Caught, NOT looking

The other night at the gym, my partner mentioned a bodybuilder he saw on TV. I thought one of the signed photos, hanging on the wall in the gym, was of the guy he mentioned. So I walked to the front of the gym to look. The problem was I couldn't make out the name on the photo. Looking up, I squinted, turned my head, tried looking at it from every angle to get a good look. I spent a few minutes trying but I never could make it out.

When I finally gave up and turned around I noticed a guy across the gym staring at me. I mean really staring at me. I knew the guy but not that well. I took a few more steps and checked, yep, still staring. By the time I made it back to my partner I realized why he was staring. See, he had just competed in a local bodybuilding contest last month. He did well for his first contest so the gym honored him by putting his picture on the wall last week, with all the famous bodybuilders. The picture of him, posing in only a banana hammock, (this kind, not this) was hanging right next to the picture I was ogling, for so long.

I can only imagine what he was thinking as I appeared to be looking at his photo from every possible angle. Now every time I see him in the gym he gives me this awkward look. I want to approach him and say something like, "hey, um... do you know who's picture that is hanging on the wall right NEXT to yours? Because I was looking at that one, not yours, the other day." But I know I would just be digging a deeper hole.

Of course my partners thinks the situation is hilarious. It's not. Well, if it happened to them it would be, but it didn't. What kind of luck does it take to be not looking at a guy's photo at the exact moment he is in the gym paying attention to who's looking at his photo??? Which again, for the record, I wasn't. grrrr!

Gassed, Passed and Last

About a month ago one of my gym partners asked my other partner and me to run in a 5k charity event. An odd thing to do because none of us run... at all.

Still, it was local, for a good cause and he sounded like he wanted to do it. What the hell, we both said yes. I mean it was only a little over three miles and we we're three fit guys. I think you can all see where this is going.

The event was being hosted by JCB, a heavy equipment manufacturer, based in the UK. The event was being held on their grounds, a 1000 acre plot. They have a big pond in front of their place that someone had the bright idea to have us run around to start the race. I was excited about this until I realized there was no path to run on. By the time we made it around the pond my back was already feeling it from all the uneven ground and jarring.

The funny thing was that I thought I was doing well. That all changed when I came across a sign that read "one mile". That sign broke my spirit. I honestly thought I had ran more than half of the race already. My partners were still chugging along. The heat was absurd. It felt like we were running in the desert. Luckily one of my partners brought his step daughter and she had to start walking right after the sign. Whew! If I had known her I would had volunteered to stay with her. I ran with my other partner for another mile. Then my pride would carry me no more. When I suggested we take a break "and let our other partner catch up" the one still with me was way to fast to agree.

I still wasn't feeling to bad about it all until at two and a half miles a little old lady, that very much resembled Dr. Ruth, passed us and left us eating her dust. I had a chance to catch her at the finish line but I didn't think elbowing a little old lady out of the way to beat her was going to go over to well, especially with everyone watching. Besides, she had earned the right to finish in front of me. She had earned my respect. The whole thing was very embarrassing. Next time - if there is a next time - I will do a little training first. Then Dr. Ruth will go down, oh yes she will.

Christmas Bliss

Still trying to make up a few missed workouts, I once again headed out to the gym this morning. As I was turning into the parking lot, still without a solid plan, other than the shower kidney punch idea, to stop Chatty Cathy gym guy I don't know from talking to me, I noticed the parking lot was empty.

Not able to accept my good fortune, I crept into the gym looking in every direction. Even when I didn't see anyone I half way expected someone to pop out from under a weight or something. But it was true. The gods of gravity had blessed me with an empty gym on a Saturday morning.

Like a kid in a candy store, I wasted no time getting to it. I cranked up my mp3 player to drown out the music being blasted over the gym speakers and drifted into a weighted world of bliss. I was mad man too. I added extra sets, extra reps to my sets and more and more weight to my reps. Even though I knew I shouldn't go there, I went there. It was a beautiful thing. I mixed muscles that ought not be mixed. I pushed myself and then pushed a little more. For one solid, pure golden hour I was in a zone. My zone. The world stopped turning, time stood still. If there were problems in the world they weren't mine, at least not then.

As I was taking off my gloves to leave, another guy walked in. He asked me, "if I was done." I told him, "I was" and not to expect too much from his workout because I didn't leave anything in there for him. "It was that good?" he responded. "Like connecting with a good left hook to the kidney. I knocked it out" I said. He smiled. I smiled back and left.

Life is good.

When "Hey" really means "move the hell out of my way"

Listen up Mr. Man at the gym I don't know. I didn't get up at 6:00 AM on Saturday to chit chat with you. I'm sorry, really sorry, that the exercise I needed to do just happen to be next to you. You seem like a real nice guy but if you haven't noticed, this isn't a social club.

I don't care how much you use to weigh, how much you can lift, how many inches your legs are or how many pounds you lost. The name and cost of your supplements isn't good conversation either. Why are you pushing them so hard anyway? Are you a vitamin salesman or something? Well actually I know you're not because you told me about your job, your work schedule and your up coming business trip.

Again I'm sorry (for me) that my mp3 player hanging out of my ears didn't give you a clue. Or the fact that I kept trying to lift even though you kept right on talking. Even when I walked to the other side of the gym you just raised your voice so I could hear you, which by the way was worse than being next to you.

Here's a little tip. Sometimes when someone says "hey" to you it might not be because they are striking up a conversation but rather to get you to move from in front of the weights they need. Maybe if you talked less, that two hour workout you bragged about could be cut down, to say, a hour. You know, a hour, like the hour I WASTED this morning. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Gravity

As I sat in the gym the other day, waiting for my gym partners, I couldn't help noticing how much things have changed.

I noticed the gym was cleaner and brighter than any I had lifted in over the last 20 years but the music was being blasted the same as ever, even though most couldn't hear it because they had on earphones. The gym was full of mostly young men with a few of us older guys scattered around the place. I think that's how it's always been. There were many new machines but the most popular were still the old favorites. The benches looked about the same, as did the weights and bars.

I started remembering when I was just getting started. I weighed all of 125 lbs. I was weak. I looked to the older guys for tips and pointers to help me on my way. I knew if I stuck with it I could get to their level. Ten years and a lot of work later I had put on 50 pounds. As I succeeded at setting goals and surpassing them, I fed off the accomplishments and that kept me coming back. After my first bench press competition I realized it wasn't where my journey had led me but rather it was the journey itself that I enjoyed.

I scanned the gym to see which guy might be making the same journey I enjoy so much. I never found him. What I found were a bunch of young guys who were ten years ahead of where they should be. Guys that had taken less than a year to put on 50 pounds of pure muscle. Obviously training techniques and diet information have improved since I started but that wouldn't be enough to speed up the process by ten years. Last time I checked gravity worked the same now as it did then. The body's ability to recover probably hasn't evolved much in 20 years either.

The sad part is I don't think they get the gravity of the situation. They know they're cheating but I'm not sure they understand what their cheating themselves out of. Things like the experience, the accomplishment, the journey. They've cheated themselves out of the whole damn point. I sat and watched as they made big lifts look easy and I knew they would never realize exactly what it should take to get to that level and the feeling you get when you finally do. Yeah, they still hoot and holler after each lift like it's them and not the steroids or human growth hormone but they know, and then again they don't know, and I doubt they ever will.

It made me wonder if they plan on approaching life the same way. It may be easy to defy gravity in the gym but they better have a better plan for more important challenges in life because life's gravity can knock you on your ass and it doesn't care how big you are. That's something that will never change.

With friends like these...

I was running late for work yesterday and quickly grabbed some clothes for my evening workout. When one of my partners arrived at the gym he looked at me and said, "Hey Ronald, What's up?" I was confused and said, "Ronald?" He started laughing and pointed out I was wearing bright red shorts and a bright yellow t-shirt that made him think of Ronald McDonald. I shook my head I told him he was crazy. Then my second partner walked in, looked me up and down and said, " I'd like an order of fries and a Coke please."

..............................................................................

I met my gym partners at the mall last week to go to the movies. We rarely do anything that isn't sports related together. As I walked up to the first one, in the packed food court, he says rather loudly, "Hey, I almost didn't recognize you with your pants on." Yeah, people were snickering. But not as much as when the second partner walks up a minute later and says, "You two make a cute couple. You sure you don't mind me tagging along on your date?" Grrrr.

My friends or 'the bastards' as I like to call them, sheesh!

Odd Man Out

I have the pleasure of lifting with two great guys three nights a week. Although I've been working out with these guys for years I hardly ever forget that they were partners long before they met me. One day they asked for some advice about working legs, I invited them to join me for a few sets and we've been lifting together ever since.

In the beginning they both just let me run the work-outs. I had more experience and seemed to be more motivated. This worked out well for awhile then I noticed one partner, P1, seemed to get irritated with me at times. Nothing harsh, just little comments to let me know he wasn't pleased we always did things my way. So I backed off to let them take charge, only to be confronted by my other partner, P2, about why we're doing odd or lame work-outs. You see, P1 doesn't really know what to do, he just wants to have input, where as P2 doesn't care who's in charge, he just wants the results.

So over the years I've worked hard to make sure P1 is included in decisions. Still, no matter how hard I try I can't get this issue behind us.

Example:

P2: Can we do extra legs tonight?
Me: Fine by me, what do you think P1?
P1: Huh, surprised you even asked. I was thinking of trying this new exercise?
P2: That's for your back. We're not doing back tonight.
Me: Let's try it tomorrow night.
P1: Whatever. (as he rolls his eyes)

Example two:

Me: Didn't you want to try a new exercise tonight P1?
P1: I'm surprised you even heard me. (sarcasm)
Me: Huh?
P2: I heard that exercise isn't any good.
Me: Lets give it a try and see.
P1: Gee, thanks for letting us. (dripping with sarcasm)

I still try, but for the most part I just wrote it off to the fact there are some people in this world you just irritate (some of us have a better knack for it than others) no matter how hard you try not to.

Then, I skipped the gym last Monday night. I sent both of them an email to let them know. When I arrived at the gym Tuesday P2 was a no show. P1 informed me that P2 had come early Monday and had almost finished his work-out before our scheduled time. Worse, he left P1 after only 10 minutes of working-out. When I wondered out loud why he would do this, P1 said, "Because, he knew you weren't going to be here."

Then it became crystal clear. P1 is irritated with me because P2 seems to be only interested in working out with me. P1 is feeling like the odd man out. It doesn't really solve anything but at least I know where it's coming from. And, on a selfish note, I'm happy it's not me this time.