When "Hey" really means "move the hell out of my way"

Listen up Mr. Man at the gym I don't know. I didn't get up at 6:00 AM on Saturday to chit chat with you. I'm sorry, really sorry, that the exercise I needed to do just happen to be next to you. You seem like a real nice guy but if you haven't noticed, this isn't a social club.

I don't care how much you use to weigh, how much you can lift, how many inches your legs are or how many pounds you lost. The name and cost of your supplements isn't good conversation either. Why are you pushing them so hard anyway? Are you a vitamin salesman or something? Well actually I know you're not because you told me about your job, your work schedule and your up coming business trip.

Again I'm sorry (for me) that my mp3 player hanging out of my ears didn't give you a clue. Or the fact that I kept trying to lift even though you kept right on talking. Even when I walked to the other side of the gym you just raised your voice so I could hear you, which by the way was worse than being next to you.

Here's a little tip. Sometimes when someone says "hey" to you it might not be because they are striking up a conversation but rather to get you to move from in front of the weights they need. Maybe if you talked less, that two hour workout you bragged about could be cut down, to say, a hour. You know, a hour, like the hour I WASTED this morning. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

More Haters to Hate

Today it was announced that two neo-nazi skinheads were caught planning to assassinate Barrack Obama and kill another 102 black people. Now I've seen some pretty hateful stuff during this election campaign but this is pure evil. I can't even begin to understand how these people think. I don't want to try to either.

It only goes to remind me that I share this world with some sick animals out there disguised as humans. Seriously, they were going to kill a man because he was black and dared to reach for the highest position in this country. Who made these bastards the judge of who is allowed to run for office? Who gave them the right to decide who I can and who I CAN'T vote for? What have they accomplished that gives them such wisdom and power???? Nothing. But, I doubt they have the capacity to think past their hate.

Living in the deep south, as one might expect, I know a few racist. Not as many as you would think but they are here. They come in all colors and ethnic groups. No one race has the market cornered on stupidity and hate. Yet it somehow surprises me everytime I meet one.

For the record, I don't condone it. The other day, a person, who thought because I was white, spoke openly about voting for McCain. I agreed that I thought McCain would be a more experienced choice. Then, this person informed me that they weren't voting for McCain because of his politics but because Obama was black. I shook my head and asked if that was the only reason? They assured me it was. I told this person that they should vote for Obama. I meant it too. If the only reason Obama will lose this election is because of the color of his skin then I hope he wins.

Politics should be about electing the best people into office to represent us. People that share our vision of the direction this country should go. What in the hell does a person's skin color have to do with that?!!! Nothing of course but the haters will never get that because they are evil twisted and sick. The haters hate this world more than they love themselves and that type of person is dangerous, to all of us.

How Many Times?

Co-worker : David can you come in here?

Me: What do you need?

I can't open this attachment. It's from FedEx about a package. *click* *click* *click*

We don't use FedEx.

*click* *click* *click*

Um... are you expecting a package?

No.

Did you send a package?

No.

Do you know the person who sent the email?

No.

Why did you try to open it then?

Because it has a tracking number.

Okay then. Is your anti-virus software running?

Yes.

Delete the email and don't open the ones you don't recognize. You should be alright.

*ten minutes later*

David... my computer just shut itself down and now the screen is blue.

*whisper* damn it!

By the time I found the bastard it had sent 238 emails of itself to other people, cloned itself 18 times in her computer and made multiple attempts to infect our entire network. Three different virus detection programs couldn't find it.

I don't know who I'm more irritated with. The employees I keep telling not to open unfamiliar emails or the bastard who made the virus. I pick the employee, at least I can give them the old stink eye.

With friends like these...

I was running late for work yesterday and quickly grabbed some clothes for my evening workout. When one of my partners arrived at the gym he looked at me and said, "Hey Ronald, What's up?" I was confused and said, "Ronald?" He started laughing and pointed out I was wearing bright red shorts and a bright yellow t-shirt that made him think of Ronald McDonald. I shook my head I told him he was crazy. Then my second partner walked in, looked me up and down and said, " I'd like an order of fries and a Coke please."

..............................................................................

I met my gym partners at the mall last week to go to the movies. We rarely do anything that isn't sports related together. As I walked up to the first one, in the packed food court, he says rather loudly, "Hey, I almost didn't recognize you with your pants on." Yeah, people were snickering. But not as much as when the second partner walks up a minute later and says, "You two make a cute couple. You sure you don't mind me tagging along on your date?" Grrrr.

My friends or 'the bastards' as I like to call them, sheesh!

Wreckless Future?

A newly hired parts runner for our shop caused a car wreck last Friday totaling a company vehicle. I wasn't happy about the situation but accidents do happen. So after the weekend, MONDAY, the same employee took another company vehicle home for lunch , without permission (WTF?!!) and wrecked it.

Worse than being somewhere he wasn't suppose to be was the fact that he didn't even mention that he had been in an accident when he called me. He only told me he was being held for no proof of insurance. The wreck only came to light as I was talking with the on scene police officer. I was trying to explain to her that it wasn't a big deal and I would have the correct insurance information to her shortly. She must have thought I was an ass for acting so nonchalant about a wreck but she soon realized I had no idea there had been one.

Of course after I went to the scene and straightened it out I followed the employee back to work and promptly fired him, not for the wrecks but for the lying and the other. Much to my surprise, he seemed surprised. Holy shit!!! How could you possible think you wouldn't get the axe after that? Isn't there some kind of two weeks of driving-under-the-speed-limit-rule after a wreck? Apparently not.

I wouldn't even mention this but the guy is nineteen years old with a wife and a baby on the way. He needs a job. HIS BABY TO BE NEEDS HIM TO HAVE A JOB! I'm just baffled and upset by the whole thing. Yes, I don't like our equipment being used like we run a demolition derby but more importantly I see a pattern of this type of behavior from this generation.

I know it's not fair to paint a whole generation with the same brush. I'm also very aware that I sound like an old man complaining about today's youth when my generations certainly had and has its share of flaws but this has me concerned. We have three or four entry level jobs open we can't fill. Either the people who apply can't pass a drug test, don't have a drivers license or have so much personal drama going on they can't make half a week let alone the forty plus hours we need. Even worse a lot of the people who should be happy to get a job that can teach them a skill such as becoming a mechanic have opted to go flip burgers in the air-conditioning for half the money and no benefits.

So unlike the other day when I saw some humor in being to old to "cut the fool" with some immature teenagers I see nothing funny about this situation. I couldn't give a rip about the young man I let go. He's capable of making his own way if he would accept his responsibility and man up. What bothers me here, what I can't stop myself from thinking about is his unborn child and its future.

It breaks my heart.

Fuzzy Wookie Math

I was looking for something to watch on TV last night and saw 'Star Wars IV' listed on channel 241. Much to my amazement it wasn't the fourth one at all. It was 'Star Wars.' The original 1977 one. Screw around with 'Smokey and the Bandit' all you want but don't ass around with Star Wars Mr. TV Man. I don't like it.

IV indeed! Like by using roman numerals we wouldn't notice. PA-LEASE!

Back up

If you haven't done a backup on your computer in the last hour

DO IT!!!!!!!!

grrrrrrrrr!

Merry fn' Christmas

First of all let me start by saying "I'm sorry" to the Spirit of Christmas for calling Chicken Dance Elmo a bastard.

For anyone who came to my blog today expecting a Merry Christmas post don't worry, I have one. I was all set to post it but Christmas Eve was so fn' shitty I thought I would wait in an effort to keep from jinxing Christmas.

It started yesterday. We went to my sister-in-law's house to exchange gifts. It went well except for the blackberry wine, yuck. On the way home the wife mentioned she wasn't feeling well. By night fall she was throwing up, fever, the works. She went to bed early as I made my plans for the next day.

I woke up to the kids playing down stairs. The wife was to ill to get out of bed. I was suppose to leave early to run some errands but I had to scrap those plans as the kids needed to be fed, right? As I made breakfast I noticed the kitchen was a mess and so was the rest of the house. I guess the wife was planning to clean it this morning. Oh well, I can do it. As I cleaned, I started thinking of all the other things the wife hadn't done and my stuff I wasn't getting done. I hate to admit it but I started getting mad at the wife.

She hadn't wrapped most of the gifts, cleaned the house among other things. The more I did the madder I got. Why did she wait to the last minute??? I showed her a bit of attitude too. I still got her what she needed but not with a smile or in a caring way. By lunch she asked my dad to take her to the doctor, I fed the kids lunch.

When she returned home she informed me she had strep throat. It was so severe the doctor suggested she go check herself into the hospital. Her throat was almost swollen shut. So once again I'm the jerk that let my inflexible ass get frustrated that I wasn't able to keep to my list. And of course I apologized, as usual, again.

Then my dad had a gift he wanted me to put together for the kids. You know one of those 10,000 parts item with all the parts marked AA, B7 and such. Oh, and it weighted 200 lbs. Another three hours and my back... gone.

After I made dinner and changed a few diapers it was up stairs to wrap gifts. Not the best thing to do with a wore out back. When I finished I started putting all the presents into their respective piles, then I noticed one last unwrapped gift. You bastard! I sat back down, pulled the wrapping paper back out and went to work. As I sat looking down at Chicken Dance Elmo I felt a little tickle in my throat. Great, looks like the wife gave me an early Christmas gift. Perfect, now that every things already done.


Merry fn' Christmas

Fate my butt!

Yesterday I saw a fellow worker eating a chocolate covered cookie. It looked good but I didn't give it much thought. Ok, a little more thought than I would like to admit but I NEVER went looking for the source of that cookie.

This morning, as I was getting my morning coffee, I noticed a nice tin of cookies sitting on a table. It wasn't there yesterday. So without even trying I found the source of the chocolate covered delights. Well I figured it was fate and who am I to try and trip up fate? I walked right over and took not one but two of the cookies, one dark chocolate, one white.

Just as I was taking my first bite a fellow worker walked in. She gave me a funny glance.

Fellow worker: Are you seriously going to eating that?

Me: *bite* sure am *smile*

FW: I tried to get them to throw them out yesterday

Me: *chewing slowly* what's that?

FW: Those cookies are two years old.

Me: *mouth freezes* Seriously? ... but just opened, right?

FW: No, they've been open for two years *smile*

Me: *swallow* shit

I'm not feeling great right now. Maybe it's some lingering side effects from the virus I'm getting over, maybe it is the cookie or maybe it's just fate's way of laughing at me... again. grrrrr.

If not jail... hell would be even better

This is the kind of stuff that I can't understand and it makes me want to hurt someone. Last year a 13 year old girl committed suicide because of a prank that was played on her Myspace page. Apparently she was a troubled girl that had been fighting depression but was working through it.

She started receiving messages from a guy named "Josh" on her Myspace page. Over a six week period they became friends. Then "Josh" turned on Megan and started leaving mean messages. According to Megan's dad the last message "Josh" sent read as follows.

"Everybody in O'Fallon knows how you are. You are a bad person and everybody hates you. Have a shitty rest of your life. The world would be a better place without you." ...

It was the last message Megan would ever read. She hung herself in her room a few minutes later. It's a tragic story but that's not the part that pisses me off. After looking into the situation the police discovered that "Josh" never existed and that he was in fact created by a family in Megan's neighborhood. Worse the parents of a friend Megan had a falling out with were involved in the prank.

As if all that wasn't bad enough, these people have not broken any laws and can't be charged with anything. Stories like these give "Justice is blind" a whole new meaning and they make me sick.

http://www.foxnews.com/video2/player06.html?111407/111407_an_buckles2&Americas_Newsroom&Online%2520Bullies&Online%2520Bullies&US&-1&News&316.182&&&new

Karma, alive and well

A few people have mentioned karma lately. For those who don't believe in it let me assure you, karma is alive and well.

I skipped soccer practice Wednesday night because I was still upset about the game on Friday. I never promised to help with practice and besides creepy want to be coach guy would be there to help.

When the wife got home from practice she was extremely pissed at my son. Apparently one of the older children, that comes to practice with their parent, was playing around with my son. As a joke she took my son's water bottle. After a few minutes of asking for it back my son picked up another bottle and threw it at her. He was only a few feet away and the bottle hit her in the stomach. The wife said the girl cried for twenty minutes.

When I asked who's child it was, she said "who's do you think?" Yep, it was creepy want to be coach guy's daughter. The wife apologized and had our son apologize but he was having none of it.

So Last night found me at the soccer field asking creepy want to be coach guy if his daughter was ok and apologizing to him. No, he wasn't gracious about it and no he didn't let me off the hook easy.

Why oh why couldn't my son had picked a better target, like the Pope or somebody? Karma sucks!

For the kids? Please!

If I didn't mention it, the wife volunteered me to help with my sons eight and under soccer games. Yes, soccer, no slight intended for calling it that, I'm just watching too much American football to keep it straight.

Apparently our team's coach had asked for help and no one stepped up. Which is kind of strange because I see the same guys at all the games and practices. Especially this one guy who is doing everything the coach wants me to do but just won't say he wants to help. Creepy.

So after helping with the first game I showed up for practice for the first time this year. Not because I plan to help with practice but because I was off work and could. I made it clear to the coach that it won't happen often. I know she heard me say it but I know she wasn't hearing it either, if you know what I mean. So at this practice this particular dad is there helping but the coach keeps asking me to do stuff. This other dad is clearly feeling pushed out by me but he refuses to step up.

I thought I would defuse the situation and introduce myself so I could tell him I didn't want the job but I got the cold shoulder. Then I noticed he was being a little hard on his girl. I approached him again with the intent of telling him some kids, like mine, were older and his girl was doing fine if she was a younger player. The problem was I don't know how old his daughter is.

Me: Do you know how old the kids are on our team?

Creepy want to be coach guy: It's an under eight league, so they're all under eight.

yeeeah, I mean how old is each kid?

I don't know.

Well my son is seven

oh

Since he wasn't going with the plan I tried again.

My son is seven and this is his fourth time playing.

ok

Then he walked off. So I came off like I was a big bragger. OH, MY SON IS OLDER AND HAS MUCH MORE EXPERIENCE THAN YOUR CHILD. Sheesh! Totally not my intention.

So Friday night was game night. When we arrived a bunch of young men had taken the the small nets from our field and moved them a few hundred yards to play a pick-up game. The coach of the other team and our coach didn't know what to do. WTF? As I've said I'm a shy, quiet type around groups but both coaches seemed to be assertive. The opposing coach suggested using the big nets near the field. I couldn't believe my ears. These kids could kick with their eyes closed and make it in the big nets. We have no goalies.

So I told the coaches I would get the nets. They sent to people with me to help carry them back. These guys followed behind me, way behind me, over to where the young men were playing. As I approached the first net I stopped their game and told them we needed our nets. They didn't like it and I heard a few mumbles under their breath but they started walking off. I started to get the far net and turned to see who was going to help when I saw that the two guys with me had made a quick grab of the close net and hauled ass. Leaving me to carry a net across three soccer fields. I was less than thrilled about the way it all went down.

Then the game starts. I'm on the field to help the kids stay in position and help with throw-ins. It doesn't take but a minute to see the other coach has taken charge. I didn't care. Then I noticed he didn't know the rules. Worse, he was telling our kids to do things that were clearly wrong. Like kicking the ball in instead of throwing it. Our kids were so confused by this they gave up two quick goals. I asked our coach WTF? She agreed the guy was screwing up the game. Soooo, SHE DID NOTHING! She let him continue to make up rules and teach them to our kids.

Finally I stepped in, some what. After their coach would tell our kids something I would go behind him and tell the kids the right way. This very much irritated the opposing coach because as the game went on it became clear he was doing things to hurt our team. On goal kicks he would grab our best forward to kick the ball and tell our only defensive player to run to the other side of the field. Of course this would place two of the four kids on our team way out of position. Until I started going behind him and stopping it, they scored three goals. Also, when one of our kids attempted to clear a ball from in front of our net, he kicked it into the opposing coaches feet. The ball bounced back in front of our goal. I expected the coach to stop play but instead he directed his kids to kick it in our goal, then cheered and high fived them after they did. Our coach, SAID NOTHING!

So our kids got their asses beat and they didn't have to. Our coach also let the kids play any position they asked for. I had suggested that she move our stronger players to a defensive position to stop the slaughter but instead she put in kids who are literally scared of the ball. Some actually ran the opposite direction to avoid the ball. Leaving the goal wide open.

So now I don't want to help coach anymore. Not because we didn't win or because my advise wasn't listened to, but because our kids are the ones who will suffer from lack of direction. Soon the parents will question why their kids aren't improving and I want no part of that.

I wish I knew what went though people's minds. Why would their coach not know basic soccer rules if he's coaching? Why would their coach want to cheat little children? Why would their parents cheer when he did? Why did our coach let it happen? Why does that creepy guy keep giving me dirty looks? Why do I get myself into these things? Grrr!

Sometimes I do win

Just like the rest of the business world we are constantly getting bombarded with unwelcome junk faxes. These unwanted faxes cost me time and money as I have to look though them to identify the junk from the important ones. Worse than that, these bastards that send them are using up my ink and paper with out my permission. Fax cartridges are quite expensive.

So a few months ago our fax machine was acting up and I decided to buy a new one. I wasn't all that excited about the purchase because email has all but put an end to the important faxes. However there are times when a fax is required so we must have one, it must be on, and those bastards can still misuse it.

As I was perusing the numerous choices of fax machines I came across the Sharp UX -B80. With this machine you could send faxes and emails for the small price of $99.00. The catch was simple, the ink cartridges were small but each one cost half the price of the machine. I must admit the email option on the machine sold me and even though I knew it would cost me in the long run I bought it.

We ran out of ink the first week. At $50.00 a pop my mistake was front and center. Then I realized if it could send a fax as an email maybe it could receive one as an email as well. I checked, It could! Much to my delight I directed the fax machine to email all received faxes directly to our server. Now we can check the email on the server and view the faxes as they come in. More importantly we only have to print the ones we need on our printer. A huge bonus to our new system is that we can keep each fax on the server and reprint it if needed. Something that has saved us on more than one occasion.

So now we use ZERO ink from the fax, sorry Sharpe UXB80... NOT! We have cut our paper use down by 75% regarding faxes and we never lose one. WE WIN!!!! Finally.

As of today the score stands 1,323 worthless faxes to 263 real ones. Now if I could just do something about junk email...

PSST! what's my password? A stupid, pissed off, rant!

Does anybody out there want to know my password? Well I sure do.

Keeping up with all these passwords has become a full time job and I hate it. Some of my passwords are forever, some are too important to be like the rest and some expire in six months. When they do expire I have to think up a new one immediately and it can not be like the one I have nor any I've had before. They must be easy enough for me to remember, yet hard enough to be effective. Sometimes I sit at my desk staring at my screen, stumped by which password to use. It shouldn't be this hard!

So I use the word 'apple' great just type it in and I'm done for six months. beep! No, you must use at least one numerical character in the password. Damn! forgot about that, easy enough 'apple1' Beep! No! password must have at least eight characters. DAMN! all right, 'apples11' BEEP! New password is similar to last password. DAMN IT! DAMN IT!!! 'APPLES88' cool it worked.

The next day I go to log in... first I try the old password beep! Then I rack my brain trying to remember what fruit I used... oh yeah 'apple' beep! Oh right, 'apples8', Beep! damn! 'apple88' BEEP! DAMMMMMMN ITTTTTTTT! apple18, Apple11, APPLE1, APPLE8, Apple1,... apple81, ;KJEDJKED;LKSDJD, banana12345 Beeeep!!!!! By now I have either exceeded my allotment of attempts or I give up and press the "I forgot my password link" either way they send me an email giving me a new password, if I'm lucky. If I'm not I get a phone number to call to reset my password. Great, but I'll never remember "rdexc3472" who the hell thought that up? I better change it, hum... what to use? 'Peach' beep!...

Some days I might remember to type the new password into a spreadsheet I have hidden in my computer to keep track of all my passwords. On a good day I may even be at the computer that holds the spread sheet when I need it. On a great day I might even remember where I hid said spreadsheet. On an awesome day I'll find it and remember the password that's required to get into it. On that sheet is a list of 37 different programs and sites that require a password and user name and that's only the ones I remembered to write down.

They do have that little button "remember my password" whatever you do DON"T CHECK THAT BOX! It had to be invented by satan himself. I use to click it every time until A) I had to change my password and need the old one to confirm it or B) The kids unchecked the box. In both cases I couldn't remember the password because I never had to type it in. Of course they make some devices that will remember all your passwords for you. I can't say their coolness factor isn't attractive but the only thing I'm worse at than remembering passwords is remembering to carry something around. Grrr!

The part I hate the most is that some of the passwords aren't even necessary. I mean who wants to see my electric bill anyway? All these passwords are driving me out of my mind. Couldn't we just do something easier like sticking a needle in our eye? There has to be a better way. Maybe if we could just trust people to mind their own business. I know, dream on.

Oh yeah, if you want to leave a comment regarding this rant please don't forget to type in your user name and password under the comment box. Damn it!

Attention terrorist, radicals and disgruntled postal workers

Attention terrorist, radicals and disgruntled postal workers in case you haven't figured out a way to harm the maximum number of innocent people, head on over to NPR's Morning Edition. The nice folks at NPR have taken the time not only announce that freight trains are a great target for a terrorist attack but their fabulous in depth reporting has also calculated that they could kill up to 100,000 people within half an hour.

So if you hadn't thought of an attack like this or if you thought it might not be worth the trouble listen to NPR's report and you'll be convinced it is.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=11151826

Thanks NPR, what would we do without you?