Trust should be a four letter word

Seems like trust is going to be the topic of the day for me this year. Odd that a word that had hardly touched my life in the past has become such an issue for me lately.

Once a week I pick up my eldest son from gymnastics. Since we don't have a lot of one on one time I use our drive home to try to get a feel for what's going on in his life. A couple of weeks ago we talked about some struggles he was having with school. I reminded him that his mother and me were available anytime he didn't understand something, to which he responded by telling me his mother wouldn't help him because she was always on her computer. I wasn't shocked because I knew that situation had changed but I realized a nine year old wouldn't quickly pick up on recently changed behavior. To test his perception I asked if he thought I was always on the computer? He replied, yes. When I asked him how that could be seeing how I work 50 plus hours a week, spent many hours outside every weekend with him and I didn't get on the computer until after he went to bed during the week? He just shrugged his shoulders. Clearly his definition of "always on the computer" means anytime he wants our attention immediately.

Still, I thought I should tell The Wife how her son was thinking of her so she could be sensitive to it. The next week, after I picked him up he was telling me a story. In the middle of a sentence about something his mother had said he stopped talking. I asked what was wrong? He said he better not tell me anything his momma said or did because he might get in trouble again. Again? After some prodding he explained that his mother had gotten quite upset about what he had told me about her on the computer. I did my best to reassure him that he didn't need to keep anything from me and that he had done nothing wrong... but it was obvious that the trust we once had was now broken. He clearly was not interested in telling something I might repeat back to his mother. I let it go with him but I was very upset.

When I confronted his mother, not only did she act justified in what she had done, I sensed a bit of smugness on her face. Almost like she was proud that she was able to thwart my efforts to "keep an eye on her". She apparently told him what she did was her business and he had no right to repeat it to me or anyone else. It was obvious she had missed the point of why I had relayed what he had originally said. Even though I had made a point to tell her I didn't believe his perception of her computer time was correct. Worse, she didn't seem to get the damage she had created by letting our son know, not only could I not be trusted, but there would be hell to pay if he voiced his opinion about anything mom related. In other words, not only was it ok to keep secrets from his dad but he had better.

It took a lot of talking... and yelling, but I finally convinced The Wife that no part of me telling her what our son had said had anything to do with her at home activities. I just thought that she would want to know that her son was thinking about her in this way. I know I would want her to tell me, ESPECIALLY IF IT WASN'T TRUE.

So what to do now? I don't know, again. I turned down The Wife's offer for her to talk to him about it because he would realize, once again, something he had said to me made it back to his mom and he was getting a lecture about it. Seriously, do we need to confuse the kid any further? I guess in the end I'll have to earn his trust back over time, which sucks because I don't feel like I did anything to lose it... but I have.

I'm sorry I might lose millions of dollars

WTF?

Why in the hell is Tiger Woods apologizing to us? Why would we even care?

I wonder how many people watching Tiger Woods today have ever watched him play golf or ever would? You know, golf, the game he is famous for. I doubt many. As far as I'm concerned if he can make his transgressions square with his wife and children then what I think shouldn't matter.

Oh wait... what about his public image, right? Yeah, about that, if you bought a car, shirt or anything other than a golf product because Tiger Woods endorsed it you're an idiot. Seriously, why would Tiger know anymore about a car, razor or credit card than you do?

For me, I would have had more respect for him (that would be starting from zero) had he held a press conference, not said a word, teed up a golf ball and knock the shit out of it. Then he could have turn to the cameras and said, "That's what I do. What now bitches?"

... but that's just me apparently.

Funny pics taken at home

After his buddy disappeared, the remaining rooster made friends with our dog. Here they are napping together.

Apparently some horses don't like having their pictures taken. Much to Jacobs surprise and disgust the horse "let one fly" as this picture was being taken.

If it were me....

If I were president of Toyota....

I would hold a press conference about the recent recalls Toyota is experiencing. I would remind the public that recalls are a reality that every car manufacturer faces. That anyone who has owned a new car has more than likely received a notice in the mail to return the car to the dealer to have recall services performed. I would mention that the amount of attention that Toyota's recent recalls have received seems to be a bit excessive. Then, I would wonder out loud if all this attention from the government had anything to do with the government OWNING a large part of General Motors, one of Toyota's largest competitors. And yes, I would scream, "FOUL!" to anyone willing to listen.

Now, there may be no connection between the two, at all, but I would certainly plant the seed that there might be. This is why government should stay out of private business. There is a HUGE conflict of interest, that at the very least muddies the water, when government owns something it is suppose to be regulating, especially when the regulation centers on our safety. Duh! and double "Duh!!" to Toyota for not bringing this up.

Definitely a top 10

One of the top ten best feelings in the world:

Waking up in the middle of the night to realize one of your children has crawled into bed with you, snuggled up next to you and is sound asleep. It lets you know that they feel the safest place in the world, from whatever scares them, is right beside you.

Reality, a nice place to visit

As I was sitting in my chair,

I knew the bottom wasn't there,

Nor legs nor back, but I just sat,

Ignoring little things like that.

~Hughes Mearns

She told me she is the happiest she has ever been, that letting God guide her life allowed her to be the person she always wanted to be. "I no longer acted with my ego but now with my heart," she confessed. She had proof too, in the form of a letter announcing her appointment to the board of directors of a children's shelter she has been working with through her company. The letter was now framed and proudly displayed on her office wall for all to see. Furthermore, the pride and gleam in her eye was unmistakable as she told me her company's CEO emailed all 400 hundred employees to let them know she was the very model of philanthropy her company promoted. I was happy for her.

She told me that she had never felt closer to her children as I sat in her beautiful home that showed no evidence that children lived there at all. Not an easy feat with a 7 and 9 year old.

She told me that her new path allowed her to let go of judgments of others. Then she proceeded to tell me if I would just open my mind and heart to God I could get to the place where she was at. I wondered where she thought I was.

My sister recently asked me to come to her town, alone, so that we could talk. She wanted to discuss her religious and spiritual awakening. She wanted me to buy into what she said she wasn't selling very badly. But I couldn't, I can't. See, I'm more into reality and perception these days. I told her that too, not in a condescending way but to let her know I wasn't ready to travel her path. I explained my reality has been too real for me these past years to be able to look beyond it.

She said she had forgiven us all. For what I wasn't sure, so I asked. The list was long and eye opening. Mom, for her negative attitude towards her. Our brother's lack of interest in the birth of her children. The men of the house for not clearing our plates when she had to clean the kitchen. Dad for the few times he spanked her and us for laughing when he did. My parents for letting her friends pick on her. Dad for all the nightmares she had remembering the spankings my brother and me often received. Her ex husband for not being man enough to be her husband. The list went on and on...

Of course I realize that no matter how trivial these events seem to me they were traumatic and real to my sister. I didn't want to disregard her feelings but at the same time I was having a hard time relating to her pain knowing she was raised as close to a princess as I had ever known anyone to be. I was having an even harder time understanding why these events that happened, mostly, over 25 years ago were still issues to her today. So much of an issue that she said she almost cut us all out of her life a few years ago.

During the long drive home and since, I've been bothered by our conversations. My brain has been struggling with her version of reality versus mine. She says she's happy. She says she has only positive thoughts. She says she doesn't judge people anymore. I can clearly see she believes all of this, and therefore if she thinks she's happy then she IS happy, right? So does it matter that the things she professes to feel are the opposite of what she's projecting? Her happiness appears as loneliness, her positive thinking comes off as controlling, her none judgement seems condescending... But that's my reality, in her's she's perfectly happy. I guess that's where I need to let her be... and to be honest, it is a nicer place to visit than it use to be.

Call me petty

I can be petty. There I said it. It's true. I guess I'm a person that believes the devil is in the details and the details can be... well, pretty petty sometimes.

Recently the wife and I have been having issues over some online friends she maintains and the things they are into. Mostly the problem has been about typical stuff, spending too much time online with them, too much time on the phone with them, too much twittering with them, too much... really just too much with them. This excess has led to other problems which led us to have a big heart to heart about all of it.

After our talk she agreed she was rather obsessed with it all and that she knew it was hurting our marriage and in some areas the children too. I never asked her to give up any of it as I thought the time she spent participating in that stuff should be her idea. Forcing someone to to make a choice is not really making a choice at all is it?

So, over the last few months she has cut way back on her computer time. For the most part things have been better because we've both been trying to put our family and each other first. BUT, there has been the occasional moments when I have walked in a room to see her huddled in a corner with her phone, only to put it away when she realizes I'm in the room. Or, turning her computer off when I come in from outside unexpectedly. I haven't said anything other than telling her it wasn't necessary to do that because acting suspicious only tends to make others be suspicious. If she wants to do it, she needs to just do it.

Then over Christmas holidays she announced she was going to the phone store to buy a Blackberry. A phone she has wanted for a long time because it will allow her to be in non-stop communication with her online friends. A phone she knows I would have an issue with. This was confirmed when she asked me to set it up for her, "even though I know you may have a problem with the reason I got this phone can you help me set it up?" I did, without saying a negative word.

The days that followed I noticed her spending more time shut-up in our bedroom away from the family. Upon my entry I noticed she very slyly slipped the phone into a drawer. Why.? I have no idea because I have said nothing about the phone. Of course my lack of interest in it probably says it all.

So here's the petty part, I'm not going to take calls from her new cell phone, for now anyway. Childish? Perhaps... ok sure it is, but clearly the phone was not purchased to communicate with me, in fact, it was purchased knowing on some level it would hurt me.

I know writing this makes me sound like some kind of control freak but that clearly isn't the case. I've demanded she give up nothing. As I've said, I know it has to be her decision. I have not tried to guilt her or manipulate her into doing things my way. I've simply stated how I feel and let her decide how she wants to react, no retaliation, until now I suppose. She had a great phone before, she has her own laptop that I have told her I won't use or even touch. The phone she had did almost everything the Blackberry will do but the Blackberry is what all her internet friends use.

So call me petty if you want to, but don't call me at all if you are using her Blackberry, because for now, I'm not going to answer. thhhhpppppp!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TT!!!

I may be a bit late but I mean it just as much. I hope you had a wonderful birthday and a terrific year to come.

Happy Birthday TT!

If you get half of what you deserve you'll have way more than most ;)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY

Make sure to take time to count your blessings

... and may they be to numerous to count.

Thanks Jen!

The Wife made some delicious banana nut bread this past weekend. Recipe a la Jen, aka "The Baker". Thanks Jen! Don't be surprised if we ask for a few more recipes in the future. Yum!