Negatively Thinking
I was recently having lunch in a restaurant when I noticed an electric wheel chair sitting empty against a wall. I scanned the room to see if I could find the owner of the chair but saw no candidates that fit my definition of a person needing such a thing. I can't say I was surprised when a older but healthy looking man got up from his table and went and sat in the chair. He quickly maneuvered it over to his table where he popped out of it faster and easier than I could have done myself.
Quite frankly it pissed me off. I studied the man up and down to see if I could pick up on his so called ailment. As suspected I saw no indication that he was hurt or handicapped at all. The bastard. Then to my shame I watched as he helped a lady, whom I suspected was his wife, up from their table. He had to pull her up, steady her and spin her around so that he could lower her into the wheel chair.
Yes, I felt about two inches small. Immediately I had sympathy for this man and the burden of caring for someone so helpless all the time. What a life that must be? Then, after he had her situated in the chair, he leaned down, kissed the top of her head, smiled and merrily pushed her away. Wrong again.
As I sat waiting for my food to arrive I wondered why I had thought the worst of the man and then thought the worst of his situation. I was embarrassed obviously but I still wondered why I thought that way. I could have just as easily thought he had a good reason to need the chair. There are plenty of valid reasons why a healthy looking person might need assistance. Yet I choose to believe he was just lazy. Worse, when I saw I was wrong I again made another wrong and negative assumption. Is it just human nature to do this? Does society teach us to do this or does it say something deeper and darker about me?
I like people. I try to see everyone as equals so why, when given at least two options do I choose the one that puts a person in a bad light? I don't want to. Unfortunately it seems to come naturally, maybe from the subconscious.
It's disturbing. Especially when giving people the benefit of the doubt, in most cases, cost me nothing.
4 comments:
It's human nature to questions things - you saw a man who looked fit and healthy and in a split second your first thought was to doubt. Maybe you were having a bad day - another day your first thought may have been different? :)
I think it's a natural human reaction. I don't know why, but we're wired to be assholes.
:(
As usual, I think it's great that you recognize the problem within yourself and you strive to fix it. Lots of people won't realize that it IS a problem.
*sigh*
I end up being the same way sometimes, and it's frustrating. And hard to change...
TT: Thanks for giving me "the benifit of the doubt" but I was having a fantastic day and good time. I was sitting with the wife and my son without a care in the world. It's like I went out of my way to find something to irratate me. grrr
Jen: Thanks, How can you fix the problem when you don't even realize you're doing it until you feel like the asshole you're being? Frustrating indeed!
I think the point is that most people wouldn't have felt like an asshole once they realized they had jumped to conclusions.
Great post, RT.
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