Sneak Peeking

There is a guy at my gym, about my age, who brings his wife to work-out with him. Well, she doesn't actually work-out with him, rather she works-out at the same time as him.

I've noticed that he keeps his distance from her the whole time they are there. Between his sets he watches all the other guys in the gym to see who's watching his wife. He also tries to listen to see if anything is being said. She has a lot to look at too. She always wears extremely tight fitting clothes. It's amazing nothing falls out during her training. She is in phenomenal shape. She has curves in all the right places if you know what I mean.

I actually think this guy is getting off on seeing people ogle his wife. I guess she likes the attention as well. Do I look? Of course I do. It would be hard not to. Hey, if you stick it out there for the world to see, I'm part of that world. And, it's apparently what they both want.

Of course I don't let them see me looking. I won't give them the satisfaction of playing their little game. I'm no pervert after all.

Happy Number Eight

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACOB!!!

When they told me I was going to have a son,

I never dreamed it would be you.

I thank God everyday that it was.

PS I did not push you

Say Something

I was sitting in a meeting most of the morning with a customer and a co-worker. After the customer left another co-worker walked into my office. You know the one, it's the co-worker who points out every little pimple and imperfection on your face in front of everybody.

Upfront Co-worker: What's that on your face?

Me: What? Where?

Upfront Co-Worker: You have black grease or something all over your forehead.

Confused I looked over at the co-worker who had been in the meeting with me.

Meeting Co-Worker: Yeah, I've been looking at it all morning. I thought you knew it was there.

Seriously, WTF?! I went and looked in the mirror and sure enough about half my forehead had something black smeared across it. Half! And I have pretty big damn forehead.

"thought I knew it was there" Really?! Did you think I was getting an early jump on preparations for some covert ninja mission? Grrrr!

Damn

There goes my 'Father of the Year' award.

Tonight I happen to catch my oldest son with his finger up his nose. Now I know this is common behavior for a seven year old but as the parent I felt the need to say something. Mainly because I don't want to see it. So I reached over and pushed his hand away from his face.

Well my son thought this was funny and placed his finger right back in his nose. So again I reached over and pushed it away. He looked at me and proceeded to place it back in his nose as he howled with laughter. I was laughing too at this point. Once again I reached over to push his hand away but he was ready for me. Before I could get to his hand he jerked his head away from me with his finger still in his nose. All this wouldn't have been a problem except we were riding in our Mule, doing no less than 15 mph, on an asphalt road.

So as my son jerked his head he slipped off the seat. It took a moment to realize what had happened and by the time I did he was out of my reach. All I saw was him fall into a superman position as he flew off of the mule. To my horror the left side of his upper body landed on the floor board of the mule then he fell to the asphalt road. This was actually a blessing in disguise as it broke his fall and bounced him away from the mule, keeping it from running him over.

When I stopped the Mule and looked back he was up and walking to me. He was crying and asking me what to do? He was also asking why I pushed him? I DID NOT PUSH HIM. He was surprisingly calm on the way back to our house considering the amount of blood that started showing up. That lasted right up until we got back to the house and he caught sight of the wife. Then the tears ran like rain.

The damage? A skinned knee, lip, nose, chin, elbow, hand, finger, toe and a chipped front tooth and a broken daddy's heart. Forecast until the scabs heal? Frosty :(

Feeling Fishy

This weekend the family went up to Atlanta to see the world's largest Aquarium, the Georgia Aquarium. The whole experience confirmed something I've known about myself for a long time. As I watched all the people crowding around the tanks and glass to see the beautiful aquatic wildlife I couldn't help thinking, "Damn, I hate Fn' crowds."

I was envious of the fish in the tanks. They had more room than I did. Now I know what sardines feel like packed in a can.

If you can't cut the fool, stay out of the mud

Last night my dad showed up at my door around 8:00 asking for help. He had let my cousin's child and her three friends come over and play on his four wheeler and mule. Well as teenagers will do, they went where they weren't suppose to and sunk all of it in a mud hole. A mud hole the size of Texas that is.

So reluctantly I put on some old clothes and went to help. When I arrived the teenagers, two girls and two boys, were completely covered up to their waist in black mud. Most of their faces were covered too. Yes, I laughed at them. I explained to my dad what we needed to get the vehicles out and I stayed with the kids and vehicles as he took my truck to get the supplies.

Now I know I'm getting on in age but I've honestly never felt like an old dude. I can hold my own in the gym, play sports with most people and still laugh at the stupid things in life but I guess it's been awhile since I've spent any time with some real teenagers (as opposed to the fake ones I guess). Here they were muddy, cold and in a lot of trouble with my dad and they were having the time of their lives. They were laughing, cutting up and throwing mud on each other. All I could think was I didn't want any mud on me and I'd rather be home in bed.

After observing them for a few hours I almost came to the conclusion that they were just immature. That was until one of the girls asked me if my hair had turned gray. I said "yes," to which she replied, "Gee! You sure are old!" She's right, I am. They weren't acting immature, they were acting their age. An age I don't identify with anymore because I'm an adult now.

It struck me as funny because until then I hadn't realized how much I've grown up. I hadn't thought I had moved so far from those crazy teenage years. I still had it in my mind that I could 'hang' and 'cut the fool'. No, I didn't see myself as the cool older guy the kids would like to spend time with, I just thought I would still see fun the same way they do. Well I can't.

I was embarrassed of them and for them, yet they were clueless that their behavior was anything but normal. As they ran around acting silly I just shook my head. I had to tell them over and over to get out of harm's way. They had no focus and no control over themselves. All I saw was a dirty job I wanted to finish and get home. All they saw was more opportunity to play.

When we finally got everything out they all thanked me. They wanted to hug me with their muddy wet selves (I don't think so!). When I got home I explained to the wife all the problems we had getting the stuff out and why it took so long. She asked why they would take stuff that wasn't theirs and take a chance of getting it stuck and tearing it up? I told her, "because they're teenagers." She said she couldn't understand what they were thinking. I told her I couldn't either and then we went to bed, like the old married couple we now are. Thank the Lord.

Fuzzy Wookie Math

I was looking for something to watch on TV last night and saw 'Star Wars IV' listed on channel 241. Much to my amazement it wasn't the fourth one at all. It was 'Star Wars.' The original 1977 one. Screw around with 'Smokey and the Bandit' all you want but don't ass around with Star Wars Mr. TV Man. I don't like it.

IV indeed! Like by using roman numerals we wouldn't notice. PA-LEASE!

Clean your screen

This is the coolest thing I've seen in awhile.

This site cleans the back side of your monitor screen. Hell, I didn't even know mine was dirty. It made a huge difference. It's totally safe too. For the best results maximize your browser window.

Click here to get your monitor cleaned.

Truly amazing!

Happy Number Five!

Happy Birthday My Little Man!!!

Your persistence will get you far in life

Your compassion will make you lots of friends

Your sweetness will keep people coming back

Your silliness will keep you young

I love you

You're doing great, you little cookie thief!

Crying Foul

Oh blogger, how you tease me so...

I was very excited when blogger added the feature that allowed new comments to be forwarded to my email. No longer did I have to check blogs to see if my comments were responded to. Then yesterday it all stopped. Not just comments on other people's blogs but the comments coming in on my blog as well. WTF!??

Of course it could be a Yahoo issue but other emails did get through. Bloggers emails seemed to be the only ones MIA. So it's back to the old way of doing things. I hate when a convenience is suddenly taken away. It has left me wondering though... Where the hell are all those emails being sent?! Who has my comments and what the hell do they want with them? It's not fair, it's not right.

If blogger wasn't free I'd really be upset but that's not stopping me from crying foul.

FOUL!