The Answers Are All Around Us
Every morning I give my six year old son his medicine. This morning, as I looked at his face, an incredible sadness came over me. It's not unusual reaction, as I often feel sad when I think about his future. He's such a sweet kid but I know his Aspergers will prevent him from experiencing a normal life.
But what is a normal life really? And are those who pursue this normal life any happier than those who can't? I take comfort in the fact that maybe he will find more joy in the path that lays ahead of him than that which lays ahead of most. I mean most normal people don't seem all that happy in their normal life to me. Still, it breaks my heart that he doesn't even have the choice of which path to travel down. And it breaks my heart further to know I am powerless to help make his path as clear as the well worn "normal" path that this world calls Main Street, which happens to be my street.
So this morning, as these thoughts were running through my head again, I waited for my son to get his drink ready that helps his medician go down easier. I was brought back to to the present by his little voice.
"Aw man, I got the ugly red cup!" he said
A little aggravated and with little thought I replied, "it doesn't matter what the cup looks like, it's what we put in the cup that matters." And just like that it hit me. It's not going to matter what his life looks like to me or anyone else. In the end his life will be the collection of experiences he is able to put together. It will seem as normal to him as anyones life seems to them. His life will not and can not be defined by the boundaries, accomplishments and goals I have set for mine or even those of his siblings. His life will be... his.
I watched as he grimaced at the taste of the medicine followed by a few sips from the ugly red cup. He sat the cup down and ran off to find his brother. I peek into the ugly red cup, sure enough the stuff he hadn't drank looked a lot like the stuff I drink, bet it taste the same too. God I love that little boy.
5 comments:
I have a fairly "normal" life and it definitely isn't a walk in the park. I think you're dead on with the understanding that he'll make his life, his. And that's a good goal for everyone.
It is sad that you can't find the magic wand to change the tough experiences he'll have, but I think all parents think that way.
I'd like to make Mike's life easier but all I can do is stand back to support him if he falls.
You're a good dad. You have a lot to be proud of.
:)
I know three POs with Asperger's. This is the perfect job for them, with their fertile minds and ability to turn on or tune out in the blink of an eye.
I know a teacher with Asperger's. He is able to explain things in about 1,000 different ways - something most teachers really struggle with.
Your son is unlimited. There was a good long time that nobody even KNEW about Asperger's. Don't let those school people and doctors talk you into feeling like your son is limited, because he absolutely IS NOT.
Thanks Jen. I have similar feelings with Jacob but with him I can empathize, explain and direct. With Ethan, all I can do is watch as he tries to adjust the skills he has to fit the situation. Love, sympathy and support seems to be all I can offer.
Thanks Daughter. That's what I realized. Apparently I'm the one who is LIMITED. Limited in my ability to see life in any other way than how I experience it. :(
You're not limited either, RT. You're learning a new way. There's nothing wrong with that.
I saw the sweetest film on an aeroplane recently 'Adam' it was called. Watch it - I think it will give you hope.
Adam eats macaroni cheese everyday and loves it. Adam does a job he loves. Sure some people find him a bit odd but some people find me a bit odd. And we all know plenty of people who shouldn't struggle through life.
Your sis for one. She apparently had everything but wasn't and isn't happy.
Jacob seems like a happy kid because he has a great dad. As with all of us, as long as we are kind and honest we will always have loving people around us who make us happy. Jacob's life won't be any different. He'll grow up with all the difficulties associated with this world but at least he has a better chance than most of growing old - happy. That's all you can really wish for any of them.
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