Cheers

Recently a story lit up the news wires that not only caught my attention but the attention of President Obama as well. About a weeks ago the the Cambridge police received a call from a concerned neighbor that she might have witnessed a burglary in progress by two men. With this information officers were dispatched.

Upon entering the house the police discovered the man, who had been seen forcing the door open by the neighbor, was the resident of the house. The man, who was black, was asked to step outside. He was very irritated that the police had entered his house without authorization and refused to step outside claiming the officer, a white man, was a racist. After finally following the officer out of the house, the officer warned him twice to calm down. When Mr. Gates refused, he was handcuffed, arrested and taken to jail. The charges later dropped.

After hearing about the arrest President Obama, a friend of Mr. Gates, said in an interview that the police had acted "stupidly". He went on further to suggest that Mr. Gates was profiled because of his race. This was only hours after the arrest and before many facts were known about the case.

After the president realized he had said too much with too little information he called the officer involved in the arrest. The officer suggested the three of them have a beer and smooth things out. All accepted.

Now this beer event is being touted as a "Teaching Moment" to highlight the racial profiling of the professor, Mr Gates. WTF??!!!! SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME ON WHAT PLANET THIS MAN WAS ARRESTED BECAUSE OF HIS RACE??PLEASE... SOMEONE... ANYONE?

The definition of racial profiling according to the ACLU is as follows:

Racial Profiling:"Racial Profiling" refers to the discriminatory practice by law enforcement officials of targeting individuals for suspicion of crime based on the individual's race, ethnicity, religion or national origin.

The officer was dispatched to the scene, so no individual was targeted. The neighbor who made the call never mentioned the color of the people she saw. The officer had no idea what type of person he would find in the house, so no perceived notions. After arriving at the house the officer followed standard protocol. Other than Mr. Gates calling the officer a racist where was race a factor in the arrest?

So my only assumption here is that the lesson of this "Teaching Moment" is that EVERYONE can be guilty of racial profiling because that is exactly what Mr. Gates and the President did. THEY saw a white police officer, attached all the history and stereo types they've been taught and experiences and played the race card before they knew the facts. The very definition of "racial profiling" if you ask me. If that's the message that's going to be delivered after a few rounds of beer then I say, "cheers!"

But for some reason, I just don't see that in the cards.

My two trillion cents worth

Since the election I've been keeping my mouth shut about our new president. Believe me it hasn't been easy either. I like to think I'm a "give em a chance" type guy. His newest proposal, one he ran strong on, is health care reform. Something I agree desperately needs changing.

Of course I wouldn't go about it the way he's proposing... big surprise huh? There are so many options open to try before we hand over health care to the government. You know "the government" who can't run the schools, the post office or public transportation. Even for twice the money and half the quality of similar private institutions.

Here are a few things I would try before nationalizing health care.

Step One: I would implement something called True Cost Billing (I just made that up *pat on the back*) With True Cost Billing a patient could only be charged the actual coast of a procedure or medicine plus a set cap on profit. Say 30% max? So a 10 cent Tylenol would cost a patient no more 13 cent instead of the 6 dollars they maybe charged now.

Instead of the cost of those who can't pay being added to the cost of those who do, a person is only paying for the services THEY RECEIVED. Doing this will DRASTICALLY lower insurance rates. Under this system more people may actually feel than can afford to pay their bill. A lot more people can pay a 600.00 hospital bill rather than an over blown 4,000.00 bill they may just walk away from. That's less collections and less people having their credit destroyed.

"BUT WAIT" I think I heard someone scream. "Who is going to pay for all the people who can't afford care but still need it?" Ok, I didn't hear that but I'm sure someone thought it, very loud. Well, with True Cost Billing insurance rates should fall to a level where more employers can afford health insurance for their employees and families thus eliminating many of the non-payers. "What about the rest?" you may ask. That's where step two kicks in. Follow me...

Step Two: Tort Reform. Place a cap on how much one person can sue a doctor or hospital. "OMG! That's not fair!" that same mysterious voice just yelled. It is fair. If the doctor makes a honest mistake then there should be a limit to damages BUT if the doctor does something criminal then the caps come off and the damages are wide open. Besides, if the government takes over health care do you really think you can sue them for mistakes? Ask someone who uses a VA hospital how that turns out. So with tort reform, medical malpractice insurance goes way down and with it the cost of providing health care.

Step Three: Stop giving away health care to those in this country illegally. Harsh? Yes, I hated to even type it. I'm not advocating turning anyone in need away. There are ways to do this in a humane way. I would suggest a pay or go away plan. That means if you come to the hospital for care and you can pay no questions will be asked about your legal status. But, if you can't pay and you are in the country illegally you will be deported, after treatment of course. Cruel? Not when you consider that Mexicans alone send an estimated 17 billion dollars back to Mexico each year. Some of these people have the money to pay for their health care. If you use the system you should help pay for it.

Step Four: Cut the fraud. With all the computer technology I find it hard to believe someone can't right a program that will identify fraud in Medicaid and Medicare. It should be as easy as finding the average billing of services for a doctor or institution. If a doctor or institution submits payment for more than 10% of average then it would trigger an audit. Seems simple to me.

Step Five: Let companies shop for insurance across state lines. This will increase competition and cut premiums. Another no-brainer from where I sit.

I'm sure there are a few flaws in my steps but smarter people than me could work them out. I just can't see building a new system with all the same problems still there, except this time they're built into the system. Especially if the government is going to be in charge. I mean do we really want the same people who have our financial files to have our medical records too? Come on hippies of the sixties, where is all that paranoia of the government when we need it? Don't give into "the man".

To me it's like a boat that won't go because the anchor is out. So you build a bigger boat and tie the anchor to it. Hell, why not try just pulling the anchor up first?

Pick, Plow, Growl

After my May 12Th post I planned to take a little time away from blogging. I wanted to get back to the life that I had exiled myself from for the last five years. So it's wasn't much of a surprise that I haven't been here. What has surprised me is the STUPID reason I was away for so long.

In a word Facebook (or is that two words? Idk) Actually, it wasn't even Facebook but rather a stupid little game in Facebook that someone asked me to play, Farm Town. Before you laugh (to late I'm sure) remember one thing, I grew up when video games were just coming out. I stayed up all night when my best friend got pong. I played Pac Man before there was a miss Pac Man. From the time I was ten I taught myself to study video games for their weaknesses, then exploit and destroy.

Farm Town, it sounds so innocent doesn't it? All you do is plow, harvest and plant. With the money you make you can build your farm bigger. I laughed it how stupid it was when I first saw it. It is suppose to be a slow relaxing game. Crops can take up to four days to ripen. It's designed to be slow. Then I realized you could also score points. That means you can win. Game on, and on, and on.... After scoring triple the points of all the people playing with me, I have reached the last level. It's over, I'm done. I'm putting that stupid, time, wasting, addictive game behind me. I leave my fellow farmers to toil in the soil, to beg at the market and baby sit their crops. bah!

Of course it wasn't all Farm Town. Work has been keeping me busy, as well doing more with the family. Summer brings in hours of yard work too. Hopefully I'll be around a little more often now. Writing down my thoughts is a hell of a lot more productive than Farm Town. And I don't even have to worry about how many points I score. Bonus!

The 200 Million Dollar Question

I was talking to The Wife the other day about the young man in Texas who had won 200 million dollars in the lottery. I made the comment, as I usually do, that it will probably ruin his life. The Wife was quick to shoot back, "I wouldn't mind the chance to see if I could handle it."

Then without much thought I asked, "If you knew it would mean certain divorce, would you still want to win 200 million dollars?"

There was a longer pause than there should have been. Then she asked if it would have to mean a divorce. To which I replied, "that's the question I'm asking." Then there was an even longer, awkward pause, while she twisted her mouth as she thought. "No, I suppose not." Then she exited the room.

Even though the conversation was all in jest, it got me thinking. How many people would take the 200 million knowing it would end their marriage? If they are willing to do that, what does that say about their marriage? Do we believe money can solve more of our problems than the ones who love us?

How much is a marriage worth?

Happy Birthday Daughter!!!!

Happy Birthday Darren

Wherever you are, I hope you're having a good one.

Gassed, Passed and Last

About a month ago one of my gym partners asked my other partner and me to run in a 5k charity event. An odd thing to do because none of us run... at all.

Still, it was local, for a good cause and he sounded like he wanted to do it. What the hell, we both said yes. I mean it was only a little over three miles and we we're three fit guys. I think you can all see where this is going.

The event was being hosted by JCB, a heavy equipment manufacturer, based in the UK. The event was being held on their grounds, a 1000 acre plot. They have a big pond in front of their place that someone had the bright idea to have us run around to start the race. I was excited about this until I realized there was no path to run on. By the time we made it around the pond my back was already feeling it from all the uneven ground and jarring.

The funny thing was that I thought I was doing well. That all changed when I came across a sign that read "one mile". That sign broke my spirit. I honestly thought I had ran more than half of the race already. My partners were still chugging along. The heat was absurd. It felt like we were running in the desert. Luckily one of my partners brought his step daughter and she had to start walking right after the sign. Whew! If I had known her I would had volunteered to stay with her. I ran with my other partner for another mile. Then my pride would carry me no more. When I suggested we take a break "and let our other partner catch up" the one still with me was way to fast to agree.

I still wasn't feeling to bad about it all until at two and a half miles a little old lady, that very much resembled Dr. Ruth, passed us and left us eating her dust. I had a chance to catch her at the finish line but I didn't think elbowing a little old lady out of the way to beat her was going to go over to well, especially with everyone watching. Besides, she had earned the right to finish in front of me. She had earned my respect. The whole thing was very embarrassing. Next time - if there is a next time - I will do a little training first. Then Dr. Ruth will go down, oh yes she will.

We're the boss

As an American tax payer I am now part owner of one of the worlds largest auto makers, General Motors. I wonder if I'm entitled to an owners discount?

I'm just sayin'

Hatebook

Facebook has not been an easy medium for me to navigate. When my wife jumped on facebook, just like everybody else, she was friended by many people from her past. Being reunited with one particular girl, her best friend in high school, seem to excite her the most. The girl had gotten married and moved away almost twenty years ago, no contact since then.

Now I was around them in high school. While I always found this girl to be a fun person to party with I never thought she was much as far as friend material goes. She married a jerk and dropped The Wife, and me too I guess, as friends because we didn't party hard enough.

When they reconnected on facebook The Wife learned her friend was living 4 hours away from us and was recently divorced. It wasn't long before her friend announced she was coming to town to visit family and would like to see The Wife and family. The Wife was ecstatic. The weekend came and went with no word from the friend. The Wife was upset but admitted they had no concrete plans. A few months later her friend again announced a visit and again ask to meet up with The Wife. This time they made definite plans. Again, the weekend came and went with no word from her friend. Then the following Monday this girl plasters her facebook about all the fun she had with her friends while she was in town. The Wife was very upset.

The Wife asked my opinion on how to handle the situation with her friend on facebook. I suggested, strongly, that she de-friend this girl. I reminded her that she has been getting along fine for the last twenty years without her so why put up with this shit now? (yes, I did cuss a bit) So the with a heavy heart The Wife de-friended her. Now I feel like I pressured her into doing it. She clearly wanted to reconnect with this girl.

So now I'm wondering, should we let the ones we love suffer if we can clearly see their desires are not obtainable, or worse, causing them pain? Should I have let them work it out no matter how rude this girl was being to my wife? Did I have the right to almost insist that dropping this girl was the only real option? Had she continued taking her crap, I'll admit, I would have lost some respect for The Wife but I never said that, not out loud. Although I'm sure it came through loud and clear with my attitude.

Did I stick my face where it it didn't belong?

Falling Back Up

When you fall you instinctively reach for something to hold on to. If you fall hard enough and long enough you'll grasp anything you can get your hands on. If you're lucky, even if you grab something not strong enough to support you for long, it will give you time to get your footing.

When I started blogging I posed the question "Why do we blog? Why do I blog?"

Jen, the first person to comment on my blog, astutely answered, "For me, sometimes making the blog just gives the world a chance to reach out and touch me, and some times I need that to keep going... "

At the time I thought I understood what she meant but I didn't really understand. Now I do. I started blogging because I felt cut off from my family, friends and the world. I was confused, angry, bitter and upset with everyone and everything but mostly with myself.

Five years ago today, I was in an car accident, or rather five years ago today I caused a car accident. As I watched a man, who was in the car I struck, take his last breath on the side of a busy highway I knew my life would never be the same. Being responsible for taking a life, even if by accident, is something I will live with everyday of my life. I have come to terms with it as much as a person can, or at least as much as I can. While it will forever be part of me, it no longer defines me as I once let it. It has found it's place in my life but that is not what this post is about.

To my surprise, guilt and remorse weren't the only words I realized I never knew the meaning of until that day. I waited for help. I didn't ask for it because I didn't feel I had the right. But I knew, like I knew the sun would rise, that my family and friends would rush to help me get through it. They didn't. Worse, they went about their lives like nothing had happened, like I was some sort of monster that could be unaffected by such an event.

The longer I waited for help that never came the angrier and more bitter I became. Couldn't they see I was struggling? Couldn't they see I was sinking? Didn't they care? I realized then that the foundation I had built my life on was crumbling under my feet. When you start believing your life is nothing but smoke and mirrors you start to question everything. What's real? What's not? Reality becomes blurred. When you mix guilt and regret with sorrow, anger and bitterness the result is toxic and even if you sip it slowly... especially if you sip it slowly, it can kill you.

If I would have tried to write this post when I first started blogging I would have listed all the ways my family and friends had wronged me and let me down. I would have inserted all the facts that supported my argument. I would have pointed out that my eyes have been open to the truth about people and then felt guilty and angry because I brought that truth upon myself. I don't need to do that anymore. I never should have wanted to.

When you feel betrayed and stop trusting everyone you find yourself in a deep dark hole that doesn't seem worth the effort to climb out of at times. Over the last five years, in that hole, I have seen a thousand faces and all of them are mine. As I searched for the reason why the people I loved didn't respond the way I expected, for why they didn't love me, I realized a truth about them and all people. They were as scared, unsure, sad and lost as I was. They had never dealt that type of situation. They were scared they would handle it wrong so they pretended it didn't happen. Nothing as sinister as I had imagined in my head.

I realize now the people in my life have dreams I don't know about and fears they dare not tell. They have expectations and let downs. I have failed them many times and never known it. I understand a little better that every single person I encounter has as much going on inside their head as I do.

The most important thing I've realized is that people are flawed. My family is flawed, my friends are flawed, strangers are flawed but most of all I am flawed. What has became obvious is that I'm the most flawed person I know. Not because of the accident but because I know all my own thoughts, feelings and actions. I know most of my thousand faces and I don't like them all. As Daughter once so wisely pointed out, 'every problem I've ever had in my whole life has one thing in common... me'.

I've learned if we want to blame, hate, or be angry at people then the closest ones to us become the easiest targets. BUT, these are the same people who know all of our faults and love us despite them, in some cases because of them. These are the people who are willing to love us for who we are not what we want to project to the world. These people, with all their flaws, are the ones who have earned our love, respect and trust. I'm making the effort to keep that in mind these days.

With my new found knowledge, though I know there is much more to learn, I have forgiven the people in my life (not that they did anything wrong) for not living up to my unrealistic expectations to be perfect. Mostly I've forgiven myself for not being perfect. I have found a true foundation to place my trust, instead of leaving it anywhere it happens to fall. It's been a long journey for me and I'm tired, very tired but hopeful and thankful for the blessings I have been given and the gift of life that lays in front of me. As Time Traveller once told me, "if you believe in God then you must believe he let you live for a reason." I do.

So five years later the world looks a lot different than it did before. And even though a day won't go by that I won't wish I didn't know what I know now, at least this new knowledge will help me move forward, which is more than I thought was ever possible not to long ago.