Rats!

If they gave a 'Soccer Mom - Mother of the Year' award, my wife would surely be in the running. Besides all the picking up and dropping off she does at school and various events, she also volunteers in the children's classrooms every week. A commendable thing to do but it can get a bit expensive. I have more than once voiced my opposition to the amount of goodies and decorations she provides as room mom. This is in addition to all the stuff the other moms donate. This week she was going over her list of upcoming events and mentioned Groundhog Day. Huh?

Yes, they are having a Groundhog Day party at school. Complete with Groundhog cake, juice, candy, decorations - the works. Not The Wife's idea but she is scrambling to "make it so" none the less. First of all, we hardly have a winter here. What we do have has a snowball's chance in hell of making it another six weeks. Second, we don't have ground hogs. If we did, I seriously doubt they could tell the weather. Hell, the weatherman can't get it right most of the time. Isn't it enough that we have an angel with a bow that shoots love quivers, a bunny that hides colored eggs with candy in them, a fairy that steals old teeth from under children's pillows, a night where I have to give out free candy or get a trick played on me and a jolly old fat man in a big fluffy red suit that brings presents, that I pay for by the way?

Now we need to celebrate some damn rodent with a cake? That's right, a groundhog is like a big rat that lives in a dirt hole in the ground. The fact that he may or may not be scared of his own shadow makes me question his qualifications as a serious role model in the first place. That is, if you can get by the rat thing. And, what about his predictions? Are they even scientifically proven to be accurate??? How do we know the little bastard is scared of anything or maybe he's scared of everything. I think Groundhog Day is a ploy invented by the evil oil companies to sell more heating oil or sun tan oil. Whichever one they have a surplus of at the time.

A cake on Groundhog Day, holy Shit! It is certainly NOT a cake holiday. Where and when do we draw the line? I can tell you one thing, don't expect presents from me on Arbor Day.