All for one, One for goodbye

Some friends of The wife, who have become friends of mine, are in the beginning stages of a divorce. Not an uncommon tale, high school sweethearts, married for 14 years with three kids. He is a bit immature but always provided for his family, and by his soon to be ex-wife's admission, a great dad. They had an all to common set-up I'm seeing more and more these days. He was willing to let her run the house, and their lives, as long as he was allowed to have his toys and his boy time. Not a setup I'd be comfortable with but they seemed happy with it. Though I wonder if a wife doesn't start to see a husband like this as another one of the children and lose respect for him.

For the last 5 years they have worked together to put her through school. During this time it became obvious that the main purpose for the family was to help her get her degree. His friends joked that when she did get it she would leave him. The closer she got to her degree the more empowered she felt and the more distant he became. The day after her graduation she approached him about repairing their marriage, on her terms. Much to her surprise, he told her he wasn't interested, he didn't love her anymore and he already had other plans. He would be leaving as soon as she got a job. She never saw it coming.

For the past few weeks she has tried to talk him into marriage counseling but he "checked out" months ago. Looking back she can see now that she put him behind her goals and ambition, even though he was helping make them possible. All the signs were there, like him going to the gym most nights, after the kids went to bed, for 5 hours at a time. She never bothered to question this or check to see if he was actually going.

I have to wonder how many times he tried to get her attention by acting out by doing something obviously wrong only to be ignored, enforcing the notion that she didn't care. So months ago he realized he wasn't important in her life, started making other plans and checked out.

Now it's time for the divorce. He can't wait to move out and start the life he's been planning for months. She is just starting to come to terms with the thought of a new life, a very different life. He is happy, she is mad. He is relieved, she is angry. Of course he was where she is now but that was months ago, and she didn't notice or care. The divorce will get ugly. She is talking about restricting his parental rights through the courts. I guess the fact he is a "great dad" doesn't matter now. The children will suffer. In the end he will probably realize that he should have stayed and tried to work it out. He will realize all the things she was doing for him that he never thought about. No one will win and everyone will lose.

It seems to me a little bit of appreciation and attention could have prevented the whole situation. It's a lesson I won't forget anytime soon... I hope.

Looking Through a Fool's Eyes

Jen's comment on my last post, made me realize I haven't posted in awhile. The truth is I'm painfully aware that I haven't posted anything in some time. In fact, I've been thinking about this blog a lot recently. A few things have happened in my life that I would love to blog about but I'm not sure how to do that and be fair to the people involved.

Over the past few months I have had to deal with situations and emotions that until this point in my life have been rather foreign to me. Maybe that's why they had such an effect on me. I assumed I was immune to certain aspects of life... unfortunately, I now realize I am not.

After all is said and done the main question I'm left with is this - why do we let things go on when we know they aren't right? And if we simply played them out to their logical conclusion we would know that acting like we don't know, even when we do, won't save us from the inevitable outcome. Is it laziness? Is it denial? Is it hoping something will come along and magically change the situation? Or is it, as I fear it is, simple desperation.

Being made to feel like a fool is a horrible feeling. But realizing you played the fool is worse. I knew... I'm the king of knowing. I always, always, always try to see situations from the other's point of view. Yet, I could not force myself to conclude what was so damn obvious. We ALL have a part of us we don't show to everyone. Sometimes that part of us never sees the light of day but on occasion, we find a place, a person or situation where we feel this part fits. We let it out... and it can feel sooo good.

So look around and think about the people you know. What is their secret part? Are they letting it out? If so, what ramifications will this part, the part you don't know but you do know exist, have on your life? The evidence is all around us, an odd behavior, a distant feeling or slight grin where none should be. We know it's something, then tell ourselves it is nothing because if we do that, it is nothing... until one day that nothing has grown so big and so obvious ignoring it becomes more painful than living with it. What then? Or I should say, what now?

Lowering The Bar... Again

When I heard that President Oboma had won the Nobel Peace Prize I literally laughed out loud. The wife, watching in the other room, asked if he had won because he was black. I assured her it had nothing to do with his color. She then asked, "why then?"

Good question, I thought. He has only been in office for ten months. His popularity in the US has dropped significantly since he took office. He has yet to accomplish anything of importance, at all. Most of his campaign promises are now being watered down because they are either not realistic or would be a disaster if he were allowed to carry them out.

Unlike President Carter, the worse American president to date, who received the Nobel Peace Prize for brokering peace between Israel and Egypt, Obama's biggest claim to fame is the beer summit he had at the white house to broker peace between a professor and a police officer.

So why did Obama get the award? Mostly because he's not President Bush. Also because he's a liberal. Now the Nobel Peace Prize falls into the same category as the Oscar, and the Emmy and a lot of other once honorable acknowledgments. Not given on merit but instead to those with the most liberal agenda. The award committee has done nothing but cheapen the prize for all those who have won it before and will receive it after. Worse they did it for political reasons. They used the award to send a message to former President Bush that they didn't like him and they wanted to embarrass him. Petty, as well as sad.

The first reactions I'm seeing from most Americans, Obama supporters and opponents, is disbelief. It left me wondering if the people of Pakistan feel they are getting peace as Obama authorizes bombs to be dropped on them? Or, if the people Afghanistan feel peace is on its way as Obama will neither commit to securing their country or pulling out of it? Does Israel seem to be embracing Obama's push for peace? Do the Palestinians? The North Koreans are rebuilding their nuclear facility as Iran admits it has more nuclear capacity than we thought. Where is this peace the The Nobel Peace committee speaks of?

Like our news media, the Nobel committee has taken something precious and made it into a joke, which is exactly why I was laughing when I heard about it.

My Little Girl's Daddy

I must admit that I'm really not feeling the holiday spirit this year. It's not hard to figure out why either. The Wife has been sick. The kids have been sick. I've been sick. Well, it got much worse today.

The Wife called me at work, a place I haven't been near as much as I need to be lately, to let me know my little girl had fallen. Abby wouldn't move her arm and The Wife was wondering if she should take her to the doctor or wait.

The next call was from the doctor's office. They said Abby had popped her shoulder out of joint. The Wife said my girl was crying for her Daddy. An hour later I met them at the specialist that was suppose to pop her shoulder back in place but they needed some x-rays first. I carried my little girl into the room and held her while they took the x-rays. The first few went fine until they told me to pull her arm across her chest.

I hesitated. I knew it was going to hurt her. The x-ray tech started to do it but I knew it was my job. I waved her off. As I grabbed my daughters arm, I said all the things a parent tells a child just before they hurt them. She begged my not to touch her arm. She screamed. I kept talking to her and looking her in the eye. I was afraid if I lost eye contact I wouldn't be able to look at her again. As quickly and as gently as I could I slid her arm over. It wasn't quick enough nor was it gentle enough. The x-ray tech took the shot. My daughter was crying, "no more, no more. "

I wrapped her back up in her blanket and carried her like a baby back to her mother. I was able to press my face into her blanket on the way back to dry my own eyes. The x-rays revealed that her arm was not out of it's socket. Instead, her arm was broken in half, up high, just below the shoulder joint.


Sometimes I don't think you realize how much you love someone until you see them in pain. And when you're the one inflicting that pain, out of love, it reminds you just how tough of a job being a parent can be. After I sat her down in the exam room, I put my face up to hers and told her I was sorry. As I leaned forward we bumped heads. She made a little pucker shape with her lips so I leaned in and let her kiss my forehead where we had hit. As I pulled away she gave me all the smile her little face could muster. I guess being the child of a parent can be a tough job as well.

Santa Lives

Child Writes to Santa, Asks For Molestation to End
Monday, December 15, 2008

PHARR, Texas — A Texas man has been arrested after a 9-year-old girl wrote to Santa Claus asking that a relative stop touching her and her sister.

The Monitor of McAllen reports that a man from the town of Pharr was arrested Friday and is in the Hidalgo County jail. A criminal complaint says the girl turned the letter in at Cesar Chavez Elementary School. Authorities interviewed the girl after a school counselor reported the letter. The complaint says investigators believe the molestation occurred over a period of four years. The man is charged with continuous sexual abuse of a young child and could face as many as 99 years in prison if convicted.

And some people say there is no such thing as Santa Clause .

HO HO NO!

I think the gig is up! A few days ago my oldest was asking a lot of questions about Santa Claus. Then yesterday he came to me with a covert plan to set up video surveillance to catch the big red jolly fat man doing his thing. I tried to explain that smarter kids than him have tried to catch the big man in action and failed.

My performance wasn't all that convincing though. He had all the evidence he needed . Photos of him at the mall with Santa. Video of Santa rolling down the street in a parade. And commercials, those damn commercials, on every channel. Proof that Santa can be recorded.

In the end I feel like I may have bought him another year of believing in the actual man and sled routine but I'm still going to check the chimney for tripwire and motion detectors before I put the presents out this year.

I'm not ready for Santa's visits to stop yet.

I ... He enjoys the milk and cookies way too much.

More Haters to Hate

Today it was announced that two neo-nazi skinheads were caught planning to assassinate Barrack Obama and kill another 102 black people. Now I've seen some pretty hateful stuff during this election campaign but this is pure evil. I can't even begin to understand how these people think. I don't want to try to either.

It only goes to remind me that I share this world with some sick animals out there disguised as humans. Seriously, they were going to kill a man because he was black and dared to reach for the highest position in this country. Who made these bastards the judge of who is allowed to run for office? Who gave them the right to decide who I can and who I CAN'T vote for? What have they accomplished that gives them such wisdom and power???? Nothing. But, I doubt they have the capacity to think past their hate.

Living in the deep south, as one might expect, I know a few racist. Not as many as you would think but they are here. They come in all colors and ethnic groups. No one race has the market cornered on stupidity and hate. Yet it somehow surprises me everytime I meet one.

For the record, I don't condone it. The other day, a person, who thought because I was white, spoke openly about voting for McCain. I agreed that I thought McCain would be a more experienced choice. Then, this person informed me that they weren't voting for McCain because of his politics but because Obama was black. I shook my head and asked if that was the only reason? They assured me it was. I told this person that they should vote for Obama. I meant it too. If the only reason Obama will lose this election is because of the color of his skin then I hope he wins.

Politics should be about electing the best people into office to represent us. People that share our vision of the direction this country should go. What in the hell does a person's skin color have to do with that?!!! Nothing of course but the haters will never get that because they are evil twisted and sick. The haters hate this world more than they love themselves and that type of person is dangerous, to all of us.

Hope

My son's best friend, who has been battling cancer for almost three years, is having surgery today to remove a tumor that has wrapped itself around a main artery.

If you have a extra moment please say a prayer for the little guy. He can use all he help he can get.

**** update ****

He made it through the surgery. He was able to keep the kidney they thought he would lose. However the cancer had grown to close to his main artery to get it all. And they think it's still active. So he still has a long way to go.

Tim Russert

R.I.P.

Tim Russert

1950 - 2008

Although your political coverage always had a bit of a left lean to it, I always had the feeling you thought it was balanced. You were a professional with class and totally committed to informing the public about politics. Your passion was contagious and always made me think. I will always respect you for that. The world will miss you.

Wreckless Future?

A newly hired parts runner for our shop caused a car wreck last Friday totaling a company vehicle. I wasn't happy about the situation but accidents do happen. So after the weekend, MONDAY, the same employee took another company vehicle home for lunch , without permission (WTF?!!) and wrecked it.

Worse than being somewhere he wasn't suppose to be was the fact that he didn't even mention that he had been in an accident when he called me. He only told me he was being held for no proof of insurance. The wreck only came to light as I was talking with the on scene police officer. I was trying to explain to her that it wasn't a big deal and I would have the correct insurance information to her shortly. She must have thought I was an ass for acting so nonchalant about a wreck but she soon realized I had no idea there had been one.

Of course after I went to the scene and straightened it out I followed the employee back to work and promptly fired him, not for the wrecks but for the lying and the other. Much to my surprise, he seemed surprised. Holy shit!!! How could you possible think you wouldn't get the axe after that? Isn't there some kind of two weeks of driving-under-the-speed-limit-rule after a wreck? Apparently not.

I wouldn't even mention this but the guy is nineteen years old with a wife and a baby on the way. He needs a job. HIS BABY TO BE NEEDS HIM TO HAVE A JOB! I'm just baffled and upset by the whole thing. Yes, I don't like our equipment being used like we run a demolition derby but more importantly I see a pattern of this type of behavior from this generation.

I know it's not fair to paint a whole generation with the same brush. I'm also very aware that I sound like an old man complaining about today's youth when my generations certainly had and has its share of flaws but this has me concerned. We have three or four entry level jobs open we can't fill. Either the people who apply can't pass a drug test, don't have a drivers license or have so much personal drama going on they can't make half a week let alone the forty plus hours we need. Even worse a lot of the people who should be happy to get a job that can teach them a skill such as becoming a mechanic have opted to go flip burgers in the air-conditioning for half the money and no benefits.

So unlike the other day when I saw some humor in being to old to "cut the fool" with some immature teenagers I see nothing funny about this situation. I couldn't give a rip about the young man I let go. He's capable of making his own way if he would accept his responsibility and man up. What bothers me here, what I can't stop myself from thinking about is his unborn child and its future.

It breaks my heart.

Living up to expectations, a broken promise.... damn

As a child I was what people called accident prone. Not because I did things to hurt myself but because I always managed to get hurt. No lie, I once had to get twelve stitches from pillow fighting. While it was rarely my fault, I got a reputation with my family for it. So much so my aunts wouldn't let me spend the night at their houses because "something" might happen.

Also as a child I loved heights and because I did, one of my biggest disappointments was the tree house my dad promised to build but never did. I made the same promise to my son last year and this three day weekend was as good a time as any to make good on that promise.

The weather was perfect and since I love working with wood and my hands, I have to admit I was in heaven. Twelve feet above the ground, swinging a hammer, in the trees, with a nice breeze blowing and a spectacular view of the pond, I was a happy man.

I finished most of the hard part by the second day. I promised my middle son he would be walking in the trees by the end of the day. He was anxious but patient. I needed one more support beam before climbing on top and laying the floor. As I placed the beam I dropped a screw. I climbed down the ladder to get it. As I placed my hand on the ladder to climb back up, the ladder shifted. I hardly noticed because my feet were still on the ground. Unfortunately, the drill I left on top of the ladder slid off. It had to be a one in a million shot. It landed on my ring finger. The only part of me touching the ladder.

When I looked down at my finger it appeared as if the drill had all but snapped off the tip of it. It didn't. It did however pulverize it into something that looks like hamburger meat. I won't go into the details about the horrible experience in the emergency room, lets just say with the care I received, after bleeding for three hours in the waiting room, I passed on the doctors suggestion that I be admitted for an open fracture wound for several days.

So now I'm home and things couldn't be more opposite than a second before the drill fell. My promise to Ethan is broken and will not be fulfilled for sometime. While it is just a finger, it happens to be on my right hand, and of course I'm right handed. The Wife also had the doctor explain to me the dangers of gangrene with an open fracture wound. So I'm stuck inside looking out the window at my unfulfilled promise. That is in between all the phone calls. The calls are from my family and friends checking on me and reminding me how they can still remember how accident prone I use to be as a child and apparently still am.

Tomorrow, with any luck, I'll be going to see a hand specialist who will hopefully do something with this damn finger. This whole situation is ridiculous. One finger has brought my life to a screeching ass halt. damn.

What Will Happen?

The dreaded "W" word came up the other day. I've never been afraid of it but for some reason I just can't get off my ass and wrestle with it.

My insurance agent (same age as me and looks twice as old, sCA-ry) strongly suggested that I make out a will. Yikes and, well, yikes!!! His suggestion was delivered with one of those half cocked eyebrow things that seem to say, "Hey, what are you stupid or something?" His look was so convincing that I'm actually considering doing it.

So I need a list (always start with a list)

1. I need to make a list of all my possessions (easy enough)




2. I need to make a list of who I'm leaving them to. (again... easy)




3. I need to figure out who would take care of my children if something should happen to The wife and I...
   

Bam! I just remembered why I've never made out a will. I have nobody in my life I trust to raise my children. So stop cocking that eye at me Mr. Insurance agent man, I'm working on it.

Gah!

Growth

When each of my children were born I planted a tree on our property to mark the occasion. With Ethan it was a willow tree right next to the kitchen window. I didn't realize it at the time but I had planted the willow right next to our septic tank.

Amazingly in just over three short years the tree grew as tall as our house. I had to trim the bottom branches so that we could see under it from the kitchen window. In a short amount of time, due to the extra nutrients it was getting from the septic tank, it became one of our favorite trees. It provided some much needed shade. I loved to watch it's long lanky limbs blowing in the wind. It had a very majestic appeal to it. It was a beautiful tree.

Then, suddenly it died. All the leaves fell off, it turned brittle and dried up. Apparently some type of beetle burrowed into it's trunk and killed it.

The moral of this story: You can't suck shit for too long before something bad crawls up your ass and kills you.

Damn

There goes my 'Father of the Year' award.

Tonight I happen to catch my oldest son with his finger up his nose. Now I know this is common behavior for a seven year old but as the parent I felt the need to say something. Mainly because I don't want to see it. So I reached over and pushed his hand away from his face.

Well my son thought this was funny and placed his finger right back in his nose. So again I reached over and pushed it away. He looked at me and proceeded to place it back in his nose as he howled with laughter. I was laughing too at this point. Once again I reached over to push his hand away but he was ready for me. Before I could get to his hand he jerked his head away from me with his finger still in his nose. All this wouldn't have been a problem except we were riding in our Mule, doing no less than 15 mph, on an asphalt road.

So as my son jerked his head he slipped off the seat. It took a moment to realize what had happened and by the time I did he was out of my reach. All I saw was him fall into a superman position as he flew off of the mule. To my horror the left side of his upper body landed on the floor board of the mule then he fell to the asphalt road. This was actually a blessing in disguise as it broke his fall and bounced him away from the mule, keeping it from running him over.

When I stopped the Mule and looked back he was up and walking to me. He was crying and asking me what to do? He was also asking why I pushed him? I DID NOT PUSH HIM. He was surprisingly calm on the way back to our house considering the amount of blood that started showing up. That lasted right up until we got back to the house and he caught sight of the wife. Then the tears ran like rain.

The damage? A skinned knee, lip, nose, chin, elbow, hand, finger, toe and a chipped front tooth and a broken daddy's heart. Forecast until the scabs heal? Frosty :(

Negatively Thinking

I was recently having lunch in a restaurant when I noticed an electric wheel chair sitting empty against a wall. I scanned the room to see if I could find the owner of the chair but saw no candidates that fit my definition of a person needing such a thing. I can't say I was surprised when a older but healthy looking man got up from his table and went and sat in the chair. He quickly maneuvered it over to his table where he popped out of it faster and easier than I could have done myself.


Quite frankly it pissed me off. I studied the man up and down to see if I could pick up on his so called ailment. As suspected I saw no indication that he was hurt or handicapped at all. The bastard. Then to my shame I watched as he helped a lady, whom I suspected was his wife, up from their table. He had to pull her up, steady her and spin her around so that he could lower her into the wheel chair.

Yes, I felt about two inches small. Immediately I had sympathy for this man and the burden of caring for someone so helpless all the time. What a life that must be? Then, after he had her situated in the chair, he leaned down, kissed the top of her head, smiled and merrily pushed her away. Wrong again.

As I sat waiting for my food to arrive I wondered why I had thought the worst of the man and then thought the worst of his situation. I was embarrassed obviously but I still wondered why I thought that way. I could have just as easily thought he had a good reason to need the chair. There are plenty of valid reasons why a healthy looking person might need assistance. Yet I choose to believe he was just lazy. Worse, when I saw I was wrong I again made another wrong and negative assumption. Is it just human nature to do this? Does society teach us to do this or does it say something deeper and darker about me?

I like people. I try to see everyone as equals so why, when given at least two options do I choose the one that puts a person in a bad light? I don't want to. Unfortunately it seems to come naturally, maybe from the subconscious.

It's disturbing. Especially when giving people the benefit of the doubt, in most cases, cost me nothing.

B I T C H

I hate Heather Mills. I know hate is a harsh word and that is exactly why I used it. Why in the hell does this platinum digger think she is owed Paul McCartney's fortune? Yes they have a child together and the child is certainly entitled to live at the level of her dad but from what I know about Sir Paul there is no doubt that will be taken care of. He raised four children. He has more than proved he values family and takes care of his. The question is, what does Heather Mills deserve for three years of marriage?

I say not much. She has added nothing to Paul's financial wealth or success. No sane person could argue that without Heather Mills Paul's career would have been different. He was stupid for not signing a prenuptial agreement but should his stupidity be her financial gain? Lets face it, if stupidity was always paid for in dollars, most of us would be in bankruptcy by now. I say that the fact that he didn't draw up a contract is proof that he loved her and was expecting the marriage to last. Where can I find evidence of love and long term expectations on her part? I see none.

Apparently the courts agree with me. While the millions she was awarded seems like a lot, it is but a small amount for Paul to be rid of her once and for all. I can only hope for the sake of their child Heather will not try to use their daughter as a pawn to extort more money from Paul. Sadly, I fear this is exactly what she will do. Judging by her reported character, I can foresee years and years of her dragging Paul back to court to shake a little more money from his Apple tree.

So while Paul may be too nice or too scared to say it, I am not. What a bitch. Linda must be turning in her grave. Grrrr!

Loose lips whisper "self-destruction"

After the trip to Mexico the wife brought me some more pieces to the puzzle that has become my sister. The wife told me that after a few drinks my sister pulled out a pair of uncharacteristically loose lips. She spilled the beans about some big secret and continued to tell all (at least I hope it's all) for the rest of the vacation.

Taking the new information and combining it with the stuff she's been saying to me I've reached a conclusion. My sister is losing touch with reality. I keep telling myself it's her life, not to judge. I keep reminding myself that she is an adult fully capable of taking care of herself. I keep forcing myself to stay out of her business. It's not easy.

She divorced her husband last year because he deserved better and she wanted to focus on her career. The big secret she let slip to the wife is that she has been involved with her old high school boyfriend for the past six months. They are totally in love , and meant to be together. So much so that she felt compelled to give him an ultimatum at Christmas. Either he leaves his wife, with whom he has three children, or she moves on. She told my wife that they are soul mates and have actually been together longer than us. Well, other than the ten to twelve years they didn't talk and had separate lives. wtf?

The wife told me my sister spent most of the vacation text messaging him and checking her phone for replies. She never called her children once to talk or check on them. wtf?


All of this gives me concern but apparently to justify her actions she has started revising history. Sometimes in ways that I understand but other ways are quite odd. I knew the husband going from saint to bastard was coming. I get that. What I never expected was a revision of our family history. It seems that no one loved her growing up. She had a terrible childhood, she was abused, both mentally and physically. She resents us all for the treatment she received and since she moved away in 1992 none of us even know who she is anymore.

None of it is true, but just to make sure I'm not the one revising things I asked my brother, his memory matches mine, as does both my parents. I can't even begin to express my disappointment with these recent revelations not to mention my confusion about her childhood memories.

I won't tell my family what's going on because it was told to me in confidence. I would rather not start WWIII. Plus if she feels comfortable talking to the wife I don't want to cut off one of the few avenues she has to discuss her situation. She has mentioned a few things to me lately about our childhood but any attempt I made to point out I remembered it differently was met with a ferocious defense of her position.

She needs help. Maybe even professional help but is unwilling to listen to anyone. I feel like all I can do is sit back and watch her self-destruct. It's not easy.

How far?

After many months of previews and teasers the show Dexter aired on CBS last week. I must admit from the beginning I was intrigued at the concept of the show. Not because I like shows about serial killers but because I couldn't imagine a show about a serial killer.

I've seen two episodes now and I must say it is entertaining. The main character, Dexter, is funny, charming, intelligent and a police officer. Oh yeah, he is also the serial killer. Yep, the show has made the main character, the good guy of the show, a serial killer.

I suppose we are expected to like the guy because he only hunts down and kills "bad" serial killers. I guess the fact that he enjoys cutting up people is alright because they are bad people. Even better, Dexter has no remorse for his actions and even feels he is serving justice by perusing his addiction to butcher people.

Has CBS lost their freakin' minds? Come on, a serial killer as the good guy, really?! What's next a show about a good rapist that only rapes rapist? How about an arsonist that only burns down other arson's houses? It's madness.

I really don't know why I'm surprised. Hollywood has been driving us down this road for a long time. I'm not sure where it started The GodFather series could have been it. Through all the gangster movies, we've been expected to pull for one corrupt thieving, murdering group over another. Can you say The Sopranos? There have been hundreds of TV shows and movies that had us cheering for thieves to get away with stealing millions as long as the person they stole from was a jerk. Ocean's Eleven is a good example of this, there are many many more.

Where does it end? How far can they go to normalize insane, criminal, immoral behavior? Is it any wonder that society seems to slip further and further into moral decline? The real question is how far will they go? And more importantly, how long will I watch?

Star Struck

I'm a guy of routines. I try not to get stuck in them but if given the choice, well, I choose to follow them. One of my routines is to feed our animals when I get home at night. No big deal. As I pass through the garage I feed the two dogs, then into the kitchen to feed the cats and lastly out the back door, onto the deck to feed the stray cat that we look out for.

About a year ago my then two year old little girl followed me to the back door one night. As I was coming back from feeding the cat she stretched her arms out for me to pick her up. The moon was shining bright so I picked her up and brought her outside in my arms.

I pointed up and said, "moon". She did her best to repeat after me with something that sounded like moo. I then pointed to the stars and whispered "stars." She said it back. I gave her a little kiss on the cheek, a big hug and took her back inside.

After that, every time she heard me go out to feed the cat she would meet me at the back door with her outstretched arms. Eventually she learned to say moon and she always whispered, "stars" as she pointed and giggled. The event took no more than a minute but sometimes it was the best minute of my day.

Then, after almost a year, I'm not sure when or why but she stopped. Maybe I had something important to do and fed the cat before she could get to the door or maybe she was busy doing something she liked. I didn't really notice until last night. Because last night as I was returning to the door there she was waiting on me. It hadn't even occurred to me until that moment that we had stopped our routine.

This time she didn't have her arms out. I reached down to scoop her up and she shook her head and said "uh ah." I stepped back and she walked out onto the deck on her own. She pointed at the sky and whispered, "stars". I knelt down beside her and whispered it back. She giggled. Then she ran back into the house.

It was all I could do to not to shed a tear. Silly I know, because it's a natural part of life but the writing was on the wall. She's growing up. Hell they're all growing up and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Not that I want to. Still, it got me thinking about the other moments that had passed me by and all the future ones that will pass so quickly. Nothing last forever and that realization slapped me in the face hard that very moment.

I rubbed my eyes a little, looked up at the stars and walked back into the house. As I walked into the kitchen my little girl grabbed me by the hand and said, "dance, daddy, dance." I did. We both giggled and laughed as I spun and twirled her around the room until something caught her eye and off she went. I rubbed my eyes again and thanked my lucky stars for all the best minutes of my day still to come.

Adrift on the ocean

On our recent cruise I spent a lot of time with my sister. My sister who has now been divorced for about six months.

Some of you may remember that she divorced her husband because he was such a wonderful man and he deserved a woman that would treat him the way a wife should treat a husband. Realizing that she never would, my sister divorced him. Despite the fact he was willing to stay and work it out.

During the days we spent together she, more than once, assured me that she was the happiest she had ever been in her life. She loved her job, her children and her new found freedom. This was what she was saying anyway.

It's pretty obvious to me that she is lost and just drifting in the wind like a boat in the ocean with no oars, no direction, no plan. As most people know, the more information you are given the better chance you have of putting together a clearer picture of a situation. Lets just say by the end of the cruise the picture was crystal clear.

My sister is a very strong willed, private person. She does not give personal information out freely. You have to listen and catch the little pieces. Three days was enough for me to know I wasn't buying what she was selling.

The evidence:

• She was reading not one but three self help books. Now there is nothing wrong with that but they were all books about finding direction in life. Not exactly a topic you would think someone, who just got everything she ever wanted, would be reading.
  

• She casually mentioned, out of the blue, that she found it odd after ten years of marriage her ex husband was willing to change his behavior that was causing the marriage to end. He begged but she told him it was too late. WTF? I thought to myself when I heard this. I thought he was suppose to be this great guy and she was the problem? Seems we are starting to revise that part of history now.
  

• Still being a friend of her ex husband, the father of my nieces, I asked if he had started dating anyone? She snapped back "don't know, don't care, not my problem." Sheesh, if she doesn't care why is she getting so damn mad about it. That was the first time in three days I had even mentioned him.
  

So at the end of the cruise, after we passed through customs and were ready to go our separate ways home, I hugged her and told her if she needed anything to give me a call. She won't of course because in her mind that would be admitting weakness. I was happy with the time we got to spend together. The bond we share as brother and sister was a little stronger than it was before. As she walked away, carrying her heavy baggage, I noticed a lack of stability in her step. I wanted to run over and take some of the baggage in my hand to ease her burden but I knew she wouldn't let me.

Hopefully, one day soon, she'll put some of that baggage down and be able to take hold of her oars again.