Letting Go
It's been a while since a visit to Wal-Mart has inspired a thought, well that changed Saturday. After checking out we walked into the front area of the store only to realize it was gushing rain outside. We were in no hurry and since there is no way to run through the rain with three kids and the things we bought, we decided to wait it out.
It didn't take long before the area we were standing in started filling up with other people waiting out the rain as well. As more and more people squeezed into the room it started to get uncomfortable. I finally had enough when a lady with a big cart decided she needed to occupy the same space we were standing in. As she tried to back the cart over us I decided getting wet didn't look to bad after all.
So I told the wife to be ready and I would pull the car around. I darted out of the side door into the rain but just as I was about to let the door go I noticed a woman coming for the door. Instinctively I stopped and held the door. She was in no hurry as she was under an umbrella, I on the other hand got drenched. She walked by me and gave me a little nod and a half smile. I let the door go and I started my mad dash for the car, half way there I realized I was as wet as I could get so I just walked the rest of the way.
As I drove home soaking wet I wondered if holding the door for a woman is an outdated practice. I was raised to show women a certain amount of respect. I don't intend to be sexist or belittle women, it's just something I was taught to do and to be honest, like to do. Most women don't seem to care either way. Some seem genuinely surprised and on a few occasions I have been informed that I was being insulting. One lady even stopped in front of the door and stared at me until I let the door go so that she could open it herself.
Am I stuck in some archaic practice that is out of style? Is showing respect for women by holding a door, letting them go first or pulling out their chair now considered an insult? I remember reading in someones blog or comments that they like a man to hold the door for them but is that the norm or the exception?
I guess what I'm wondering is am I making a fool of myself? Should I have played rock, paper, scissors with the wife to see who ran to get the car? Should I start treating women the same as men?
I have already started passing these manners on to my sons. Maybe I shouldn't? Maybe I'm just too old fashion. Maybe...
17 comments:
You're doing a good thing. I dig holding the door open for everyone, regardless of sex.
Keep holding the door! The important thing is maybe your ounce of kindness will rub off on someone who will pay it forward, who will pay it forward, who will pay it forward... A little smile can change the world.
(I know I'm sounding kinda off (strangely happy maybe?) but I'll be back to being depressive in a bit! Need to get some sleep or something!)
I hold doors for everyone, always have. Maybe I was a doorman in another life, I think it is just part of my battle with time, that I will not be rushed and that I have all the time in the world.
Teach your kids all ways of respect which I know you are.
Holding doors etc. are the easiest ways to show you are a considerate human being.
These actions will take a person through life with dignity, something this world is sadly lacking.
:) Thanks, but you both didn't answer the question.
Yes, hold the door for anyone near but should men give women certain courtesies, that they don't show men, as a sign of respect? Is that still acceptable?
and Jen, ride the happy wave as long as you can ;)
I am also a door holder, and even make a very concerted effort to get to a door first if I see a mother with stroller, or a person with young children, or a person with several packages. Common courtesy dictates no less of civilized people.
Men extending special courtesies to women is not an outdated practice, nor is it disrespectful or insulting. The woman who waited until you took you hand off the door should be ashamed of her behavior, as regardless of her neo-feminist beliefs (this I can only assume), denying someone a courtesy is just plain rude and an egregious breach of civil protocol. Do I mind opening a door for myself or pulling out my own chair? Of course not. But I won't deny a man the pleasure of doing it for me if he desires. This is how I can reciprocate the respect shown to me by the man in question: by allowing him to help me and make my travels a bit easier and by acknowledging his deferment with grace and gratitude. And I copiously praise children and young adults when they exercise this small, but important, show of respect.
Politeness, elegant manners, and deferment to age and gender are hallmarks of our civilization and are sadly being neglected by parents of our future generations. My thanks go to you RT, and to all who have commented here, for choosing elegance over mediocrity.
My name is Ms 20, and I also hold doors open for people.
Keep doing it. I like the door held open for me.
It is not old fashioned or sexist. Its just good manners. The woman who stared at the door and opened it herself is a silly moo and should have had the door slammed in her face if she prefered that.
And yes men should hold doors open for woman. It's just a nice thing to do :) it might be a bit old fashioned - but theres a reason the fasion hasn't died out. I for one like it.
I'll hold the door for you always 20some.
This is actually a subject I put some thought into. With women looking for equal rights, it has actually come to a point where women get more privileges than men, in certain areas. Of course it depends on the woman in question but general society would expect the man to pay for the meal, pull out the chair, hold the door open, give up your seat on a bus, among other things. I am going to start burning my briefs in protest!
The crux of the matter, in my opinion is, its nice to be nice, and good manners cost nothing. If someone refuses a nice gesture, they have their own hang ups to deal with, but you did nothing wrong in offering a kind deed.
Daughter: your right, the least a person can do is accept a sign of respect, even if it's not necessary. I was actually gun shy for awhile after the lady refused to enter while I was holding the door. I got over though, because I enjoy the opportunity to showcase my manners :)
20 Something: Yes, if only I would have had a key to that door I would have locked it but to be honest I was so stunned by the silly moo's reaction, I actually said sorry and walked away kind of shell shocked.
HB: I'll hold the door for you because your my elder ;) lol
Darren: Good point, I never even considered the fact that men are still expected to pay for dates. I have no problem with that or any of the other above mentioned ways society has agreed to let men show women signs of respect. I'm glad to see that people here appreciate these little gestures that we are allowed to show each other everyday.
As for burning your briefs... just make sure you aren't wearing them at the time. ouch!
And welcome to my blog!!! I'll try not to call you a tit, at least not as much as some people do :D
Who's getting called a "tit"?!
I think if it's anyone it should be... me?.. no Daughter!
*grin*
I got my own reasons for thinking that. Course it means I'm not using my manners.
*sticks tongue out*
*runs*
"I'll try not to call you a tit, at least not as much as some people do :D" - You can try as hard as you want, but I have accepted my place among the masses.
And thanks for the welcome. I will try and contribute in a way that will cause titillation to all that read.
Harb: If you hold the door - I will be sure to say thanks.
Jen: you tit! :)
Why would you call Daughter a tit? Please tell. Pleeeeease...
Darren: TITillation is always welcome here!
20 Something: aww, so sweet
I'm a tit? Really?? Thank God, because I'm tired and would really just like to lay around on someone's chest for awhile, look pretty, and not have any expectations placed on me other than that!! :-)
I totally agree with Jen. There are so many ignorant bastards in the world.
Whether it's waiting to be let into a traffic queue or waiting to be let into work - whatever!
Holding the door open is proving you have much to give in life, and I always take warmth to those that hold the door open for me!
Karma = what you give is what you get returned.
One of my friends at school is taking a class on feminism, and told me about a whole discussion that was had about how opening doors for women was disrespectful. That baffled me in a major way - it's common politeness, isn't it? Personally I hold the door for anyone, unless they are a prick about it.
Yeah, I have a problem with feminist.
http://rawthinking.blogspot.com/2006/12/fall-of-mankind-womens-lib.html
I guess giving up your seat to the elderly is disrespectful as well? I think it's getting hard for our society to accept someone being nice to them for absolutely no reason.
It scares me what I hear they are teaching in college sometimes. :(
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