emotionless

The other night as I walked in the door from work I couldn't help but noticing my six year old little girl had a band-aid on her chin. The band-aid was even more prevalent than her two missing front teeth that make me laugh every time I see her.

When I asked her what happened, she shrugged. Not unusual for a girl that sticks on band-aids, daily, for no reason. Then my eight year old son volunteered that they had bumped chins. When I asked how, they both couldn't seem to tell me. Furthermore his lip was scraped, not his chin. Upon further investigation we learned that Abby had talked Ethan into trying out Mommy's razor. Then she tried it herself even after she seeing Ethan cut himself. They then agreed to lie about their injuries.

Upon realizing they had been caught, and punishment would be severe, my son went to pieces. He's very sensitive, so this wasn't a surprise. As I was trying to calm him down without letting off the hook, I looked at my daughter to see her reaction. To be honest what I saw bothered me.

She didn't seem upset at all. Instead she seemed to be studying my son's reaction and how we were dealing with it. Not because she was worried about her brother either. It was almost like she was trying to figure out where she went wrong and got caught. She didn't care that she cut her chin, she didn't care we were upset and mad, she didn't care that we were punishing her. She showed no emotions at all.

After I calmed her brother down, I asked her why she wasn't upset. She just shrugged her shoulders. I then tried to explain the seriousness of what she had done. No response. Finally, with nothing left in my parenting arsenal to use, I dismissed her to her room. Only then did I see a little emotion. A very slight, almost undetectable grin crept across her lips. Frankly, it freaked me out a little bit. 

My oldest has always been head strong like Abby but, like his little brother, wears his emotions on his sleeves. Push him enough and you'll soon find out where his head is. Abby seems to have too much control over her emotions. That's a new one for me and I'm not sure where it's going to take us but I have a feeling it's not going to be a fun place.

Real Life or Reality?

Over the years I have been worried that my sister isn't sharing a close relationship with reality. She divorced her husband, which wasn't a problem for me, because she loved her job and didn't want the responsibilities that a husband brings. I didn't buy it but it's her life.

Three years later, I just found out she has given notice at her job. A job that pays a 6 figure salary plus many perks. Seems she is bored with the work, so she is going to take 6 months off to see what she wants to do. She's talking about becoming a teacher, something she's never done or has a clue what the job is really like. She's convinced she can live on $40,000.00 a year. Maybe she can but her children, who always have the latest ipod, iphone and designer clothes are in for a few adjustments. As is her maid, interior designer and high end clothing shops.

The reason we, our family, thinks she is taking the 6 months off working is to get married. It will take some time to help her suspected, soon to be husband moved from another state. Of course I'm questioning the wisdom of marrying a guy you've only spent every other weekend with for the past year. Then have him quit a successful job, in this economy no less.

As if living with someone for the first time isn't enough stress, they will have to deal with both of them being with out jobs, him moving way away from his family, her trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life, the family adjusting to a new financial reality as he tries to establish a permanent day to day relationship with her two girls. Tough for anyone.

I keep telling myself it's her life, it is. She has every right to pursue happiness, she does. There is nothing wrong with getting married, a career change or deciding money isn't the key to happiness. I get it... but, I can't shake the reasons she gave for ending her last marriage. The ten years she wasted of a good guys life to live a life that is the exact opposite of what she is claiming will make her happy today. I worry for her her new husband that will give up almost everything for her while the things she is giving up are for her own pursuits. I don't understand why she can't take these changes in steps instead of all at once.

Of course I will support her in her pursuit of happiness. That's what family does. There is even a big part of me that thinks it's courageous, noble, and exciting, but then the other part of me keeps reminding me about reality. You know, reality, that son of bitch that refuses to play by our rules.