56:00.003-05:00

If they gave a 'Soccer Mom - Mother of the Year' award, my wife would surely be in the running. Besides all the picking up and dropping off she does at school and various events, she also volunteers in the children's classrooms every week. A commendable thing to do but it can get a bit expensive. I have more than once voiced my opposition to the amount of goodies and decorations she provides as room mom. This is in addition to all the stuff the other moms donate. This week she was going over her list of upcoming events and mentioned Groundhog Day. Huh?

Yes, they are having a Groundhog Day party at school. Complete with Groundhog cake, juice, candy, decorations - the works. Not The Wife's idea but she is scrambling to "make it so" none the less. First of all, we hardly have a winter here. What we do have has a snowball's chance in hell of making it another six weeks. Second, we don't have ground hogs. If we did, I seriously doubt they could tell the weather. Hell, the weatherman can't get it right most of the time. Isn't it enough that we have an angel with a bow that shoots love quivers, a bunny that hides colored eggs with candy in them, a fairy that steals old teeth from under children's pillows, a night where I have to give out free candy or get a trick played on me and a jolly old fat man in a big fluffy red suit that brings presents, that I pay for by the way?

Now we need to celebrate some damn rodent with a cake? That's right, a groundhog is like a big rat that lives in a dirt hole in the ground. The fact that he may or may not be scared of his own shadow makes me question his qualifications as a serious role model in the first place. That is, if you can get by the rat thing. And, what about his predictions? Are they even scientifically proven to be accurate??? How do we know the little bastard is scared of anything or maybe he's scared of everything. I think Groundhog Day is a ploy invented by the evil oil companies to sell more heating oil or sun tan oil. Whichever one they have a surplus of at the time.

A cake on Groundhog Day, holy Shit! It is certainly NOT a cake holiday. Where and when do we draw the line? I can tell you one thing, don't expect presents from me on Arbor Day.