Looking Through the Mirror

We enrolled my ten year old in soccer this year. It had been three years since he last played so I wasn't sure how he would do. At the u12 level things are a lot different than u8. It became obvious that Jacob had a lot to learn. It also became obvious, painfully at times, that he is nothing like me when it comes to sports.

Sure we share a lot of the same traits. He not fast, but quick. He has good foot skills combined with the ability to teach his body new techniques pretty fast. He isn't the biggest kid but doesn't seem to notice. Still, we are worlds apart when it comes to playing sports. The boy doesn't seem to have a competitive bone in his body.

His team, and especially his coach suck. Jacob, not the worst kid by far, sat the bench the most. He didn't seem to mind so I kept quiet as his team kept losing game after game. After getting beat 16 to nothing in their fist game I asked him if he was ok? He said he was and he was. And so it went with the rest of the season, they got beat, he had fun and he didn't seem to mind. IT DROVE ME NUTS!

So the last game of the year as I watched him play I was mentally making a list of things I saw him doing wrong. I was contemplating how to tell him without sounding like one of "those" parents. As his team was walking back to the bench, just before I opened my mouth, I saw the coach pull his son to the side and very aggressively tell him how bad he was playing. The kid assured his dad, his coach, that he was doing his best, to no avail. The kid finally just looked at the ground and quietly headed to the bench.

By this time I looked up and Jacob looked at me through the chain link fence, smiling.

"It's tied zero to zero," he said. "How am I doing?"

I paused and looked over at the coaches son sitting as far away from his dad as he could get.

"Your doing great," I said. "I'm very proud of you."

I was too because he had managed to teach me something about sports I always had a hard time remembering. It's suppose to be fun. He had a coach to point out his mistakes he just wanted his dad to enjoy watching him. A harder role to play than I ever imagined.

They ended up winning the game. Walking to the car with my arm around my son's shoulder I asked if he was happy to finally win a game? He said he was but, "I was wondering," he said "can I sit in the front seat of your car on the way home?" and just like that soccer season was behind us, just like it should be.

The Answers Are All Around Us

Every morning I give my six year old son his medicine. This morning, as I looked at his face, an incredible sadness came over me. It's not unusual reaction, as I often feel sad when I think about his future. He's such a sweet kid but I know his Aspergers will prevent him from experiencing a normal life.

But what is a normal life really? And are those who pursue this normal life any happier than those who can't? I take comfort in the fact that maybe he will find more joy in the path that lays ahead of him than that which lays ahead of most. I mean most normal people don't seem all that happy in their normal life to me. Still, it breaks my heart that he doesn't even have the choice of which path to travel down. And it breaks my heart further to know I am powerless to help make his path as clear as the well worn "normal" path that this world calls Main Street, which happens to be my street.

So this morning, as these thoughts were running through my head again, I waited for my son to get his drink ready that helps his medician go down easier. I was brought back to to the present by his little voice.

"Aw man, I got the ugly red cup!" he said

A little aggravated and with little thought I replied, "it doesn't matter what the cup looks like, it's what we put in the cup that matters." And just like that it hit me. It's not going to matter what his life looks like to me or anyone else. In the end his life will be the collection of experiences he is able to put together. It will seem as normal to him as anyones life seems to them. His life will not and can not be defined by the boundaries, accomplishments and goals I have set for mine or even those of his siblings. His life will be... his.

I watched as he grimaced at the taste of the medicine followed by a few sips from the ugly red cup. He sat the cup down and ran off to find his brother. I peek into the ugly red cup, sure enough the stuff he hadn't drank looked a lot like the stuff I drink, bet it taste the same too. God I love that little boy.

Trust should be a four letter word

Seems like trust is going to be the topic of the day for me this year. Odd that a word that had hardly touched my life in the past has become such an issue for me lately.

Once a week I pick up my eldest son from gymnastics. Since we don't have a lot of one on one time I use our drive home to try to get a feel for what's going on in his life. A couple of weeks ago we talked about some struggles he was having with school. I reminded him that his mother and me were available anytime he didn't understand something, to which he responded by telling me his mother wouldn't help him because she was always on her computer. I wasn't shocked because I knew that situation had changed but I realized a nine year old wouldn't quickly pick up on recently changed behavior. To test his perception I asked if he thought I was always on the computer? He replied, yes. When I asked him how that could be seeing how I work 50 plus hours a week, spent many hours outside every weekend with him and I didn't get on the computer until after he went to bed during the week? He just shrugged his shoulders. Clearly his definition of "always on the computer" means anytime he wants our attention immediately.

Still, I thought I should tell The Wife how her son was thinking of her so she could be sensitive to it. The next week, after I picked him up he was telling me a story. In the middle of a sentence about something his mother had said he stopped talking. I asked what was wrong? He said he better not tell me anything his momma said or did because he might get in trouble again. Again? After some prodding he explained that his mother had gotten quite upset about what he had told me about her on the computer. I did my best to reassure him that he didn't need to keep anything from me and that he had done nothing wrong... but it was obvious that the trust we once had was now broken. He clearly was not interested in telling something I might repeat back to his mother. I let it go with him but I was very upset.

When I confronted his mother, not only did she act justified in what she had done, I sensed a bit of smugness on her face. Almost like she was proud that she was able to thwart my efforts to "keep an eye on her". She apparently told him what she did was her business and he had no right to repeat it to me or anyone else. It was obvious she had missed the point of why I had relayed what he had originally said. Even though I had made a point to tell her I didn't believe his perception of her computer time was correct. Worse, she didn't seem to get the damage she had created by letting our son know, not only could I not be trusted, but there would be hell to pay if he voiced his opinion about anything mom related. In other words, not only was it ok to keep secrets from his dad but he had better.

It took a lot of talking... and yelling, but I finally convinced The Wife that no part of me telling her what our son had said had anything to do with her at home activities. I just thought that she would want to know that her son was thinking about her in this way. I know I would want her to tell me, ESPECIALLY IF IT WASN'T TRUE.

So what to do now? I don't know, again. I turned down The Wife's offer for her to talk to him about it because he would realize, once again, something he had said to me made it back to his mom and he was getting a lecture about it. Seriously, do we need to confuse the kid any further? I guess in the end I'll have to earn his trust back over time, which sucks because I don't feel like I did anything to lose it... but I have.

Reality, a nice place to visit

As I was sitting in my chair,

I knew the bottom wasn't there,

Nor legs nor back, but I just sat,

Ignoring little things like that.

~Hughes Mearns

She told me she is the happiest she has ever been, that letting God guide her life allowed her to be the person she always wanted to be. "I no longer acted with my ego but now with my heart," she confessed. She had proof too, in the form of a letter announcing her appointment to the board of directors of a children's shelter she has been working with through her company. The letter was now framed and proudly displayed on her office wall for all to see. Furthermore, the pride and gleam in her eye was unmistakable as she told me her company's CEO emailed all 400 hundred employees to let them know she was the very model of philanthropy her company promoted. I was happy for her.

She told me that she had never felt closer to her children as I sat in her beautiful home that showed no evidence that children lived there at all. Not an easy feat with a 7 and 9 year old.

She told me that her new path allowed her to let go of judgments of others. Then she proceeded to tell me if I would just open my mind and heart to God I could get to the place where she was at. I wondered where she thought I was.

My sister recently asked me to come to her town, alone, so that we could talk. She wanted to discuss her religious and spiritual awakening. She wanted me to buy into what she said she wasn't selling very badly. But I couldn't, I can't. See, I'm more into reality and perception these days. I told her that too, not in a condescending way but to let her know I wasn't ready to travel her path. I explained my reality has been too real for me these past years to be able to look beyond it.

She said she had forgiven us all. For what I wasn't sure, so I asked. The list was long and eye opening. Mom, for her negative attitude towards her. Our brother's lack of interest in the birth of her children. The men of the house for not clearing our plates when she had to clean the kitchen. Dad for the few times he spanked her and us for laughing when he did. My parents for letting her friends pick on her. Dad for all the nightmares she had remembering the spankings my brother and me often received. Her ex husband for not being man enough to be her husband. The list went on and on...

Of course I realize that no matter how trivial these events seem to me they were traumatic and real to my sister. I didn't want to disregard her feelings but at the same time I was having a hard time relating to her pain knowing she was raised as close to a princess as I had ever known anyone to be. I was having an even harder time understanding why these events that happened, mostly, over 25 years ago were still issues to her today. So much of an issue that she said she almost cut us all out of her life a few years ago.

During the long drive home and since, I've been bothered by our conversations. My brain has been struggling with her version of reality versus mine. She says she's happy. She says she has only positive thoughts. She says she doesn't judge people anymore. I can clearly see she believes all of this, and therefore if she thinks she's happy then she IS happy, right? So does it matter that the things she professes to feel are the opposite of what she's projecting? Her happiness appears as loneliness, her positive thinking comes off as controlling, her none judgement seems condescending... But that's my reality, in her's she's perfectly happy. I guess that's where I need to let her be... and to be honest, it is a nicer place to visit than it use to be.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACOB!!!!!

We love ya big guy!!!

Enjoy the last time in your life that you'll have a single digit for an age.

Back to Blogging

For Christmas this year, just like last year, the family took a cruise. If you've never been I highly recommend it. It was tough last year with young children but we were on the Disney ship, so everything was geared for them. This year we took a 7 day cruise on the Carnival ship Glory. It was a little more challenging with kids, especially with Abby's broken arm, but we had a very good time.

There were three highlights from the cruise that stuck out for me. Obviously, being able to spend that kind of time with my family was awesome. We shared some experiences that will last us all a lifetime. I also had the chance to go scuba diving in Belize. I haven't dove in awhile. And, there is almost no better place on earth to get wet than Belize. They have a incredible reef there that is full of aquatic life. Lastly, we had two full days at sea. I can't remember when I've had two full days where I couldn't do anything but relax, even if I didn't wanted to.

Here are a few pictures

Some more thoughts later

Why not just tell me I'm a jerk?

For the last two months The Wife has been unwell. I made her go to the doctor a month ago and told her to slow down many times after that. Not much I could do about her not listening to me. She was determined not to miss any festivals, fairs and Halloween events. Then, last Wednesday she woke me up and said she couldn't take the kids to school. I made her go to the doctor again and I took care of the kids. Two days later, after she spent two full days in bed, she was admitted into the hospital. She has pneumonia that is resistant to antibiotics.

As I was taking care of the kids, my sister called to offer support. She was a little upset that my parents, who live so close, weren't doing much to help me out. I agreed that it would be nice to get some help but taking care of my family was my responsibility and not theirs. I explained there was no need to be upset with my parents, I could handle it.

Later, as my parent were visiting The Wife in the hospital my dad mentioned that my sister was coming in town early for Thanksgiving to help her with the kids. My dad also mentioned, for reasons I can't even begin to understand, that my sister had asked him to have a talk with me. It seems my sister blames ME for The Wife being sick. She thinks I never give her a chance to get a break. That I keep her trapped at the house and don't do much to ease her burden.

Now, I know she doesn't know what happens at my house. She lives out of town and has no idea how our life is structured. It really doesn't bother me what she thinks I do or don't do for my family. I know the truth and so do they. It also doesn't bother me that she told my dad to talk to me about it. He knows what I do too.

It doesn't bother me that if my sister thought about what she did know she would see the truth. Like the week The Wife spent WITH MY SISTER in Mexico while I watched the kids just this year should have been a clue. Or the concert in Atlanta she attended with MY SISTER that she wanted to got to but wouldn't because she had already had me take off work too much this year and it was expensive but I talked her into going.

And it doesn't bother me that my sister mentioned to my dad that I get to do something for myself by going to the gym three nights a week for an hour and The Wife never gets her own time. Because I know all the kids are in school and The Wife has free time during the day and frequently meets her friends for lunch and stuff. She also doesn't know that I let The Wife sleep in on Sundays, my only day off, as I get up early to feed the kids, clean the house and do other things that need doing. Or that I ask The Wife almost every weekend if she wants me to watch the kids so she can go to town and do something she wants to do. See, I like being home with the kids.

None of that bothers me but what does bother me, what really chaps my ass is how my sister got the impression that I don't do all these things. She just didn't come up with this stuff out of thin air. It had to come from somewhere in some form or another. Even if she is just reading between the lines of what is being said, somebody has to be telling her something and it could only be The Wife, my mom or both. Neither of which has ever even suggested to me that I'm not being fair to my wife. In fact both, on many occasions, have told me that I need to get out more and do more things for myself. I'm a little confused by this situation. And bothered, as I said.

So, with all that leading the way, let the holiday season begin. Holy shit!

I told you so

When I was growing up my sister, the only girl and the youngest in our family, was by far the favorite of our house. No actions were taken to hide it and no excuses were ever given for it. When I was older my mother would tell me to wait until I had children. She surmised that only then would I understand the difference between a daughter and a son. She assured me I would be the same way.

Oddly enough I have three children that are the exact distance in age as I was with my siblings. They are also in the same gender order, boy, boy, girl. I'll have to say my mom was right, girls are different. It's harder for me to discipline my little girl. Obviously I take a softer approach with her than I do with the boys. And, she knows how to tug on my heart strings when she wants something, or more importantly, when she doesn't want to do something. How the hell do they learn that at age three?!

So do I owe mom an apology? Or at least an admission that she was right? Hell no! They may be different but they all have equal value. Will one of them emerge to share more of my interests? Probably, but my job isn't to be their buddy. My job as a parent is to be interested in the person they are, encourage them to find their strengths and help them sure up their weaknesses. I have to be interested in them, not the other way around.

Treating children differently and favoring one over the others is not the same thing. I don't think my mom ever understood that. She thought moms raise girls and dads raise sons. My dad was a workaholic and wasn't around much while I was growing up. As a result my sister reaped the rewards of her close relationship with my mom, as my brother and me watched from the sideline. As a child I didn't understand the dynamics of the situation. All I saw was the inconsistencies in the way we were being raised. Children may not know why something isn't right but they almost always know when something is wrong.

Now when I'm telling my mom some cute or special thing about my little girl, my mom gives me that look. The look that says, "see, I told you so." I don't say anything because you can't change the past and I'm not about to downplay how amazing having a little girl actually is. It makes me sad though, to realize my mom never understood how wonderful raising boys can be too. I see she understands it more now, as I see her grandsons steal her heart over and over again, though I doubt she'll ever make the connection. It makes me happy to see her experience it but sometimes I can't help feeling the emotions of the little boy from my past, that wants to tug on my mom's shirt to get her attention, and say, "see, I told you so."

Live a little... because you never know

I received news this past weekend that business friend of mine had died. He was killed in a work related accident. He was forty eight years old. He left a wife and three daughters behind

Obviously this type news put me in a sour mood but after I thought about the man who died I had a different reaction. This guy loved life and squeezed as much out of it as he could. I can't remember ever seeing him in a bad mood. So Sunday I decided to take the family to the beach and live little. Damn, we had fun too.

My Sister... wtf?

My sister came home to visit last week. I'm really at my wits end as to how to deal with her. She has placed herself on such a high pedestal falling off would kill her. She has decided that her life is so perfect that she is entitled to critique the rest of the family on how to fix ours. What bullshit!

Her visits, which were once a welcomed event, have become a dreaded exercise in watching what you say and what you do. My mom walks on egg shells so that she doesn't become the target of her opinions. I just avoid having any serious conversations with her. My brother and his family won't even come see her.

I knew she had been confiding in The Wife but after she left I found out she had a heart to heart with my dad as well. Both discussed some of the conversations they had with her and both had me seeing red. I had to stop both of them from telling me everything because I didn't know if I could stop myself from contacting her about what she had said.

I work in a small family business. We are going through a painful transition of turning ownership and leadership of our company from my parents to my brother and myself. I can't begin to tell people how complex a situation this has been. My dad doesn't want to give up what has been his life for the past thirty years but also knows he's tired of the daily grind. Promises have been made on both sides and some feathers have been ruffled working out the details. He obviously discussed this with my sister. She advised him that if he wasn't happy with the the way things were going to fire my brother and myself (she doesn't realize we own half the company already) and close the business down. WTF? My dad's thoughts about her after this suggestion... "Your sister is nuts."

What the hell is she thinking? After twenty five years of building our business my dad is going to forget every promise he made? Did she think about the impact this SUGGESTION would have on my family and my brother's family? She has no clue the sacrifices my brother and myself have made because "one day the company will be ours". Actually she just has no clue.

The wife had to cut their conversation short as my sister tried to explain to her that no matter what agreement I had with my parents, I had no right to expect anything. She tried to convince The Wife that if my brother and myself hadn't taken the "easy road" we would not have put ourselves in this position. The Wife tried in vein to explain to her all the sacrifices both families have made to make our company successful. A company The Wife has asked me to leave many times because of the long hours, the extreme stress and the lack of boundaries between our personal and my business life. My wife's thoughts about her after this conversation... "your sister is nuts."

So what to do about my sister? I find it increasingly hard to be around her. I damn sure don't appreciate her meddling in my life. If she has an opinion about me she should come say it to me. What could she have been thinking when she tried to tear me down to my own wife? I honestly have no idea but something is brewing and I fear it's going to come to a boil sooner rather than later.

A Sinking Feeling

Last year for Christmas my side of the family went on a Disney cruise. Everything went so well my parents wanted to take another one. I knew going in it was going to be a problem. Despite my best attempts to head off the feared situation, it unfolded the exact way I was afraid it would.

My sister is not going to be able to go. Fair enough, I counted on that. She says it's because of work but I know it's because of the married man she's been dating. Of course the rest of the family knows nothing about this. While I don't like it, at all, she is an adult and it is her life. So even though she has decided not to go, she expects and damn near demands we take her two children.

The Wife and I had anticipated this and requested that if she wasn't going that her children should not go as well. I know this sounds mean, cruel and nasty but we're not trying to be.

The reality...

If her children go The wife and I, and mainly The Wife, will have to shoulder most of the responsibility. That would be five children under the age of nine to watch, dress, feed and the other thousands of things children require.

My parents are just hitting their seventies and I seriously doubt they are a match for an eight and six year old on a seven day vacation.

My brother and his wife barely speak with my sister and can not be counted on for any help. They might but I doubt it. Their seventeen year old daughter will help but how much can you count on a teenager to do while on her own vacation?

We will be traveling out of the country to places with open water as well as other dangerous situations. Accidents happen even when you're doing everything right. I couldn't live with myself if something happen to my nieces under my care.

I think my sister is asking us to take on too much responsibility for no real purpose other than to get some alone time with her boyfriend. We did suggest her ex-husband could go, so it's not like we don't want her children with us. She shut that suggestion down immediately. Apparently she hates his guts and has for the past ten years. She doesn't want us to have any contact with him, ever. Funny I can still remember her telling me she was divorcing him because he deserved better and how fantastic he was.

So it's looking like the whole vacation idea is going to be scrapped. My parents say they can't face their grandchildren if they don't take them and my sister tells them it's their fault. Me, I could care less if we go but it does piss me off to have my sister ruin it for everyone else and that we turn out looking like the bastards, again.

Father's Way?

I mentioned in a comment that I had less than a pleasant Father's Day. It wasn't a big deal. I didn't get what I thought I deserved and threw a fit. Was it justified? I think it comes down to how you define Father's Day. At our house it's pretty well established that Mother's Day and Father's Day are weekends where the person being honored gets to set the agenda and have a weekend of getting to do what they want.

The day started wonderfully with me getting breakfast in bed. Then down stairs for cards and some nice gifts. One of the gifts was a old fashion record player with a built in CD player. I also received some Dean Martin Cd's, so we spent a lot of the morning listening to Dean and dancing silly around the living room. Perfect! Since my finger was now usable, I was anxious to get back to the tree house. While I worked on it the kids played near by. I took a break to go swimming with them after a few hours. I couldn't have planned it any better.

Then my Mom called to see if we wanted to go to an early dinner. I know I've mentioned this before but anyone who knows me knows going to dinner 'ain't my thing'. It's at least a three hour event just to put some food in your belly. Don't get me wrong, I go often because "that's what you have to do to be part of a group or family" but I was expecting Father's Day to be more about what I liked. Selfish I know.

I knew at the time this was petty thinking, so I agreed to go because it was my Dad's day as well. I was instantly irritated because just the day before The Wife and I had gotten into an argument about going out for dinner when we went to run some errands. This is a constant battle between us. So I asked The Wife to call my parents back and decide the details since they were the three that wanted to go. When I came back from putting up my tools The Wife informed me that they had decided since it was Father's Day I would get to decide when and where we went. WTF?! I didn't even want to go, which The Wife was well aware of, and now I have to decide where I don't want to go? My irritation was quickly turning to anger. So I called my Dad to ask him to pick but he wouldn't. As ridiculous as it sounds it felt like the executioner asking me to pick the weapon he was going to kill me with. (a little too dramatic huh?)

So I was very aggravated and vented it in rather unpleasant way at The Wife. I fell short of throwing myself on the floor and banging my fist but I came close. Half my day was wasted on going to dinner. Plus after I showed my ass The Wife had no interest in me having a special day anymore. After we got back home and put the kids to bed The Wife asked if I enjoyed my Father's Day. I was a more than a little shocked at the question. I mumbled it was fine but instead of dropping it there, she proceeded to interrogate what I meant by "it was fine". Finally I told her it started well but it wasn't the day I had envisioned or expected. This of course hurt her feelings because she had made a huge effort to make it nice. It was rather cool in the house after that.

So there it is. All day I had people who were just trying to be nice to me and I showed my ass. It wasn't because I didn't see the big picture at the time, I did. It was petty, immature and uncalled for. But it was also Father's Day and something in the back of my mind kept telling me, "Today is a day that your feelings are suppose to count." So I was a big ass over nothing and I'm not that sorry about it and I guess that makes me a jerk too.

I got loaded last night

Because I live near my parents and they still work a few days a week at the family business, it's not uncommon for them to have an employee place something in the back of my truck for me to carry home for them, without informing me of course.

This irritates me to no end.

Sometimes I pretend I don't see it and ride around with it for days. When they ask where their stuff is, I just say, "Really, since Tuesday? Huh, nobody told me." Childish I know, but for some reason it makes me feel better.

I only mention this because last night when I left work there was a spool of rope in the back of my truck. Rope big enough to tie up the fn' titanic. My truck was almost popping a wheelie under the weight, seriously. It was apparently loaded with a forklift.

We have no forklifts at my parents house. Three guesses how it got unloaded? The first two don't count. grrrrr-er!

What Will Happen?

The dreaded "W" word came up the other day. I've never been afraid of it but for some reason I just can't get off my ass and wrestle with it.

My insurance agent (same age as me and looks twice as old, sCA-ry) strongly suggested that I make out a will. Yikes and, well, yikes!!! His suggestion was delivered with one of those half cocked eyebrow things that seem to say, "Hey, what are you stupid or something?" His look was so convincing that I'm actually considering doing it.

So I need a list (always start with a list)

1. I need to make a list of all my possessions (easy enough)




2. I need to make a list of who I'm leaving them to. (again... easy)




3. I need to figure out who would take care of my children if something should happen to The wife and I...
   

Bam! I just remembered why I've never made out a will. I have nobody in my life I trust to raise my children. So stop cocking that eye at me Mr. Insurance agent man, I'm working on it.

Gah!

Happy Number Eight

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACOB!!!

When they told me I was going to have a son,

I never dreamed it would be you.

I thank God everyday that it was.

PS I did not push you

Damn

There goes my 'Father of the Year' award.

Tonight I happen to catch my oldest son with his finger up his nose. Now I know this is common behavior for a seven year old but as the parent I felt the need to say something. Mainly because I don't want to see it. So I reached over and pushed his hand away from his face.

Well my son thought this was funny and placed his finger right back in his nose. So again I reached over and pushed it away. He looked at me and proceeded to place it back in his nose as he howled with laughter. I was laughing too at this point. Once again I reached over to push his hand away but he was ready for me. Before I could get to his hand he jerked his head away from me with his finger still in his nose. All this wouldn't have been a problem except we were riding in our Mule, doing no less than 15 mph, on an asphalt road.

So as my son jerked his head he slipped off the seat. It took a moment to realize what had happened and by the time I did he was out of my reach. All I saw was him fall into a superman position as he flew off of the mule. To my horror the left side of his upper body landed on the floor board of the mule then he fell to the asphalt road. This was actually a blessing in disguise as it broke his fall and bounced him away from the mule, keeping it from running him over.

When I stopped the Mule and looked back he was up and walking to me. He was crying and asking me what to do? He was also asking why I pushed him? I DID NOT PUSH HIM. He was surprisingly calm on the way back to our house considering the amount of blood that started showing up. That lasted right up until we got back to the house and he caught sight of the wife. Then the tears ran like rain.

The damage? A skinned knee, lip, nose, chin, elbow, hand, finger, toe and a chipped front tooth and a broken daddy's heart. Forecast until the scabs heal? Frosty :(

If you can't cut the fool, stay out of the mud

Last night my dad showed up at my door around 8:00 asking for help. He had let my cousin's child and her three friends come over and play on his four wheeler and mule. Well as teenagers will do, they went where they weren't suppose to and sunk all of it in a mud hole. A mud hole the size of Texas that is.

So reluctantly I put on some old clothes and went to help. When I arrived the teenagers, two girls and two boys, were completely covered up to their waist in black mud. Most of their faces were covered too. Yes, I laughed at them. I explained to my dad what we needed to get the vehicles out and I stayed with the kids and vehicles as he took my truck to get the supplies.

Now I know I'm getting on in age but I've honestly never felt like an old dude. I can hold my own in the gym, play sports with most people and still laugh at the stupid things in life but I guess it's been awhile since I've spent any time with some real teenagers (as opposed to the fake ones I guess). Here they were muddy, cold and in a lot of trouble with my dad and they were having the time of their lives. They were laughing, cutting up and throwing mud on each other. All I could think was I didn't want any mud on me and I'd rather be home in bed.

After observing them for a few hours I almost came to the conclusion that they were just immature. That was until one of the girls asked me if my hair had turned gray. I said "yes," to which she replied, "Gee! You sure are old!" She's right, I am. They weren't acting immature, they were acting their age. An age I don't identify with anymore because I'm an adult now.

It struck me as funny because until then I hadn't realized how much I've grown up. I hadn't thought I had moved so far from those crazy teenage years. I still had it in my mind that I could 'hang' and 'cut the fool'. No, I didn't see myself as the cool older guy the kids would like to spend time with, I just thought I would still see fun the same way they do. Well I can't.

I was embarrassed of them and for them, yet they were clueless that their behavior was anything but normal. As they ran around acting silly I just shook my head. I had to tell them over and over to get out of harm's way. They had no focus and no control over themselves. All I saw was a dirty job I wanted to finish and get home. All they saw was more opportunity to play.

When we finally got everything out they all thanked me. They wanted to hug me with their muddy wet selves (I don't think so!). When I got home I explained to the wife all the problems we had getting the stuff out and why it took so long. She asked why they would take stuff that wasn't theirs and take a chance of getting it stuck and tearing it up? I told her, "because they're teenagers." She said she couldn't understand what they were thinking. I told her I couldn't either and then we went to bed, like the old married couple we now are. Thank the Lord.

Happy Number Five!

Happy Birthday My Little Man!!!

Your persistence will get you far in life

Your compassion will make you lots of friends

Your sweetness will keep people coming back

Your silliness will keep you young

I love you

You're doing great, you little cookie thief!

Knowledge Bling

Last weekend I had the pleasure of driving down to the Kennedy Space Center, NASA, to spend the night with my son and his Boy Scout Troop. We had an amazing time. I won't bore you with the details but the highlight of the trip was sleeping under a Saturn 5 rocket. Not just any rocket but the most powerful rocket ever built.

Our guide for the two days we were there was Sam. Sam was a middle aged man with no outstanding features at all. In most other settings I would not have paid him much attention but I have to say at NASA, Sam was the man. Before he even spoke I knew he was special. I could tell by the way he carried himself and his confidence that I was going to enjoy being around him. I was not disappointed either. He was a wealth of information, he was smart and funny. He knew how to unload vast amounts of information to me... oh, and the kids of course, lets not forget why we were there. It was all about for the children, honestly. Anyway, he delivered information in an entertaining yet productive way.

There was something about him I should have picked up on right away but I didn't. When I heard him tell another parent he was an fifth grade teacher it came as no surprise. I've always thought teachers were a special bunch. People who deserved our respect for the incredibly important job they do. Yes there are bad ones, but as a whole I think they have a little special something. Call it knowledge bling or something.

One thing I've always pondered is if I think teachers are special because they really are or because teachers are one of our earliest adult role models and figures of authority. I think Sam helped me answer that question this weekend. I knew he was first class, I knew he "had it" before I knew he was a teacher and even before I knew he would be teaching us for the next two days. Another mystery of the universe solved. Now if someone could just explain to me why Paris Hilton is famous?

On a side note I had a chance to talk to Sam a little one on one that night. I think I held my on on topics such as relativity, gravity and thrust. I think Daughter would be proud.

Loose lips whisper "self-destruction"

After the trip to Mexico the wife brought me some more pieces to the puzzle that has become my sister. The wife told me that after a few drinks my sister pulled out a pair of uncharacteristically loose lips. She spilled the beans about some big secret and continued to tell all (at least I hope it's all) for the rest of the vacation.

Taking the new information and combining it with the stuff she's been saying to me I've reached a conclusion. My sister is losing touch with reality. I keep telling myself it's her life, not to judge. I keep reminding myself that she is an adult fully capable of taking care of herself. I keep forcing myself to stay out of her business. It's not easy.

She divorced her husband last year because he deserved better and she wanted to focus on her career. The big secret she let slip to the wife is that she has been involved with her old high school boyfriend for the past six months. They are totally in love , and meant to be together. So much so that she felt compelled to give him an ultimatum at Christmas. Either he leaves his wife, with whom he has three children, or she moves on. She told my wife that they are soul mates and have actually been together longer than us. Well, other than the ten to twelve years they didn't talk and had separate lives. wtf?

The wife told me my sister spent most of the vacation text messaging him and checking her phone for replies. She never called her children once to talk or check on them. wtf?


All of this gives me concern but apparently to justify her actions she has started revising history. Sometimes in ways that I understand but other ways are quite odd. I knew the husband going from saint to bastard was coming. I get that. What I never expected was a revision of our family history. It seems that no one loved her growing up. She had a terrible childhood, she was abused, both mentally and physically. She resents us all for the treatment she received and since she moved away in 1992 none of us even know who she is anymore.

None of it is true, but just to make sure I'm not the one revising things I asked my brother, his memory matches mine, as does both my parents. I can't even begin to express my disappointment with these recent revelations not to mention my confusion about her childhood memories.

I won't tell my family what's going on because it was told to me in confidence. I would rather not start WWIII. Plus if she feels comfortable talking to the wife I don't want to cut off one of the few avenues she has to discuss her situation. She has mentioned a few things to me lately about our childhood but any attempt I made to point out I remembered it differently was met with a ferocious defense of her position.

She needs help. Maybe even professional help but is unwilling to listen to anyone. I feel like all I can do is sit back and watch her self-destruct. It's not easy.