Sneak Peeking

There is a guy at my gym, about my age, who brings his wife to work-out with him. Well, she doesn't actually work-out with him, rather she works-out at the same time as him.

I've noticed that he keeps his distance from her the whole time they are there. Between his sets he watches all the other guys in the gym to see who's watching his wife. He also tries to listen to see if anything is being said. She has a lot to look at too. She always wears extremely tight fitting clothes. It's amazing nothing falls out during her training. She is in phenomenal shape. She has curves in all the right places if you know what I mean.

I actually think this guy is getting off on seeing people ogle his wife. I guess she likes the attention as well. Do I look? Of course I do. It would be hard not to. Hey, if you stick it out there for the world to see, I'm part of that world. And, it's apparently what they both want.

Of course I don't let them see me looking. I won't give them the satisfaction of playing their little game. I'm no pervert after all.

Happy Number Eight

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACOB!!!

When they told me I was going to have a son,

I never dreamed it would be you.

I thank God everyday that it was.

PS I did not push you

Say Something

I was sitting in a meeting most of the morning with a customer and a co-worker. After the customer left another co-worker walked into my office. You know the one, it's the co-worker who points out every little pimple and imperfection on your face in front of everybody.

Upfront Co-worker: What's that on your face?

Me: What? Where?

Upfront Co-Worker: You have black grease or something all over your forehead.

Confused I looked over at the co-worker who had been in the meeting with me.

Meeting Co-Worker: Yeah, I've been looking at it all morning. I thought you knew it was there.

Seriously, WTF?! I went and looked in the mirror and sure enough about half my forehead had something black smeared across it. Half! And I have pretty big damn forehead.

"thought I knew it was there" Really?! Did you think I was getting an early jump on preparations for some covert ninja mission? Grrrr!

Damn

There goes my 'Father of the Year' award.

Tonight I happen to catch my oldest son with his finger up his nose. Now I know this is common behavior for a seven year old but as the parent I felt the need to say something. Mainly because I don't want to see it. So I reached over and pushed his hand away from his face.

Well my son thought this was funny and placed his finger right back in his nose. So again I reached over and pushed it away. He looked at me and proceeded to place it back in his nose as he howled with laughter. I was laughing too at this point. Once again I reached over to push his hand away but he was ready for me. Before I could get to his hand he jerked his head away from me with his finger still in his nose. All this wouldn't have been a problem except we were riding in our Mule, doing no less than 15 mph, on an asphalt road.

So as my son jerked his head he slipped off the seat. It took a moment to realize what had happened and by the time I did he was out of my reach. All I saw was him fall into a superman position as he flew off of the mule. To my horror the left side of his upper body landed on the floor board of the mule then he fell to the asphalt road. This was actually a blessing in disguise as it broke his fall and bounced him away from the mule, keeping it from running him over.

When I stopped the Mule and looked back he was up and walking to me. He was crying and asking me what to do? He was also asking why I pushed him? I DID NOT PUSH HIM. He was surprisingly calm on the way back to our house considering the amount of blood that started showing up. That lasted right up until we got back to the house and he caught sight of the wife. Then the tears ran like rain.

The damage? A skinned knee, lip, nose, chin, elbow, hand, finger, toe and a chipped front tooth and a broken daddy's heart. Forecast until the scabs heal? Frosty :(

Feeling Fishy

This weekend the family went up to Atlanta to see the world's largest Aquarium, the Georgia Aquarium. The whole experience confirmed something I've known about myself for a long time. As I watched all the people crowding around the tanks and glass to see the beautiful aquatic wildlife I couldn't help thinking, "Damn, I hate Fn' crowds."

I was envious of the fish in the tanks. They had more room than I did. Now I know what sardines feel like packed in a can.

If you can't cut the fool, stay out of the mud

Last night my dad showed up at my door around 8:00 asking for help. He had let my cousin's child and her three friends come over and play on his four wheeler and mule. Well as teenagers will do, they went where they weren't suppose to and sunk all of it in a mud hole. A mud hole the size of Texas that is.

So reluctantly I put on some old clothes and went to help. When I arrived the teenagers, two girls and two boys, were completely covered up to their waist in black mud. Most of their faces were covered too. Yes, I laughed at them. I explained to my dad what we needed to get the vehicles out and I stayed with the kids and vehicles as he took my truck to get the supplies.

Now I know I'm getting on in age but I've honestly never felt like an old dude. I can hold my own in the gym, play sports with most people and still laugh at the stupid things in life but I guess it's been awhile since I've spent any time with some real teenagers (as opposed to the fake ones I guess). Here they were muddy, cold and in a lot of trouble with my dad and they were having the time of their lives. They were laughing, cutting up and throwing mud on each other. All I could think was I didn't want any mud on me and I'd rather be home in bed.

After observing them for a few hours I almost came to the conclusion that they were just immature. That was until one of the girls asked me if my hair had turned gray. I said "yes," to which she replied, "Gee! You sure are old!" She's right, I am. They weren't acting immature, they were acting their age. An age I don't identify with anymore because I'm an adult now.

It struck me as funny because until then I hadn't realized how much I've grown up. I hadn't thought I had moved so far from those crazy teenage years. I still had it in my mind that I could 'hang' and 'cut the fool'. No, I didn't see myself as the cool older guy the kids would like to spend time with, I just thought I would still see fun the same way they do. Well I can't.

I was embarrassed of them and for them, yet they were clueless that their behavior was anything but normal. As they ran around acting silly I just shook my head. I had to tell them over and over to get out of harm's way. They had no focus and no control over themselves. All I saw was a dirty job I wanted to finish and get home. All they saw was more opportunity to play.

When we finally got everything out they all thanked me. They wanted to hug me with their muddy wet selves (I don't think so!). When I got home I explained to the wife all the problems we had getting the stuff out and why it took so long. She asked why they would take stuff that wasn't theirs and take a chance of getting it stuck and tearing it up? I told her, "because they're teenagers." She said she couldn't understand what they were thinking. I told her I couldn't either and then we went to bed, like the old married couple we now are. Thank the Lord.

Fuzzy Wookie Math

I was looking for something to watch on TV last night and saw 'Star Wars IV' listed on channel 241. Much to my amazement it wasn't the fourth one at all. It was 'Star Wars.' The original 1977 one. Screw around with 'Smokey and the Bandit' all you want but don't ass around with Star Wars Mr. TV Man. I don't like it.

IV indeed! Like by using roman numerals we wouldn't notice. PA-LEASE!

Clean your screen

This is the coolest thing I've seen in awhile.

This site cleans the back side of your monitor screen. Hell, I didn't even know mine was dirty. It made a huge difference. It's totally safe too. For the best results maximize your browser window.

Click here to get your monitor cleaned.

Truly amazing!

Happy Number Five!

Happy Birthday My Little Man!!!

Your persistence will get you far in life

Your compassion will make you lots of friends

Your sweetness will keep people coming back

Your silliness will keep you young

I love you

You're doing great, you little cookie thief!

Crying Foul

Oh blogger, how you tease me so...

I was very excited when blogger added the feature that allowed new comments to be forwarded to my email. No longer did I have to check blogs to see if my comments were responded to. Then yesterday it all stopped. Not just comments on other people's blogs but the comments coming in on my blog as well. WTF!??

Of course it could be a Yahoo issue but other emails did get through. Bloggers emails seemed to be the only ones MIA. So it's back to the old way of doing things. I hate when a convenience is suddenly taken away. It has left me wondering though... Where the hell are all those emails being sent?! Who has my comments and what the hell do they want with them? It's not fair, it's not right.

If blogger wasn't free I'd really be upset but that's not stopping me from crying foul.

FOUL!

Nightmares Can Come True

We all have nightmares. Things we fear for good reasons and things we fear for no rational reasons at all. well one of my biggest nightmares came true the other day.

No, bagheaded people didn't invade my home and I didn't wake up with a teletubby next to my bed (I really would die you know) but this was almost as bad.

I had a phone call at work. The lady on the phone explained that she worked for the local ABC News channel. My first thought was that I was about to get pitched an advertising package. By the end of the call I was wishing I had been. Instead, she was a reporter. She called to talk about the truckers shut down.

The truckers in our area parked their trucks last week to protest the cost of fuel and for not being compensated with a rate hike. Many have and are going out of business. The port in our city is the fourth largest in the US, so when freight doesn't move people get nervous.

Back to my nightmare. After talking with her about the shut down for five minutes, she asked if she could come interview me in person. I agreed. And that's when it turned into one of my one of my worst fears.

You understand it will be on camera?

*pause* Um... no I didn't. I don't think I'd be too good at that.

Sure you will. I'll edit out the bad parts.

*pause* No thank you, I think I'd rather pass.

Oh, you'll be fine. I'll take care of everything. Can I come at 1:00?

*pause* *pause* Sure... why not. *sigh*

Then I hung up the phone and went about worrying for the next three hours. It didn't help that the office staff know how much I hate the spotlight and took full advantage of the situation.

At 1:00 she showed up. We went outside were her cameraman was setting up. I was as nervous as tick but not too nervous to notice a second cameraman and another reporter to my right, FILMING already. The reporter that called me noticed me looking at them. (As if there was a chance I wouldn't see them?) She explained they were a film crew from TV GUIDE , filming a documentary on how the news was put together. WTF?! I didn't want to be on one camera now there's two?!

The interview went as I expected. I felt like a goober. Especially at the end when she asked if I had anything to add? I said no. Then there was a loooooooong uncomfortable pause. I've seen this many times on TV and the person being interviewed feels compelled to start speaking. This is where they usually say something stupid. I have always vowed never to speak if I was ever in the same situation... So I rambled on for a few minutes before realized how stupid I was sounding. I hated every minute of it and was relieved when it ended. I didn't even ask when it would be on TV. Though the reporter assured me it would be edited down to just a few seconds of air time. That's a few seconds more than I wanted. I still don't know why they picked me or how they found me.

After it aired (on two channels) my brother said I didn't look and sound like as much of a hick as another guy they interviewed. Umm, Thanks... I think.

Knowledge Bling

Last weekend I had the pleasure of driving down to the Kennedy Space Center, NASA, to spend the night with my son and his Boy Scout Troop. We had an amazing time. I won't bore you with the details but the highlight of the trip was sleeping under a Saturn 5 rocket. Not just any rocket but the most powerful rocket ever built.

Our guide for the two days we were there was Sam. Sam was a middle aged man with no outstanding features at all. In most other settings I would not have paid him much attention but I have to say at NASA, Sam was the man. Before he even spoke I knew he was special. I could tell by the way he carried himself and his confidence that I was going to enjoy being around him. I was not disappointed either. He was a wealth of information, he was smart and funny. He knew how to unload vast amounts of information to me... oh, and the kids of course, lets not forget why we were there. It was all about for the children, honestly. Anyway, he delivered information in an entertaining yet productive way.

There was something about him I should have picked up on right away but I didn't. When I heard him tell another parent he was an fifth grade teacher it came as no surprise. I've always thought teachers were a special bunch. People who deserved our respect for the incredibly important job they do. Yes there are bad ones, but as a whole I think they have a little special something. Call it knowledge bling or something.

One thing I've always pondered is if I think teachers are special because they really are or because teachers are one of our earliest adult role models and figures of authority. I think Sam helped me answer that question this weekend. I knew he was first class, I knew he "had it" before I knew he was a teacher and even before I knew he would be teaching us for the next two days. Another mystery of the universe solved. Now if someone could just explain to me why Paris Hilton is famous?

On a side note I had a chance to talk to Sam a little one on one that night. I think I held my on on topics such as relativity, gravity and thrust. I think Daughter would be proud.

Good News, at Last

I knew it!!! Now if I could just get the wife to read it. Maybe I'll just leave it up on the screen at home? LOL!

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,345511,00.html

All Wet

Busted!

Everyday I watch as the women at our office try to choke down bottle after bottle of water. All in the name of health and fitness. I never thought they were doing anything wrong but I just couldn't be bothered with drinking 8 glasses of water a day.


Well on the way to work today I heard that it has now been proven there is no benefit to this practice. In fact, drinking a lot of water may have the opposite of the intended affect.


The advice given about water intake? If you feel thirsty drink some. Go figure, our body has a built-in mechanism to let us know how much to drink. It's called thirst. Who would have thunk it?


http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89323934

Negatively Thinking

I was recently having lunch in a restaurant when I noticed an electric wheel chair sitting empty against a wall. I scanned the room to see if I could find the owner of the chair but saw no candidates that fit my definition of a person needing such a thing. I can't say I was surprised when a older but healthy looking man got up from his table and went and sat in the chair. He quickly maneuvered it over to his table where he popped out of it faster and easier than I could have done myself.


Quite frankly it pissed me off. I studied the man up and down to see if I could pick up on his so called ailment. As suspected I saw no indication that he was hurt or handicapped at all. The bastard. Then to my shame I watched as he helped a lady, whom I suspected was his wife, up from their table. He had to pull her up, steady her and spin her around so that he could lower her into the wheel chair.

Yes, I felt about two inches small. Immediately I had sympathy for this man and the burden of caring for someone so helpless all the time. What a life that must be? Then, after he had her situated in the chair, he leaned down, kissed the top of her head, smiled and merrily pushed her away. Wrong again.

As I sat waiting for my food to arrive I wondered why I had thought the worst of the man and then thought the worst of his situation. I was embarrassed obviously but I still wondered why I thought that way. I could have just as easily thought he had a good reason to need the chair. There are plenty of valid reasons why a healthy looking person might need assistance. Yet I choose to believe he was just lazy. Worse, when I saw I was wrong I again made another wrong and negative assumption. Is it just human nature to do this? Does society teach us to do this or does it say something deeper and darker about me?

I like people. I try to see everyone as equals so why, when given at least two options do I choose the one that puts a person in a bad light? I don't want to. Unfortunately it seems to come naturally, maybe from the subconscious.

It's disturbing. Especially when giving people the benefit of the doubt, in most cases, cost me nothing.

Happy