Once Again, I'm a Big Ass Jerk!!!
When I arrived home Tuesday night I had something I wanted to do on the computer. Nothing important but I had it on my mind. So I came in, said my hellos and sat down to, get 'er done.
Within five minutes the phone rang. The wife handed it to me. It was a guy from work who had been off for the day playing golf. He wanted to know what he had missed and what to expect for tomorrow. I was really aggravated to have to relive my day for him and to have to stop what I was doing to tell him things that clearly could have waited. I think he was driving home and was bored to tell the truth.
Anyway the wife hung around for a few moments and saw quite a show of me rolling my eyes, throwing myself around in my chair and literally banging my head on the desk in frustration. After about 15 to 20 minutes the guy finally let me go. Great! now I can get back to it.
After three clicks of the mouse the wife walks back into the room.
Who was that?
Just a guy from work.
What did he want?
Nothing, he was just asking about some stuff.
Like what? Blah, Blah, Blah...
At this point I start rolling my eyes again and I 'm sure I was ignoring her a little. Ok, maybe a lot. You would think her seeing my reaction to the first call would have been enough but it wasn't. She kept talking and asking and on and on and on.
Listen, I really want to get this done. I know you had to clearly see I was aggravated with the phone call. Can't I just have a few minutes to get this done without interruption? Is that asking to much? Sheesh!
That's how I remember it anyway, the truth is it was probably a lot harsher with a lot of tension in my voice. Needless to say she left the room. After I finished what I was doing I found her and gave one of those half ass apologize. You know the ones, 'I'm sorry but I'm really not because you caused it.'
So the next day the wife and the kids were going away for the night on a trip to the beach. I was still mad because "she didn't respect my time and she didn't accept my apology". So I didn't say much and left for work, yep the cold shoulder treatment. When I came home that night they were gone and I had all the time I wanted.
Too much time to be honest. I had time to realize I might have ruined her trip and over what?! A few minutes I could have waited and still had plenty of time to do what I wanted. I had let the phone call get to me and then I took it out on her. I was not trying to ruin her trip, I was happy they were going but I'm sure that's not what she was thinking.
So I called her cell phone, which she didn't answer, and left a message. I apologized for real this time and told her I wanted her to have a good time and we would work it out when she got home, not to give it another thought.
Why do I get so wrapped up in myself that I feel I have the right to treat people bad? Why do I get agravated when someone I love wants my attention? Why do I forget the important things sometimes? Why do I have to be a big ass jerk?
7 comments:
Women! Bloody women ay! We have a habit of nagging or asking silly questions at the wrong time.
You are not an ass at all, you just wanted a little time to yourself and was a little stressed at the time that's all.
It sounds to me like your conscience got the better of you in the end anyway and you said sorry.
There is nothing more you can do. Stop beating yourself up.
One thing is your wife didn't have your day so she is in a different mindset altogether, sometimes the two collide and that's just the way it happens. I think as long as it's not occurring on a regular basis and the wife feels she is walking on eggshells around you then you were just a big dumb ass.
I know how awful the feeling is when you dumbassidly hurt someone you love, part of the old relationship,I think.
If you were REALLY a big ass jerk, you wouldn't have apologized at all, much less twice.
:-)
Why do I forget the important things sometimes? - because you're just human. :)
I got aggrevated with my dad on the phone this morning - I feel really awful :(
Thanks for the support guys :)
It really was my fault, I get this kind of tunnel vision when I lock on to something I want to do and if anybody tries to break in it makes me snap. Especially if I deem it unworthy of my time. It's very selfish.
All I was doing was downloading a patch to a piece of software I was having problems with, now why the hell couldn't that wait? She was home all day with the kids and I came right in and jumped on the computer, what a guy huh?
It's hard when I work all day and people want my attention and then I go home to get away from THAT and BAM everybody still wants my attention. The difference is the people at work want 'what I can do for them' and the people at home want ME. That's the part I must remember.
Everyone forgets the "important things" sometimes. It's impossible not to as none of us are 100% altruistic. The fact is that things always get in the way. Esp. if you have a life that's tained by the outside world. It's the fact that you can come back and apologize later that saves you from being as bad as you think you were.
Men (and women) who are truely assholes wouldn't have taken the time to apoloigize once, let alone twice. It's the sign of a good person that can step back and realize that things aren't going the way that they should for the people around you and it might indeed be your fault.
My opinion? I think you're growning up Charlie Brown. ;)
And kudos for calling her and leaving the voicemail. Surely she got it, and it probably took a lot off her shoulders simply because you were acknowledging the issue and intended to work on it.
That's HUGE.
we all have our faults. But the important thing as Jen says is that you realised it, apologised (x2)and are showing geniuene remorse :)
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