November 29, 2006

My sad secret

I just couldn't take seeing the original post so I replaced it with these lyrics by the GOO GOO DOLLS. Almost every line of this song fits how I feel since it happened.




NAME







And even though the moment passed me by

I still can't turn away

Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose

Got tossed along the way

And letters that you never meant to send

Get lost or thrown away







And now we're grown up orphans

That never knew their names

We don't belong to no one

That's a shame

But if you could hide beside me

Maybe for a while

And I won't tell no one your name







And I won't tell em your name







Scars are souvenirs you never lose

The past is never far

Did you lose yourself somewhere out there

Did you get to be a star

And don't it make you sad to know that life

Is more than who we are







You grew up way too fast

And now there's nothing to believe

And reruns all become our history

A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio

And I won't tell no one your name

And I won't tell em your name







I think about you all the time

But I don't need the same

It's lonely where you are come back down

And I won't tell em your name


12 comments:

Jen said...

I don't feel different about our interaction at all. I'm glad you told me. Glad you said it all from start to finish. What a scary ordeal to go through on your own. It's a blessing that your children were enough to help pull you through. I have no doubts that your a good person. Bad people don't think that much about a life. I've seen a lot of people die. By their own hand, or by others, and the truth is that people that feel no responsibility for their actions keep going like nothing ever happen. It barely slows them down.
It did more then slow you down.. It brought you to a stop.
I'm glad your going again.

David said...

Thank you for taking the time to read it.

Now that you know about my shame and guilt feel free to unload some of yours. Some times an outside source can help put a different perspective on things. I must warn you, If I feel that saying something you won't like will help I'm going to say it. So blogger beware :)

Jen said...

I like other people's opinions. Getting a fresh perspective on things often helps steer me in a better direction.
I'll have to figure out where to post mine. :) Not family friendly...

I'm glad that I read yours though. It's stayed with me today. Given me something to think on.
It makes me feel for you that you've never been able to share that with anyone else. Maybe it will help you heal even more. That's what I'm keeping my fingers crossed for anyways.

Jen said...

I am currently working on "my saddest moments" post... Oh you are sooooo in for it. *wink*
It probably won't be done till tomorrow. :)

Jen said...

Ha. The more I try to peice it together, the less I think I really can. I don't know if anyone would understand...

David said...

Yeah, I thought I was going to be able to do it in a few paragraphs and it turned into a whole book but it did make me feel better to get it out of my head to somewhere else.

I think trying to piece it together is good. The thing that helped me was examining it from every angle possible. Like, that's not normal for her, why would he do that or maybe they meant it this way. I did that until all the pieces fit and made sense. That took over two years so it does take time.

Jen said...

I liked the angle of your "book". I think it's great that you've managed not to be really bitter. I think I would be.. But I see where your faith in people was damaged. Mine would have been too. I'm still rolling it around in my head. I hope this doesn't come out completely wrong, but it feels nice to know that there are people out there that have been through the same series of emotions. I know it's ridiculous to think I'm alone in my misery, but it really feels like it sometimes. I still wish you didn't have such a sad story to tell, but it's done me some good.

David said...

No you're not wrong at all in some ways I'm a stronger person because of it. I will always wish it had not happened but I know I have grown as a person because of it. I had lived a pretty sheltered life up until that point. It was the first time I had a problem that couldn't be fixed. It was the first time I had to think things out on my own.

No you're not the only one in misery but I have learned that your misery is yours and you can either own it or it will own you. I have also found that emotions can not be trusted and should rarely be used to guid our actions.

Jen said...

Do you think it's odd that it's often easier to talk to a stranger about depression then it is to talk to your own family?
It seems like I should want to confide in someone I know but it's so much easier to admit things to someone that doesn't know me. I've almost got my story down for you to read.. It's felt kinda good just to write it down.
:)

David said...

I think with family you don't know if they are telling you the truth or even listening to you at all. Also you have to face them everyday so I think we guard our speech so they won't be able to use it against us.

With me or other strangers you can control how much information we get. How far the conversation goes and you know if it starts going in the wrong direction you can stop it.

I already have some questions about a few things but I'm waiting to read your story to see if I'm on the right track.

Jen said...

Often I find that the Goo Goo Dolls can explain much more then they should be able too.
*nod*

David said...

someone once said you know you're really f**ked up when you can't find a song to explain it