HAPPY BIRTHDAY TT!!!

I may be a bit late but I mean it just as much. I hope you had a wonderful birthday and a terrific year to come.

Happy Birthday TT!

If you get half of what you deserve you'll have way more than most ;)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY

Make sure to take time to count your blessings

... and may they be to numerous to count.

Thanks Jen!

The Wife made some delicious banana nut bread this past weekend. Recipe a la Jen, aka "The Baker". Thanks Jen! Don't be surprised if we ask for a few more recipes in the future. Yum!

Romance 101... Who knew?

I copied these from a website peddling romance ideas. Who knew I was so damn romantic?? Somehow I doubt many women would see most of these as a romantic gesture. Maybe the key is to not do anything most of the time so when you do ANYTHING it is seen as some type of gesture?

These romantic gestures are quick and easy ways to show your love. Often times the most romantic gestures are the small acts we choose to do every day. This extensive list of 101 romantic gestures will help you be more creative in how you show your love.

1. Massage her feet

2. Clean her car

3. Stick a post-it love note in the kitchen

4. Snuggle

5. Make a romantic mix CD

6. Dance under the stars (with your mix CD playing from the car)

7. Hide love notes in her house and car (make sure she'll find them fairly soon)

8. Have an undisturbed conversation (turn off phones, tv, computer etc.)

9. Light every candle you have to set a seductive, intimate mood

10. Pick up a pie or cake for dessert

11. Do the laundry

12. Write a message on the mirror with a bar of soap

13. Make a calender with photos of both of you together

14. Unwind with a glass of wine

15. Pick her up and carry her to the bed or couch

16. Complete her Honey-Do list

17. Download a new ring to her cell phone for your calls

18. Share things about your day (work, family, clients, events)

19. Restock the cabinets with her favorite food or drink (don't forget to leave a note with it)

20. Hold hands

21. Change her oil

22. Give a sincere compliment

23. Go on a walk together

24. Run your fingers through her hair and give her a head rub

25. Go for a joy ride on a scenic road

26. Fold cloths during a game or on your tv show commercials

27. Change her computer screen saver to a love message

28. Cook a meal together

29. Do a slow dance after dinner

30. Kiss when you leave

31. Help her with a project

32. Thank her for a meal she cooked

33. Go grocery shopping together

34. Have a sunrise coffee date (even if it's just from your deck or window)

35. Hold each other during a big storm

36. Put the toilet seat down (let her know you did it for her)

37. Slip a love note in her purse or work tote

38. Spend 30 mins power cleaning together and 30 mins passionately lovin

39. Waltz around the room during a commercial break

40. Kiss when you arrive

41. Make dinner for her

42. Say "I love you because ______"

43. Find out one of her fantasies and make it happen

44. Pay her a compliment in front of people you know

45. Make a "10 favorite memories together" list

46. Do yard work (shovel snow, rake leaves, mow, prune, plant)

47. Send a love ransom note with cut out letters

48. Spend time learning/doing her hobby with her

49. Stop at a scenic outlook enjoy the view and each other

50. Get a sensual game to play together

51. Take the garbage out

52. Put a love note with her lunch

53. Go on a bike ride or roller blade together

54. Bring her breakfast or coffee in bed

55. Open doors for her

56. Fix something

57. Leave some Hershey kisses on the pillow

58. Play if/then. If you ______, then I'll ______

59. Tell her you are proud of her

60. Dance to a classic 80's song

61. Carry her bags/boxes/books

62. Send a thinking of you email

63. Bake a cake and decorate it with a creative message

64. Act out her favorite love scene from a movie

65. Make a "10 things I love about you" list

66. Help with or do the dishes

67. Write a love note on her calender or in her planner

68. Collect a wild flower bouquet for her

69. Tell her you like her style

70. Kiss each of her finger tips

71. Send a romantic greeting

72. Give a midday call

73. Serenade her with a cheesy love song (in the privacy of your home)

74. Have a quickie somewhere new

75. Whisper sweet nothings in her ear

76. Take some scandalous photos together or of each other

77. Write a love message on the beach or in fresh snow

78. Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier and snuggle in the morning

79. Take a minute to enjoy the sunset together

80. Take a romantic bath

81. Pull out her chair before sitting

82. Give her a big, long hug

83. Make a favorite things about you list

84. Plant a tree or flowers together

85. Let her know that she is the perfect match for you

86. Vacuum, dust or clean the toilet

87. Leave a goofy love message on her phone

88. Experiment with chocolate body paints

89. Make an "I love the ways you love me" list

90. Rub each other down in the shower

91. Be her slave for a day

92. Make a cheesy love poem

93. Make a meal together

94. Pack something special with her lunch (kisses, a note, her favorite snack)

95. Have a breakfast date discuss your plans for the day

96. Take care of car maintenance (oil, tire rotation, check fluids)

97. Express appreciation for specific things she does for you

98. Massage her neck and shoulders

99. Make her a gift

100. Play footsie

101. Offer to help with anything

You may be really good at doing some of these romantic gestures. Use this list to pick up a few more romantic gestures and apply them to your relationship. Put your own twist on some of the ideas for a personal and unique romantic gesture!

Romancing Alone

"The engines roared. The boat broke the grip the tide and the dock had conspired to keep them bound to land, to their mundane life. They headed across the river that danced with the last glimmering rays of light the sun could manage to shoot over the horizon. They could see the silhouette of the bridge and the old city coming into view. Sitting at the back of the boat, he placed his arm around her shoulder and gently stroked the curls in her long brown hair. It had been awhile since he had felt this close and this at peace with her. Slowly she turned to him. He turned his head slightly to meet the gaze of her big blue eyes. He noticed that they hadn't changed in over twenty years of loving her. She carefully moved her lips near his ears and yelled, "DAMN! THE ENGINES SURE ARE LOUD RIGHT HERE! WE SHOULD HAVE SAT SOMEWHERE ELSE!"

Had my wife read this paragraph in one her romance novels I'm quite sure she would have found it somewhat romantic, save the last line of course. Living it however, she failed to appreciate any romantic qualities the situation seem to present at all.

This past weekend I took The Wife downtown for some much needed "us" time. I booked us a room at a nice hotel overlooking the river. I tried to be as romantic as I know how but seemed to miss the mark more times than not. We had a great time, a fabulous time to tell the truth. God knows we needed it. Still, the weekend left me wondering if the romance so many women seem to be seeking isn't right under their noses more times than they recognize? Or is it some unobtainable action that can only reach it's true potential in the bleached white pages of a romance novel? And if that is the case, do we men really stand a chance of turning fiction into reality? I wonder...

Halloween 2009

I've been posting pictures of the kids on Halloween since I started this blog. So...

This was sort of funny. Not something you see everyday.

Looking Through a Fool's Eyes

Jen's comment on my last post, made me realize I haven't posted in awhile. The truth is I'm painfully aware that I haven't posted anything in some time. In fact, I've been thinking about this blog a lot recently. A few things have happened in my life that I would love to blog about but I'm not sure how to do that and be fair to the people involved.

Over the past few months I have had to deal with situations and emotions that until this point in my life have been rather foreign to me. Maybe that's why they had such an effect on me. I assumed I was immune to certain aspects of life... unfortunately, I now realize I am not.

After all is said and done the main question I'm left with is this - why do we let things go on when we know they aren't right? And if we simply played them out to their logical conclusion we would know that acting like we don't know, even when we do, won't save us from the inevitable outcome. Is it laziness? Is it denial? Is it hoping something will come along and magically change the situation? Or is it, as I fear it is, simple desperation.

Being made to feel like a fool is a horrible feeling. But realizing you played the fool is worse. I knew... I'm the king of knowing. I always, always, always try to see situations from the other's point of view. Yet, I could not force myself to conclude what was so damn obvious. We ALL have a part of us we don't show to everyone. Sometimes that part of us never sees the light of day but on occasion, we find a place, a person or situation where we feel this part fits. We let it out... and it can feel sooo good.

So look around and think about the people you know. What is their secret part? Are they letting it out? If so, what ramifications will this part, the part you don't know but you do know exist, have on your life? The evidence is all around us, an odd behavior, a distant feeling or slight grin where none should be. We know it's something, then tell ourselves it is nothing because if we do that, it is nothing... until one day that nothing has grown so big and so obvious ignoring it becomes more painful than living with it. What then? Or I should say, what now?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN!!!!

I hope you have a wonderful day that's the beginning of a FANTASTIC year!

(btw, I didn't carve the pumpkin pictured above but I did have to click a few times to get it so it's kind of like I did.)

Lowering The Bar... Again

When I heard that President Oboma had won the Nobel Peace Prize I literally laughed out loud. The wife, watching in the other room, asked if he had won because he was black. I assured her it had nothing to do with his color. She then asked, "why then?"

Good question, I thought. He has only been in office for ten months. His popularity in the US has dropped significantly since he took office. He has yet to accomplish anything of importance, at all. Most of his campaign promises are now being watered down because they are either not realistic or would be a disaster if he were allowed to carry them out.

Unlike President Carter, the worse American president to date, who received the Nobel Peace Prize for brokering peace between Israel and Egypt, Obama's biggest claim to fame is the beer summit he had at the white house to broker peace between a professor and a police officer.

So why did Obama get the award? Mostly because he's not President Bush. Also because he's a liberal. Now the Nobel Peace Prize falls into the same category as the Oscar, and the Emmy and a lot of other once honorable acknowledgments. Not given on merit but instead to those with the most liberal agenda. The award committee has done nothing but cheapen the prize for all those who have won it before and will receive it after. Worse they did it for political reasons. They used the award to send a message to former President Bush that they didn't like him and they wanted to embarrass him. Petty, as well as sad.

The first reactions I'm seeing from most Americans, Obama supporters and opponents, is disbelief. It left me wondering if the people of Pakistan feel they are getting peace as Obama authorizes bombs to be dropped on them? Or, if the people Afghanistan feel peace is on its way as Obama will neither commit to securing their country or pulling out of it? Does Israel seem to be embracing Obama's push for peace? Do the Palestinians? The North Koreans are rebuilding their nuclear facility as Iran admits it has more nuclear capacity than we thought. Where is this peace the The Nobel Peace committee speaks of?

Like our news media, the Nobel committee has taken something precious and made it into a joke, which is exactly why I was laughing when I heard about it.

Caught, NOT looking

The other night at the gym, my partner mentioned a bodybuilder he saw on TV. I thought one of the signed photos, hanging on the wall in the gym, was of the guy he mentioned. So I walked to the front of the gym to look. The problem was I couldn't make out the name on the photo. Looking up, I squinted, turned my head, tried looking at it from every angle to get a good look. I spent a few minutes trying but I never could make it out.

When I finally gave up and turned around I noticed a guy across the gym staring at me. I mean really staring at me. I knew the guy but not that well. I took a few more steps and checked, yep, still staring. By the time I made it back to my partner I realized why he was staring. See, he had just competed in a local bodybuilding contest last month. He did well for his first contest so the gym honored him by putting his picture on the wall last week, with all the famous bodybuilders. The picture of him, posing in only a banana hammock, (this kind, not this) was hanging right next to the picture I was ogling, for so long.

I can only imagine what he was thinking as I appeared to be looking at his photo from every possible angle. Now every time I see him in the gym he gives me this awkward look. I want to approach him and say something like, "hey, um... do you know who's picture that is hanging on the wall right NEXT to yours? Because I was looking at that one, not yours, the other day." But I know I would just be digging a deeper hole.

Of course my partners thinks the situation is hilarious. It's not. Well, if it happened to them it would be, but it didn't. What kind of luck does it take to be not looking at a guy's photo at the exact moment he is in the gym paying attention to who's looking at his photo??? Which again, for the record, I wasn't. grrrr!

Cockadoodle doo

The other day, while in the shower, I heard a rooster crowing and crowing and crowing.... It was very loud considering I was on the second floor with the water running. It was very odd considering I don't own a rooster. When I headed out to go to work two roosters were coming down my neighbors drive. He doesn't own roosters either. We have no idea who's they are or why they have picked our house to settle in at.

For the last two days these guys have been literately circling our house. I now know how Custard must have felt. The Wife is terrified of them for some reason. Something about their beady eyes and tag teaming her on a flanking, all out pecking attack.

Now, we have another decision to make. Keep the roosters, get some chickens and have fresh eggs. hope they find their way to the pond so the gator can have a special feast or try to shoo them home. Wherever that is. Funny thing about roosters, ha ha grrr, they don't just crow in the morning. No, they crow all.day.long. Did I mention how loud they are?

This is a picture of my pond looking back at my house. It's here because I loaded the wrong picture but I like it, so I left it.

Our new friend

This little guy showed up in our pond the other day. Sure he's cute. And where are the kids going to get a chance to watch an alligator grow this close? He's about 3' long and isn't afraid to get within a few feet of us.

Still, he will get bigger and you can not tame an alligator. We're having a tough time deciding if we should remove him now, wait until he's big enough to be dangerous then have a trapper remove him... or we could just eat him. They taste like chicken you know. (just kidding, but we have had people offer to catch him for the meat)

I don't know, I guess for now he kids can brag about their pet gator.

ASIMO. The future is now?

I've been following Honda's robot ASIMO since it was first introduced. Although it is an amazing feat of engineering, I can't help but wonder if I'm missing something. Didn't these people see Terminator, The Matrix, iRobot? The list of movies made to warn us that one day computers, and by extension robots, will one day rule our world is extensive.

When ASIMO first came out I thought it was cute. Now it's starting to creep me out... really creep me out.

What's a second worth?

I watched the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" last night. Not a great movie but good. It made me think a bit. There was one scene though that made me shed a few tears. Odd how or experiences make us see things that might go unnoticed to others.

I've played a similar scene out a million times in my head before I ever saw this film. Strangely, I took comfort in knowing that the writer had thought about it too. How different our lives might be if just two or three seconds where added or subtracted at any given time? How an insignificant incident can set us on a path of destruction, enjoyment or enlightenment.

After the movie I went up stairs where the wife had gone to bed hours before. I gave her a little kiss as she slept. Then I fell into a deep, peaceful sleep. A sleep I haven't known in years. And I dreamed, I dreamed a gloriously happy dream. The first good dream I've had in a very long time.

Cheers

Recently a story lit up the news wires that not only caught my attention but the attention of President Obama as well. About a weeks ago the the Cambridge police received a call from a concerned neighbor that she might have witnessed a burglary in progress by two men. With this information officers were dispatched.

Upon entering the house the police discovered the man, who had been seen forcing the door open by the neighbor, was the resident of the house. The man, who was black, was asked to step outside. He was very irritated that the police had entered his house without authorization and refused to step outside claiming the officer, a white man, was a racist. After finally following the officer out of the house, the officer warned him twice to calm down. When Mr. Gates refused, he was handcuffed, arrested and taken to jail. The charges later dropped.

After hearing about the arrest President Obama, a friend of Mr. Gates, said in an interview that the police had acted "stupidly". He went on further to suggest that Mr. Gates was profiled because of his race. This was only hours after the arrest and before many facts were known about the case.

After the president realized he had said too much with too little information he called the officer involved in the arrest. The officer suggested the three of them have a beer and smooth things out. All accepted.

Now this beer event is being touted as a "Teaching Moment" to highlight the racial profiling of the professor, Mr Gates. WTF??!!!! SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME ON WHAT PLANET THIS MAN WAS ARRESTED BECAUSE OF HIS RACE??PLEASE... SOMEONE... ANYONE?

The definition of racial profiling according to the ACLU is as follows:

Racial Profiling:"Racial Profiling" refers to the discriminatory practice by law enforcement officials of targeting individuals for suspicion of crime based on the individual's race, ethnicity, religion or national origin.

The officer was dispatched to the scene, so no individual was targeted. The neighbor who made the call never mentioned the color of the people she saw. The officer had no idea what type of person he would find in the house, so no perceived notions. After arriving at the house the officer followed standard protocol. Other than Mr. Gates calling the officer a racist where was race a factor in the arrest?

So my only assumption here is that the lesson of this "Teaching Moment" is that EVERYONE can be guilty of racial profiling because that is exactly what Mr. Gates and the President did. THEY saw a white police officer, attached all the history and stereo types they've been taught and experiences and played the race card before they knew the facts. The very definition of "racial profiling" if you ask me. If that's the message that's going to be delivered after a few rounds of beer then I say, "cheers!"

But for some reason, I just don't see that in the cards.

My two trillion cents worth

Since the election I've been keeping my mouth shut about our new president. Believe me it hasn't been easy either. I like to think I'm a "give em a chance" type guy. His newest proposal, one he ran strong on, is health care reform. Something I agree desperately needs changing.

Of course I wouldn't go about it the way he's proposing... big surprise huh? There are so many options open to try before we hand over health care to the government. You know "the government" who can't run the schools, the post office or public transportation. Even for twice the money and half the quality of similar private institutions.

Here are a few things I would try before nationalizing health care.

Step One: I would implement something called True Cost Billing (I just made that up *pat on the back*) With True Cost Billing a patient could only be charged the actual coast of a procedure or medicine plus a set cap on profit. Say 30% max? So a 10 cent Tylenol would cost a patient no more 13 cent instead of the 6 dollars they maybe charged now.

Instead of the cost of those who can't pay being added to the cost of those who do, a person is only paying for the services THEY RECEIVED. Doing this will DRASTICALLY lower insurance rates. Under this system more people may actually feel than can afford to pay their bill. A lot more people can pay a 600.00 hospital bill rather than an over blown 4,000.00 bill they may just walk away from. That's less collections and less people having their credit destroyed.

"BUT WAIT" I think I heard someone scream. "Who is going to pay for all the people who can't afford care but still need it?" Ok, I didn't hear that but I'm sure someone thought it, very loud. Well, with True Cost Billing insurance rates should fall to a level where more employers can afford health insurance for their employees and families thus eliminating many of the non-payers. "What about the rest?" you may ask. That's where step two kicks in. Follow me...

Step Two: Tort Reform. Place a cap on how much one person can sue a doctor or hospital. "OMG! That's not fair!" that same mysterious voice just yelled. It is fair. If the doctor makes a honest mistake then there should be a limit to damages BUT if the doctor does something criminal then the caps come off and the damages are wide open. Besides, if the government takes over health care do you really think you can sue them for mistakes? Ask someone who uses a VA hospital how that turns out. So with tort reform, medical malpractice insurance goes way down and with it the cost of providing health care.

Step Three: Stop giving away health care to those in this country illegally. Harsh? Yes, I hated to even type it. I'm not advocating turning anyone in need away. There are ways to do this in a humane way. I would suggest a pay or go away plan. That means if you come to the hospital for care and you can pay no questions will be asked about your legal status. But, if you can't pay and you are in the country illegally you will be deported, after treatment of course. Cruel? Not when you consider that Mexicans alone send an estimated 17 billion dollars back to Mexico each year. Some of these people have the money to pay for their health care. If you use the system you should help pay for it.

Step Four: Cut the fraud. With all the computer technology I find it hard to believe someone can't right a program that will identify fraud in Medicaid and Medicare. It should be as easy as finding the average billing of services for a doctor or institution. If a doctor or institution submits payment for more than 10% of average then it would trigger an audit. Seems simple to me.

Step Five: Let companies shop for insurance across state lines. This will increase competition and cut premiums. Another no-brainer from where I sit.

I'm sure there are a few flaws in my steps but smarter people than me could work them out. I just can't see building a new system with all the same problems still there, except this time they're built into the system. Especially if the government is going to be in charge. I mean do we really want the same people who have our financial files to have our medical records too? Come on hippies of the sixties, where is all that paranoia of the government when we need it? Don't give into "the man".

To me it's like a boat that won't go because the anchor is out. So you build a bigger boat and tie the anchor to it. Hell, why not try just pulling the anchor up first?

Pick, Plow, Growl

After my May 12Th post I planned to take a little time away from blogging. I wanted to get back to the life that I had exiled myself from for the last five years. So it's wasn't much of a surprise that I haven't been here. What has surprised me is the STUPID reason I was away for so long.

In a word Facebook (or is that two words? Idk) Actually, it wasn't even Facebook but rather a stupid little game in Facebook that someone asked me to play, Farm Town. Before you laugh (to late I'm sure) remember one thing, I grew up when video games were just coming out. I stayed up all night when my best friend got pong. I played Pac Man before there was a miss Pac Man. From the time I was ten I taught myself to study video games for their weaknesses, then exploit and destroy.

Farm Town, it sounds so innocent doesn't it? All you do is plow, harvest and plant. With the money you make you can build your farm bigger. I laughed it how stupid it was when I first saw it. It is suppose to be a slow relaxing game. Crops can take up to four days to ripen. It's designed to be slow. Then I realized you could also score points. That means you can win. Game on, and on, and on.... After scoring triple the points of all the people playing with me, I have reached the last level. It's over, I'm done. I'm putting that stupid, time, wasting, addictive game behind me. I leave my fellow farmers to toil in the soil, to beg at the market and baby sit their crops. bah!

Of course it wasn't all Farm Town. Work has been keeping me busy, as well doing more with the family. Summer brings in hours of yard work too. Hopefully I'll be around a little more often now. Writing down my thoughts is a hell of a lot more productive than Farm Town. And I don't even have to worry about how many points I score. Bonus!

The 200 Million Dollar Question

I was talking to The Wife the other day about the young man in Texas who had won 200 million dollars in the lottery. I made the comment, as I usually do, that it will probably ruin his life. The Wife was quick to shoot back, "I wouldn't mind the chance to see if I could handle it."

Then without much thought I asked, "If you knew it would mean certain divorce, would you still want to win 200 million dollars?"

There was a longer pause than there should have been. Then she asked if it would have to mean a divorce. To which I replied, "that's the question I'm asking." Then there was an even longer, awkward pause, while she twisted her mouth as she thought. "No, I suppose not." Then she exited the room.

Even though the conversation was all in jest, it got me thinking. How many people would take the 200 million knowing it would end their marriage? If they are willing to do that, what does that say about their marriage? Do we believe money can solve more of our problems than the ones who love us?

How much is a marriage worth?

Happy Birthday Daughter!!!!

Happy Birthday Darren

Wherever you are, I hope you're having a good one.

Gassed, Passed and Last

About a month ago one of my gym partners asked my other partner and me to run in a 5k charity event. An odd thing to do because none of us run... at all.

Still, it was local, for a good cause and he sounded like he wanted to do it. What the hell, we both said yes. I mean it was only a little over three miles and we we're three fit guys. I think you can all see where this is going.

The event was being hosted by JCB, a heavy equipment manufacturer, based in the UK. The event was being held on their grounds, a 1000 acre plot. They have a big pond in front of their place that someone had the bright idea to have us run around to start the race. I was excited about this until I realized there was no path to run on. By the time we made it around the pond my back was already feeling it from all the uneven ground and jarring.

The funny thing was that I thought I was doing well. That all changed when I came across a sign that read "one mile". That sign broke my spirit. I honestly thought I had ran more than half of the race already. My partners were still chugging along. The heat was absurd. It felt like we were running in the desert. Luckily one of my partners brought his step daughter and she had to start walking right after the sign. Whew! If I had known her I would had volunteered to stay with her. I ran with my other partner for another mile. Then my pride would carry me no more. When I suggested we take a break "and let our other partner catch up" the one still with me was way to fast to agree.

I still wasn't feeling to bad about it all until at two and a half miles a little old lady, that very much resembled Dr. Ruth, passed us and left us eating her dust. I had a chance to catch her at the finish line but I didn't think elbowing a little old lady out of the way to beat her was going to go over to well, especially with everyone watching. Besides, she had earned the right to finish in front of me. She had earned my respect. The whole thing was very embarrassing. Next time - if there is a next time - I will do a little training first. Then Dr. Ruth will go down, oh yes she will.

We're the boss

As an American tax payer I am now part owner of one of the worlds largest auto makers, General Motors. I wonder if I'm entitled to an owners discount?

I'm just sayin'

Hatebook

Facebook has not been an easy medium for me to navigate. When my wife jumped on facebook, just like everybody else, she was friended by many people from her past. Being reunited with one particular girl, her best friend in high school, seem to excite her the most. The girl had gotten married and moved away almost twenty years ago, no contact since then.

Now I was around them in high school. While I always found this girl to be a fun person to party with I never thought she was much as far as friend material goes. She married a jerk and dropped The Wife, and me too I guess, as friends because we didn't party hard enough.

When they reconnected on facebook The Wife learned her friend was living 4 hours away from us and was recently divorced. It wasn't long before her friend announced she was coming to town to visit family and would like to see The Wife and family. The Wife was ecstatic. The weekend came and went with no word from the friend. The Wife was upset but admitted they had no concrete plans. A few months later her friend again announced a visit and again ask to meet up with The Wife. This time they made definite plans. Again, the weekend came and went with no word from her friend. Then the following Monday this girl plasters her facebook about all the fun she had with her friends while she was in town. The Wife was very upset.

The Wife asked my opinion on how to handle the situation with her friend on facebook. I suggested, strongly, that she de-friend this girl. I reminded her that she has been getting along fine for the last twenty years without her so why put up with this shit now? (yes, I did cuss a bit) So the with a heavy heart The Wife de-friended her. Now I feel like I pressured her into doing it. She clearly wanted to reconnect with this girl.

So now I'm wondering, should we let the ones we love suffer if we can clearly see their desires are not obtainable, or worse, causing them pain? Should I have let them work it out no matter how rude this girl was being to my wife? Did I have the right to almost insist that dropping this girl was the only real option? Had she continued taking her crap, I'll admit, I would have lost some respect for The Wife but I never said that, not out loud. Although I'm sure it came through loud and clear with my attitude.

Did I stick my face where it it didn't belong?

Falling Back Up

When you fall you instinctively reach for something to hold on to. If you fall hard enough and long enough you'll grasp anything you can get your hands on. If you're lucky, even if you grab something not strong enough to support you for long, it will give you time to get your footing.

When I started blogging I posed the question "Why do we blog? Why do I blog?"

Jen, the first person to comment on my blog, astutely answered, "For me, sometimes making the blog just gives the world a chance to reach out and touch me, and some times I need that to keep going... "

At the time I thought I understood what she meant but I didn't really understand. Now I do. I started blogging because I felt cut off from my family, friends and the world. I was confused, angry, bitter and upset with everyone and everything but mostly with myself.

Five years ago today, I was in an car accident, or rather five years ago today I caused a car accident. As I watched a man, who was in the car I struck, take his last breath on the side of a busy highway I knew my life would never be the same. Being responsible for taking a life, even if by accident, is something I will live with everyday of my life. I have come to terms with it as much as a person can, or at least as much as I can. While it will forever be part of me, it no longer defines me as I once let it. It has found it's place in my life but that is not what this post is about.

To my surprise, guilt and remorse weren't the only words I realized I never knew the meaning of until that day. I waited for help. I didn't ask for it because I didn't feel I had the right. But I knew, like I knew the sun would rise, that my family and friends would rush to help me get through it. They didn't. Worse, they went about their lives like nothing had happened, like I was some sort of monster that could be unaffected by such an event.

The longer I waited for help that never came the angrier and more bitter I became. Couldn't they see I was struggling? Couldn't they see I was sinking? Didn't they care? I realized then that the foundation I had built my life on was crumbling under my feet. When you start believing your life is nothing but smoke and mirrors you start to question everything. What's real? What's not? Reality becomes blurred. When you mix guilt and regret with sorrow, anger and bitterness the result is toxic and even if you sip it slowly... especially if you sip it slowly, it can kill you.

If I would have tried to write this post when I first started blogging I would have listed all the ways my family and friends had wronged me and let me down. I would have inserted all the facts that supported my argument. I would have pointed out that my eyes have been open to the truth about people and then felt guilty and angry because I brought that truth upon myself. I don't need to do that anymore. I never should have wanted to.

When you feel betrayed and stop trusting everyone you find yourself in a deep dark hole that doesn't seem worth the effort to climb out of at times. Over the last five years, in that hole, I have seen a thousand faces and all of them are mine. As I searched for the reason why the people I loved didn't respond the way I expected, for why they didn't love me, I realized a truth about them and all people. They were as scared, unsure, sad and lost as I was. They had never dealt that type of situation. They were scared they would handle it wrong so they pretended it didn't happen. Nothing as sinister as I had imagined in my head.

I realize now the people in my life have dreams I don't know about and fears they dare not tell. They have expectations and let downs. I have failed them many times and never known it. I understand a little better that every single person I encounter has as much going on inside their head as I do.

The most important thing I've realized is that people are flawed. My family is flawed, my friends are flawed, strangers are flawed but most of all I am flawed. What has became obvious is that I'm the most flawed person I know. Not because of the accident but because I know all my own thoughts, feelings and actions. I know most of my thousand faces and I don't like them all. As Daughter once so wisely pointed out, 'every problem I've ever had in my whole life has one thing in common... me'.

I've learned if we want to blame, hate, or be angry at people then the closest ones to us become the easiest targets. BUT, these are the same people who know all of our faults and love us despite them, in some cases because of them. These are the people who are willing to love us for who we are not what we want to project to the world. These people, with all their flaws, are the ones who have earned our love, respect and trust. I'm making the effort to keep that in mind these days.

With my new found knowledge, though I know there is much more to learn, I have forgiven the people in my life (not that they did anything wrong) for not living up to my unrealistic expectations to be perfect. Mostly I've forgiven myself for not being perfect. I have found a true foundation to place my trust, instead of leaving it anywhere it happens to fall. It's been a long journey for me and I'm tired, very tired but hopeful and thankful for the blessings I have been given and the gift of life that lays in front of me. As Time Traveller once told me, "if you believe in God then you must believe he let you live for a reason." I do.

So five years later the world looks a lot different than it did before. And even though a day won't go by that I won't wish I didn't know what I know now, at least this new knowledge will help me move forward, which is more than I thought was ever possible not to long ago.

My Songs #1

Continuing from my previous post, 10 Songs that have helped me define how I feel, how I see myself or how I see the my world over the past few years.

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me...

Melted Hearts follow up

The night after my little girl melted my heart by asking me to be her prince, she once again found me in the kitchen. (Why am I spending so much time in the kitchen?) I had my back turned to her as I heard her start to talk.

Daddy? Can we play kill?

I turned around to see her standing with a play sniper rifle around her neck and a gun in hand for me to use. What a contrast to the princess outfit. I had to laugh.

Sure, I'll play with you but let's not call it "kill".

There was a silence as I thought of what to call it but all I could think about was her standing there with the guns. I took one and she ran off yelling bang, bang, bang.



Yep, that's Daddy's little girl too.

My Songs #2

Continuing from my previous post, 10 Songs that have helped me define how I feel, how I see myself or how I see the my world over the past few years.

Here Comes The Sun

The Beatles

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right
Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right
It's all right

Melted Hearts

I came home from work the other night to find my daughter dressed up in a princess costume. She twirled around the kitchen showing it to me.

"Abby, you sure make a pretty princess."

"I not a princess daddy. I Snow White." *grin*

"Oh... you're a pretty Snow White."

"Daddy? Will you be my prince?"

"Of course I will."

And we can live in a castle?

Where else would Snow White live?

"I love you daddy."

She ran over and gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek as my heart was melting all over the floor.

Why even think?

Things in the news making me laugh these days.



The government shamed the auto industry executives into not using corporate jets. Then the president's plane is flown low over New York for a freaking photo opportunity. They wanted a picture of it over the Statue of Liberty. They could have accomplished the same objective with a home computer and photoshop and saved about half a million dollars. But then they wouldn't have been able to scare the crap out of the citizens of New York.

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/04/29/real-cost-flyover-just-air-force/

Once again the press is leading us by the nose and directing us how to think. The news media has gone wild about the outbreak of swine flu. Maybe it's going to live up to the hype, but right now it isn't at the level worth the attention being given to it. The regular old common flu kills about 35,000 people a year in the US alone. There have been about 400 cases of swine flu with less than two hundred deaths reported world wide. Why all the attention? Is the media creating the news instead of just reporting it?

And why hasn't the media mentioned the illegal immigrants? Certainly thousands of unchecked people coming across our boarders everyday from the very country the swine flu originated has to pose some sort of threat. They usually travel in groups, smuggled in small confined spaces. Yet the press has been very careful not to mention them and to point out that all the known cases have been transmitted by people traveling to Mexico and back. It honestly defies logic. It's almost like the press has a pro-illegal immigration agenda. But I know Even if they did they wouldn't let their bias compromise their reporting of the facts. I'm sure their standards are too high for that. Please.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IRENE!!!!!!!

So I went with the cow card instead.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACOB!!!!!

We love ya big guy!!!

Enjoy the last time in your life that you'll have a single digit for an age.

A rose by any other name?

I'm not big follower of "Miss Anything" pageants, but I did take notice last week when Miss California was asked a question about gay marriage at the Miss USA pageant. When she indicated that she defined marriage between a man and a woman all hell broke loose.

Apparently, no one told her there was only ONE right answer to the question. Which makes me wonder, if there was only one right answer, why ask the question in the first place?

The question was asked by Perez Hilton, a vile, pitiful excuse for a human, who's claim to fame is a popular celebrity gossip blog. I don't even understand why he was there. I assume he only asked the question to have his agenda broadcast on national TV. When Miss California failed to give the response he was looking for to promote his agenda he condemned her. He went as far as calling her a bitch and more on his blog. I guess tolerance and acceptance is only reserved for those who agree with him.

The thing I found funny, in an odd way, is that Miss California never said she was against gays having the same rights as married people at the pageant. She even stated that America was a country where people had the right to choose.

Miss California, Carrie Prejean, said "We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite. And you know what, I think in my country,
in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised."

So why all the fuss? Maybe in the future the contestants should be given a list of acceptable answers to the judges questions. The only problem with that is they might become stereo typed as just pretty faces in high heels with no ability to think for themselves. Now how unattractive would that be?

My Songs #3

Continuing from my previous post, 10 Songs that have helped me define how I feel, how I see myself or how I see the my world over the past few years.

Sympathy - The Goo Goo Dolls

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out


And I've wished for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees


Oh yeah, everything's all wrong, yeah
Everything's all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?


Stranger than your symapthy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt
It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true


Oh yeah, it's easy to forget, yeah
You choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?


Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong


And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah, stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy

What am I missing here?

Last week president Obama released the details of the CIA's terrorist interrogation methods. He condemned the use of "waterboarding" in particular. I have to wonder what limits on interigation the President would agree to if his daughters were kidnapped and a captured terrorist was suspected of knowing where they were being kept.

Since I can only guess at his mind-set in that situation lets look at some facts I don't have to guess at. The same waterboarding interrogation method that the president deems to harsh for terrorist is used on many American pilots as part of their training. Worse, the same president that deems waterboarding torture seems to have no problem ordering airstrikes to kill SUSPECTED terrorist living in Pakistan. Even though these strikes might kill innocent people, including women and children. But hey, at least we didn't have them waterboarded. W... T... F?!

Did Something Change?

After watching the last president being called everything from a liar to Hitler, I'm a little confused at this reporters reaction to these protest.

She points out how OFFENSIVE it is to call the president a fascist. Not only that but she seems to be arguing her OPINION as she is suppose to be reporting on the situation. When did that become part of journalism?

No, no, something is different now... hmmmmm

I love at the end how she tries to paint Fox News as a conservative organization and the cause of the protest. Her OPINION creeping in once again. I guess it's inconceivable for her to think that people would actually be upset at the amount of taxes the government demands from us and then waste. Naaah, that would be ridiculous.

My Songs #4

Continuing from my previous post, 10 Songs that have helped me define how I feel, how I see myself or how I see the my world over the past few years.

More Than Words - Extreme

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things newJust by saying I love you

More than words

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words