I told you so

When I was growing up my sister, the only girl and the youngest in our family, was by far the favorite of our house. No actions were taken to hide it and no excuses were ever given for it. When I was older my mother would tell me to wait until I had children. She surmised that only then would I understand the difference between a daughter and a son. She assured me I would be the same way.

Oddly enough I have three children that are the exact distance in age as I was with my siblings. They are also in the same gender order, boy, boy, girl. I'll have to say my mom was right, girls are different. It's harder for me to discipline my little girl. Obviously I take a softer approach with her than I do with the boys. And, she knows how to tug on my heart strings when she wants something, or more importantly, when she doesn't want to do something. How the hell do they learn that at age three?!

So do I owe mom an apology? Or at least an admission that she was right? Hell no! They may be different but they all have equal value. Will one of them emerge to share more of my interests? Probably, but my job isn't to be their buddy. My job as a parent is to be interested in the person they are, encourage them to find their strengths and help them sure up their weaknesses. I have to be interested in them, not the other way around.

Treating children differently and favoring one over the others is not the same thing. I don't think my mom ever understood that. She thought moms raise girls and dads raise sons. My dad was a workaholic and wasn't around much while I was growing up. As a result my sister reaped the rewards of her close relationship with my mom, as my brother and me watched from the sideline. As a child I didn't understand the dynamics of the situation. All I saw was the inconsistencies in the way we were being raised. Children may not know why something isn't right but they almost always know when something is wrong.

Now when I'm telling my mom some cute or special thing about my little girl, my mom gives me that look. The look that says, "see, I told you so." I don't say anything because you can't change the past and I'm not about to downplay how amazing having a little girl actually is. It makes me sad though, to realize my mom never understood how wonderful raising boys can be too. I see she understands it more now, as I see her grandsons steal her heart over and over again, though I doubt she'll ever make the connection. It makes me happy to see her experience it but sometimes I can't help feeling the emotions of the little boy from my past, that wants to tug on my mom's shirt to get her attention, and say, "see, I told you so."