Karma, alive and well

A few people have mentioned karma lately. For those who don't believe in it let me assure you, karma is alive and well.

I skipped soccer practice Wednesday night because I was still upset about the game on Friday. I never promised to help with practice and besides creepy want to be coach guy would be there to help.

When the wife got home from practice she was extremely pissed at my son. Apparently one of the older children, that comes to practice with their parent, was playing around with my son. As a joke she took my son's water bottle. After a few minutes of asking for it back my son picked up another bottle and threw it at her. He was only a few feet away and the bottle hit her in the stomach. The wife said the girl cried for twenty minutes.

When I asked who's child it was, she said "who's do you think?" Yep, it was creepy want to be coach guy's daughter. The wife apologized and had our son apologize but he was having none of it.

So Last night found me at the soccer field asking creepy want to be coach guy if his daughter was ok and apologizing to him. No, he wasn't gracious about it and no he didn't let me off the hook easy.

Why oh why couldn't my son had picked a better target, like the Pope or somebody? Karma sucks!

Dropping The Sarcasm

The other day I was talking with a fellow employee and I was a bit put off. She was talking about her husband, how great he was, how smart he was, how caring he was, and stuff like that. You would have thought she was talking about a saint. I know the guy, I like him, but believe me, he ain't no saint. As a matter of fact I have a few issues with some of the choices he's made in his life. Well being my sarcastic self I said " sounds like you've got yourself a little piece of gold there". She didn't seem to pick up on the sarcasm and agreed with me that he was indeed quite the treasure.

Can't she see the the true picture here? Ridiculous! Or is it?... I mean if your own partner doesn't see more value in you than anyone else isn't that a sign of a problem? Of course I had to flip that thought over and check out the other side. Do I feel my spouse is a piece of gold that I should treasure? Of course I do. There is no question about that but do I act that way? The truth, not as much as I should. I tend to concentrate on what I want and the few things I'm not getting rather than the thousand, yes thousands of things she does for me and makes possible for me. Least of which is seeing me as valuable enough to spend the rest of her life with.

So the next time I hear a person bragging about their partner I'm going to say "sounds like you've got yourself a little piece of gold there" but without the sarcasm this time and only hope, that somewhere, the wife is talking about her little treasure even when everybody else knows the truth.

1-2-3-4, Apple please.. no more!

I just want to say the people at Apple are geniuses!

Last night I was watching a show I had recorded. When the commercials came on I moved my thumb over to the fast forward button but I couldn't push it because I was mesmerized by the new ipod commercial. Maybe it was the way the woman was throwing her hips around or the rhythm of the music but this wasn't the first time I had been captivated by an Apple ad. Damn they're good at catching your attention.


Funny thing is, the first time I see their ads, I think they're stupid. Now I can't get that tune out of my head... 1-2-3-4, tell me that you love me more...

For the kids? Please!

If I didn't mention it, the wife volunteered me to help with my sons eight and under soccer games. Yes, soccer, no slight intended for calling it that, I'm just watching too much American football to keep it straight.

Apparently our team's coach had asked for help and no one stepped up. Which is kind of strange because I see the same guys at all the games and practices. Especially this one guy who is doing everything the coach wants me to do but just won't say he wants to help. Creepy.

So after helping with the first game I showed up for practice for the first time this year. Not because I plan to help with practice but because I was off work and could. I made it clear to the coach that it won't happen often. I know she heard me say it but I know she wasn't hearing it either, if you know what I mean. So at this practice this particular dad is there helping but the coach keeps asking me to do stuff. This other dad is clearly feeling pushed out by me but he refuses to step up.

I thought I would defuse the situation and introduce myself so I could tell him I didn't want the job but I got the cold shoulder. Then I noticed he was being a little hard on his girl. I approached him again with the intent of telling him some kids, like mine, were older and his girl was doing fine if she was a younger player. The problem was I don't know how old his daughter is.

Me: Do you know how old the kids are on our team?

Creepy want to be coach guy: It's an under eight league, so they're all under eight.

yeeeah, I mean how old is each kid?

I don't know.

Well my son is seven

oh

Since he wasn't going with the plan I tried again.

My son is seven and this is his fourth time playing.

ok

Then he walked off. So I came off like I was a big bragger. OH, MY SON IS OLDER AND HAS MUCH MORE EXPERIENCE THAN YOUR CHILD. Sheesh! Totally not my intention.

So Friday night was game night. When we arrived a bunch of young men had taken the the small nets from our field and moved them a few hundred yards to play a pick-up game. The coach of the other team and our coach didn't know what to do. WTF? As I've said I'm a shy, quiet type around groups but both coaches seemed to be assertive. The opposing coach suggested using the big nets near the field. I couldn't believe my ears. These kids could kick with their eyes closed and make it in the big nets. We have no goalies.

So I told the coaches I would get the nets. They sent to people with me to help carry them back. These guys followed behind me, way behind me, over to where the young men were playing. As I approached the first net I stopped their game and told them we needed our nets. They didn't like it and I heard a few mumbles under their breath but they started walking off. I started to get the far net and turned to see who was going to help when I saw that the two guys with me had made a quick grab of the close net and hauled ass. Leaving me to carry a net across three soccer fields. I was less than thrilled about the way it all went down.

Then the game starts. I'm on the field to help the kids stay in position and help with throw-ins. It doesn't take but a minute to see the other coach has taken charge. I didn't care. Then I noticed he didn't know the rules. Worse, he was telling our kids to do things that were clearly wrong. Like kicking the ball in instead of throwing it. Our kids were so confused by this they gave up two quick goals. I asked our coach WTF? She agreed the guy was screwing up the game. Soooo, SHE DID NOTHING! She let him continue to make up rules and teach them to our kids.

Finally I stepped in, some what. After their coach would tell our kids something I would go behind him and tell the kids the right way. This very much irritated the opposing coach because as the game went on it became clear he was doing things to hurt our team. On goal kicks he would grab our best forward to kick the ball and tell our only defensive player to run to the other side of the field. Of course this would place two of the four kids on our team way out of position. Until I started going behind him and stopping it, they scored three goals. Also, when one of our kids attempted to clear a ball from in front of our net, he kicked it into the opposing coaches feet. The ball bounced back in front of our goal. I expected the coach to stop play but instead he directed his kids to kick it in our goal, then cheered and high fived them after they did. Our coach, SAID NOTHING!

So our kids got their asses beat and they didn't have to. Our coach also let the kids play any position they asked for. I had suggested that she move our stronger players to a defensive position to stop the slaughter but instead she put in kids who are literally scared of the ball. Some actually ran the opposite direction to avoid the ball. Leaving the goal wide open.

So now I don't want to help coach anymore. Not because we didn't win or because my advise wasn't listened to, but because our kids are the ones who will suffer from lack of direction. Soon the parents will question why their kids aren't improving and I want no part of that.

I wish I knew what went though people's minds. Why would their coach not know basic soccer rules if he's coaching? Why would their coach want to cheat little children? Why would their parents cheer when he did? Why did our coach let it happen? Why does that creepy guy keep giving me dirty looks? Why do I get myself into these things? Grrr!

15 Years Ago Today....

Today is my fifteen year wedding anniversary.

Fifteen years ago today I married the love of my life. After six years of being together we knew that we wanted to be together forever. While marriage has thrown us more than a few surprises and tested our understanding of love, I would gladly take my vows again today. We have literally grown up together, going from teenagers, to young adults, to the adults we are today. I'm looking forward to many happy and exciting tomorrows. We have been truly blessed.

Smile on...

Updated 2

It's been a while since I've done a major update on my mp3 player. All the song suggestions I have received from you in the past have been great. They have allowed me to listen to music that I would have otherwise never given a chance.

So if you have any suggestions, songs you have just discovered or classics that are worth turning back the clock for, please let me know. Because I'm still listening and I'm still smilin'.

So far I have these;

Tiny Little Fractures - Snow Patrol

Supermassive Black Hole - Muse

Do Ya - ELO

Since You Been Gone - Rainbow

Shiver - Clodplay

Been Caught Stealing - Janes Addiction

Human Nature - Madonna

Over My Head - The Fray

Times Like These - Foo Fighters

Mr. Sandman - The Chordettes (Can't find the Cordettes version, yet)

Gravity - Sara Bareilles

I love Fergie - Big girls don't cry

She's so lovely - Scouting for girls

Hey there delilah - plain white ts

Robyn - With every heartbeat

Sugababes - about you now

Count your blessings

I cried today.




Not big, gushing, streaming tears that never seem to end, no I was able to hold those back, but a few small ones did get out. To be honest though, had none of them made it past my eyes I would have still had to admit I cried because tears are only the evidence that something emotional has happened on the inside.

Back in late 2002 a young boy about my oldest son's age broke his leg playing a team sport. Not to many weeks later he was going through chemotherapy, then his leg was amputated and then September 12, 2004 he was dead. I grew up with this child's mother and her family. I'm sure we have all known someone who has died from cancer. A very sad and all too common occurrence.

The thing that stands out about this particular case is the fact that his mom started a web page to update his progress. That page ended up being a place where she bared her soul about the love and loss of her son. Over 800,000 people from all over the world has viewed it.

After his death the post become less frequent and today, exactly three years after his death, she announced she was shutting it down. Quite frankly I don't know where she got the strength to do it at all. So she is letting us, her readers, off the hook. No longer will we be able to check the site and see and feel the pain. Pain I know she will carry forever and a day. A kind of pain I hope I never know.

The day after he died I signed his guest book with the following words. It was just one of thousands he received.

For over a year, we have been following the progress of Carter through his web site. At times, we felt a little guilty about intruding on such a very personal situation.

Besides sending our condolences, we would also like to send our appreciation. For we are all better people for having Carters experience shared with us. Every day we checked the web site to hear the latest and every night we prayed. Thanks to your generosity and willingness to share this tragic event with us, we have grown as people. Of course, we cried, a lot, but we were also elated when things went well. We learned what courage was and what hope is. We saw how strong people's faith can be and how much love people have with in them. There were even times when we laughed, like when Carter made the chocolate cake. We felt pride in the way Carter carried himself and in the way his family never failed him. We were able to share all of this from a little boy that most of us had never even met.

Thanks to Carter we now count our blessings a little more often. We hug our family and friends a little tighter. Thanks to Carter, we are reminded that life is a gift to be treasured not to be taken for granted. Carter has touched our lives in a very special way and for that we will always be grateful.

and I am grateful, and that's why I cried.

Stupid Enlightenment

A few days ago a lady walked into my office to do a little business. I didn't recognize her but she thought she recognized me. She asked me if I was the guy that helped her father a few years back. When she said her father's name I realized I was and then I remembered, helping her dad was the dumbest thing I've ever done.

Her dad was a preacher at a small church in a small town near where I work. He ran a few trucks to supplement his preacher's pay. He was a nice guy and very old school. He had learned that I was a scuba diver and had come to me for some help. He had been bass fishing and lost his expensive trolling motor off the back of his boat. He asked me if I would go to the spot where he lost it and see if I could find it.

He told me it was about 15' off shore in a sandy bottom river. Easy as pie I thought. So I agreed. He told me to come to his house on Saturday and we would take his boat to the spot. Hold on, why did we need a boat? It was just easier he said.

So we met on Saturday and he took me to the spot. I knew immediately I had no business making the dive. I could try to describe it but I think the picture below tells the story. The picture is very close to what the place looked like.




At that point I should have said no but my pride and willingness to be the hero overrode safety and my common sense. So we put the boat in and of course, instead of going to the open water in the middle, he drove over to a group of trees off to the side. The middle would have certainly been the best of two evils. The trees are where the alligators and snakes hang out. Still, acting like the man I'm not, I jumped in water and went under. The water was black. I couldn't see 6" in front of my face and that was with a dive light. I literally hit the bottom before I saw it.

I should have gone back up at that point but, well you know, pride and all. So I started groping the ground to see what I could find. It didn't take long before I felt a large tree on the ground. As I went to climb over it I felt something on my back. I tried to back up but something was in my way. Alligator was my first thought but no, this was solid. I was stuck. Had I not been under water I'm sure the sound I was making was much like that of a little girl squealing. After I calmed down I realized I had crawled under some fallen trees. I couldn't see them but they were above me in every direction. Slowly I felt for passages that I thought would be big enough for me to fit through with my air tank. Yes, I was scared.

When I made it out I headed straight for the surface. I told the preacher what I had found. He looked around and pointed to another spot he thought the motor may have been. And what did my dumb ass do? Yep, I went back down where he pointed and found more of the same. After 20 minutes I came to my senses. If I had gotten stuck under a tree there was no one coming to get me. Not that they could have seen me if they did. I was being stupid and I knew it.

When I surfaced and called the hunt off the preacher was disappointed. I could see it in his face. We took the boat out of the water. I dreaded the ride back to his house but something amazing happened on the way.

We started talking about religion. At first it was an uncomfortable subject between a Jew and a Christian preacher but I soon saw that he was listening to me and not preaching at me. I listened to him too. Neither of us trying to convert the other. We agreed on so many things and very easily let the stuff we didn't agree on go. I enjoyed the conversation. As I started to get out of his truck he thanked me. He thanked me for my fellowship, for my friendship and the chance to get to know me. The lost motor was a forgotten item. Amazingly, I left feeling happy about the way it all turned out.

The preacher died the next year, he was all of 56. His daughter told me how he appreciated me going with him that day. Apparently, he never mentioned the missing motor again but he did mention the discussion we had on the way home that day. Every time I think of that day I can't help but think how dumb I was and scared. The funny thing is, I'm glad I did it, not because I made it through a scary situation and live to tell about it but because of the fellowship, his friendship and the chance to get to know him. There was nothing dumb about that.

Simple But True

After my last post I remembered something I read on daughter of night's blog when I first stumbled upon it. I really liked it but I wasn't sure why, except that I thought it was clever and honest.

Heart of the Matter
Thee would point thou at another and cry, "Deceiver!"

But those who witness point them at thee and whisper, "Sucker."

- daughter of night

Now I can see that it clearly points out that our perceptions of emotional situations depends on our involvement. It could certainly be applied to my friends current situation.

Thank you Daughter for allowing me to share this.

Sex, lies, and don't show me the video tape

I went out to eat with the family a few weekends back. We always go early so if the kids are loud they won't bother anyone. When we walked in the restaurant there was only one other customer and he was a friend of ours.

He's going through a horrible divorce and since we're good friends with his ex wife, we have been trying to stay neutral about the split. This was actually the first time I'd seen him since the whole thing went down. I asked him to sit with us which seem to make him happy.

We had already heard her side of the story. He was controlling. He called her a thousand times a day. He accused her of cheating, forced sex and more. I spent the next hour listening to his side. A tale that would give a soap opera a run for its money. She had been cheating on him, with his best friend no less. There were private detectives, secret tape recorders, people on crack and more, much more. Seems she doesn't care about the two children ages nine and five. I sat listening in disbelief, believing every word.

After all that he told us he would still take her back. He had told her the day before, as a matter of fact, that she was welcome to come home. I was stunned. I've known this guy for 15 years and I would never have thought he would do that. I didn't think he was the type. How could he? How could he live a life wondering where she was and what she was doing. Going crazy every time she went out, worried that she is doing something wrong. That's no life. I told him that too but he didn't even blink. He said after a 17 year marriage he was willing to try to put it back together. Where is his pride?

Later, I wondered how a 17 year old marriage could go so bad. How could you know someone that well and not know them at all? How could you resort to the things they did to deceive and hurt each other? Can love be tossed that easy? Can the life we make today mean absolutely nothing tomorrow? I mean really, how could she? Then I thought, how could he? Then I thought of the wife. Funny how hearing friends go through these things makes you think about your own situation. But I didn't think of it for long because as I told my friend, that's no way to live.