No Patrick Allowed!

Abby, my five year old, has been getting in a lot of trouble recently for messing up her bedroom beyond belief.

The other day we found this picture she drew taped to her bedroom door. When we asked her why, she told us that it was because Patrick, of Sponge Bob fame, had been sneaking into her room and messing it up. Now he isn't allowed in her room anymore. She seemed pretty serious about it too.

So for the next few weeks we gave her a break about cleaning her room because of her awesome picture of Patrick, her creativeness and on the slight chance Patrick really was the guilty party. Turns out he wasn't.

Oops

Last week on my monthly business trip I stopped at a place for breakfast just outside of Atlanta. Since I had already been on the road for 3 hours I thought the bathroom would be a good idea. I followed a rather large man that was heading to the bathroom too, which is a bit of a put-off as I've never been a big fan of a crowded, small, public bathroom. To make matters worse, I noticed the driver I brought with me on the trip following close behind with the same goal in mind. When we entered the restroom the man in front of me took the first stall and the far stall was already occupied. I know this because I pulled on the door. So I took the middle stall leaving the driver waiting. When I came out the driver was gone. I washed my hands, checked my hair and proceeded to my table. That's where the driver informed me that one of my worst fears had just come true.

"You do know we were in the women's bathroom don't you?"

Apparently the guy we followed in wasn't a guy at all but rather a large Pat type woman. I guess that's why I didn't check, then double check the sign on the door... as I always always do. Going in the wrong door has been a long time fear of mine. It isn't always a clear choice either, I'm an Hombre, Right? Of course, and the little picture of the man next to hombre always confirms this. I've also been a Dude, Cowboy, Guy, Gent, Boy, Romeo, and Micky... in 42 years I've never gotten this wrong. Until now. So there I sat at my table, flush with heat, waiting for a woman to point me, the bathroom pervert, out to the manager or her husband. I thought about how casually I had wondered around in the bathroom, the conversation I had with the driver after we entered and the sound urine makes as it drops three feet into water. Surely a foreign sound in a Women's restroom. But no pointing, staring or looking ever occurred. One of my biggest fears realized and the whole thing was very uneventful.

Now I'm wondering if I shouldn't try to tackle some of my other "biggest" fears? Though, somehow I don't think waking up in the middle of the night with a stranger standing next to my bed holding a knife would ever be uneventful. Of course I could be wrong, I have been before.

All for one, One for goodbye

Some friends of The wife, who have become friends of mine, are in the beginning stages of a divorce. Not an uncommon tale, high school sweethearts, married for 14 years with three kids. He is a bit immature but always provided for his family, and by his soon to be ex-wife's admission, a great dad. They had an all to common set-up I'm seeing more and more these days. He was willing to let her run the house, and their lives, as long as he was allowed to have his toys and his boy time. Not a setup I'd be comfortable with but they seemed happy with it. Though I wonder if a wife doesn't start to see a husband like this as another one of the children and lose respect for him.

For the last 5 years they have worked together to put her through school. During this time it became obvious that the main purpose for the family was to help her get her degree. His friends joked that when she did get it she would leave him. The closer she got to her degree the more empowered she felt and the more distant he became. The day after her graduation she approached him about repairing their marriage, on her terms. Much to her surprise, he told her he wasn't interested, he didn't love her anymore and he already had other plans. He would be leaving as soon as she got a job. She never saw it coming.

For the past few weeks she has tried to talk him into marriage counseling but he "checked out" months ago. Looking back she can see now that she put him behind her goals and ambition, even though he was helping make them possible. All the signs were there, like him going to the gym most nights, after the kids went to bed, for 5 hours at a time. She never bothered to question this or check to see if he was actually going.

I have to wonder how many times he tried to get her attention by acting out by doing something obviously wrong only to be ignored, enforcing the notion that she didn't care. So months ago he realized he wasn't important in her life, started making other plans and checked out.

Now it's time for the divorce. He can't wait to move out and start the life he's been planning for months. She is just starting to come to terms with the thought of a new life, a very different life. He is happy, she is mad. He is relieved, she is angry. Of course he was where she is now but that was months ago, and she didn't notice or care. The divorce will get ugly. She is talking about restricting his parental rights through the courts. I guess the fact he is a "great dad" doesn't matter now. The children will suffer. In the end he will probably realize that he should have stayed and tried to work it out. He will realize all the things she was doing for him that he never thought about. No one will win and everyone will lose.

It seems to me a little bit of appreciation and attention could have prevented the whole situation. It's a lesson I won't forget anytime soon... I hope.