Do you have HAND?
I'm a big Seinfeld fan, always have been. One of the episodes that is particularly insightful is the one in which George is dating a girl and he seems take control of the relationship. He referees to this control as having 'HAND'. That episode has always stuck with me because I can relate to the situation. After reading other people's blogs, I know I'm not alone.
When the wife and I first started dating I'll have to say I had HAND. It wasn't on purpose it just seem to be that way. Maybe it was because I was already on my own and she was just cutting ties with her family but whatever the reason most of our decisions were based on my life style.
I was working 50 to 60 hours a week, going to the gym 6 days a week and was still finding time for my friends. The wife never kicked much about it and at the time I didn't notice how selfish I was being. I was young and having fun and I didn't know much about relationships. I'm not talking about love here, love has nothing to do with who has HAND. Love, while most important in a relationship, just isn't enough to allow two people to live happily ever after.
Eventually, I grew up and was ready to be in a more serious relationship. I thought the wife would be grateful that I was ready to focus on her and us. The problem was by the time I had made my decision she had learned to live without my full attention. She wasn't unhappy with our marriage she was just use to the way things were. When I wanted more, either she didn't understand or wasn't willing to give up the life she had learned to live and grown accustom to. Frustrated, I tried harder and compromised more to try and get her back to the place she was when our relationship started. Clearly the power had shifted and she had HAND.
And so it has gone over the past twenty one years, the power shifting back and forth between us depending on the situation and our emotional needs. Nobody taking it or even wanting it but it is always there. The funny thing is you almost never recognize when you have HAND but you almost always know when you don't.
So while I laugh at the Seinfeld episode, I can't help but take it seriously too. I wonder will there be a day when the wife and I have equal HAND and they are comfortably supporting the others?
11 comments:
Very interesting - who has the power?
I think it's rare to have a relationship where the amount of HAND is equally split.
Its what you do with HAND that is important.
Yeah huh it's def what you do with the hand! It is interesting though, there does seem to be one person in the relationship that always has the "upper" hand.
The funny thing is you almost never recognize when you have HAND but you almost always know when you don't.
Very true, equal Hand, I don't know.
With the wife and I, the Hand teeters back and forth, depends on the situation, we are both experts in different areas. We allow the other to have Hand when the situation calls for that certain answer, most capable, most Hand.
At least thats how I see it, maybe she has so much Hand, I am being blinded.
I'm forming my comment carefully before I post it, but in the meantime...
#1. You got me to watch Seinfield. Strange but interestingly funny show.
#2. It's nowhere near as cool as M*A*S*H.
#3. ;)
-Elaine's dance.
-The dingo ate your baby.
-Masturbation contest.
-The soup nazi.
Absoulute spitting up halarious, serious funny, the show was groundbreaking humor. Sorry Jen but IMHO, Seinfeld was the best half hour of T.V ever.
Not a Seinfeld fan, but I have to admit, the show has its moments (some of which are mentioned above...) :-)
I think "equal" HAND is an unrealisitic goal, as HB so eloquently pointed out... but to have two HANDS, that are interchangeable in an almost seamless and equitable manner, seems like a worthy goal to me!!
I do, however, sometimes think that some forms of HAND are rather destructive...
But I'm babbling.
Again.
HB - Opinions are like belly buttons, everyone has one. Even if it's fuzzy and plain ol' wrong, they still got one.
There can only be one, and it is M*A*S*H.
"If anyone needs more gloves I'll be glad to give you a hand." -Father Mulcahy
;)
What you do with HAND? In my case nothing. If I realize I have it then I would realize it's time to make some changes because I don't want it. In our case it's not about wanting to be in control, it's about losing focus on the relationship and not putting your partner first. A person who knows they have HAND and uses it to their benefit could be considered cruel, in my opinion.
I agree with Daughter but I'll go a step further, all forms of HAND can be potentially fatal to a relationship.
Jen: M*A*S*H verses Seinfeld? Can't be done. Apples to oranges baby!
M*A*S*H - a political comedy with serious topics and awesome sarcasm.
Seinfeld - a show about nothing... NOTHING BUT HILARITY THAT IS !!!!
HB remember these?
Stella
The Summer of George
Cantstandya
Giddy up, giddy up again
This post is great, I've totally been in both situations.
Seinfeld is freakin' hilarious, no question about it!
Thanks :) *grin*
Funny how there can be so much truth in comedy.
possibly not this one - you don't want her to know she has 'HAND' :)
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