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I mentioned in a comment that I had less than a pleasant Father's Day. It wasn't a big deal. I didn't get what I thought I deserved and threw a fit. Was it justified? I think it comes down to how you define Father's Day. At our house it's pretty well established that Mother's Day and Father's Day are weekends where the person being honored gets to set the agenda and have a weekend of getting to do what they want.
The day started wonderfully with me getting breakfast in bed. Then down stairs for cards and some nice gifts. One of the gifts was a old fashion record player with a built in CD player. I also received some Dean Martin Cd's, so we spent a lot of the morning listening to Dean and dancing silly around the living room. Perfect! Since my finger was now usable, I was anxious to get back to the tree house. While I worked on it the kids played near by. I took a break to go swimming with them after a few hours. I couldn't have planned it any better.
Then my Mom called to see if we wanted to go to an early dinner. I know I've mentioned this before but anyone who knows me knows going to dinner 'ain't my thing'. It's at least a three hour event just to put some food in your belly. Don't get me wrong, I go often because "that's what you have to do to be part of a group or family" but I was expecting Father's Day to be more about what I liked. Selfish I know.
I knew at the time this was petty thinking, so I agreed to go because it was my Dad's day as well. I was instantly irritated because just the day before The Wife and I had gotten into an argument about going out for dinner when we went to run some errands. This is a constant battle between us. So I asked The Wife to call my parents back and decide the details since they were the three that wanted to go. When I came back from putting up my tools The Wife informed me that they had decided since it was Father's Day I would get to decide when and where we went. WTF?! I didn't even want to go, which The Wife was well aware of, and now I have to decide where I don't want to go? My irritation was quickly turning to anger. So I called my Dad to ask him to pick but he wouldn't. As ridiculous as it sounds it felt like the executioner asking me to pick the weapon he was going to kill me with. (a little too dramatic huh?)
So I was very aggravated and vented it in rather unpleasant way at The Wife. I fell short of throwing myself on the floor and banging my fist but I came close. Half my day was wasted on going to dinner. Plus after I showed my ass The Wife had no interest in me having a special day anymore. After we got back home and put the kids to bed The Wife asked if I enjoyed my Father's Day. I was a more than a little shocked at the question. I mumbled it was fine but instead of dropping it there, she proceeded to interrogate what I meant by "it was fine". Finally I told her it started well but it wasn't the day I had envisioned or expected. This of course hurt her feelings because she had made a huge effort to make it nice. It was rather cool in the house after that.
So there it is. All day I had people who were just trying to be nice to me and I showed my ass. It wasn't because I didn't see the big picture at the time, I did. It was petty, immature and uncalled for. But it was also Father's Day and something in the back of my mind kept telling me, "Today is a day that your feelings are suppose to count." So I was a big ass over nothing and I'm not that sorry about it and I guess that makes me a jerk too.
9 comments:
Awwwww :) there there, you're allowed to throw a wappy on your day :)
Reading this I was thinking the whole time 'you should have just said no, sorry not today maybe next week'.
But as you pointed out, it was your dad's day too >:(
p.s. would it make you even more mad if I said 'you're cute when you're angry?' :)
I'm inclined to agree with TT, that you might have been happier had you politely declined dinner and perhaps asked your dad if he'd like to do something next weekend "just the two of you."
But then there's the guilt of not "trying" to make your dad's day special as well.
Tough situation! And I feel compassion for the way you felt about it, though I have to say that you DID have a choice and there was probably a win-win solution in there somewhere. :-)
AND, I'm willing to wager that your feelings ALWAYS count. Perhaps if you made them known - before they get out of control!! - instead of keeping them inside and letting them fester and blow up, you'd feel more "heard" and lessen the opportunities to be taken advantage of.
You are ALWAYS entitled to your feelings!!!
Glad you had a good morning. ;-)
Hm.
It sucks that you had to go to dinner if it isn't your thing, but it's cool that you went to celebrate your dads day too.
I understand not wanting to go somewhere and then getting angry about having to be more involved in the planning, I really do. You have a lot more patience then me, cause I would have said no right from the get-go I think.
It sucks that the day isn't what you wanted, but I don't think you necessarily have to be sorry for having a crappy time. And I don't think it makes you a jerk either. You're allowed to express your feelings, even if they aren't what people want you to feel!
Your feelings should have counted for more in the scheme of things. My suggestion? Next time dig your heels in and be insistent on doing what you want to do. It is your day after all...
Yes, saying a firm no would have been a better choice than having a go at The Wife. But (you knew there had to be a big but here) three people wanted to go, as did the kids. I had already stood firm the day before. They all knew it would be something I wasn't into but still pushed to go, so I agreed. I didn't show my ass until all the phone calls back and forth to get me to sort out the details.
TT: That's not my picture, that's a cartoon. Believe me, I'm not that cute when I'm mad. ;p
Daughter: I get asked to go out to eat 3 to 4 times a week. I get out of as many as I can. They all know how I feel. My family are like the energizer bunny... they keep asking and asking and asking...
I don't think they will ever hear me on this issue. They seem to think it's more a flaw in my character than my feelings. :(
Jen: No, there is no doubt I was jerk. I got stuck and took it out on The Wife. She didn't initiate the call but she took the brunt of my frustration which wasn't fair. I think that got under my skin too. She wanted to go but kept pointing to my Dad as the one I would have to turn down. Not fair either in my opinion.
Thanks for listening, the input and the support guys. When I count my blessings y'all are definitely high on my list. :)
I fully feel your pain, as my parents are pretty much alcoholics and go to the pub as often as they can. They always ask me to go, even though it is not something I like doing. They are well aware it is not my scene, and they get irritated that I refuse to go. Even to the point of accusing me of being a bad son at times. At the end of the day, I know I am vindicated in that like you, I make the effort to go at times for the benefit of others, but when I don't I make it clear I don't want to go.
That said, on a day that is supposed to be for you and your father, nobody should put you in a position to do something you don't want to do. Your wife was wrong to guilt you into it.
However, once she did this, you had the opportunity to say, "Your right, we should go to dinner with dad, even though, as you know going out for dinner is not something I like doing. I would appreciate it, if you took the reigns on where and when we go. I don't want to get frustrated by the situation and let everyone down."
Spot on Dar. For the points I was about to make, please read Dars comment, lol
Darren, I can tell you've been there. Why can't people let you out of things gracefully?
It's funny, I almost said what you wrote word for word to The Wife (with a lot of irritation in my voice) and she still refused to pick a restaurant and the time, as did my Mom and Dad. Maybe I'll handle it better next time *sigh*
Lou: lol, very wise words :)
People are funny. They extend, what they feel is an invitation to do something fun (cause they like it) and get upset when you say no, cause they don't understand why its not your thing. They can see all the fun in it, why cant you? They can feel insulted that you don't like doing, something that is dear to them.
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