I had lunch with my best friend Tuesday. As I have mentioned I'm struggling with the person who has emerged after announcing he is gay.
He showed up to my office for lunch, late. I immediately could tell he was as high on something. More than likely some prescription medication, not prescribed to him. So it didn't start off well. I was irritated and in hindsight should have bailed on lunch then and there. I didn't because I knew he needed to talk to someone about his boyfriend situation.
His boyfriend, who is about twenty one, over twenty years younger than my friend, moved with his family about two thousand miles away. They broke up when he moved. For the last few months my friend has threatened to date other men but has yet to do so. As we entered the restaurant he told me he loved his boyfriend and wanted to fly out to see him to work something out.
He kept comparing his relationship to mine. That got old fast for many reasons. By the time we sat down to eat I decided to lay it all on the table. I asked if he wanted the truth? He said of course. I started by telling him that he had some serious questions to answer BEFORE running off to meet this guy.
Like why did his boyfriend go in the first place? He's an adult he could have stayed if he wanted too.
Why did he wait until the week before he left to tell you? Doesn't that say something?
What do you plan to accomplish by flying out there? Just seeing him won't fix anything.
Are you willing to support him? How?
Do you have the same goals in life as him? What are they?
If you move up there and he hasn't come out to his parents how will that work? Will it work?
Is his 21 year old boyfriend ready for a long term adult relationship?
His only answer to all these questions was that he loves him. To which I told him that in a long term relationship love is not enough.
Then he cried. Yes, tears rolling down the face, sobbing, the whole works. I felt bad for him but not because of the situation. To be honest I was more mad than anything. Here I sat across from my best friend, who had a privileged upbringing, is intelligent, has many high level skills, a great family and many friends and all I could think about was the mess he had made of his life. He lives with his parents, has no job and is high as a kite, crying in a public restaurant about a guy he can't have, all at the age of 45.
Maybe I'm a cold hearted person but DAMN! Help yourself before you go dragging someone down with you. First, get off the Fn' drugs. Second, get a job and support yourself. Then date someone that can handle the type relationship you want. That's probably not with a twenty one year old guy who just graduated college and hasn't come out to his family that he's gay.
I was embarrassed, upset and pissed. I didn't care that people where staring at us. He was out of control. I was mad that I hadn't been a good enough friend and let things get this far without saying anything. As high as he was at the time I didn't see the point of talking to him then but I'm thinking of writing him a letter telling him what I think. I'm not sure.
I am sure it was absolutely one of the wost lunches I have ever had.
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