The Wife, A Boat, A Problem, what else?
Another one of those she's not wrong situations but yeah, she kinda is.
Another insane situation at the Raw Thoughts home. As most people know I live near the coast. I'm not what one would call a big water person, although I've been raised around it my whole life, I don't like a lot of the hassle that you have to go through to enjoy it. My parents own two boats that I had access to anytime I wanted and even though we live a mile from a marina we never go out on the water. Partly because the kids are young and all that sun is bad for them. Mostly because there's just a lot of work involved.
My brother recently took one of the boats, that hasn't been in the water in about a year, on vacation with his family. He spent a lot of time cleaning it up, fixing what needed to be fixed and putting it back in proper shape. I guess my Dad enjoyed seeing someone getting some use out of it because he gave it to him.
Well my Mom casually mentioned this to the wife one day and she went ballistic. Not at my Mom but at me when she came home. First for not telling her, then because it wasn't offered to us. The reason I didn't mention it to the wife was because we've always had access to the boat and never used it and I guess some part of me knew this was going to be a problem. My brother and his family hardly come around. They exclude us (us being my parents, my sisters family and my family) from anything they do in their life. They never lend a hand and are never called when one is needed.
So as you can see they really didn't deserve the boat. So once again I can't say that the wife is wrong, technically but it wasn't our decision. Sure the boat is worth some money, but who cares, I don't want something just to say I have one. Why would my Dad think to give it to us if he never saw us taking an interest in it? I tried to explain to the wife that we have always had full access to it so it was practically ours before. Well she's not having any part of that. She is pissed because my brother and his wife treat my parents like shit and reap the rewards and I get called for every little favor and get forgotten about.
Another insane situation at the Raw Thoughts home. As most people know I live near the coast. I'm not what one would call a big water person, although I've been raised around it my whole life, I don't like a lot of the hassle that you have to go through to enjoy it. My parents own two boats that I had access to anytime I wanted and even though we live a mile from a marina we never go out on the water. Partly because the kids are young and all that sun is bad for them. Mostly because there's just a lot of work involved.
My brother recently took one of the boats, that hasn't been in the water in about a year, on vacation with his family. He spent a lot of time cleaning it up, fixing what needed to be fixed and putting it back in proper shape. I guess my Dad enjoyed seeing someone getting some use out of it because he gave it to him.
Well my Mom casually mentioned this to the wife one day and she went ballistic. Not at my Mom but at me when she came home. First for not telling her, then because it wasn't offered to us. The reason I didn't mention it to the wife was because we've always had access to the boat and never used it and I guess some part of me knew this was going to be a problem. My brother and his family hardly come around. They exclude us (us being my parents, my sisters family and my family) from anything they do in their life. They never lend a hand and are never called when one is needed.
So as you can see they really didn't deserve the boat. So once again I can't say that the wife is wrong, technically but it wasn't our decision. Sure the boat is worth some money, but who cares, I don't want something just to say I have one. Why would my Dad think to give it to us if he never saw us taking an interest in it? I tried to explain to the wife that we have always had full access to it so it was practically ours before. Well she's not having any part of that. She is pissed because my brother and his wife treat my parents like shit and reap the rewards and I get called for every little favor and get forgotten about.
I could careless about the damn boat. I'm glade it's getting used and that my niece and nephews are learning how to operate a boat and getting to ski and fish like I did when I was their age. I can still get the boat anytime I want. All I have to do is say the word and my brother would bring it to me. As one would expect the wife has stated it would be a cold day in hell before she stepped foot on that boat again.
Of course the whole issue is less about the boat and more about family dynamics. My wife wants me to get the recognition she thinks I deserve. My dad wants to be the good guy and please a son who is distant in his life. I just want to run my life and focus on the things I can control.
So it looks like I'm up the creek without a paddle again... and this time I don't even have a boat.
7 comments:
While I've never had quite a situation like that, I think I know how you feel - I'm often the one people come too with a problem, and don't get that much recognition for what I do. It seems like your wife is making a much bigger deal out of it than she should though. Yes, it's kind of a cheap move on your Dad's part, but it makes sense, if your brother is actually going to use it. Besides, you can still use it! Who knows, your dad could have something better in store for you and your family as thanks for all of the stuff you've done for them.
Why is it that so many things in day-to-day life just don't make any sense? I have similar discussions at home and always walk away wondering "WTF???"
I understand your wife's frustration. And I understand yours. And I can't do anything about either, so now I'm frustrated too... and it's only 8:03 am.
:-)
{{{{{{{{{{RT}}}}}}}}}}
(Now your brother will be calling you, saying, "Will you come look at this problem on the boat? Yeah, I know it's my boat, but I think you should see this....")
<3
It's totally your dad's decision to whom the boat goes to, and to give it to the one that uses it the most is a logical choice.
Your wife's position is understandable too ( my mother is just like her,my wife a little too, almost like a family jealousy thing going on).
One thing I have learned in my time is: Never worry about something that is out of your own control and cannot be changed by you.
I have watched people crack up worrying about things out of their realm.
The problem is when you or I take this stand, the wives say we just dont't give a crap or some such thing, and we end up in the doghouse.
Wookie: Yeah, the wife thinks she needs to look after me because in her opinion "I'm too nice". She thinks people walk all over me and I shouldn't put up with it. Of course she never sees herself as one of the people doing the walking and she always comes to me to handle really tough situations. Doesn't add up if you ask me.
The crazy thing is we still have access to the second boat which is just as nice and a little bigger. So really why does it matter?
It's hard for the wife to watch my parents try to buy my brother and sister's love. My parents know not only is it not required with me but I resist it. Honestly, I wouldn't have accepted the boat if offered. My wife knows that too. They were already being generous by letting me use if I wanted too.
Daughter: LOL You crack me up. He probably will ask me to look at it one day. Ha! Sorry to hear you have the same WTF? moments at your house but it's nice to know I'm in good company. Why can't people count their haves and forget their have nots? Thanks for the sympathy frustration, sometime I wish I could be a one sided bastard that couldn't see her side but that just ain't me :(
HB: The dog house is exactly where I am but it will blow over soon enough, until the next time. You're right, it is my Dad's boat and he can do whatever he wants with it.I really don't know what she wants me to do and neither does she. She's just mad plain and simple. I wish logic had something to do with any of it but sadly it doesn't.
Tell your wife I hate boats.
That should make everything better.
"Jen hates boats. She says not to worry about. Get a pair of roller skates and move the fuck on baby!"
You try it and see if that isn't the ticket!
Hummm an awkward one to comment on, because noone is right and noone is wrong.
But yet again the person who least deserves it and he person who cares the leat is dealing with the crap. :)
As Wookie said, I wouldn't be surprised if your dad has something else in mind for you. Not prodigal sons gifts, but something more meaningful. dad's aren't silly, they aren't blinded by lvoe as much as mums are. They know whats going on. I'm sure he knows the difference between your brother and you.
As you say he gave the boat to your brother because he uses it and a little to do with the fact that he's trying to buy his love a little. But I think it's mostly to do with the fact that he uses it.
Jen: I like breathing to much, so I'll pass on your suggestion. I did think it real loud the last time I was around her. :)
20: You're right my Dad does see us different. My brother is older and I'm the one running our business. I think that says a lot.
To me it's like arguing over who got the biggest piece of cake,who cares? To the wife it's all about being fair. What the hell is fair anyway? Who decides?
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