I know, do you?

I was watching my children having fun, running around and enjoying life the other day and I had one of those "why are we here?" moments. I'm sure everyone has them, just want to know the whole purpose of life. Not to much to ask is it?

As I sat watching the kids I thought children are certainly the reason we're here. What higher purpose could there be than to have children, protect them, nurture them and then set them free prepared to take on the world? Prepare them to experience life in a way I never could.

Then a thought occurred to me, by the time they're ready to take on the world it's time for them to get married and have kids and devote their lives to raising them. Wait just a second I thought... is that it? The whole purpose of life is a cycle that repeats itself over and over. A system that seems to never have a pay off for those who do it right? Yes, raising good children is hard but people have been doing it since the beginning of man. With all my advantages I can do no better with my life than a neanderthal did thousands of years ago?

For five full minutes I sat in disbelief that there wasn't more to it. Wouldn't trying to save the world be a better reason for our existence? Shouldn't someone break the cycle and take life to the next level? Then my little girl fell and her cry snapped me back to reality. I walked over to her, stood her up and brushed her off. She had a tear in her eye but she gave me a little grin that let me know she wasn't hurt as much as scared. She turned and ran away.

I sat back down to wait for the next time one of them got scared because I want to be there to pick them up and brush them off. Maybe that is all there is to life for me. Maybe they will grow up to cure cancer or be great leaders. Maybe they'll just grow up to be parents and just maybe their children will be the first to walk on Mars. Who knows but it probably won't happen without me being here for them now.

I realize children aren't for everyone. That there are people on this earth doing important things other than raising children. Things that make sense to them. I'm not professing to know why we are here, or why you are here, but I do know why I'm here and there is a lot of comfort in knowing. Knowing what's important and what to focus on. If that's all there is for me then that's enough because it's more than I deserve and more than I ever dreamed of.

Happy Birthday Jacob

Happy 7th Birthday Jacob!

April 26, 2000

Happy Birthday to the biggest ham in the world!

You make us laugh every day.

Keep questioning everything, don't give into the man (me)

We love you buddy!

The Wife, A Boat, A Problem, what else?

Another one of those she's not wrong situations but yeah, she kinda is.


Another insane situation at the Raw Thoughts home. As most people know I live near the coast. I'm not what one would call a big water person, although I've been raised around it my whole life, I don't like a lot of the hassle that you have to go through to enjoy it. My parents own two boats that I had access to anytime I wanted and even though we live a mile from a marina we never go out on the water. Partly because the kids are young and all that sun is bad for them. Mostly because there's just a lot of work involved.


My brother recently took one of the boats, that hasn't been in the water in about a year, on vacation with his family. He spent a lot of time cleaning it up, fixing what needed to be fixed and putting it back in proper shape. I guess my Dad enjoyed seeing someone getting some use out of it because he gave it to him.


Well my Mom casually mentioned this to the wife one day and she went ballistic. Not at my Mom but at me when she came home. First for not telling her, then because it wasn't offered to us. The reason I didn't mention it to the wife was because we've always had access to the boat and never used it and I guess some part of me knew this was going to be a problem. My brother and his family hardly come around. They exclude us (us being my parents, my sisters family and my family) from anything they do in their life. They never lend a hand and are never called when one is needed.


So as you can see they really didn't deserve the boat. So once again I can't say that the wife is wrong, technically but it wasn't our decision. Sure the boat is worth some money, but who cares, I don't want something just to say I have one. Why would my Dad think to give it to us if he never saw us taking an interest in it? I tried to explain to the wife that we have always had full access to it so it was practically ours before. Well she's not having any part of that. She is pissed because my brother and his wife treat my parents like shit and reap the rewards and I get called for every little favor and get forgotten about.

I could careless about the damn boat. I'm glade it's getting used and that my niece and nephews are learning how to operate a boat and getting to ski and fish like I did when I was their age. I can still get the boat anytime I want. All I have to do is say the word and my brother would bring it to me. As one would expect the wife has stated it would be a cold day in hell before she stepped foot on that boat again.

Of course the whole issue is less about the boat and more about family dynamics. My wife wants me to get the recognition she thinks I deserve. My dad wants to be the good guy and please a son who is distant in his life. I just want to run my life and focus on the things I can control.

So it looks like I'm up the creek without a paddle again... and this time I don't even have a boat.

Could you "Look at this?"

What is wrong with people? Lately I've been overwhelmed with people wanting me to "come look at this. "

Them: Hey, got a second? I need you to look at something.

No I'm busy, just tell me what it is.

Well, I think you need to look at it.

What is it?

This thing is broke in half, you may want to take a look.

Just get John to fix it, that's what he's here for.

I just thought you would like to see it first.

At this point I keep working at my desk for a few minutes but I can still feel the "presence" of a person staring at me. I look up, they're still there. I'm clearly aggravated. I go look because it's easier than whatever else it will take to make them leave me alone.

Yep, broke in half just like you said... get John to fix it.

Yeah, I already told him about it, I just thought you should see it.

WTF?!!! I have these conversations all day, at work, at home, everywhere. It drives me crazy. For the most part I'm an A to B guy. If I'm not involved in A or B I don't want to see it, hear it and in most cases even know about it, because contrary to popular belief I have a lot to do that does not require you "seeing it". See, I just do my job or chore and complete it. In the case where I would like to involve someone else, when it's not necessary, I find it's better to do it at the end of a task. That way I can be bombarded with lots of praise (yeah, right).

Later...

John: Could you come look at this thing they just brought me

It's ok, I've already seen it. It's broke in half.

Oh you've already seen it, well come look at what broke it in half.

Here we go again. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

An Angry Rant ( you may want to skip this one)

The shootings on the campus of Virgina Tech has once again reminded us that there are truly no guaranteed safe places anymore. I watched the news, as I'm sure everyone did, with horror as the numbers of dead climbed to an unimaginable amount. My heart goes out to the families that sent their children off to school only to have some mentally ill person take their life for absolutely no reason at all.

I have been astonished that not only have people rushed to try and explain this behavior but they immediately tried to use this tragedy to advance certain agendas and make money. Do people have no shame. People are dead and all people can think about is using this tragedy to strengthen their positions. Sometime society makes me literally sick to my stomach.

The news media of course rushed in first and started reporting, analyzing and explaining. How do you explain mental illness? How do you understand the actions this evil monster took? The truth is you can't. If you can understand him and explain his actions then frankly you scare me. I'm sure they are making good money with the extra revenue from the ratings increase, so there is no doubt they will not stop until they've squeezed every penny out of this they can.

Then came the gun control people. The bodies weren't even cold before they started claiming it was the guns fault. Immediately the Virgina gun shops became the focus of the crime. These anti-gun people are almost giddy with excitement that they have a new reason to scream for more gun control. Never mind the guns were purchased legally, never mind he bought the guns a month ago so the waiting period they want Virgina to impose would have made no difference. Never mind that a shot gun would have worked just as well. All that matters to these people is unarming the public. When a maniac walks into an area that he knows has been cleared of all weapons he has little fear of being stopped. While I blame only the nut case that carried out his evil plan, I can't help but wonder what would have been if just a few of the teachers had been carrying a weapon or if anyone else would have for that matter. We do know the shooter took his own life rather than face armed police officers. Certainly something to think about.

Then came the blame America and it's culture crowd. That somehow America had created this monster. NPR went out of it's way to explain that the killer had been raised in America and even went so far as to point out that South Korean culture (he was born in South Korea) would never create such a killer. WTF? There are killers in every society but these American haters want to tie everything bad to our nationality. The America they talk about, the America they hate is a foreign country to me, one I have never even seen a glimpse of, let alone lived in.

The saddest part to me is that everybody seemed to know this animal was going to do it. The signs were everywhere and good people even tried to address it. Of course in our politically correct world we are not allowed to judge, stop or remove people who shows signs of evil. They have the freedom of speech and freedom of expression. These people who saw the signs had no avenues with which to stop him. His rights and his freedoms trumped the safety of everyone on that campus. Had he been removed from school at the first signs of a problem the law suites would have surely had him back in his class room with in days. I certainly don't blame the 'individual rights at all cost crowd' for what happened, it's just they seem to be the very same people who are blaming everyone and everything except the evil, cowardly, bastard that committed the murders.

The killings make me angry at an evil man, society's reaction to the killings makes me sad for mankind, and the whole damn thing makes me sick. Excuse me while I go throw up.

Two steps back

As it turns out I am not an official blog killer... yet.

I finally decided to examine the comments others had made on the first blog I killed and after clicking four times, three other blogs led me to the answer. Seems that this person was blogging as a school project and the person was being forced to write for a grade. I don't think they were even allowed to answer strangers comments. There were 8 blogs connected to this project and they all ended at the same time. So I get no credit for the kill.

The third blog started back up again a few days ago, maybe he read my Blog Killer post and wanted to deny me the satisfaction. The truth is I liked his blog so I was hoping I didn't get it. Maybe unintentionally I aimed low to try and miss. Either way, another false kill.

So I'm down to just one blog kill :(

I guess I'm back to amateur status for now. I do, however, have a few in the works so don't count me out yet. I'll be back. *that was the worst Arnold impersonation I ever heard*

I'm flipping my lid!

I'm a thoughtful guy. Even though there are three boys using the bathroom and only the wife representing the girls, I always remember to put the seat down. Well almost always, I would say in the last 20 years I may have forgotten on average about once a year. In these same twenty years my wife has never remembered to put the seat up when she was finished, not once.

Well yesterday I forgot to put it down and you would have thought I forgot her birthday. On and on she went about the damn seat. How she has to get up at night and go in the dark. How she could have fallen in. How it's different for men than it is for girls. Blah, blah, blah

I just let it go because as I always say you should pick your battles wisely. I know I can't win this because society has already taken her side. Yes, we live in a seat down kind of world.

I will have my say, none the less, even if it's here on my blog where she won't see it. I'm just that brave of a man.

First if I can remember to put the seat down after I go, why can't she remember to check it before she goes? What's the difference? None, except I wont fall in if I forget, so it seems she has more motivation to get it right than I do.

What if I put the seat and the lid down? Oh, that's ok isn't? Because then she can't say I forgot but she still has to remember to lift the lid before she can go. This is the same amount of effort it takes to put the seat down, actually more. This seems to suggest it's more about control than anything.

Now that the children are using the toilet too, she has to be careful because they leave it up all the time. As a matter of fact if they forget to put it up she goes off on them because of the mess they make. Nothing is said about them leaving the seat up. Double standards if you ask me, totally unfair.

Now in the rare chance that she closes the lid and I go in there at night, I will simply lift the lid and the seat before I go. I will not complain and I will not whine, as a matter of fact I won't even think about it, BECAUSE IT"S NO BIG DEAL, DAMN IT!!!

So please shut up and put a lid on it.

It's official, I'm a blog killer

Well it finally happened, I'm officially a blog killer. I had once mentioned to Jen that I had left a comment on a persons blog and they never posted again, in a sense, killing it. She informed me that you had to have at least three blog kills for it to be official. Well it's official because I have three confirmed blog kills under my belt.

The first wasn't to bad. The person wasn't posting much, I left a comment they ignored it, then posted again. I left another comment and then nothing. That was six months ago.

The second was worse. A guy from Singapore was posting about his life and stuff. In his last post he was pondering the thought of plastic surgery on his nose. Nobody had ever left him a comment before so I left him one. The next day his blog was gone. I mean the address didn't exist anymore. Gone, poof, goodbye.

The third, pretty much like the first with the exception that he answered my comment with a very nice follow up. I made a second comment and... you guessed it, ghost town blog.

So all you bloggers out there beware, there's a blog killer on the loose and he just might know your blog address :)

Happy Birthday Ethan!!!

Happy Birthday Ethan!!!

Happy birthday my little man.

April 11, 2003

Like you or not I'm still reading, Grrrrrrr!

Just so everybody knows, Leonard Pitts Jr. really pisses me off sometimes.


He such a great writer but he often takes the opposite position of mine. Grrrr! Then he writes a column like he did today, which was great. That's the part that pisses me off. I wish he sucked so I could just quit reading his stuff. Again Grrrrr!!! Here's his column if you have minute.

To stay or not pre-k, that is the question

Last week was filled with anxiety and dread about a meeting the wife and I had about our middle son. He attends a special school for kids with disabilities. He's been going there for almost a year and we have yet to get any information on his progress. Next year he will be old enough to go to kindergarten but the big question is "will he be ready?"

The wife and I really have mixed feelings about this decision. If we hold him back, he will be labeled as a 'special needs' kid and never looked at as 'normal again'. If we pushed him forward to fast he might be teased and have his confidence shattered when he realizes he can't keep up.

The meeting included four teachers from his current school and the pre-k. We discussed his progress since he was placed in the program, how he measured up to kids his age, if he was ready to advance and what he would be expected to do if we did allow him to go to kindergarten.

To be honest, the wife and I weren't expecting good news. We have definitely seen improvements in him but didn't feel he was anywhere near his peers. Also, he had reverted to baby talking in the last month and starting to crawl more than a four year old should. Needless to say we've lost a lot of sleep lately.

Well the meeting couldn't have gone better. We found out that he had made huge progress since beginning the program. He is up to par with his age group in nine out of twelve categories. Only behind in his communication skills. His current teacher said she felt the special program he was currently in didn't have anything left to offer him. She strongly recommended he move on. After the pre-k teachers heard all that our son had accomplished they agreed he was ready and said he sounded like he would fit right in with kids his age. So it looks like he will start school with all the other four year olds in our community. We couldn't be happier.

The baby talk and crawling turned out to be something he was copying from another kid in his class. Another good reason to move him out of the there. As soon as we stopped accepting the baby talk, he stopped doing it. Just normal parenting stuff, key word being normal.

My kind of funny

Jim Gaffigan is one of my favorite comedians. I like his humor and his style. I wanted to put up an Easter post but decided against my first idea after some consideration. My first post was a picture of a real dog with a the scalp and ears of a real rabbit in his mouth. While the dog was cute, the rabbit fur was not. It was funny to me, the sicko

So I remembered this clip about holidays and thought I'd share it. About 1:20 in is where the Easter part starts. If someone can find an error in what he's saying please let me know.

Happy Easter

Persistence

After reading Lindsay's blog and then remembering that Spliller is out there looking for a different job, I remembered a story about a friend of mine that has always given me inspiration.


Many years ago I had a friend that was in need of a job. He was 24 years old, had just gotten married, and found out he had his first child on the way. Sad to say I never found him to be the sharpest knife in the drawer, if you know what I mean. He did have a job at that time but it didn't pay enough to raise a family on and had no benefits.


We had a paper plant, at that time, that had been in our community for years and my friend decided that he needed to work there. After some persistence he managed to get an interview. He was told at the interview by the lady who was in charge of hiring that he could fill out an application but the plant had a hiring freeze in effect for at least a year and they were not hiring. My friend explained to her that he needed the job for his family and could not take 'no' for an answer. She said "sorry" and sent him on his way.


The next day when she arrived at work my friend was waiting on the steps of her office building. Again she explained they would not hire him, she then went inside leaving him on the steps. He sat on those steps until the lunch alarm went off in the plant. He then proceeded to the lunchroom to have lunch with the plant workers. After lunch he returned to her steps until the the shift was over and she left for the day. He repeated this process everyday for five days. He only stopped because she hired him.


After the fifth day she called him into her office and explained that during the time he had sat on those steps they had something like 15 people call in sick, and countless show up late for work. She figured if he was willing to show up everyday on time with no pay it was a safe bet that he would make one hell of an employee. He never let her down.


I can only imagine how much courage it took to show up everyday, knowing they didn't want him. How stupid he must have felt eating with the real employees that were being paid to be there. I wonder how many times he almost got up off those steps and went home. I'm still in awe of the determination he had and his devotion to his young family to put himself through that. When times have gotten tough I have often thought of my friend and said if he could do it why not me? Really, why not? Why not anybody?


I haven't seen that friend much over the years as he has had more children and is very busy now, running his own company. I guess that knife was sharper than I thought.

My 100th Post, Ta Da

Maybe some of you haven't been counting, so you may not have noticed that this is my 100th post. Maybe not a big deal to some of you veteran bloggers, old timers if you will, but it means a lot to me. I really never thought I would make it this far. It's not as easy one might think. I take my hat off to all of you who have already accomplished this feat. (which is a big gesture considering my hat is covering my still dark dyed hair)


Sure some of you might be saying "yeah, you had a hundred post but we're still waiting for you to say something." To all of you who say that I say "bite me!"

I have learned a lot along the way. Important things too, like spelll check is a must, punctuation isn't, not everything sounds the way it's typed so you better learn how to use emotions :) and much, much more.


I've also learned a lot from my fellow bloggers and I plan to borrow (steal) and use every damn bit of it too. So if you see an idea I've pinched from you please don't get upset, just accept it as a form of flattery because there's not much you can do about it anyway :p Of course I'm not admitting to anything but thanks for the ideas... that I didn't use... ever.


I would like to mention just a few of the subjects that have been posted and commented on. They are in no certain order and this is by no means a complete list (that should cover me, in case I left something out)


God
My Children

Cavemen
Wal-Mart
Age
Music
Death
Elves

Matt Hughes
The gym, the gym, the gym
Lime green
Pugs
My Butt
Pod People
WTF?
The Muppets
Gray Hair

and more

Seriously, (yes it's possible, but not likely) I did have to cross a few hurdles to get here;


The fear of posting something stupid, got over that fast didn't I? (you're looking at the proof right now)
The fear that no one would read my blog.
The even bigger fear that someone would.
The fear that no one would understand what the hell I'm saying (Hush, I know what you're thinking)
The fear that I would offend someone (which I'm sure I did)

The fear of "putting it out there"

Say to much (again, hush)

Not saying enough

And hiding it from the wife, no easy task :)

I can honestly say I'm glade I did it and I look forward to seeing what's in the future for this blog and all my fellow bloggers.

Oh, and the most surprising thing I learned in my first hundred post.... Drum Roll Please..... Women talk about sex way more than men!!! :) Who would have thought it?

Lead me not into temptation

The other day I was asked by a friend of mine to compete in a bench press competition he was planning on having at our gym. We had been to a few competitions out of town together so I guess he wanted me to represent our gym in my weight class. I don't travel anymore for competitions but the local ones can be a lot of fun. The one at our gym should be small, just the locals and a few hardcore out of towners.

I told my buddy I would let him know as I was dealing with some injuries that were keeping me from lifting heavy. He gave me a little grin and said he had something that could fix that. He went on to tell me how steroids would help heal some of my nagging injuries and help me compensate for the others with greater strength. This wasn't the first time this buddy or others had approached me about taking steroids. It was just the first time I even considered it.

To make matters worse my buddy bumped into the wife a few days later and mentioned it to her. My wife has always been completely against steroids but I could tell, as she relayed his message, she wouldn't object if I wanted to try them. An obstacle removed.

Of course I'm around people who use them all the time. I've even had a few partners that used them. It's never bothered me that others use them, unless they were dishonest and claimed to be natural. Truthfully, I've always taken a lot of satisfaction and pride in being natural. Especially when I was able to beat a juicer in a competition.

I wouldn't mind competing either. Sure people see you lift in a gym but they fail to realize doing it their way and doing it the right way changes everything. When rules are applied those big gym lifts seem to vanish for most people. It gives us veterans (old timers) a little advantage on our younger competitors. A good lift at a competition can get you respect for at least a year.

So the temptation is high. Taking them would all but guarantee me a win in my class and have a good shot at winning the whole event. I'll be in good company too as at least half the people there will be taking them. Without the wife's resistance it will make my decision easier.

After much thought, as tempting as it sounds the answer has to be no. Even if everybody else doesn't care I do. I would rather sit on the sidelines than have to resort to using steroids to win. A win like that is a lose in my book. My buddy won't understand, my wife might not either but I'm the one who has to live with it. I was tempted though... and that scares me a little bit.