Ego

Isn't the Ego a strange partner? So fragile, so forgetful, so needy, so selfish. It motivates us to accomplish many things we wouldn't attempt with out him by our sides, yet he's also the one the holds us back from accomplishing more.

Over the last couple of years I've become a lot more aware of my ego. Oh, I always knew it was there. When you're constantly feeding something that has an inccaiable appetite, you can't deny it exist. An appetite so huge it requires others to help us feed it too. Yes, we all have to go few rounds with it to keep it under control but I don't think we ever snuggle up to and get to know it until someone kicks the living shit out of it.

The funny thing is, most egos won't respond fully to just anyone stomping on it. No, it has to be someone for whom we've turned the security system off. Someone we've left the door open for, expecting them to fatten it up.

Three years ago The Wife went into, what can only be described as a mid-life crisis. Ten years home with the kids had taken it's toll. It wasn't hard to recognize she was drowning in her own life. A life she asked for, a life I worked hard to provide for her. We both saw and reaped the benefits of her choice. Still, too much of a good thing isn't always good. So when she informed me about an interest in a band from her youth, I was only to willing to support her. She was reluctant. She claimed going to see them was silly, selfish even. I didn't see it that way, she deserved it, earned it and really need something that was a bit silly in her life, that was hers alone.

My ego was benefiting from it too. I got to be the hero husband that watched the kids while she went to the concerts. When she discovered other fans online I dove in and bought her a laptop. My ego got a thrill out of watching her face light up, knowing I was responsible for helping her find some happiness.

Then one day my ego noticed it wasn't the center of The Wife's attention anymore. I noticed my kid's weren't either. Something was wrong. The wife was spending all of her time with her new groupy online friends. She was shedding our life like a snake sheds its skin. Still, my ego was to big to feel threatened. Seriously, how could anything be more important to my wife than the man who works 60 hours a week to provide the life she wanted? The father of her children. The man that supporter her through the toughest times in her life.

Even when my, close to forty year old, wife went out of town with a bunch of twenty something year old females I didn't see the harm. Only when I noticed an open facebook page and the lack of contact did I realize what my partner, ego, had been pointing out for some time. The wife was in her own world. A new world that didn't include me.

Looking back I'm sure I could have handled it better. I'm still not sure how, but turning the situation over to my ego probably wasn't the best decision. Of course my ego demanded The Wife stop all her childishness and refocus on our family, with me perticulalry in mind. This only made her more determined to do the opposite.

Before it was over she had met the band in person. Been groped by one member and shared her desire to do more with all her groupy friends. She had created multiple fake accounts to hide her activities. She hid in our closet texting the other groupies about every movement the band made every time she could sneak away.

Telling her I was not happy didn't affect her. She had clearly chosen her love of this band, and her new online groupy friends over me and my ego. Never had my ego been told by someone it counted on that it didn't matter. It took a long time for me to accept that was in fact reality and not just my ego throwing a fit for being pushed to the back of the line. Many ultimatums were given, all agreed to, only to discover more secrets and deceit later.

Finally, when I could take no more, which was months longer than my ego could take, I called it quits. I called a lawyer, started making other living arrangements and tried to come to terms with not being an everyday fixture in my children's lives. Despite my ego demanding I stay and fight for it's importance my will was gone. But, then it happened. The same week I was going to tell her I couldn't take being second fiddle to a band and a bunch of groupies that had never lifted a finger to do anything for her in her life The Wife changed her tune.

Suddenly, the Old Wife was back. She gave up following the band. She stopped texting the groupies. She started feeding my ego like she never had before. It was as if over night she had woken up from a trance. Mr. Ego was overjoyed. Me on the other hand couldn't follow the logic. What had changed? Why now? She didn't know I was anymore serious about leaving this time than the last. I couldn't get it out of my head, or let it go.

After months of her treating me like the "king" my ego knew I was, I couldn't take it anymore. I should have been happy but I wasn't. Finally, I threatened to contact her groupy friends to find out the truth. Before I did she spilled the beans. Seems her groupy friends dropped her. They all turned on each other. One was actually crazy. She had pretended to date one of the band members. She even went so far as sending emails to The Wife pretending to be members of the band. For over a year The Wife thought she had the private email addresses and the attention of the band members.  What finally ended it was when one of the groupies discovered The Wife had been sexting her boyfriend, behind her back of course. Complete with inappropriate pictures. All I can say is I'm glad these people live 3000 miles away or I would have a lot of other questions.

So months later The Wife has gone back to work and loves her new job. She continues to feed my ego everyday, not just hamburger either but prime rib. She claims she, "lost her mind" and can't believe she almost lost the most important person to ever enter her life, me. But the ego is still hurt, knowing I was chosen only when no other choice was left available to her. Knowing that these, lying, fake, crazy people, who had never done a thing for The Wife, had so easily became more important to my wife than I was. Knowing nothing I did put a stop to it.

So me and my bruised ego are limping along. Me, happy to still have my family and my wife's attention back and my ego now knowing what it feels like to have the shit stomped out of it.

Worst good morning comment.. ever

First thing the wife said to me when she saw me this morning.

The Wife: What's wrong with your face?

Me: Nothing, why?

It doesn't look right?

Huh?

I mean it looks bad.

Um, I feel fine. Thanks.

Oh no, I, uh, didn't you get any sleep last night or...

Lets just stop there before you say something hurtful. (holy shit!)

That kinda set the tone for the whole damn day.

Trust should be a four letter word

Seems like trust is going to be the topic of the day for me this year. Odd that a word that had hardly touched my life in the past has become such an issue for me lately.

Once a week I pick up my eldest son from gymnastics. Since we don't have a lot of one on one time I use our drive home to try to get a feel for what's going on in his life. A couple of weeks ago we talked about some struggles he was having with school. I reminded him that his mother and me were available anytime he didn't understand something, to which he responded by telling me his mother wouldn't help him because she was always on her computer. I wasn't shocked because I knew that situation had changed but I realized a nine year old wouldn't quickly pick up on recently changed behavior. To test his perception I asked if he thought I was always on the computer? He replied, yes. When I asked him how that could be seeing how I work 50 plus hours a week, spent many hours outside every weekend with him and I didn't get on the computer until after he went to bed during the week? He just shrugged his shoulders. Clearly his definition of "always on the computer" means anytime he wants our attention immediately.

Still, I thought I should tell The Wife how her son was thinking of her so she could be sensitive to it. The next week, after I picked him up he was telling me a story. In the middle of a sentence about something his mother had said he stopped talking. I asked what was wrong? He said he better not tell me anything his momma said or did because he might get in trouble again. Again? After some prodding he explained that his mother had gotten quite upset about what he had told me about her on the computer. I did my best to reassure him that he didn't need to keep anything from me and that he had done nothing wrong... but it was obvious that the trust we once had was now broken. He clearly was not interested in telling something I might repeat back to his mother. I let it go with him but I was very upset.

When I confronted his mother, not only did she act justified in what she had done, I sensed a bit of smugness on her face. Almost like she was proud that she was able to thwart my efforts to "keep an eye on her". She apparently told him what she did was her business and he had no right to repeat it to me or anyone else. It was obvious she had missed the point of why I had relayed what he had originally said. Even though I had made a point to tell her I didn't believe his perception of her computer time was correct. Worse, she didn't seem to get the damage she had created by letting our son know, not only could I not be trusted, but there would be hell to pay if he voiced his opinion about anything mom related. In other words, not only was it ok to keep secrets from his dad but he had better.

It took a lot of talking... and yelling, but I finally convinced The Wife that no part of me telling her what our son had said had anything to do with her at home activities. I just thought that she would want to know that her son was thinking about her in this way. I know I would want her to tell me, ESPECIALLY IF IT WASN'T TRUE.

So what to do now? I don't know, again. I turned down The Wife's offer for her to talk to him about it because he would realize, once again, something he had said to me made it back to his mom and he was getting a lecture about it. Seriously, do we need to confuse the kid any further? I guess in the end I'll have to earn his trust back over time, which sucks because I don't feel like I did anything to lose it... but I have.

Call me petty

I can be petty. There I said it. It's true. I guess I'm a person that believes the devil is in the details and the details can be... well, pretty petty sometimes.

Recently the wife and I have been having issues over some online friends she maintains and the things they are into. Mostly the problem has been about typical stuff, spending too much time online with them, too much time on the phone with them, too much twittering with them, too much... really just too much with them. This excess has led to other problems which led us to have a big heart to heart about all of it.

After our talk she agreed she was rather obsessed with it all and that she knew it was hurting our marriage and in some areas the children too. I never asked her to give up any of it as I thought the time she spent participating in that stuff should be her idea. Forcing someone to to make a choice is not really making a choice at all is it?

So, over the last few months she has cut way back on her computer time. For the most part things have been better because we've both been trying to put our family and each other first. BUT, there has been the occasional moments when I have walked in a room to see her huddled in a corner with her phone, only to put it away when she realizes I'm in the room. Or, turning her computer off when I come in from outside unexpectedly. I haven't said anything other than telling her it wasn't necessary to do that because acting suspicious only tends to make others be suspicious. If she wants to do it, she needs to just do it.

Then over Christmas holidays she announced she was going to the phone store to buy a Blackberry. A phone she has wanted for a long time because it will allow her to be in non-stop communication with her online friends. A phone she knows I would have an issue with. This was confirmed when she asked me to set it up for her, "even though I know you may have a problem with the reason I got this phone can you help me set it up?" I did, without saying a negative word.

The days that followed I noticed her spending more time shut-up in our bedroom away from the family. Upon my entry I noticed she very slyly slipped the phone into a drawer. Why.? I have no idea because I have said nothing about the phone. Of course my lack of interest in it probably says it all.

So here's the petty part, I'm not going to take calls from her new cell phone, for now anyway. Childish? Perhaps... ok sure it is, but clearly the phone was not purchased to communicate with me, in fact, it was purchased knowing on some level it would hurt me.

I know writing this makes me sound like some kind of control freak but that clearly isn't the case. I've demanded she give up nothing. As I've said, I know it has to be her decision. I have not tried to guilt her or manipulate her into doing things my way. I've simply stated how I feel and let her decide how she wants to react, no retaliation, until now I suppose. She had a great phone before, she has her own laptop that I have told her I won't use or even touch. The phone she had did almost everything the Blackberry will do but the Blackberry is what all her internet friends use.

So call me petty if you want to, but don't call me at all if you are using her Blackberry, because for now, I'm not going to answer. thhhhpppppp!!!!

Thanks Jen!

The Wife made some delicious banana nut bread this past weekend. Recipe a la Jen, aka "The Baker". Thanks Jen! Don't be surprised if we ask for a few more recipes in the future. Yum!

Romancing Alone

"The engines roared. The boat broke the grip the tide and the dock had conspired to keep them bound to land, to their mundane life. They headed across the river that danced with the last glimmering rays of light the sun could manage to shoot over the horizon. They could see the silhouette of the bridge and the old city coming into view. Sitting at the back of the boat, he placed his arm around her shoulder and gently stroked the curls in her long brown hair. It had been awhile since he had felt this close and this at peace with her. Slowly she turned to him. He turned his head slightly to meet the gaze of her big blue eyes. He noticed that they hadn't changed in over twenty years of loving her. She carefully moved her lips near his ears and yelled, "DAMN! THE ENGINES SURE ARE LOUD RIGHT HERE! WE SHOULD HAVE SAT SOMEWHERE ELSE!"

Had my wife read this paragraph in one her romance novels I'm quite sure she would have found it somewhat romantic, save the last line of course. Living it however, she failed to appreciate any romantic qualities the situation seem to present at all.

This past weekend I took The Wife downtown for some much needed "us" time. I booked us a room at a nice hotel overlooking the river. I tried to be as romantic as I know how but seemed to miss the mark more times than not. We had a great time, a fabulous time to tell the truth. God knows we needed it. Still, the weekend left me wondering if the romance so many women seem to be seeking isn't right under their noses more times than they recognize? Or is it some unobtainable action that can only reach it's true potential in the bleached white pages of a romance novel? And if that is the case, do we men really stand a chance of turning fiction into reality? I wonder...

Looking Through a Fool's Eyes

Jen's comment on my last post, made me realize I haven't posted in awhile. The truth is I'm painfully aware that I haven't posted anything in some time. In fact, I've been thinking about this blog a lot recently. A few things have happened in my life that I would love to blog about but I'm not sure how to do that and be fair to the people involved.

Over the past few months I have had to deal with situations and emotions that until this point in my life have been rather foreign to me. Maybe that's why they had such an effect on me. I assumed I was immune to certain aspects of life... unfortunately, I now realize I am not.

After all is said and done the main question I'm left with is this - why do we let things go on when we know they aren't right? And if we simply played them out to their logical conclusion we would know that acting like we don't know, even when we do, won't save us from the inevitable outcome. Is it laziness? Is it denial? Is it hoping something will come along and magically change the situation? Or is it, as I fear it is, simple desperation.

Being made to feel like a fool is a horrible feeling. But realizing you played the fool is worse. I knew... I'm the king of knowing. I always, always, always try to see situations from the other's point of view. Yet, I could not force myself to conclude what was so damn obvious. We ALL have a part of us we don't show to everyone. Sometimes that part of us never sees the light of day but on occasion, we find a place, a person or situation where we feel this part fits. We let it out... and it can feel sooo good.

So look around and think about the people you know. What is their secret part? Are they letting it out? If so, what ramifications will this part, the part you don't know but you do know exist, have on your life? The evidence is all around us, an odd behavior, a distant feeling or slight grin where none should be. We know it's something, then tell ourselves it is nothing because if we do that, it is nothing... until one day that nothing has grown so big and so obvious ignoring it becomes more painful than living with it. What then? Or I should say, what now?

Cockadoodle doo

The other day, while in the shower, I heard a rooster crowing and crowing and crowing.... It was very loud considering I was on the second floor with the water running. It was very odd considering I don't own a rooster. When I headed out to go to work two roosters were coming down my neighbors drive. He doesn't own roosters either. We have no idea who's they are or why they have picked our house to settle in at.

For the last two days these guys have been literately circling our house. I now know how Custard must have felt. The Wife is terrified of them for some reason. Something about their beady eyes and tag teaming her on a flanking, all out pecking attack.

Now, we have another decision to make. Keep the roosters, get some chickens and have fresh eggs. hope they find their way to the pond so the gator can have a special feast or try to shoo them home. Wherever that is. Funny thing about roosters, ha ha grrr, they don't just crow in the morning. No, they crow all.day.long. Did I mention how loud they are?

This is a picture of my pond looking back at my house. It's here because I loaded the wrong picture but I like it, so I left it.

Hatebook

Facebook has not been an easy medium for me to navigate. When my wife jumped on facebook, just like everybody else, she was friended by many people from her past. Being reunited with one particular girl, her best friend in high school, seem to excite her the most. The girl had gotten married and moved away almost twenty years ago, no contact since then.

Now I was around them in high school. While I always found this girl to be a fun person to party with I never thought she was much as far as friend material goes. She married a jerk and dropped The Wife, and me too I guess, as friends because we didn't party hard enough.

When they reconnected on facebook The Wife learned her friend was living 4 hours away from us and was recently divorced. It wasn't long before her friend announced she was coming to town to visit family and would like to see The Wife and family. The Wife was ecstatic. The weekend came and went with no word from the friend. The Wife was upset but admitted they had no concrete plans. A few months later her friend again announced a visit and again ask to meet up with The Wife. This time they made definite plans. Again, the weekend came and went with no word from her friend. Then the following Monday this girl plasters her facebook about all the fun she had with her friends while she was in town. The Wife was very upset.

The Wife asked my opinion on how to handle the situation with her friend on facebook. I suggested, strongly, that she de-friend this girl. I reminded her that she has been getting along fine for the last twenty years without her so why put up with this shit now? (yes, I did cuss a bit) So the with a heavy heart The Wife de-friended her. Now I feel like I pressured her into doing it. She clearly wanted to reconnect with this girl.

So now I'm wondering, should we let the ones we love suffer if we can clearly see their desires are not obtainable, or worse, causing them pain? Should I have let them work it out no matter how rude this girl was being to my wife? Did I have the right to almost insist that dropping this girl was the only real option? Had she continued taking her crap, I'll admit, I would have lost some respect for The Wife but I never said that, not out loud. Although I'm sure it came through loud and clear with my attitude.

Did I stick my face where it it didn't belong?

What's my line?

Two of the reasons for why I came up with my line concept.

Recently The Wife has taken up an interest outside of the family. Since I like her to be happy, and I think everyone needs to have their own thing, I encouraged her pursue this interest. When she needed my help I was glad to do it. As with most new things she went a little overboard. Well, maybe more than a little. I also didn't get this new interest of hers, which isn't a problem because I don't have to, it's her thing. I've also been careful to not be negative about it because it's making her happy.

The time and effort The Wife was putting into this new interest started to become a sore subject with me. Not only did she not have any time for me, the kids were starting to complain too. I think when a five year old notices mom is doing something too much it's a problem. Still, I thought I would give the newness time to wear off. It didn't.

When I decided it was time to address the situation with her, everything I thought to say sounded selfish, except for the part about the kids. "You're not paying me enough attention" is what everything I thought to say ended up sounding like. It also would sound like I was jealous of her new interest, which I wasn't. Worse, I realized that while I was trying to do what I could to make her happy she seemed to care little or nothing about my happiness. I was not a happy camper. I needed to express this in a way she wouldn't get defensive and take it as an attack on her new interest.

That's what the line post was about. That and my best friend. When I explained to her that I felt our relationship had lost it's balance and that she was doing no more in our relationship than a friend would do she seemed to understand. Instead of addressing her new interest I was able demonstrate the problem in away she could see it.

Also, my relationship with my best friend has been on the rocks. It's been bothering me for some time. Now I can see that other areas of his life are more important to him than our friendship. I know that sounds selfish but it's not. I just had to realize no amount of effort on my part will make things the way they once were. I realized it's time to let go and apply my efforts in other directions. My line concept made that obvious.

Why not just tell me I'm a jerk?

For the last two months The Wife has been unwell. I made her go to the doctor a month ago and told her to slow down many times after that. Not much I could do about her not listening to me. She was determined not to miss any festivals, fairs and Halloween events. Then, last Wednesday she woke me up and said she couldn't take the kids to school. I made her go to the doctor again and I took care of the kids. Two days later, after she spent two full days in bed, she was admitted into the hospital. She has pneumonia that is resistant to antibiotics.

As I was taking care of the kids, my sister called to offer support. She was a little upset that my parents, who live so close, weren't doing much to help me out. I agreed that it would be nice to get some help but taking care of my family was my responsibility and not theirs. I explained there was no need to be upset with my parents, I could handle it.

Later, as my parent were visiting The Wife in the hospital my dad mentioned that my sister was coming in town early for Thanksgiving to help her with the kids. My dad also mentioned, for reasons I can't even begin to understand, that my sister had asked him to have a talk with me. It seems my sister blames ME for The Wife being sick. She thinks I never give her a chance to get a break. That I keep her trapped at the house and don't do much to ease her burden.

Now, I know she doesn't know what happens at my house. She lives out of town and has no idea how our life is structured. It really doesn't bother me what she thinks I do or don't do for my family. I know the truth and so do they. It also doesn't bother me that she told my dad to talk to me about it. He knows what I do too.

It doesn't bother me that if my sister thought about what she did know she would see the truth. Like the week The Wife spent WITH MY SISTER in Mexico while I watched the kids just this year should have been a clue. Or the concert in Atlanta she attended with MY SISTER that she wanted to got to but wouldn't because she had already had me take off work too much this year and it was expensive but I talked her into going.

And it doesn't bother me that my sister mentioned to my dad that I get to do something for myself by going to the gym three nights a week for an hour and The Wife never gets her own time. Because I know all the kids are in school and The Wife has free time during the day and frequently meets her friends for lunch and stuff. She also doesn't know that I let The Wife sleep in on Sundays, my only day off, as I get up early to feed the kids, clean the house and do other things that need doing. Or that I ask The Wife almost every weekend if she wants me to watch the kids so she can go to town and do something she wants to do. See, I like being home with the kids.

None of that bothers me but what does bother me, what really chaps my ass is how my sister got the impression that I don't do all these things. She just didn't come up with this stuff out of thin air. It had to come from somewhere in some form or another. Even if she is just reading between the lines of what is being said, somebody has to be telling her something and it could only be The Wife, my mom or both. Neither of which has ever even suggested to me that I'm not being fair to my wife. In fact both, on many occasions, have told me that I need to get out more and do more things for myself. I'm a little confused by this situation. And bothered, as I said.

So, with all that leading the way, let the holiday season begin. Holy shit!

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

to my wife

To me, fair friend, you never can be old,

For as you were when first your eye I eye'd,

Such seems your beauty still.

-William Shakespeare

Confession # 8

As we were passing the bar section of the restaurant we ate at for our anniversary, The Wife saw that my favorite college football team was playing on TV.

The Wife: Awww, you're missing your big game tonight.

Me: Not a problem, I'd rather be here with you.

TW: That's sweet





Thank the Lord for TiVo!!!!

Just Another Thing A Blog Is Good For

Chalk one up for blogging.

Earlier this week The Wife asked me if I remembered our anniversary was coming up? I told her I did. (I really did too) She said it was Sunday, so obviously we would celebrate it on Saturday.

Then, as I was doing some paper work this morning, I wrote down the date. I stopped and stared at it for a moment. Then it hit me, today is our anniversary. I called The Wife and told her. She laughed at me and said, "no, it's on the 21st, not today." I quickly checked my blog and confirmed it was a year ago today I posted our 15Th anniversary. So for the record....

I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right! I was right!

I reminded her had I been the one (the man) who had gotten it wrong there would be hell to pay. She just laughed it off as no big deal. *sigh*

I can't win!

Oh well,

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!!!

You know you are having a bad day when...

You call home and have the following conversation...


Me: Hello

The Wife: Hi

Me: Am I suppose to be mad at you?

TW: What?

Me: Are we having a fight at the moment or anything?

TW: Have you been drinking or something?

Me: Well, if one more person pisses me off I might start drinking or go postal, I haven't decided yet. I just picked up the phone to call you and couldn't remember if I was mad at you or not.

TW: Not that I know of.

Me: That's good to know.

TW: I'm your wife, you should know when you're mad at me or not.

Me: I know, that's why I called, I gave YOU the benefit of the doubt.

TW: LOL, bad day huh?

Me: *whisper* yeah.

It MUST be me

The wife went to Mexico and I kept the kids for five days. I worked two half days while they were in school and all day Monday, when I picked the wife up from the airport.

Since I'm not normally home during the day and all weekend I couldn't help seeing the situation as a two fold opportunity. The first and most important, watch the kids, provide for their needs and enjoy the extra time I was spending with them. The second and less important opportunity was accomplishing some projects that I was in the middle of or needed to start.

It all went better than I expected. Besides the great quality bonding time I spent with the kids which included camping out in the new playroom. I got a lot done. I all but finished the new playroom, I did some overdue work in the yard and cleaned the house from top to bottom. Between dropping off, picking up, feeding them, packing lunches, changing diapers, washing clothes, and the extra projects. I was one tired Daddy. Did I have a new appreciation of what the wife does? No, I always knew it was a tough job and admired her for doing it.

Monday morning when I left the house for work I wanted it to be in order. I didn't want the wife to come home to a dirty house and a bunch of chores. There was no laundry, no dishes, no beds to be made, nothing. All she had to do was come home, pick up the kids and know that everything had been handled. She would also be surprised at all the projects I finished.

She was happy at the airport. She had a good time despite some issues that happened with my sister. That's another post. She drove me back to work and headed home. There was no call of surprise when she got home. She did thank me for cleaning up when I called her on my way home from work.

When I got home she informed me she was going to make the kids grilled cheese sandwiches and I could fend for myself for dinner. Not a problem, as I was the one who had not taken anything out. Then I reminded her that our oldest doesn't like grilled cheese anymore but he would be happy with cereal. Then she asked if I would cook the grilled cheese sandwiches? Um, ok I suppose. And she wanted me to make her one too. I started making them but it didn't feel right. She just stayed in the kitchen not really doing anything. As I cooked them she asked when was the last time the kids had a bath. I had bathed them Saturday night. She then asked me if I would jump in the shower and bath them? WTF is going on here?

She just had a five day vacation, came home with more done than she could have ever expected and now she doesn't want to lift a finger. Helloooo vacation is over lady. I didn't say anything other than I would pass on the shower with them and I was shocked that she asked. Again no reaction. I was mighty disappointed. We put the kids to bed, no bath just a wipe down and she went to bed.

I didn't expect a pat on the back for watching MY kids and cleaning MY house. I did expect some acknowledgement of all the extra projects I took on and completed. Her having almost zero reaction is just odd. I'm baffled. I wanted her to go and have a good time. I wanted her to relax and not worry about the kids and the house. I thought that by having everything in order when she came home she would realize I was sincere about wanting her to have a complete break from her life. I could have easily let things pile up so that she would have had to do double duty when she came home. I didn't.

I could have lived with her reaction up until she asked me to cook her dinner and bath the kids. She's not normally like that so I'm thinking I missed something. It's either that or it's just me. It must be me.

What, me worry?

At the end of the week the wife is going to Mexico. No she's not running away from me, at least not yet. My sister has a company groupthink thing there and is allowed to take another person. Since it's all paid for she asked the wife because she thought she could use a break from the kids. Hey, what about me? I'm joking of course, I think the wife deserves some time off too. I'm very excited for her.

So I get to play Mr. Mom for five days and I'm looking forward to it. I'm thinking about sleeping out in the almost-completed-playroom one night with the kids to christen it. It should be a blast.

My only concern about the whole situation is that the wife will be spending time with my man hating sister. The last thing I need is my sister's recent attitude towards men rubbing off on the wife. I have no doubt that in the corporate environment that they will be in my sister will only be to happy to point out all the men who have stood in the way of her career. How women don't need men and how only weak women would place themselves in a position to depend on a man. And it may be true in her case but that's not our world, nor do I want it to be.

The wife and I have managed to create a life where we see and treat each other as equal partners in family, obligations and life. The wife does know my sister is bitter right now and she is not easily influenced. She's a pretty strong person when it comes to forming her own opinions. She's just going to have fun and get away, so I'm not worried... much... at all.

Update, She Went

After it was all said and done the wife went to her sister's birthday party. When the wife told her sister she wouldn't be going for sure, her sister called her back and said, "please".

The wife called me and asked what to do. Knowing her sister, it must have been important to have the wife be there for her to make such an effort. I told the wife it was up to her, of course, but maybe she should consider it. I mean she could always leave if she felt uncomfortable.

So she went. She said it was stuffy. Her sister was pretty much drunk the whole time. In the end, she and her friend ended up sitting alone at a table talking to each other. I was so happy I wasn't there to get blamed for that situation. It wasn't me being anti-social it was just a boring party.

The pictures are of her sister and her sister with her husband, the doctor.

Outflanked, almost

The continuing drama of simply and nicely turning down an invitation to a party.

After my post yesterday the wife's sister continued to apply pressure to get her to come to the party. This ended with a phone call to me at work from the wife that started "I hope this doesn't up set you."

The wife went on to explain that her sister told her she could bring a friend with her and come without me. The wife asked a friend of ours, she was excited to go and agreed. I didn't understand what about THAT was suppose to upset me. I told her I was happy she had worked it out and I had no problem with it. When I hung up the phone I felt a sense of relief. At least now I wouldn't end up being the bastard that kept her from going.

On my way home I received another call. It was the wife asking me how she could get out of going. Apparently after talking with her sister more, she realized all the women invited to the party would be wearing floor dresses. Anything else would be deemed unacceptable. Even if the wife went out and bought a new dress her friend would not. Her friend told her she didn't know these people and she didn't care what they thought of her. My kind of thinking.

So faced with going and taking the chance of ruining the image her sister had for the party or just not going, she chose the latter. Tough spot for the wife if you ask me but as usual, nobody did. So we're not going, again... for now.

Getting too comfortable

My first post of the new year might also be my most serious. Time will tell.

After the wife realized I had a secret blog I got more comfortable talking about things written on it and commented on it. She seemed interested in the topics but not the actual blog. I actually started checking my blog in the kitchen while she was around.

As I have said before, if the wife wanted to see my blog I would show it to her. I don't think she would try to read it behind my back. We do have a family blog I keep that she does read. It's mostly for our out of town friends to keep up with us. I usually make all the post. Well the day I posted "Merry fn' Christmas" I was in the kitchen while she was cooking. I clicked to close my browser and left the kitchen.

Apparently the browser didn't close and it left my blog up. The wife saw it and thought it was a new post for our family blog and sat down and read it. She only read the one post. I was in the next room and saw her walk by crying on the way to our bedroom. When I arrived in our room she was on the bed crying asking, "is that what you think of me?" She claims what I wrote was horrible and mean and made her look like a terrible person.

I reminded her that everything I wrote I had told her to her face. That I was upset but realized it was my problem not hers. I also told her that was how I saw the situation and felt about it at the time. She didn't get it. She asked me not to write about her anymore. I explained that wasn't very realistic.

So here is my question. Did I show my wife disrespect in that post? Let's go further, have I disrespected my wife on any post. Does anyone feel that my blog paints my wife in a bad way? I need some real honesty here because I want to know.