The last laugh

Before the cruise the wife talked me into getting a spray on tan. I didn't think much of the idea but she assured me that it was safe and unnoticeable. I agreed because... actually, I'm not sure why I agreed.

We went the day before the cruise to get the maximum effect. I sat in the car with the kids while she went first. The five minute session took her over twenty. By the time she returned the kids where tired of the car so I set off to get my tan as fast as I could.

I watched a two minute video that instructed me on all the procedures. As I watched I wondered if I could remember them all. A young lady led me to a booth. I did everything the video said and stepped inside. The wife had warned me that the first blast of spray was cold and would take my breath away.

I stood there naked and steadied myself then pressed the green button. The spray did startle me but even worse it blinded me. Then my eyes started stinging. Just before the second blast I realized I had forgotten to move the goggles from my forehead to my eyes. I turned around and positioned myself for another blast. By this time I was so worried about my eyes I forgot to breath through my nose filter and inhaled large amounts of tan spray into my lungs.

I jumped out of the booth blind and wheezing. I rubbed my eyes long enough to see a little. I looked in the mirror to see if my eyes had been painted brown. They were still blue thank God but there was a white stripe on my forehead where the goggles had been resting. I tried to push the already dried dye over the spot but all I manged to do was make it red.

Of course the wife got a big laugh out of all this when I told her what happened but I had the last laugh. My fake tan turned out perfect, almost. Her tan turned her orange.