No Patrick Allowed!

Abby, my five year old, has been getting in a lot of trouble recently for messing up her bedroom beyond belief.

The other day we found this picture she drew taped to her bedroom door. When we asked her why, she told us that it was because Patrick, of Sponge Bob fame, had been sneaking into her room and messing it up. Now he isn't allowed in her room anymore. She seemed pretty serious about it too.

So for the next few weeks we gave her a break about cleaning her room because of her awesome picture of Patrick, her creativeness and on the slight chance Patrick really was the guilty party. Turns out he wasn't.

Funny pics taken at home

After his buddy disappeared, the remaining rooster made friends with our dog. Here they are napping together.

Apparently some horses don't like having their pictures taken. Much to Jacobs surprise and disgust the horse "let one fly" as this picture was being taken.

Caught, NOT looking

The other night at the gym, my partner mentioned a bodybuilder he saw on TV. I thought one of the signed photos, hanging on the wall in the gym, was of the guy he mentioned. So I walked to the front of the gym to look. The problem was I couldn't make out the name on the photo. Looking up, I squinted, turned my head, tried looking at it from every angle to get a good look. I spent a few minutes trying but I never could make it out.

When I finally gave up and turned around I noticed a guy across the gym staring at me. I mean really staring at me. I knew the guy but not that well. I took a few more steps and checked, yep, still staring. By the time I made it back to my partner I realized why he was staring. See, he had just competed in a local bodybuilding contest last month. He did well for his first contest so the gym honored him by putting his picture on the wall last week, with all the famous bodybuilders. The picture of him, posing in only a banana hammock, (this kind, not this) was hanging right next to the picture I was ogling, for so long.

I can only imagine what he was thinking as I appeared to be looking at his photo from every possible angle. Now every time I see him in the gym he gives me this awkward look. I want to approach him and say something like, "hey, um... do you know who's picture that is hanging on the wall right NEXT to yours? Because I was looking at that one, not yours, the other day." But I know I would just be digging a deeper hole.

Of course my partners thinks the situation is hilarious. It's not. Well, if it happened to them it would be, but it didn't. What kind of luck does it take to be not looking at a guy's photo at the exact moment he is in the gym paying attention to who's looking at his photo??? Which again, for the record, I wasn't. grrrr!

Cockadoodle doo

The other day, while in the shower, I heard a rooster crowing and crowing and crowing.... It was very loud considering I was on the second floor with the water running. It was very odd considering I don't own a rooster. When I headed out to go to work two roosters were coming down my neighbors drive. He doesn't own roosters either. We have no idea who's they are or why they have picked our house to settle in at.

For the last two days these guys have been literately circling our house. I now know how Custard must have felt. The Wife is terrified of them for some reason. Something about their beady eyes and tag teaming her on a flanking, all out pecking attack.

Now, we have another decision to make. Keep the roosters, get some chickens and have fresh eggs. hope they find their way to the pond so the gator can have a special feast or try to shoo them home. Wherever that is. Funny thing about roosters, ha ha grrr, they don't just crow in the morning. No, they crow all.day.long. Did I mention how loud they are?

This is a picture of my pond looking back at my house. It's here because I loaded the wrong picture but I like it, so I left it.

Melted Hearts follow up

The night after my little girl melted my heart by asking me to be her prince, she once again found me in the kitchen. (Why am I spending so much time in the kitchen?) I had my back turned to her as I heard her start to talk.

Daddy? Can we play kill?

I turned around to see her standing with a play sniper rifle around her neck and a gun in hand for me to use. What a contrast to the princess outfit. I had to laugh.

Sure, I'll play with you but let's not call it "kill".

There was a silence as I thought of what to call it but all I could think about was her standing there with the guns. I took one and she ran off yelling bang, bang, bang.



Yep, that's Daddy's little girl too.

Some people are so funny.

Clown Tax?

He makes a lot of McSense.

Very Funny?

Funny thing about your own sense of humor... you don't have to understand to enjoy it.

Why does this make me laugh so much? Who cares? It just does.

Blog closed, I'm getting a tan :)

Hee, hee

I'm not here, I'm actually on a cruise in the Caribbean.

I just left some music so you wouldn't forget me.

Stay Back

Has anyone given any thought to microwave ovens???

Follow me here. The door that protects you from the microwave radiation is made of glass or some sort of plastic. The dishes you place in the microwave oven, in most cases, are made of glass or plastic. If the microwaves can penetrate the containers holding the food why can't they escape through the door made of the same material?! I don't think they are heavy enough to be lead lined or something like that. What the hell?

Mine is mounted above the stove, about my head height. I'm not making any connection with that and my receding hair line but then again...

With The Wife down last week, I had to spend more time in the grocery store, more than my usual never that is. While looking for an easy dinner idea I stumbled upon what could be the the biggest scam going in the grocery store industry.

As I was looking at frozen pizzas, I noticed there was three cheese pizza, four cheese pizza and, you guessed it, five cheese pizza. Now get this, they were all the same price! Seriously, what kind of fool do they take me for? I grabbed two of the five cheese and swaggered right up to the counter. I just wonder if the cashier noticed the smirk on my face as I thought about getting 10 cheeses for the price of six. SUCKERRRRRS!

Thinking just a tad

I've been thinking about Christian Slater lately. You know, because he's so dreamy and all that. Ok, maybe not like that but actually a little bit like that. What I've actually been thinking about is his hair.

What's up with this man's hair??? He has a bit of a high forehead and a full head of hair so why comb it straight back? That's a tad weird, right?

Well, I'm not really thinking that it's weird. I'm really thinking that my hairline is a lot like his. If I must admit it, my forehead is a bit higher than average, like his. Not much higher mind you. Lets just say a tad higher, and leave it at that. Seriously, leave it at that.

So I was thinking, not much but a tad, that maybe, just maybe, I should let my hair grow out and comb it back, like, say, Christian Slater does. Only I don't really like the way he does his hair much, maybe a tad but people must right. Being that he's a big star and all. I do like the cool way he gets to push it back when it falls forward. So there is that.

Anyway, that's what I've been thinking about, but not too much, because that would be weird. At least a tad.

At 5:00 yesterday morning, I was sneaking out of the house for a business trip. Out of a dark hall I heard a voice ask "Daddy, what's going on?"

I saw my two sons heading towards me half asleep. I asked them why they were up and then in an eerie, monotone voice my oldest said, "when we see light, we go to it."

WTF does that mean?! Are they moths? Are they 'children of the corn' or 'Poltergeist kids'? It felt like a scene from The Shining... redrum, redrum...

Children creep me out sometimes.

I've got gas

On my way to work I passed a gas station selling gas for $1.80 a gallon.

They're practically giving it away.

I'm tempted to pump a gallon on the ground and dance a jig in it. That, or drive in a circle for about 20 miles, just.because.I.can.

This is a good one

I hate commercials but once in a while a good one comes along. This is the best one I've seen since the caveman commercials came out.

I know I shouldn't but... I did

I'm trying not to go there, I really am... but this is too funny. Then again, two guys spending almost a billion dollars to get a job that pays four hundred thousand dollars a year is pretty damn amusing too.

Alright, alright... one funny one about McCain to keep it fair.

Oh Dear

Ever since I was a child people have been claiming that Chinese restaurants are guilty of slipping us mystery meats such as monkey or dog. I have always laughed off such claims because for one, monkey would cost more than beef or chicken and two, no evidence has ever been produced to support such claims.

Until now...

"Here's something you don't hear every day. An employee at Nagano's admitted to bringing a dead deer that they found on the side of the road to work. Thanks to an anonymous caller who says they saw employees bring a garbage bag with a dead animal inside Pooler p-d were alerted.

Police responded and found this on the floor of the cooler laying right
underneath beef. The restaurant was immediately closed down and the Health Department was called in. The Health Department tells me Nagano's was closed for four hours while the restaurant was cleaned and sanitized.

Some food had to be thrown out because of possible contamination. The
restaurant was reopened and placed on warning. It is still unclear if the
restaurant was planning on serving the deer. We did stop by the restaurant to see if anyone was willing to explain why they had the roadkill but no one there was willing to talk . "

~ WSAV TV

YUCK!

Ha ha ha and ha

As if we needed more evidence that the press is bias.

Saturday, Joe Biden was being interviewed by a Florida TV station. The reporter seem to be asking some unusual questions. Unusual because they were harder than the puff questions Biden is use to getting. These were more like questions Sarah Palin has to answer at every interview.


Joe couldn't believe it. He even asked the reporter if she was joking and who wrote the questions for her. She was respectful and let him answer each question and to be honest Joe handled himself well but OMG! I laughed so hard.


About a week before the election and this is the first time Biden has been asked tough questions. Welcome to Sarah Palin's life Joe! The Obama campaign's response to this interview was to cancel an upcoming interview and ban the station from any further interviews. BAH ha ha ha ha!!!! One tough interview, ONE, and they are picking up their ball and going home.


Of course I don't blame them. Why answer tough questions when the rest of the media is talking about serious issues... like say, how much Sarah Palin's clothes cost.

You just have to laugh.

Bar Stool Economics

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100 .

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:


The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do.


The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.
'Since you are all such good customers, he said, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes, so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.
But what about the other six men - the paying customers?
How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'


They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33.
But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings)
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before.
And the first four continued to drink for free.

But once outside the restaurant the men began to compare their savings. I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man.
He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!' 'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!' That's true!!' shouted the seventh man.
'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!' 'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.

In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

~ Anonymous