Floored
I decided to convert our garage into the kids playroom. I knew from the start this would be a big job. I also knew before I finished I would have wished I had never started. I just never thought that moment would come so soon.
After I cleared out all the tools and junk the garage floor looked a little rough. Now, I don't put the H in handyman (the A N D Y either to tell the truth) but I can usually get by. I thought I could handle a little concrete work. The plan was to float a thin layer of concrete over the floor to fill in the chips and cracks. As luck would have it they sell a kit to do this very thing.
After a few hours I managed to spread 60 lbs over the floor. It looked pretty good too but it became obvious that the finish would be a lot rougher than what was there before. The wife was waiting on me to go to the The Home Depot so I went to get cleaned up. While in the shower I couldn't shake the feeling I had just made a big mistake.
I quickly ran to the garage, got my hose and started removing the concrete from the floor. Two hours later I was exactly were I started that morning. I had just wasted four hours or more. Oh well, screw it. I laid my broom down and went to tell the wife I was ready to go to The Home Depot.
As I walked into the house I remembered that the floor was still wet so I pushed the automatic garage door button to let the door down to keep the dogs out. As I stepped into the house door I heard a horrendous sound. I turned to see the garage door was halfway down and one side was stuck on the handle of the broom I had laid in the door track.
I turned to the switches next to me and frantically started flipping them up and down. This did nothing to stop the door from trying to close. It didn't stop it because I was flipping the garage lights on and off. The door switch was located in the garage, I was in the house. So with me doing no more than providing a disco atmosphere for the event that was unfolding before me, I watched as my 16' garage door wrinkled, crinkled and crushed under the power of the electric motor. Rollers and screws started falling off and the side with the broom stuck in it fell off the tracks at the top. Finally the middle was pulled into a v-shape before the bolts that held it were ripped from their mount with a tremendous bang. I never did find them.
It took a second to realize what had just happened. When I did I stopped turning the lights on and off and walked to look at the mangled accordion looking thing that seconds before was my garage door. As I reached the door the wife showed up.
What happened?
I left a broom in the track.
*silence*
What a fucking idiot I am. I just ruined the door.
Honey, it's not your fault.
Remember I was still in shock
Not my fault? NOT MY FAULT?! HOLY SHIT! WHO'S FAULT IS IT?
As I ranted on she did the smart thing and walked back inside. I grabbed a stool near by and climbed under the hanging part of the door. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do but I had to do something, I swear, all I did was give the top panel a touch but it was enough to knock the rollers on the other side out. Then the top two panels came crashing down on my head. Those doors are a lot heavier than you might think. Even heavier when you're standing on a stool with a seat that swivels.
As I held the top part of the door up, I screamed for the wife to come back (believe me I get how fitting that was) but she never did. So I tried a 'slide off the stool, duck and let the door swing down over me' kind of move. You guessed it.. didn't work. As I went to jump off the stool the weight of the door swiveled the stool top, with me on it, and pushed me off the stool and slammed me into lower part of the door. I was sandwiched between the panels, in the air, just long enough to start kicking my feet, then it dropped me on my ass onto the floor. I looked up to see the wife had just come to ask if we were still going to The Home Depot.
I got off my ass, brushed my hands off and said, "sure lets go." We both were silent all the way there. When we got there we looked around a bit but went home without purchasing a thing. See, the reason we were going to The Home Depot was to purchase some insulation for the garage door so we could seal it up and never use it again. Damn!
10 comments:
Hmmm... Not very manly at all. No siree. To get a level floor when dealing with concrete, make it extra watery. It will find its own level. You will want to dry line a garage if you want to use it as a room. 4ft x 8ft sheets of plasterboard, will insulate the room and stop any dampness.
I'm not sure if we can let you watch the Superbowl. Tell ya what, your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to do something manly between now and the superbowl and blog it. Then we can have a vote to see if your allowed to watch.
Wow. That's horrendous. I guess the opener doesn't have one of those blockage sensors meant to stop it from crushing small children. It sure could have been worse.
Our door is wooden and weighs approximately 3 tons, so I certainly wouldn't want to be anywhere near it if it came off the tracks.
'It didn't stop it because I was flipping the garage lights on and off'
LOLLOLOLOL!
That is probably the funniest thing I've read since your fake tan incident! :')
Darren: Not manly? Concrete work, construction, lifting a heavy door, pissing off the wife, C'mone! :)
I'll take your challenge but first I want to know your definition of manly. Besides taking care of business in the bedroom of course. *pulls pants up a little higher*
Gordo: Yeah, it took me a second to understand why it didn't go back up. It actually did but by the time it did it was stuck on the broom handle. That's why the arm pulled it into a V and shot the bolts into orbit. Had it been wooden...I'd be dead. And, welcome to my blog :)
TT: Funny what you do in a panic. There are three switches by the door leading out to the garage. They look nothing like the door opener. I must have flipped them 20 times each.
I hope I don't have anymore to share for a while.
I swear to God I'm not laughing AT you... I'm laughing FOR you.
"Disco atmosphere." Oh, ROFLMFAO.
I hope you are not seriously injured (including your pride) and that you come someday to realize that that was TRULY a fluke accident. How on Earth does a tiny broom handle cause such chaos?? By a FLUKE, my friend, sheer wacky flukiness.
I'm backing Daughter up here.
A wild stroke of luck is the only thing that could have brought this situation to a head!
I'm glad your still alive to blog this!!
The "Disco atmosphere" is still making me stifle giggles too.
;)
How on Earth does a tiny broom handle cause such chaos??
The very same question the wife asked. The answer... because when I bought the broom I bought the big manly one with the metal handle. The door didn't even scratch it.
I agree though, had I tried to make it do that I couldn't. Thus proving it was in fact a fluke or just bad luck.
As for my pride...yeah, it took a little bit of a hit, just like my ass :)
"The very same question the wife asked. The answer... because when I bought the broom I bought the big manly one with the metal handle."
LOL!!
That's what you get for being manly!
:-P
Im glad that I'm not gonna be the first person to say this but
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i've had some disasters in my time but that really takes the biscuit!!
If you had videoed that you could have made £250 on you've been framed in this country, brilliant, absolutly brilliant!!
If there was a video I would destroyed it. There is no amount of money worth showing that humiliating scene.
Well almost no amount :)
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