Some people are so funny.

What's my line?

Two of the reasons for why I came up with my line concept.

Recently The Wife has taken up an interest outside of the family. Since I like her to be happy, and I think everyone needs to have their own thing, I encouraged her pursue this interest. When she needed my help I was glad to do it. As with most new things she went a little overboard. Well, maybe more than a little. I also didn't get this new interest of hers, which isn't a problem because I don't have to, it's her thing. I've also been careful to not be negative about it because it's making her happy.

The time and effort The Wife was putting into this new interest started to become a sore subject with me. Not only did she not have any time for me, the kids were starting to complain too. I think when a five year old notices mom is doing something too much it's a problem. Still, I thought I would give the newness time to wear off. It didn't.

When I decided it was time to address the situation with her, everything I thought to say sounded selfish, except for the part about the kids. "You're not paying me enough attention" is what everything I thought to say ended up sounding like. It also would sound like I was jealous of her new interest, which I wasn't. Worse, I realized that while I was trying to do what I could to make her happy she seemed to care little or nothing about my happiness. I was not a happy camper. I needed to express this in a way she wouldn't get defensive and take it as an attack on her new interest.

That's what the line post was about. That and my best friend. When I explained to her that I felt our relationship had lost it's balance and that she was doing no more in our relationship than a friend would do she seemed to understand. Instead of addressing her new interest I was able demonstrate the problem in away she could see it.

Also, my relationship with my best friend has been on the rocks. It's been bothering me for some time. Now I can see that other areas of his life are more important to him than our friendship. I know that sounds selfish but it's not. I just had to realize no amount of effort on my part will make things the way they once were. I realized it's time to let go and apply my efforts in other directions. My line concept made that obvious.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETHAN!!!

We love you little fella!

I hope you had a ball today.

Crossing The Line

Over the last few weeks I've been struggling to concentrate on anything other than one subject. Recently I become aware that I'm not totally happy with some of the relationships in my life. More specifically I was feeling that some of them were out of balance. I wanted to address the problem with these people but when I said the problem out loud, to myself, it just sounded petty, and selfish. So I sat there knowing there was a problem, yet I couldn't define it in a way that would help me explain it to them without being dismissed as being selfish. Worse, what if I was just being selfish and petty. I needed to define the problem in terms that would help me understand as well as be able to articulate it to others.

How do we know our relationships are in balance? What separates a relationship with an acquittance from that of a friend? A parent from a wife? A brother from a best friend? What should we expect and what do we owe them. After much contemplation the easiest way for me to understand this was with lines. Each of us draws lines that we are willing, or not willing to cross, for each category. Where those lines are drawn depends a lot on what type person we are, how far we are willing to take things and how strong we feel about someone.

Obviously we are constantly adjusting our lines and moving them. Like wise, we continually shift the people in our lives to one side of these lines or the other. With this concept of lines I really have been able to put the relationships in my life in perspective. Furthermore, these same lines can identify where I need to do some work and where others are not putting forth the same effort as me. They can certainly give me a clear picture of how far I want to go with people or need to go.

With my children the line is clear. There is almost no line I wouldn't cross for them. Their dependence on me makes my responsibility to them very clear. Their lines are short because love is all they can offer at the beginning of their lives. Their lines will grow as they do. But identifying the rest of the lines isn't so easy. Every time we move a line further down we let that person deeper into our lives. The real problem comes when we cross a line another person is not willing to cross for us or doesn't realize they have stopped short of the line. Worse, they may have backed across a line they were once willing to cross.

So now I have a good tool to measure to see where I'm at with the relationships in my life. It might not tell me what the problems are but at least I know there is one. That it's not just me imagining something that's not there. That's a good starting point or at least a good starting line.

Confession #14

Two of the buttons on my shirt fell off at work the other day. As I entered the bathroom I noticed my shirt was opened wide to the middle of my chest.



I must say I looked pretty fly... even without a medallion and gold chain.

Oh brother, Big Brother

What is our government thinking?

They don't like the bonuses that the executives at AIG received after the bailout money was given to the company so they are going to tax it back from them. Well guess what? I didn't like them getting it either but you can't just tax people out of money they earned in a legally binding contract. Well I guess you've proven you can but WOW! What a precedent you have set.

Talk about your Big Brother scenarios. I guess our government can TARGET law abiding individuals if they, the government, doesn't FEEL what they are doing is right. Isn't that what laws are for? This action being taken might make people feel better about socking it to the greedy rich but lets just hope our own actions don't attract the attention of our government and land us in their crosshairs.

My Song #5

Continuing from my previous post, 10 Songs that have helped me define how I feel, how I see myself or how I see the my world over the past few years.

Israel Kamakawiwoole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwoole

Confession #13

If I think about glass for too long I get freaked out. Seriously, how can we see through something solid? It's there and yet it isn't.

And don't even get me started about clear liquids. You can see through them, separate them and put them back together, without creating a seam?

Glass - an invisible force field. Kinda cool, very freaky.

Free Tip #2

When I leave the fan on in the bathroom it's not a statement to the world that I don't believe in global warming - think of it more as a warning signal. Consider yourself warned.



And please, give me the same consideration.

Our First Birth

I've been wanting to blog about my experience about when my first child was born for awhile now. Though I know I'll never forget it, I still want to get it down in writing.



I should have known when the doctor told the wife to fake contractions to get admitted to the hospital, that was only taking women in actual labor, it wasn't going to be a normal delivery. She was a crazy hormonal pregnant lady by this point. She had push mowed our lawn the day before trying to bring about labor. She walked up to the hospital counter, started moaning and faking labor pains, just as our doctor had told her she would have to do. She was admitted and the doctor started the procedures to induce labor. Only problem was that after nine hours of labor the baby wouldn't move. And, despite two epidurals The Wife was asking me to cut off her right leg because of the pain. Oddly enough she would wait until the doctor had left the room to make this request. As a matter of fact, she almost always waited until we were alone to complain about everything. As soon as the doctor would enter the room the cussing and complaining would stop. She would also deny she said anything when I repeated these complaints to the doctor and nurses.

Also, if your wife is in labor it's a good idea NOT to eat a McFish sandwich from McDonald's then stand beside her breathing, in any direction. Just trust me on this one.

So after nine hours the doctor comes to me and ask if it would be alright with me if The Wife had a c-section. WTF? He then explained that some men frown upon their wife not giving birth naturally. Again, WTF? After the shock of this conversation wore off I said, "well, you're the doctor, I just want what's best for my wife and baby soooooo... we'll just go with what you think." See I don't like seeing my wife in pain and I'M NOT QUALIFIED TO MAKE THAT CALL!

Problem was, the operating room was taken. This turned out to be a blessing, for me, not so much for The Wife, because it pushed us past 12 midnight which meant my son and I now share a birthday. Not much to tell about the c-section. The wife was given some heavy duty drugs at some point and I had to wear a bunch of paper and stuff. I will warn, if a funny doctor ask you to peek over the curtain during a c-section, decline. Seeing your newborn's head hanging out your wife's belly may be hilarious to the doctor but not so much for a soon to be dad who recently had a McFish sandwich.

After the birth they pushed my wife into recovery. Then as I sat down for the first time in hours an older lady, not much bigger than a hobbit, limped in with my newborn son and handed him to me. Her only comment, "you need to feed your baby." Then she limped away. Scared to death I tried to wake my morphine drugged wife so we, she, could breast feed the baby. No luck. I then tried to accomplish this feat by holding my son up to my comatose wife's breast but again, no luck. I was scared to death.

The rest of the stay was a blur. We never slept. The nurses came in the room every three hours to have us feed our son. Our son screamed all night. For some reason, despite being in a maternity ward we felt obligated not to disturb others who's kids were screaming as well. When The Wife was finally cleared for release we were a mess and couldn't wait to be let out of hell.

One of the things that added to our frustrations I still find a bit interesting if not odd. We had always been told the second we saw our baby there would be a special bond. That when a women holds her child for the first time there is a connection like no other. I watched The Wife cry for hours in the hospital because our son wouldn't breast feed and she didn't feel that instant connection. At one point, through tear filled eyes, she said, "I'm not feeling what I'm suppose to, I can't do this." Maybe it was us or maybe it's just a myth but the pressure to feel that feeling instantly was tremendous. Not feeling it right away made us question our abilities to be good parents. It did happen before we left the hospital, just not like we had been led to believe it would. Some insignificant need that The Wife provided for our son triggered it for her. And , as they say, the rest is history.