Happy & Scared
School starts this week and I'm more than scared. My son, who was diagnosed with autism when he was three, will be going to kindergarten this year. He is five and will be starting school with his age group. The fact that he is able to start school with his peers brings me enormous pride. He has come so far in such a short amount of time.
As proud as I am, I can't help but be worried. As much as I'd like to think he's like every other kid, he's not. He's a very complicated child that can seem simple to anyone that doesn't know him. I'm praying that he gets 'the right teacher'. A teacher who will be understanding and not fooled by his ability to mimic other children. My worse fear is him getting a teacher that will resent him being in the class. One that sees him more than a burden than worthy of being educated. As much as I admire teachers there are people who wear the title undeservedly. Such as this one, I actually cried when I read this.
Fortunately my child has not shown himself to be a disciplinary problem. Actually, he's quite the opposite which brings me to my second fear. He is so sweet and so willing to follow others he will be an easy mark for any child that realizes he's different and wants to exploit that fact. As we all know kids can be cruel.
I'm having to fight the urge to put him in special classes that places him with teachers that understand and children that are in his same predicament. Then at least I'll know he's safe. But I can't do that can I? Because I know in my heart he deserves a chance to succeed at the highest level. We need to know the limit of his abilities. I'm hoping we don't find them. I know that throwing in the towel before the first round has begun is safe but unfair. If he fails it needs to be because it was not within him, not because we doomed him to failure. That would make us failures as parents, again, not fair to him.
So come Friday my son will go to kindergarten for the first time. I'm happy. I am, but as I said, I'm scared too, really scared.
13 comments:
“I asked him how that made him feel and he said, ‘I feel sad.’”
:( that's so sad. How can that 'teacher' live with herself.
For some reason I have lots of male friends who are teachers, my sister's fiance is also a teacher. When I hear them talk about 'their kids' and the joy seem to bring to my friends' lives, it makes my smile. I can't imagine why someone would want to intentionally hurt a child.
Will your other son be at the same school?
No, my older son will be at another school about a block away, third grade.
I can see my son being told by his classmates what they don't like about him and being voted out of his class. It would break his heart... and mine. :(
The teacher should have been working with his parents and her administrators, not the five year olds in her class. Shame on her.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't mention this, so please know that I am saying this from a place of perfect love and perfect trust.
You mentioned that your son "deserves a chance to succeed at the highest level." Placing him in kindergarten in a "regular" school is NOT giving him a chance to do this. "Regular" school is NOT the highest level, and certainly isn't the place where your son can achieve the highest level of learning possible.
I wish you woudl take advantage of the very unique, costly, and cutting edge educational resources available to you and your son due to his unique intellectual functioning. He will get a FAR better education at a school dedicated to his way of learning and relating. Placing him in the school that is dedicated to his particular needs IS NOT "babying him" or "sheltering him," it is setting him up to succeed.
EVERY CHILD HAS THE RIGHT TO A FREE AND APPROPRIATE EDUCATION. This is Federal Law. Make sure your son's education is APPROPRIATE.
Just my two cents, and like I said from a place of love and trust.
Daughter's comments just made to think about this ... could there be something in this? If he were in a school where the teachers are better qualified to meet his unique needs would that be better for him?
As far as bullying from other children is concerned, I know it breaks your heart to think that he might be bullied (and I would feel the same) but a lot of children get bullied for one reason or another, I was bullied for 4 years at school I still don't know why. So IF he does get bullied bear in mind that the reason could be anything.
Daughter: As always, I appreciate your opinion. I need all the perspective on this I can get.
Your comments, which are dead on the mark, just enforces how conflicted I am over all of this.
Yes, chances are greater that he will get a better education from people properly trained to teach him but what about the rest? He will never feel normal if he is placed in special education. Nor will he learn the socialization that comes from being around regular (so to speak) children. I fear that if we label him as 'special' without even knowing if he could handle mainstream classes is not being fair to him. I love him either way but I want as normal a life for him as he can have.
He will be pulled out of class a few times a week to be given special attention for his needs. We will constantly monitor his progress and if we feel his is not doing well or causing a disruption to the class we will move him out.
I don't know. All I can say is that you are right but my gut feeling tells me he deserves his chance and a big part of me feels he can do it. *shrug*
TT: Yes, most kids get bullied at some point. My older son has already experienced it but he is on even ground with the bully for the most part. He can tell us or his teacher. My middle son just wouldn't understand it. To this point I don't think he sees people as good or bad, just good. He is easily influenced. That scares me.
I want to thank both of you for your comments. I hope y'all know how much I treasure the time, advise, and concern you give to my post like this one. I am blessed. :)
Daughter has a good point - in "special" classes the teachers are (hopefully) more equipped to handle children with different learning capacities. As opposed to a regular school.
I don't think you'd be labeling in by putting him in special classes because you can always move him into a regular school when you, and the teachers, feel he's ready.
But on the flip side, you know your son better then anyone and if your gut is telling you to put him into regular classes then there must be a reason.
Especially if he's being monitored on a regular basis.
It's not like your dropping him into the class and checking back at the end of the year. You'll be closely following his progress, and really - with ANY children, that's often all you can do.
Either way you go, no matter the outcome, my thoughts are with you. It's an exciting and scary time.
He has a great support team so I suspect he'll be okay no matter what!
Keep us posted.
Not much I can add to any of that, so hows about just a "Good Luck" to the little fellow!
Jen: Thanks, All the teachers that have dealt with him think he can do it. Of course, like I've mentioned, he's a hard one to read. Sometimes he can carry on a whole conversation with you and never let on he doesn't have a clue what you're talking about. *sigh*
We meet his teacher tomorrow, then it starts. I will keep you posted.
Cataclismical: Thanks, we've done all we could think to do to prepare, so luck is all that's left (I hope)and we'll take all we can get. :)
Sounds to me like a messed up system. In Ireland your entitled to a special needs teacher in the classroom. I think its the best of both worlds. Of course this has its own drawbacks in cost, and resources are a big problem here but its the right idea and works out best for the kids if it gets set up right.
Thinking of you on this school day.
Sending hugs to you and yours!
*hug*
Darren: I have heard of that option here but I'm not sure my county offers it. We have been using every resource we thought he needed since he was diagnosed. We'll see.
Jen: Thanks for the thoughts, very sweet of you to think of us today. He came home happy but we have no idea how it went. Apparently he liked the snacks and the monkey bars. *shrug*
*hug*
Your son and I are on the same page. There would be no reason to go to school at all if it weren't for snacks and monkey bars. If they offered snacks and monkey bars at work, I'd get up early every morning to go.
Glad it went well. :-)
lol, Thanks.
We are now learning all did not go well. I'm going to blog it later.
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