You think you know somebody
A few months ago I lost one of my gym partners. We had been lifting together for about five years. He was a good training partner but more important, he was a good friend.One night after a work-out he announced that, with a heavy heart, he had cancelled his gym membership and wouldn't be lifting with us anymore. We were very surprised to hear this but even more surprised when we realized he had known for a month and didn't say anything.
He genuinely seemed upset by his decision but said the driving distance was just too much to overcome. We told him we understood but that we weren't happy about him leaving and if he could work it out, please come back. He said he would. He emailed me jokes about 5 or 6 times a week so I made the offhand remark that even though we wouldn't be working-out together I wouldn't remove him from my email list. We all laughed about it.
The next week he showed up in the parking lot to tell us he had received a promotion at work and he would be rejoining the gym soon. That was it. That was the last time we talked to him. He removed us from his email list and doesn't reply to the emails we send him. My other partner, who was friends with him before we met, is upset by his actions. He sent him an email telling him we would pay the initiation fee for him to come back to the gym but received no reply.
The whole situation has me wondering, did the guy like us at all? We broke bread with this guy a few times, played a few team sports together and shared personal parts of our lives with each other. Did I get used here? Was I just a free personal trainer for this guy for the past five years? I've always thought I was a good judge of people but this guy is making me wonder.
It's not that I miss the emails, although they were funny and I can find plenty of other training partners but you think you know somebody... maybe we never truly do.
20 comments:
You might never truly know him, or anyone for that matter, or he might have other things going on in his life that demand his attention.
You never wants going on in someone's personal life. The part that they don't talk about, or share with other people.
Give him some time to come around. He might rejoin the gym, and start answering to emails again. Maybe he's got an STD and is just trying to get rid of it before he has to face you again. *wink*
It is a sucky feeling though any way you look at it.
Sorry. :-/
One thing I've learned is to not jump to conclusions about situations like this, there could be a thousand reasons why he is acting the way he is, and none of them personally about you guys. People do what they do and you may never know the reasons why.
Lets get something straight right up front. I don't know if he has a STD, I don't care if he has a STD and if he does have a STD it wouldn't affect our LIFTING relationship. He's not even that good looking. Sheesh! :p
Seriously guys, it's not like we were in a relationship. I guess I'm upset because I thought we were more than just gym buddies. Personal stuff or not it takes 3 seconds to send an email.
I feel so used... so rejected :|
Don't be too hard on him. I ignored my friends for far too long last year. I wanted to talk to them - but in a way I was hapy just wallowing and dealing with stuff myself. I started to speak to them again when I was in a better place in my head.
You never know what's going on with him. It might be nothing and he wants to change his life - or it might be something terrible.
I think everyone is sort of saying the same thing... it sucks to feel rejected, but we never really know what's going on with other people. I think it's important to *try* to not take it personally, even though it *feels* personal.
In the year since I've been promoted, I've been guilty of pushing aside personal relationships because of my own negativity and the fact that I'm pretty burned out at the end of the day. I'm just now coming to the point where I'm realizing that these relationships NURTURE me, and that I have to spend time cultivating them because of the awesome support they give me. I'm just now realizing that I *can't* do it alone.
So I don't know what's going on with your buddy, but it does sound like he's in a reprioritization phase... and I think we all agree that you haven't seen the last of him. When he comes back, welcome him so he can instantly remember why he made the gym a priority before his life changed. :-)
Good advice from all. I guess I'm just to close to the situation to be objective. I think y'all are right. He may be going through some stuff that has nothing to do with us. I'll give it some time and him the benefit of the doubt.
Thanks everybody, that's what I needed to hear :)
Ha! except for the STD part, gross! >:(
:-)
Daughter: That wasn't your house that fell in the hole this week was it?
Riiiiiiight.
If I lived on Mt. Soledad, I have waaaay better things to do than WORK.
No, my humble abode remains intact... NOT on an emergent coastline (what the heck did you THINK was gonna happen, folks???), NOT worth over 2 million $$, and NOT at risk of sliding into the ocean anytime soon. :-)
Jen: Grrrr... no reason to know about STD before or after, that's another advantage of being married. :)
It might interest you to know that my ex GYM partner looks like a shorter version of Ashton Kutcher, acts a little like him too. :)
Daughter: Here on the east coast we are told ALL houses on the west coast are worth close to a million or much more. People here do the same thing. They build houses in flood zones then are suprised when they flood. But I am glad to hear you're nice and safe in your modest under 2 million dollar home ;)
It's odd isn't it? But then people are so weird about working out. I look at the people in my gym and they have such weird ways of working out.
Some do with friends and then some don't. Some people just like to "get on with it", even "obsess" about it and run for 2 hours or more.
I know I like my space at the gym but that is because it is a place i merely go to, to escape. I go EVERY day and if anyone interupts me it's like "sod off" - and I'm not a nasty person I just see the gym as my place to "de - stress".
But guys work out together - all my male friends do their weights togehter so I don't get it?
Some people see working out as personal freedom? (personal space) Wouldn't you say?
Jen: STop it, Damn It!!! >:p lol
Lindsay: Guys work out together because we like the competition. It pushes us to try harder. I like training with the same people because they get to know me, which is important when spotting. I screwed up my back while bench pressing two weeks ago when I had a stranger spot me. Grrrr!
But I know what you mean by personal space. When I get my head in a zone just leave me alone. The feeling of a GREAT work out can stay with you for days. :)
Can you can delete all you want but I can still see them. :))
Uh-huh. But ONLY you can.
:-P
Good enough for me.
Mwhaha
You are cracking me up girl :D
That's what I live for!!
;)
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