A Sinking Feeling
Last year for Christmas my side of the family went on a Disney cruise. Everything went so well my parents wanted to take another one. I knew going in it was going to be a problem. Despite my best attempts to head off the feared situation, it unfolded the exact way I was afraid it would.
My sister is not going to be able to go. Fair enough, I counted on that. She says it's because of work but I know it's because of the married man she's been dating. Of course the rest of the family knows nothing about this. While I don't like it, at all, she is an adult and it is her life. So even though she has decided not to go, she expects and damn near demands we take her two children.
The Wife and I had anticipated this and requested that if she wasn't going that her children should not go as well. I know this sounds mean, cruel and nasty but we're not trying to be.
The reality...
If her children go The wife and I, and mainly The Wife, will have to shoulder most of the responsibility. That would be five children under the age of nine to watch, dress, feed and the other thousands of things children require.
My parents are just hitting their seventies and I seriously doubt they are a match for an eight and six year old on a seven day vacation.
My brother and his wife barely speak with my sister and can not be counted on for any help. They might but I doubt it. Their seventeen year old daughter will help but how much can you count on a teenager to do while on her own vacation?
We will be traveling out of the country to places with open water as well as other dangerous situations. Accidents happen even when you're doing everything right. I couldn't live with myself if something happen to my nieces under my care.
I think my sister is asking us to take on too much responsibility for no real purpose other than to get some alone time with her boyfriend. We did suggest her ex-husband could go, so it's not like we don't want her children with us. She shut that suggestion down immediately. Apparently she hates his guts and has for the past ten years. She doesn't want us to have any contact with him, ever. Funny I can still remember her telling me she was divorcing him because he deserved better and how fantastic he was.
So it's looking like the whole vacation idea is going to be scrapped. My parents say they can't face their grandchildren if they don't take them and my sister tells them it's their fault. Me, I could care less if we go but it does piss me off to have my sister ruin it for everyone else and that we turn out looking like the bastards, again.
6 comments:
It's sucks that the vacation might be sunk, but I think you're making the right decision about not being responsible for her kids. It would different if there was one, or they were older, but taking care of your own kids and hers too is TOO much for The Wife! (And you too.)
I admire the fact that you took into account the dangers the kids/you would be faced with. Lots of parents wouldn't have ventured that far into reality. Good thinking David!
*hug*
I agree with Jen that you are being careful and responsible, not mean-spirited or spiteful.
And your sister needs to man up and grow a pair (so to speak). You can tell her I said so. I get so frustrated with parents who parent only when it's convenient. You can tell her that kids with parents like that wind up in Juvenile Hall, with felony records that can't be sealed, and they LIKE it because someone is finally taking care of them.
Sorry if that's too harsh. I think your story hit a rather sore spot in my heart.
She cant be burning a candle at both ends. Their her kids, she has to take responsibility whatever her choices with them are.
I would try and talk your parents into going on hols without the kids. I know it would be disappointing but it would not be their doing. They should announce it as, they are going on hols, anyone can go with them.
Ball is out of their court then, and everyone has to make arrangements if they want to go too.
Jen: Thanks for seeing it from my side. I guess because we JUST potty trained our three year old I'm still aware how much attention children need. Even at eight or nine they still need a lot of assistance. Kids around open water scares me too, bad things can happen fast.
Daughter: I hope my sister sees it that way too.
My sister's children ALWAYS hit a sore spot in my heart. I always thought everyone should have kids. Unfortunately my sister has proven to me that's not true. She loves them and gives them everything plus but she doesn't give them the one thing they want and can't get from anyone else, herself. I'm hoping their dad's attention helps keep them on the right path. *sigh*
Darren: That was the plan but my sister suggested that we take an extra adult to watch her children. No one seems to be willing to let people out of things gracefully anymore, maybe they never did. *shrug*
It's all set now. The trip is booked and my sister and her children are not going. When my parents realized we were serious about not watching them, they put their foot down with my sister. We'll have to wait and see my sister's reaction. Nothings easy is it?
Bad things do happen fast.
Well done on standing your ground. Its not fair on her childrren but she had an option of letting the children's father go.
What a selfish cow.
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