Hatebook
Facebook has not been an easy medium for me to navigate. When my wife jumped on facebook, just like everybody else, she was friended by many people from her past. Being reunited with one particular girl, her best friend in high school, seem to excite her the most. The girl had gotten married and moved away almost twenty years ago, no contact since then.
Now I was around them in high school. While I always found this girl to be a fun person to party with I never thought she was much as far as friend material goes. She married a jerk and dropped The Wife, and me too I guess, as friends because we didn't party hard enough.
When they reconnected on facebook The Wife learned her friend was living 4 hours away from us and was recently divorced. It wasn't long before her friend announced she was coming to town to visit family and would like to see The Wife and family. The Wife was ecstatic. The weekend came and went with no word from the friend. The Wife was upset but admitted they had no concrete plans. A few months later her friend again announced a visit and again ask to meet up with The Wife. This time they made definite plans. Again, the weekend came and went with no word from her friend. Then the following Monday this girl plasters her facebook about all the fun she had with her friends while she was in town. The Wife was very upset.
The Wife asked my opinion on how to handle the situation with her friend on facebook. I suggested, strongly, that she de-friend this girl. I reminded her that she has been getting along fine for the last twenty years without her so why put up with this shit now? (yes, I did cuss a bit) So the with a heavy heart The Wife de-friended her. Now I feel like I pressured her into doing it. She clearly wanted to reconnect with this girl.
So now I'm wondering, should we let the ones we love suffer if we can clearly see their desires are not obtainable, or worse, causing them pain? Should I have let them work it out no matter how rude this girl was being to my wife? Did I have the right to almost insist that dropping this girl was the only real option? Had she continued taking her crap, I'll admit, I would have lost some respect for The Wife but I never said that, not out loud. Although I'm sure it came through loud and clear with my attitude.
Did I stick my face where it it didn't belong?
7 comments:
Well, if nothing else, de-friending the friend will either force an actual discussion about the situation, or the Wife will know in no uncertain terms where she actually stands with this person. If the "friend" doesn't ask why or request to be be-friended again, well, then the Wife knows where she stands.
That was my thinking as well. That and her showing this girl she won't let her treat her like that. But I don't think that's the way The Wife really wanted to approach it. I think she wanted to maintain the contact through facebook and see if it would work out, somehow. I'm feeling like I pushed her to handle it the way "I would do it" and not her way.
It's been a few weeks since she dropped her and no contact. I think that says it all but The Wife is a bit down about it. I'm feeling a little guilty about it. Damn my big conscience!
My observation has nothing to do with any of the questions you've been pondering :) ... why does The Wife let some stranger (pretty much) get to her?
That's a good question :)
They were best friends all through school. She was in our wedding and the wife was in hers. My wife grew up in a tough family situation. She spent a lot of time with this girl and her family, to escape it. I guess there are a few people in your past you don't want to let go of, even if you know you've grown in different directions.
I think the way, and the reason, we all parted friends didn't sit well with the wife either.
I agree with Daughter's first comment.
De-friending her was the best way to go. Maybe it'll force the issue to come to a head, and if it doesn't then the bitch wasn't worth it.
*nod*
True That!
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