My son told me a joke today

I just had a complete conversation with my three year old son. He told me he wanted some more popcorn then wanted the candy I was eating. I okayed the popcorn but the candy was mine. He whimpered a bit but understood what I was saying. Then he tried to tell me a knock knock joke. It was pretty funny too. Knock knock. Who's there? Who. Who who? Are you a owl? Then he laughed.

This may not seem like much to most people but it almost makes me cry. You see, my son has been diagnosed with autism. We had noticed he didn't talk nor did he understand basic commands by the age of two. We knew something was wrong but didn't know what. After many test a doctor told us he was autistic. I didn't believe it then and I don't now. There is something wrong and I wish I knew what it was so we could work on it but I don't believe it's autism.

If you've ever been around an autistic child there are few things you notice. They don't see you. They have blank look on their face. No sense of humor, no imagination, no signs of affection and loves routine. None of these traits describe my son. He's the most affectioned, sympathetic child I know. He can already start our computer put in the CD he wants, starts the game he wants and plays fairly well. I know I'm a bias parent but the kids got charm.

I'm scared for the life that's ahead of him. Life is hard enough without starting with one strike against you. His condition really doesn't effect me, I rarely notice it but I have to worry how it will effect him now and later.

My son told me a knock knock joke today and it almost made me cry.

Christmas Pics And Such

Just a few Xmas pics and a few others. The one with the feet hanging out is my daughter after she emptied the pots and pans on to the floor. We think she was hiding but obviously she's not to good at it:)

Big Ass Rant On The Way

If you want me to help you just ask. I might not do it that minute or even that day but I will do it. I always do. If it's not a F**KN' emergency don't expect me to cancel my plans and stop everything to make your little whims a reality. I have a life believe it or not. While we're on the subject if you do need my help I am more than willing to assist you with whatever you need or to take the lead and get the job done. What I'm not capable of doing is taking the lead and have someone supervise me. Either we do it your way and I help or tell me what you need and get the hell out of the way! The following is an example of a typical conversation that takes place in my life every day.

Hey can you come over and set up the new TV I got?

Well I'm going to the gym tonight I'll come by and do it tomorrow, ok?

Well I really wanted it tonight because it's in the way.

I would come after the gym but I want to see the kids before they go to bed.

Couldn't you go to the gym tomorrow instead?

I could but my lift partners will be there tonight (why do I have to justify this?)

Couldn't you leave early or put the kids to bed then come over? (oh no, don't let me of the hook easy)

This is the part where I cave in and do it. It's not that he didn't have a TV it's that he got a new one and wanted it NOW. So I go do it and I'm questioned every step of the way if I'm doing it right. Then later that night I get a call about how the thing isn't working. Like I got some kind of damn warranty on the help I give people. So I spend another 30 minutes on the phone teaching them how to use their remote. Ever done that? No fun at all.

So this is my life. Working 50 + hours a week and a list of favors to do for everyone. I don't mind doing them, honestly. I even like being the go to guy but damn it's a favor and that means you might have to wait for it to be convenient for me. Gasp! I swear I don't feel like my time is my own. Sometimes I'm not even sure my life is.

Christmas Miracles

The Christmas crap (tree and Decorations) are put away. Yes, I have a holiday tradition of taking down the tree the day after. This year is no different and I am happy to say Christmas is OVER.

We did however have two Christmas miracles happen. The first and most important happened to a family that lives in our community. Their 6 year old son has been best friends with my 6 year old since they were 3. My son's friend found out he had stage four cancer last year and has had a very aggressive year long battle to save his life. He is clean of cancer now but still has a less than 50% chance of living. He also has two brothers who have severe allergies to peanuts and dairy foods combine that with the fact that the dad is a doctor who is currently stationed in Afghanistan and mom is home taking care of 5 children by herself, their Christmas was going to be a very sad one indeed. But as fate would have it my wife casually mentioned them to an acquaintance who owns a golf cart dealership. The owner informed my wife that she gives away a cart to a deserving family every year and you guessed it after all was said and done this family was delivered a new golf cart on Christmas day. The kids were on top of the world and spent the whole day riding that golf cart and instead of a ruined Christmas they had the time of their lives.

The second miracle may not sound like a big deal but it fixes a huge problem for me. My brother, who has three kids that I adore , has a wife that suddenly stopped talking to my whole side of the family about seven years ago. We have no idea why. I'm not just saying that nothing happened, nothing happened and we never could get an answer from my brother. Well I really didn't care if she talked to us or not but the limited access to the children sucks. They are 16, 14, and 14 now, one girl and twin boys. My sister in law has never met my three children or my sisters two. No cards at birth or birthdays, nothing. Then yesterday she showed up for Christmas dinner like the last seven years didn't happen. Gave us a hug, wished us merry Christmas and sat next to us while we broke bread. I have no idea why now but it was nice being around my brothers family at Christmas time. I asked myself if I should forgive her that easy but she's the one who missed out on knowing my kids and knowing the joy of being an aunt. Her loss more than mine.

Well time to look forward to the new year.

Good Gift?

Christmas is over and all went well. We even had two Christmas miracles occur but I will post more on those tomorrow. The picture above is a gift the wife and I received from an aunt and uncle. It is by far the strangest gift we got this year and maybe any year. Just thought it was kinda funny. Funny strange and funny funny.

Still not sure where I'm going to put it.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas Everyone

And a whole lot of gifts : )

Cleaning Up

I have heard more than once that some women think that a man cleaning the house is sexy. Well, I must be the sexiest man alive today because I cleaned every damn nook and cranny. Did some laundry too.

Did my wife think this was sexy? No! She told me I had worked up a stinky sweat and told me to take a shower :(

I just can't win...

The Don wins agains

Can anyone deny that Donald Trump is a true genius. I couldn't tell you any of the names of the past Miss USA winners but I know last years winner was Tara Conner.

How can the Don continually trick the press into giving him free publicity. Rosie O'Donnell fell for it too, hook line and sinker. Fools!

Day and Night

Every day I'm forced to deal with two opposing forces. Night and day, total opposites, trying to rule my world. I love the day, I can see clearly, every path is visible, it's bright and all my obstacles are in plain view. Then there is night, it's dark and confusing, I'm never sure of where I am. Sometimes I can't even see myself.

Both are aware of the other and completely cover my world. Lately the nights are shorter, shorter than they were just a few years ago but they're still there, without fail. Day being day, never intrudes into night, never makes an attempt to break in or vanquish it forever. Night being what it is, is never far away, always waiting for an opportunity to slip in. To roll the clouds and darken even the brightest day.

The truth is, night takes advantage of day. It waits until day grows long and tired and starts to forget about night, forgetting how dark night can be. That's when night takes it's opportunity and strikes, the two meet at dusk and blend together in combat but day is too tired and eventual submits. Night by itself is a formidable opponent but night has an evil brother, darkness and a devious sister, silence. I have fought them all and lost every time. There is no hope of winning. Even the moonlight cutting into night is just a tease, it is of no help. Once night has it's hold it will bring me down, then the simple act of closing my eyes allows his brother darkness to fill my head. When darkness and silence converge I have no control over my thoughts. Over and over the images replay against my wishes. I am forced to watch for the millionth time. Darkness is an evil gun and I have supplied the ammunition.

Now I can only wait for day to regain it's strength and the Battle for my soul to start again in the morning. Hoping that night has grown bored with me, that the clouds are to lazy to come out and help night extend it's reign, that the rain has had it's fill and the storms are satisfied that enough damage has been done... for now.

Future Blogs

I'm always thinking of new names I should have used for this site. I will add them as I think of them.

The Eye Of My Mind

Blogger Beware

Damaged Goods

Back Draft

Dark Nights

Twisted Logic

The Thorn Of The Rose

Where Fate Has left Me

Quotes to think about

All the joy in the world comes from focusing on the well-being of others, all the suffering in the world comes from focusing on our own.
Unknown

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Martin Luther King, Jr

Joy increases as you give it, and diminishes as you try to keep it for yourself. In giving it, you will accumulate a deposit of joy greater than you ever believed possible.
Norman Vincent Peale

I am responsible for my own well-being, my own happiness. The choices and decisions I make regarding my life directly influences the quality of my days.
Kathleen Andrus

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.
Fredrick Koeing

Quite often we change jobs, friends and spouses instead of ourselves.
Akbarali H. Jetha

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
Unknown

Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's when you've had everything to do, and you've done it.
Margaret Thatcher

We are a whole lot more than the worst we've ever done. (I hope that's true)
Father Greg Boyle

A rich man is not one who has the most, but one who needs the least.
Unknown

The fall of mankind, womens lib

I know by writing this I am taking my life into my own hands and I may face great danger if this does not come out the way I plan. I am capable of changing my opinion if a reasonable argument is presented. All I ask is that you be gentle.

I believe with all my heart that the women's movement of the 60's and 70's has ruined mankind. I do believe that women deserve equal rights and I am all for equality in everything. The problem is that I believe up until then women had a higher moral standard than men. In other words women were the better of the two sexes to start with. While the women's lib movement may have made both sexes equal I believe it didn't raise women up to men's level, in fact it lowered them down to men's level.

I think our equality comes from the different strengths both sexes bring to the world. Woman had always demanded respect and commitment to enter into a relationship. The high standards that women had bound families together. Made men civil. Because of men's deep desire to be with a women, he had to accept the women's terms to fill his desires. If left to his own he would roam from women to women with no sense of commitment or responsibility.

Since the 60's society has declined because women were promised they could have it all just like men. The problem was men didn't have it all. Men couldn't sleep with whoever he wanted or make children and walk away. Now he can. Women were the dam that contained the men but now that women want be the water too there is nothing left to hold it all in and water always runs downhill. Now the water flows in all directions with no boundaries.

It was once said that if women ran the world there would be no wars but now we know women are just as capable of war, hate, violence and evil as men are. Yes women can be anything a man can be so now we have women soldiers, gang members and serial killers.

Adam ate the forbidden fruit from Eve. I think men have returned the favor by making power and position look so appealing. Now that women have taken the bite there is no turning back, the damage is done. When I hear about preteen girls giving boys oral sex as casually as they would give him a kiss I'm convinced that this is not the equality women were looking for.

For thousands of years women have told men that family is the most important thing there is but now it's the women ditching the family in pursuit of power and self-fulfillment. The water flows freely now and it's easy to find a direction to leave. Society doesn't care. There is no more stigma attached. The glue that once held us together as women and men has been diluted by money and power and selfishness.

Men have always been dogs, now women are learning to bark and bite as well.

That being said I am ready to duck, so fire away.

The Price of Happiness

I usually don't complain about my family to much but my sister is going through a divorce and it is really pissing me off. I would love to say that it's the husbands fault and he is a horrible guy but that would be a lie. He is probably one of the nicest guys I know. They have two young girls that will be affected by this, so the stakes are high.

The problem is my sister. She is such a control freak to the point that I think she needs professional help. Don't get me wrong she is very smart and totally career driven. She makes a boat load of money and she is exceptional at what she does but that is all she wants to do. She recently told me that she is only happy when she's at work.

She has been married for ten years and now says she only got married because she thought it was time and she never loved her husband. I'm sure he's real happy to realize the last ten years of his life has been a waste and a lie. He has spent the last four years catering to her every demand trying to keep peace in the family but it was never enough. They hadn't had sex in two years because she didn't want anyone to touch her. Again I'm sure his life has been hell. He was willing to put up with all of this to keep the family together but finally she said she wasn't happy feeling she owed her husband any obligations and they would be better off apart. He has no choice, as usual, in this decision.

Maybe I'm overreacting but I can't help but think this has something to do with the new modern woman. He makes good money but my sister makes more than twice what he does. It has always been apparent to me that she has felt above him because of this. She told me one time that she had kept him from buying a $100.0 worth of work clothes just because and the same week she spent thousands on her clothes. She said this with a grin on her face. She now says that it's not fair for the whole family if she isn't happy. So a divorce is the best thing for everybody. Huh? She refuses to go to marriage counseling to work on it. I asked her how she could look her girls in the face when she has put more effort towards her career than her family. She doesn't care. To hell with them if she's not happy.

Am I wrong here? Doesn't she have an obligation to try everything before giving up? Isn't a family more important than a job? Doesn't saying wedding vows obligate you to certain duties whether you like them or not? How many lives are we allowed to destroy to peruse our own happiness?

The sad part is I don't think this will help her find happiness at all. I think she will find loneliness, regret and emptiness. Then what?

A Time To Count My Blessings

Although I bitch and moan all year about the smallest things, life has been good to me. So with the holidays approaching this is a perfect time of year to count my blessings.




I am thankful...

For my 6 year old son; he is smart, inquisitive, full of energy, polite and funny. He wakes up early every day wanting to experience life. For his ability to charm everyone he meets.






For my 3 year old son; he is affectionate, caring and has an imagination. For being able to attend regular 3 year old school without any problems and no one seemed to notice. That he has more good days and the bad ones are getting fewer. For the sound of his words I thought I might never hear.






For my almost 2 year old daughter; for the way she has my heart. For the way she starts dancing at the first sound of music. For the way she gets in my face when I'm trying to watch tv forcing me to pay attention to her. She is happy and stubborn and easy going.






For the way they greet me when I come home and pile on me whenever they can.





For my wife who is a great mother. Who some how manages to keep her sanity dealing with three kids all day. Who despite living in a community where working mothers look down on her for choosing to be a stay at home mom never lets it bring her down. For putting up with me which is not an easy job.





For my prosperity. I may not be the wealthiest man in the world but I need nothing and I want for very little.





For my health. All my health issues are self inflicted and very minor.





For the fact that nobody close to me has ever died.





For the opportunity to raise my children in a good community.





For having fiends who listen and even some who care.





For having more than I deserve in life.

For all these things and many more I am truly blessed.

An Ode To My Mask

An ode to the mask that sits on my face

That somehow now seems locked into place

When I was young I showed my emotions

To look in my eyes you could see my devotions

Then I was taught that I shouldn't cry

and big boys don't fear but they never said why

So I slipped on my mask to hide all my tears

And forgot to remove it after just a few years

My mask keeps my tears safely buried inside

It stifles my screams until my fears subside

For I put the mask on and now it's the boss

Myself, my emotions, all are a loss

For to be the real me would be a real task

To know me now is to know my mask

I am dying of a disease, old age

I've been fighting this thing called old age for a long time. I have always been active and enjoyed being in shape. I love to go to the gym and the harder the lift the more I love it. The problem is at some point I will have to slow down. I don't want to but I can't keep this up forever. I have bad knees, I've torn my rotator cuff, my elbows feel like they're on fire.





Can it be possible at age 38 I've topped the hill and I am on my way down? I can't see myself on a treadmill all the time and lifting weights without maximum effort is no fun. I already get pissed off when I see these young guys throwing up weight I use to do with no problem. They think us old timers should look up to them, they have no idea we've 'been there done that'. I was probably the same way at their age.






The benefits for my children are tremendous. Being an older dad I feel like I need to be able to do what their friends dads can do. Most are about 8 to 10 years younger than me. Of course I want my kids to be proud of me. So I keep pushing.











I don't want to stop lifting, I don't want to slow down, I don't want to be old.





I am dying of a disease, old age, and I hope it wins.

Office Party?

I got a big WTF? going on at work lately. I have an office near the front of the building and it's become the big hang out place. Whenever someone doesn't have something to do they come to my office and sit in the chairs in front of my desk and hang out.



It's really beginning to wear me down. A guy sat in my office yesterday for four straight hours. I'm going out of my mind. I talk to them at first to be pleasant then I try to get my work done. I feel bad for ignoring them but DAMN. The worst part is if I start working on my computer they get curious and get up to look at what I'm doing. Seriously WTF?

Lets get something straight, I am not that interesting, I'm not good looking and my office sure ain't party central. If I get on the phone they listen in then comment after I get off. I'm starting to put work off until they leave but they never do. I have actually had to get up to meet customers out in the hall because my office is full. When one is in there it attracts another and before long I have four people in there. ARRRRGGGGGGGGG!!!! I fake a reason to leave and they eventually go but as soon as I sit back down here they come again.



Why the hell would people waste their time sitting in an office for no reason? Take a damn hint, please. Just go, go...... I'm begging you.

Honesty, Not Walmarts Policy

Went to Walmart with the kids again this weekend. The kids like to ride in the buggy so we have to put the stuff all around them. We get to the car and I realize that the one of the kids was sitting on a can of 'Great Stuff' sealant and we didn't pay for it.





So I grab the can and head back in the store. I tell the Walmart greeter that I didn't get charged for the can. She looks at me like WTF? I motion to the check out and she nods for me to move on.





I walk up to the cashier and tell her my kid was sitting on the can and I need to pay for it. "Oh, aren't you just the honest one" she says very condescending. I pay for the stuff and have to ask her for a bag and receipt. She treated me like I was an idiot for coming back in. I just wanted to pay for what I got. I didn't tell on the greeter for not finding it or the cashier for missing it. I didn't yell it as I came through the door. What's wrong with these people? Or is it just me?

The War

Well I can understand others point of view about the war. I can even respect it. I can't respect people who say get out no matter what. That we caused this and we created it. I don't want to change anyones mind about this. It's a complicated issue that has more to it than stay or leave.



While I believe Iraq may or may not have been the place to make this stand, eventually we will have to make it. If we look at history, Hitler's Nazi party started the same way as these Islamic extremist. If you are not like them you must die. People ignored Hitler because it didn't affect them and by the time it did he was very powerful. That can never happen again.



Now lets look at Iraq. You had a man in power who murdered, raped and stole from his people. People who counted on him for everything. The President thought that these people would welcome a chance at controlling their own lives. I thought they would too. What he didn't count on was the Islamic extremist being willing to kill their own people to keep that from happening. This is the part I don't get. If Saddem killed his people no problem. If the extremist kill their own people no problem but if we kill the people who are killing everybody we are the devil. WTF? Even though the press has only reported the bad it's clear to see that our intentions was to spread democracy though that part of the world. It may be the wrong country but it's against the right people, right now.



What gives us the right you may say? History does. If we do nothing the following will happen almost guaranteed.

The woman of the middle east will be all but slaves. No rights other than what they are allowed to do by men.

A handful of people in these countries will be ultra rich while the population all but starve to death

These countries will acquire nuclear bombs that eventually will be used.

Our country will never be safe again. As they force millions to bend to their will our chance of keeping them out decreases

They will break our economy by using oil as a way to inflict economic damage on us

Did we cause this? No. In Africa, in the Darfur region, where we have not been involved, hundred of thousands of people die at the hands of, you guessed it, Islamic extremist . We debate human rights they do not. We try not to kill innocent civilians, they don't care if they do. If one of our soldiers does kill or rape the innocent we prosecute, they celebrate theirs as a hero. We took over Japan and gave it back. We took Germany and gave it back. We don't want Iraq but we do need to confront Islamic extremist and let them know we will not just roll over.

It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.

Sir Winston Churchill

Never, never, never believe any war will be smooth and easy, or that anyone who embarks on the strange voyage can measure the tides and hurricanes he will encounter. The statesman who yields to war fever must realize that once the signal is given, he is no longer the master of policy but the slave of unforeseeable and uncontrollable events.

Sir Winston Churchill

The price of greatness is responsibility.

Sir Winston Churchill

One ought never to turn one's back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half.

Sir Winston Churchill

Abortion (he'd better not go there)

My thoughts on abortion.






My thoughts on abortion are some what tied to my views on women's lib.






I am pro choice!



I believe that as long as a woman has a choice to have sex she should not have the choice to have an abortion. That means that if she is raped or has incest (that can't be a choice) she should have the right to abort. The only exception to this should be if the mothers health is severely threatened or if the baby will be born to a certain death or will have no quality of life.



It's a woman's body so a man has no say, some have said. Well I disagree. When a woman allows a man to deposit part of his body in her, her womb becomes more than just her.



But if we go with the laws of today they are totally unfair. Men have no say if a woman has an abortion or not. If she decides to have the baby he is obligated for child support by law but if she decides to abort he can do nothing. The fair thing would be, since abortion is legal, that if a man wants the woman to have an abortion and she doesn't he is not obligated for the child. I know that sounds cold but so does a man wanting a child but the mother aborts the baby against his wishes.



Adoption is always an option unless abortion is being used as birth control.

Words to live by

Here are some of the motto's I live by. I wanted to write them down so I can remind myself that they're important to me.

1. My house, my rules. Your house, your rules

2. Just because I don't agree with it doesn't make it wrong

3. If it's too good to be true it probably isn't

4. Work to live, don't live to work

5. Look before you leap, then step slowly

6. My respect is yours to lose

7. Measure twice, cut once (yes, it's the same as #5 but I work with wood a lot)

8. Treat others as you would want to be treated (no matter how much of an ass they are)

9. You can look at life two ways, like nothing is a miracle or like everything is a miracle

10. I am no better than anyone on this planet except for the lying, cheating, raping, murdering, child molesting, women beating, thieving, lazy bastards. I am better than all of them.

11. There are two side to every story, then there's the truth

I will update this list as I need too.

I hate to admit this but I love the Geico caveman comercials. I have actually paused one until I could get back to see the end. I think the actor who plays him is perfect. I hope they make some more.

Stop and Smell the Roses

This is the road leaving my house. I ride on it twice a day but rarely take notice of it. Coming home the other day it reminded me of my favorite poem by Robert Frost 'The Road Not Taken' and the Beatles song "The Long and Winding Road'. I think it's very pretty with the leaves and all. In the picture there is a lot of green but not so much in person.







It made me wonder what other beautiful things do I see everyday and fail to appreciate. Beauty is all around us and we hardly notice. We take vacations to far away places looking for it but I think it's time to stop and smell my own roses.

Please don't give money

I have this Aunt who lives on the other side of the country. She is the sweetest lady in the world but she does this one thing that really bugs me. She sends me money for Christmas. She has done this since I was a child and has never stopped. Well I'm not a child anymore and I never get her anything because I bearly know her. More than a few times I have forgotten to send her a thank you note so that means guilt, guilt, guilt when I do remember. One year I decided to not cash the check until I actually wrote the note but forgot and that screwed up her checking account. Again I felt bad. To make matters worse she really doesn't have the money and if she does her sons are going through hard time so they could use it more. So I feel bad.



I just got her card today and yes she did it again, damn it! She sent cash at that, I mean she mailed me cash through the US Post office. Well it's off to Walmart to buy a damn thank you card before I forget. I know this sounds horrible but really I'm 38 years old. I'm past appretiating money more than the card. Just send the card Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease. Please, Please.

Old Friends, No Friends

We took our normal weekend trip to Walmart this weekend and as we were going in I passed a friend from high school. I had not seen him in twenty years but I recognized him immediately and I'm pretty sure he recognized me. The funny thing was we passed with in five feet of each other and never said a word. He was with his family and I was with mine and I really didn't have anything to say to him.

As we strolled through Walmart I thought of him and how well I use to know him. We weren't best friends but we did spend hours a day together for four years. I know things about him that he wouldn't want his mother to know and that would curl his wife's hair. I certainly wouldn't want him to write a book about me.

He was always a great guy but today, Nothin'. I had no desire to talk to him at all and he me. I find it odd that I go on the Internet to interact with strangers but pass up on a old friend. I let people come and go out of my life with out a fight yet I love to get a damn email. I really don't understand us humans.

A Rainbow Pissed Me Off Today

I can remember when I was a kid and saw a rainbow it felt like I was seeing a little bit of magic. I would almost get goosebumps I would be so excited. I would think of where it might end and the treasure that must be there. I was taught that it was God's promise to never flood the world again.

Well today I saw a rainbow on the way to work. At first I was excited then as my mind started to imagine a pot of gold it was quickly replaced by a picture of the atmosphere and how light reflects off the moister in the air.How the colors are... wait, What? Why in the hell do they teach us this stuff. I mean do they think we are going to grow up to be rainbow makers? They have taken the joy out of everything. Slowly but surely they drain all the magic out of life. Sometimes ignorance would be bliss. I saw a rainbow today and IT PISSED ME OFF!