Problems, Huh
Last week things were getting kind of hectic and it was getting me down. I was pouring over the bills and wondering if I was taking my families future in the right direction. Sales at work are always slow this time of year and even though I know it's the season, it had me worried. On top of that the the wife is stressing about some things and this has led to more than a few unpleasant and rather frosty evenings.
The kids also started school and I can't help but wonder if we did the right thing throwing my four year old into pre-k when it wasn't mandated. There's a bazillion choirs left undone around the house. On top of all that a damn armadillo burrowed a hole under our deck steps and is now living there. Just another problem waiting to be fixed as he will destroy the yard if left alone. The wife wants him gone.
With all this going on I got a call from a friend of mine. He wanted to go to lunch and catch up on things. I was only to happy to accept his offer as he has always been the one person I could count on to listen to my problems and confirm that I indeed have it tough. Since he knows my family, he can confirm that I'm right and deserving of sympathy and understanding. An added bonus is the fact that my friend lives a fairly simple life so I get to vent and he likes to listen. Win win for me and him.
So we sat down for lunch, I asked how he was doing as I got ready to unload my problems into his willing ear. I was a little slow though as he beat me to the punch. It turns out his mother was not doing very well, neither is his dad. Both are elderly and in poor health. His brother, with three kids, is about to lose his job. He himself is having some financial problems and some serious relationship problems. I sat there listening to him spill his guts about all his problems. Real problems, problems that can't be put off or over looked. I had no idea he was going through such bad times.
When he finished talking there was a long silence. There was nothing I could think to say that might help. After a minute he asked "So what's going on with you?" Still a bit stunned by his enormous load of misery I heard myself say "an armadillo is living under my deck." He replied "Oh, do you want me to help you get him?" I was a little embarrassed. "no" I said, "he's not a problem, not a problem at all."
7 comments:
I never know what to say in situations like that. You must be a good listener? - I have a friend who is going through a really tough time, it makes my problems seem like nothing.
He didn't want me to say anything, he just wanted me to listen. It certainly helped me put my problems in perspective.
Am I good listener? Only when I take the time to hear people ;) if you know what I mean.
Yes, I know what you mean. :-)
Sometimes a little perspective is necessary to get us back on the right track. It's cool that you were able to hear it, see it, and accept it for the gift it was. :-)
i heard myself say 'an armadillo is living under my deck'
LOL! :') The word 'armadillo' makes me laugh as much as the story.
Did you actually say that? I'm not sure what your friend is like but if I was him I would have laughed. As you say theres nothing you can say to make it better - when people offer advice in situations like that it always feels like they're not really listening because whatever they suggest wouldn't work.
i.e. 'he treats me like crap'
'well can't you stop calling him?'
ARGH! no thats no the point.
Listening is better sometimes. :)
Daughter: Your right, it was a gift. It was like reality slapped my spoiled ass. Another blessing was that he didn't let me talk first.
20Something: Yeah, I said it, it just came out. No, he didn't laugh. He seemed to be concerned and wanted to help. Although he's not the type to chase critters around the yard. He's a nice guy.
Men like to fix things, it's in our nature. If you present a problem to us we assume you want our help with a solution. I'm going to be more aware of the listening part for now on.
you can't 'fix' everything. And sometimes as you say people don't want to be fixed. Just listening fixes stuff sometimes.
:) you're only right!
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