Why not just tell me I'm a jerk?
For the last two months The Wife has been unwell. I made her go to the doctor a month ago and told her to slow down many times after that. Not much I could do about her not listening to me. She was determined not to miss any festivals, fairs and Halloween events. Then, last Wednesday she woke me up and said she couldn't take the kids to school. I made her go to the doctor again and I took care of the kids. Two days later, after she spent two full days in bed, she was admitted into the hospital. She has pneumonia that is resistant to antibiotics.
As I was taking care of the kids, my sister called to offer support. She was a little upset that my parents, who live so close, weren't doing much to help me out. I agreed that it would be nice to get some help but taking care of my family was my responsibility and not theirs. I explained there was no need to be upset with my parents, I could handle it.
Later, as my parent were visiting The Wife in the hospital my dad mentioned that my sister was coming in town early for Thanksgiving to help her with the kids. My dad also mentioned, for reasons I can't even begin to understand, that my sister had asked him to have a talk with me. It seems my sister blames ME for The Wife being sick. She thinks I never give her a chance to get a break. That I keep her trapped at the house and don't do much to ease her burden.
Now, I know she doesn't know what happens at my house. She lives out of town and has no idea how our life is structured. It really doesn't bother me what she thinks I do or don't do for my family. I know the truth and so do they. It also doesn't bother me that she told my dad to talk to me about it. He knows what I do too.
It doesn't bother me that if my sister thought about what she did know she would see the truth. Like the week The Wife spent WITH MY SISTER in Mexico while I watched the kids just this year should have been a clue. Or the concert in Atlanta she attended with MY SISTER that she wanted to got to but wouldn't because she had already had me take off work too much this year and it was expensive but I talked her into going.
And it doesn't bother me that my sister mentioned to my dad that I get to do something for myself by going to the gym three nights a week for an hour and The Wife never gets her own time. Because I know all the kids are in school and The Wife has free time during the day and frequently meets her friends for lunch and stuff. She also doesn't know that I let The Wife sleep in on Sundays, my only day off, as I get up early to feed the kids, clean the house and do other things that need doing. Or that I ask The Wife almost every weekend if she wants me to watch the kids so she can go to town and do something she wants to do. See, I like being home with the kids.
None of that bothers me but what does bother me, what really chaps my ass is how my sister got the impression that I don't do all these things. She just didn't come up with this stuff out of thin air. It had to come from somewhere in some form or another. Even if she is just reading between the lines of what is being said, somebody has to be telling her something and it could only be The Wife, my mom or both. Neither of which has ever even suggested to me that I'm not being fair to my wife. In fact both, on many occasions, have told me that I need to get out more and do more things for myself. I'm a little confused by this situation. And bothered, as I said.
So, with all that leading the way, let the holiday season begin. Holy shit!
8 comments:
Hmmmm.
Time for a re-read of Dr. Laura!
Or did The Wife never read it to begin wtih?
Hmmmm.
Exactly. Hmmmm.
I wish I knew. I know she started it a few times but never discussed it with me. Since it was sore subject, I never pushed it by asking.
Maybe I'll start leaving the book out all over the place. ;)
*nod*
I would be irritated too but it might be something as simple (and as common) as your sister knowing The Wife was sick and jumping to the conclusion.
From all that I've read about her, she's pretty good at making illogical decisions/coming up with crazy ideas.
It could be The Wife but it could just be the sister too.
How is The Wife doing now?
You guys need anything? That I could do from all the way over here?!
:-D
I think Jen has a good point... it could easily be your sister or another family member making assumptions. Still, an assumption is a lot to take to your dad for "action." All I can say is.... hmmmmmm.
I wouldn't worry about it too much, though... you and The Wife, from all that you've written, seem to have a very clear understanding of how your team works to further your family toward your goals. Although women do tend to whine about their "lot in life" when with other women, I can't see your Wife getting caught up in that. I think Jen's position is probably closer to the truth of the matter.
During Thanksgiving I was able to gain a small amount of insight into the situation.
First, I heard The Wife praising me for doing everything around the house and for her over the past week. She mentioned the only two things I didn't do well was my daughters hair and color matching the kids clothes for school (I'm a color blind). In other words, in her praise she found it easier to focus on the negatives. Maybe that's all it was?
My sister did tell The Wife I seemed to be changed. Calmer, less irritated. What the hell? *sigh*
That might be what it was... It's hard not to bitch about the (tiny) negatives when your a woman with a woman!
OMG - is the wife ok??? Pnemonia resistant to antibiotics doesn't sound good??
Who cares what you're dippy sister thinks. Tell her to worry about her own family ... oh yeah she can't.
How's the wife doing??
Jen: *nod* men too, except we make fun instead of bitch, mostly.
TT: Thanks, The Wife is doing MUCH better now. She lost some weight and still hasn't found all her energy but she's slowly getting back to it. Just in time for the holidays.
As for my sister, I'm not even sure I know who she is anymore. :(
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