Ego

Isn't the Ego a strange partner? So fragile, so forgetful, so needy, so selfish. It motivates us to accomplish many things we wouldn't attempt with out him by our sides, yet he's also the one the holds us back from accomplishing more.

Over the last couple of years I've become a lot more aware of my ego. Oh, I always knew it was there. When you're constantly feeding something that has an inccaiable appetite, you can't deny it exist. An appetite so huge it requires others to help us feed it too. Yes, we all have to go few rounds with it to keep it under control but I don't think we ever snuggle up to and get to know it until someone kicks the living shit out of it.

The funny thing is, most egos won't respond fully to just anyone stomping on it. No, it has to be someone for whom we've turned the security system off. Someone we've left the door open for, expecting them to fatten it up.

Three years ago The Wife went into, what can only be described as a mid-life crisis. Ten years home with the kids had taken it's toll. It wasn't hard to recognize she was drowning in her own life. A life she asked for, a life I worked hard to provide for her. We both saw and reaped the benefits of her choice. Still, too much of a good thing isn't always good. So when she informed me about an interest in a band from her youth, I was only to willing to support her. She was reluctant. She claimed going to see them was silly, selfish even. I didn't see it that way, she deserved it, earned it and really need something that was a bit silly in her life, that was hers alone.

My ego was benefiting from it too. I got to be the hero husband that watched the kids while she went to the concerts. When she discovered other fans online I dove in and bought her a laptop. My ego got a thrill out of watching her face light up, knowing I was responsible for helping her find some happiness.

Then one day my ego noticed it wasn't the center of The Wife's attention anymore. I noticed my kid's weren't either. Something was wrong. The wife was spending all of her time with her new groupy online friends. She was shedding our life like a snake sheds its skin. Still, my ego was to big to feel threatened. Seriously, how could anything be more important to my wife than the man who works 60 hours a week to provide the life she wanted? The father of her children. The man that supporter her through the toughest times in her life.

Even when my, close to forty year old, wife went out of town with a bunch of twenty something year old females I didn't see the harm. Only when I noticed an open facebook page and the lack of contact did I realize what my partner, ego, had been pointing out for some time. The wife was in her own world. A new world that didn't include me.

Looking back I'm sure I could have handled it better. I'm still not sure how, but turning the situation over to my ego probably wasn't the best decision. Of course my ego demanded The Wife stop all her childishness and refocus on our family, with me perticulalry in mind. This only made her more determined to do the opposite.

Before it was over she had met the band in person. Been groped by one member and shared her desire to do more with all her groupy friends. She had created multiple fake accounts to hide her activities. She hid in our closet texting the other groupies about every movement the band made every time she could sneak away.

Telling her I was not happy didn't affect her. She had clearly chosen her love of this band, and her new online groupy friends over me and my ego. Never had my ego been told by someone it counted on that it didn't matter. It took a long time for me to accept that was in fact reality and not just my ego throwing a fit for being pushed to the back of the line. Many ultimatums were given, all agreed to, only to discover more secrets and deceit later.

Finally, when I could take no more, which was months longer than my ego could take, I called it quits. I called a lawyer, started making other living arrangements and tried to come to terms with not being an everyday fixture in my children's lives. Despite my ego demanding I stay and fight for it's importance my will was gone. But, then it happened. The same week I was going to tell her I couldn't take being second fiddle to a band and a bunch of groupies that had never lifted a finger to do anything for her in her life The Wife changed her tune.

Suddenly, the Old Wife was back. She gave up following the band. She stopped texting the groupies. She started feeding my ego like she never had before. It was as if over night she had woken up from a trance. Mr. Ego was overjoyed. Me on the other hand couldn't follow the logic. What had changed? Why now? She didn't know I was anymore serious about leaving this time than the last. I couldn't get it out of my head, or let it go.

After months of her treating me like the "king" my ego knew I was, I couldn't take it anymore. I should have been happy but I wasn't. Finally, I threatened to contact her groupy friends to find out the truth. Before I did she spilled the beans. Seems her groupy friends dropped her. They all turned on each other. One was actually crazy. She had pretended to date one of the band members. She even went so far as sending emails to The Wife pretending to be members of the band. For over a year The Wife thought she had the private email addresses and the attention of the band members.  What finally ended it was when one of the groupies discovered The Wife had been sexting her boyfriend, behind her back of course. Complete with inappropriate pictures. All I can say is I'm glad these people live 3000 miles away or I would have a lot of other questions.

So months later The Wife has gone back to work and loves her new job. She continues to feed my ego everyday, not just hamburger either but prime rib. She claims she, "lost her mind" and can't believe she almost lost the most important person to ever enter her life, me. But the ego is still hurt, knowing I was chosen only when no other choice was left available to her. Knowing that these, lying, fake, crazy people, who had never done a thing for The Wife, had so easily became more important to my wife than I was. Knowing nothing I did put a stop to it.

So me and my bruised ego are limping along. Me, happy to still have my family and my wife's attention back and my ego now knowing what it feels like to have the shit stomped out of it.