A reason to say "penis" four times

I saw this news story last week. It's about an ad campaign in Australia attempting to get young male speeders to slow down. They are trying to do this by urging female drivers to wave their pinkie finger at the male speeders suggesting that the male speeder has a small penis. Yes, I said it right, a small penis. WTF is that?!

Seriously, that ranks as one of the stupids things I've ever heard. As a young male this would have encouraged my friends and me to speed. First of all any hint that the women in the next car was thinking about our penis would have made us giddy with excitement. To a young man there is nothing negative about a women commenting on his penis, in any fashion, unless she was actually looking at it but even then maybe not. We would have probably made up a game to see how many times a day we could have gotten a girl to give us the little finger.

So the result of this great ad campaign may be that young men will speed up hoping to get a woman's attention. What's next, flashing to get men to turn on their headlights? Brilliant!

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,286593,00.html

Do you have HAND?

I'm a big Seinfeld fan, always have been. One of the episodes that is particularly insightful is the one in which George is dating a girl and he seems take control of the relationship. He referees to this control as having 'HAND'. That episode has always stuck with me because I can relate to the situation. After reading other people's blogs, I know I'm not alone.

When the wife and I first started dating I'll have to say I had HAND. It wasn't on purpose it just seem to be that way. Maybe it was because I was already on my own and she was just cutting ties with her family but whatever the reason most of our decisions were based on my life style.

I was working 50 to 60 hours a week, going to the gym 6 days a week and was still finding time for my friends. The wife never kicked much about it and at the time I didn't notice how selfish I was being. I was young and having fun and I didn't know much about relationships. I'm not talking about love here, love has nothing to do with who has HAND. Love, while most important in a relationship, just isn't enough to allow two people to live happily ever after.

Eventually, I grew up and was ready to be in a more serious relationship. I thought the wife would be grateful that I was ready to focus on her and us. The problem was by the time I had made my decision she had learned to live without my full attention. She wasn't unhappy with our marriage she was just use to the way things were. When I wanted more, either she didn't understand or wasn't willing to give up the life she had learned to live and grown accustom to. Frustrated, I tried harder and compromised more to try and get her back to the place she was when our relationship started. Clearly the power had shifted and she had HAND.

And so it has gone over the past twenty one years, the power shifting back and forth between us depending on the situation and our emotional needs. Nobody taking it or even wanting it but it is always there. The funny thing is you almost never recognize when you have HAND but you almost always know when you don't.

So while I laugh at the Seinfeld episode, I can't help but take it seriously too. I wonder will there be a day when the wife and I have equal HAND and they are comfortably supporting the others?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SPILLER!!!

Best wishes to you!

A few quotes if I can...

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. --Larry Lorenzoni

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.

- John P. Grier

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.

- Anthony Powell

Enjoy!!!

It's just a book

A few years ago I was going through a tough time in my life. It was affecting me in many ways which included my marriage. Because I travel for work, listen to the radio, every now and then Dr. Laura would be on. Dr. Laura has a show on the radio where people call in to get help with their problems. She uses a set of strict moral codes to guide her decision making process, because of this most people either love her or hate her.

She also writes books to help people avoid the pitfalls in their life. I had already read "Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships" when I heard her talk about a new book she had just published. At first I really didn't think much of the book as it was written specifically for women. Half the women who called her show admitted they would never read the book because of the title, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." The other half that called in had read the book and claimed it helped their marriage and in some cases saved their marriage.

So down to the local book store I went. They had the book, all be it hidden near the back. The clerk literally rolled her eyes at me when I laid it on the counter. On the way home I felt like I was caring "Satanic Verses" by Salmon Rushdie through the middle of Mecca. I made sure none of the book was visible to any women out of fear that I may be stoned.

After surviving the trip home my next feat would be to get my wife to actually read the book. I knew this would not be an easy task because she loathes Dr. Laura. I started to tell her about the people who had been on the radio and how they raved about the results. She seemed interested right up until the moment I said "Dr. Laura". Her head started moving slowly side to side then I said the title "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and I swear I thought I saw the flames of hell flicker in her eyes.

So with no other option left I read the book. It wasn't the best written thing in the world but it made sense. It basically said that women have most of the power in a relationship if they just understand what a man wants. The thing I like best about the book were the letters from men and women that really hit home and some even mirrored our situation.

So armed with the knowledge that the book was really about the woman having the power in a relationship I approached the wife again and asked her to read the book. I told her she didn't have to accept it or agree with it but just please read it. So reluctantly she agreed to read the 240 page book. After two weeks she hadn't started it. After three weeks she claimed to be to busy. After two months and four romance novels she had made it to page sixty. She never picked it up again. When I asked what the problem was she stated that she had discussed the book (the book she hadn't read) with a few of her friends (who also hadn't read it) and they decided it was garbage. It seems they felt any book that stated a wife owes her husband anything is radical thinking.

Again I tried to explain to her that if she read the book she would have a better understanding of how I feel but she was done with it, end of story. As I said I was going through a lot at the time and her not reading that book caused some resentment. I mean if she had told me there was a book that would give me insight into exactly how she felt I would have bought it as soon as possible and read it all in one day. Wouldn't anyone?

So a few years later I had all but forgotten about the book (almost) and things are good between us. Then out of nowhere the wife tells me she's going to read the book. I'm delighted but I have to admit I'm curious about the change. Why now? Was it because then she felt like I was trying to make her do something and now it's her idea? If that's all it was all she had to do was read the book, because that's in there too.

I don't see it

Can someone please explain this to me? Two of the wife's all time favorite movies are, The Shawshank Redemption and The Replacements. I just thought it was her being weird but as I browse blogs, more and more I see these movies listed as women's favorites.

WTF is that? The Shawshank Redemption is a prison movie complete with prison rape scenes of adolescent boys. The Replacements is a cheesy sports movie. I know Keanu Reeves is in the movie but even if he does "do it for women" certainly that in itself isn't enough to lift this film to a favorite, is it?

Even stranger, I dislike both of these movies. I can't understand how anyone would find them entertaining after seeing them once but every time they're on the wife watches them. Anyway after discussing this odd event I told the wife I would throw it up on the blog and see what others thought.


Yes, the wife finally figured out I had my own blog and she's cool with it. A lot of questions but cool with it.

Attention terrorist, radicals and disgruntled postal workers

Attention terrorist, radicals and disgruntled postal workers in case you haven't figured out a way to harm the maximum number of innocent people, head on over to NPR's Morning Edition. The nice folks at NPR have taken the time not only announce that freight trains are a great target for a terrorist attack but their fabulous in depth reporting has also calculated that they could kill up to 100,000 people within half an hour.

So if you hadn't thought of an attack like this or if you thought it might not be worth the trouble listen to NPR's report and you'll be convinced it is.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=11151826

Thanks NPR, what would we do without you?

The creatures next door

In our office lives these little creatures, some may call them sweet but not me. They are brown and soft with a solid white eye. To me they are very dangerous and I have yet to discover how to defeat them.

They live in a well lit hole in the office next to me. Strangely, the lady that works in that office is not affected by them. I'm not sure if she has some sort of antidote or elixir that keeps her immune, all I know is I never see one around her. I have studied her technique for a while and have yet to figure out her secret.

I think the worst thing about these creatures is their ability to stay perfectly still and still be able to strike. Their danger comes from me just knowing they exist and where they live. Despite my incredible will power I am drawn to them like a moth to a 1000 Watt bulb. Once in their sight the attack begins and I must kill off two or three before I can mount a retreat.

You would think after I killed enough of them, they would start to dwindle but oddly enough the next time I enter the office they have managed replenish their numbers. I secretly suspect my fellow office worker is assisting them in their plot to do me harm. I have heard her laugh on many occasions as I lose battle after battle with these pest.

All I can hope for at this point is that I lose my appetite for wanting to engage them. If I don't they will surely add negatively to my state of being. Someone once said "walk away, just walk away." Oh how I wish I could but that is just not a possibility at this point.

I did manage to find a picture of them if your interested in seeing one but beware these creatures might just be too dangerous to look at. I think I'll go see what they're doing right now, damn it!

Simple? Never

Recently an employee of our company quit. While it actually came as no surprise, the way he went about it did.

From the beginning I must say I had a hard time figuring him out. This guy demanded that people give him respect but he had very little for anyone else or even himself. The smallest presumed slight would set him off but he would shrug of any mention that he had disrespected other employees or customers. We had our share of problems with him in the past but since even bad employees in his position are hard to find, we always tried to work it out. I admit that was a mistake on my part.

His biggest infraction was missing work, 13 sick days this year alone. He had failed a drug test after a work related accident, he took personal calls on his cell phone continuously and had a habit of disappearing on service calls . All of this was brought to his attention numerous times.

Despite all of this he recently came to our shop foreman and asked for a raise. When he was told raises are earned and he needed to do some changing, he became one unhappy camper. He immediately went on a campaign to sour all the employees concerning their wages. Hoping an employee revolt would score him a raise if everybody else received one. Of course I didn't know this was going on at the time. Luckily the rest of our employees are mostly satisfied and didn't want to be associated with this guy.

Then the beginning of the end. Two weeks ago he called in sick on two days he knew we would be short handed. There was no way to know if he was truly sick. When he returned to work on Friday he came in happy as a lark. As I was getting my morning coffee he approached me.

Employee: I know your pissed at me for missing two days

Me: I'm not pissed, you have miss a lot of days but you were sick, right?

No, I just had somethings to take care of. I set up my house closing and found out my girlfriend is pregnant.

I admit I was caught off guard with him lying about not being sick and the announcement of his first child in the same breath. He then followed me to my office and explained how he was frustrated with his pay and didn't come to work because he was mad about it. I again explained while he may in fact be able to make more money somewhere else, he would not have a job if he couldn't show up to work on a regular basis. Not happy with my response, he asked when he was eligible for this years vacation pay (WTF?) then he left my office leaving me to ponder what just happened. Unfortunately, my attention was quickly diverted by some network problems that frustrated me for the rest of the day.

As I have stated I'm a bit slow, so it took until the drive home for me to put together all the events to realize what was going on. Obviously an employee that boast about lying and ask for his vacation a few days before it's due is an employee about to leave. I resolved to talk to him Monday and say all the things I had neglected to say when he caught me off guard.

Well Monday came but he didn't, no call, no nothing. Tuesday went the same way. On Wednesday I received the following email from him

David sorry I haven't been in touch to let you know what is going. I just made yet another bad decision to change jobs and as I went to this other job it all fell apart. So again I left for more money and again it fell apart. Again I do apologize for the way I left, you know me the king of poor choices but I will drop my keys and uniform off by Friday. Thank you and the shop foreman for the opportunity to work with your company.


Employee

Seems he failed his drug test for the new job. Now he is unemployed with a house purchase pending in a week and a baby on the way. To make matters worse, he lives with and supports his girlfriend who has four children that are not his. Talk about karma coming back to bite you in the ass. Some may take pleasure in his demise but I find none.

I just can't understand why just leaving on good terms wasn't enough for him. Why not just give his notice and move on? Why the big set up to leave us short handed and try to harm us? Why was it so important for him to see my reaction to his lie? How could he have possibly thought we had been the cause of all his problems when it was obvious to everyone he is his own worst enemy?

He had another employee ask us if we would give him another chance. Of course the answer is no, besides the failed drug test I will always wonder what he's plotting next. Sad, because he needs a job and we need the help. Why can't things be simple?

Foolish Pride

A guy I do business with told me this story the other day and I thought it demonstrated how people (mostly men) put pride above almost all else.

He had just left work and was driving home on his Harley Davidson motorcycle. He has been riding for years but had just bought this bike a few months before. He stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, after a few seconds his mind started drifting and he wasn't paying much attention to his surroundings. Suddenly his hand slipped off the clutch and the bike jumped forward three feet. Caught off guard by the sudden movement, he and the bike tumbled to the ground.

He jumped up immediately and started trying to pick the bike up. Shortly there were a few people asking him if he was alright and helped him stand the bike up. He told me he was so embarrassed that he just hopped on the bike, started it up and drove off.

When he got home he inspected the bike for damages. The side it laid over on was scratched and dented but he was surprised to find a straight crease across the back of the bike. It was dented in several inches. Then it dawned on him, he didn't make the bike fall over, the car behind him had hit him and knocked him down, probably the same guy that helped him up. He could clearly see where the bumper of the car had left its mark.

I laughed as I thought about the guy that hit him going from being scared to death he hurt someone to being left standing in the intersection, scratching his head, as the man he just hit drove away without exchanging any information. Talk about having a lucky day, he probably went straight to the store and played the lottery.

Thanks to my buddy's pride, there was no way to find out who hit him, to get their insurance company to fix his bike and he even broke the law by leaving the scene of an accident. The sad part is I might have done the same thing. If I trip in a hole , my first reaction is to look around to see if anyone saw me, then check to see if I broke my leg.

While pride isn't a bad thing, valuing it above all else can be foolish and expensive.

Happy Birthday to who? YOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

DAUGHTER OF NIGHT!!!

I hope you get everything you want and a whole lot more :)

I want to make a list of everybody's birthday, so please let me know when it is. Thanks!

The Birthday List

Irene .................................. April 30

Darren ................................ June 3

Daughter of night .............. June 6

Spiller ............................... June 27

Harbinger ......................... August 17

Jen ................................... October 25

Lindsay ............................. November 17

20 Something .................... December 26

Raw Thoughts .................. April 26

A Big WTF?!

My Dad has people that comes to his house for certain services. Like the termite man and the guy that sprays his yard with fertilizer. When they see he lives by a small pond they always ask if it's stocked with fish and can they go fishing. We really don't care because we rarely fish and some of them bring their children and enjoy themselves.

Well it hasn't rained here in a long time and Friday night we went to bed happy with the knowledge that a storm was blowing through. We fell a sleep to the sound of rain on the roof but we woke to the sounds of a dog barking like crazy. I looked at the clock and it was barely 6:00 on Saturday morning. I went outside to see what was bothering the dog and saw three men in our small paddle boat fishing in the pouring rain and strong winds.

Apparently my Dad told them they could come fish 'sometime' but who the hell would come that early in the morning in the middle of a storm? WTF?! Of course it was my Dad's dog that was barking at them right outside the kids window. Yes, he woke the whole damn house up. So on Saturday morning we were all up at the crack of dawn instead of snuggled in our beds with the pitter patter of rain drumming on the roof.

People like that just make it where you don't want to do things for people anymore. Clearly they could see and hear the dog barking. They had to know it was too early. They could have stayed on the part of the pond that was hidden from view of my house. Of course they didn't, in fact they paddled closer because they wanted to fish near my bank.

If this sounds like I'm making too much out of nothing, maybe it's from the lack of sleep or maybe, sometimes, people just piss me off! Grrrrrr!

We have fun too!

After my last few post I thought I should mention besides keeping a close eye on my children's education, we have a lot of fun too. So here are a few pictures from Memorial Day weekend as proof.

Children will keep you young! (and tired)