Yep

All human beings have three lives: public, private and secret

~ Gabriel Garcia Marquez ~

Letting go...

I've come to the conclusion that it is time for me to let go of my romantic notions regarding relationships. It's time to admit that placing others' happiness ahead of your own, hoping that they are doing the same, is more of a one way street than a the path to Utopia. Time to realize that terms like "nice guys finish last" and "a sucker is born every minute" are created from a sad but very real truth.

From this conclusion comes the logical solution that I need to put myself at the top of my own list. Yes folks, it's time to be a selfish S.O.B. While I have been selfish many times in my life, I have always treated it like a sin. There have been times when I was willing to commit this sin but guilt and restitution almost always followed the deed. Now I must learn how to separate guilty emotions for the simple act of looking after my own wellbeing.

Now this doesn't mean that I won't be there to support the people in my life. It just means my support will be limited to the effort I feel I can give without putting myself out. "No" must become a bigger part of my vocabulary. Taking others' feelings into account will only happen after I have considered my own. I will be more forthcoming with how I feel. Not with the expectation that my feelings will change a situation but to assure myself that others know exactly where I stand and where I'm going.

I will continue to do nice things for those in my life but only for the sole, selfish reason that it makes me feel good. I will expect nothing in return other than the joy of giving. In turn I will not owe those who choose to do for me unless I deem their efforts worthy of repayment.

From now on my problems will belong to me. Others' problems will be accepted only if I have the time, energy and the will to get involved. If your problem conflicts with my plans, well, I wish you the best. I will consider others' feelings when making decisions but will give them no more weight, maybe even less, than my own. I will make room for others in my life but I won't do it at the expense of my own space. If I fail, it will be my own fault. If I succeed I will claim the victory. Others may celebrate it with me but not claim part of my accomplishment. I am going to do all I can to be the man I want to be, not the person others expect me to be.

Of course, I exclude my children from the above mentioned solution, but not really. Placing them at the top of my list has always been one of the few selfish acts I never felt guilty about. As for everybody else? Well that's not really my problem anymore is it?

Rolling in the dough

After seeing Jen's post about baking Challah bread I was so inspired I decided to give it a try. Even though I got flour everywhere, I have to say, I was proud of my first attempt at baking. I'll pause until the cheering subsides.... Thanks to Jen's excellent direction and informative videos I knew exactly what to do, even if I didn't always manage to do it.

Thanks Jen for all the help and for the delicious bread.

Hello?

I recently switched from my old trusted Black Berry to a Droid Global 2 cell phone. The phone is slick but a bit intimidating so I decided to start with something simple. Entering an email address is about as easy as it gets so I entered my Yahoo email account that happens to also be my Facebook email account. To my surprise the phone imported ALL of my Facebook contacts into my phone. WTF??? Most didn't have phone numbers but some did, like Daughter. Now understand, I play a few of the games on Facebook and I don't know all the people on my Facebook account.

Try as I might I could not remove the list from my contacts. They had become fused to my phone. I didn't realize how big a problem it would be until I tried to call The Wife on the way home from work. At a red light I pulled up the contact list and scrolled through it for her name. When the light turned green I looked up and started to go. When I felt safe, I looked back down at the phone. To my shock it had already called someone. I yelled, "FUCK!" Then I noticed the phone was still connected. I quickly hit the "End Call" button and a picture of a woman, a childhood friend, displayed on my screen. It said the call had lasted 30 seconds. Long enough for me to have reached a girl I haven't seen or talked to in 30 years and shout, "FUCK" into her voice mail, if it was on.

So if any of you get a strange call from me in the future you now know why. Fuck!